A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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I'll be 16 in a month and I haven't hit puberty yet. Never had a period, flat chest, no crazy sexual day dreams, and I only get the occassional random makeout dream.
So, what gives? When is it my turn to become a woman? =P Not that I mind not having a period, but come on, I want some kind of curvage.
OH andddd, I have one more thing to ask, can you get pregnant if you've never had a period? (No I'm not considering sex, I was just wondering) and, can sex cause you to start having a period? (a friend said it could LOL and I don't think it can) (link)
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Your friend is wrong.
Talk to your parents about seeing a gyno. Its possible you have some kind of hormone deficiency, its possible that its just late.
You can't get pregnant if you havent started your period, but you could start at any point without warning.
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Is it normal when a guy when having sex like his penis comes out of the vagina? and how often does it happen because i had sex the other night and his penis kept coming out of me and he had to put it in...it happened like 4 or 5 times...is that normal? (link)
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A little unbridled enthusiasm doesn't hurt. Happens to the best of us.
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i don't think i think like a normal teenager does, like i act like a normal one, but in my head i'm not really. like i worry about everything and i'm not carefree and i don't just care about having fun like a normal teenager. this seems like it wuoldn't be a bad thing, to have like a more mature mind, but i don't want to think like that. my sister is just a carefree teenager who all she cares about is having fun, smoking,drinking, partying,getting with guys,the way she looks, and her friends and family, but like she still gets good grades too. she never thinks of anything bad that could come in the future, except college, like she can't talk about death or getting attacked or what age she thinks she's gunna die, when she'll get married and if it'll work, etc. or she gets all worried. all she wants to talk/think about is like boys and everything that i listed above. i wish i could think like that, but instead i think of all of the bad thhings that have happened in the world, the future (like my adulthood), older times like the 60's 70's and 80's because i liked those times better, and fate, etc. it makes me kind of sad and worried/nervous all of the time, and i'm not carefree like other teenagers. i think the reason i am like this might be because most of my friends have depression or other types of problems, like cutting, etc. but we're all pretty normal. i ACT like a normal teenager, like drinking,partying,dancing,friends,but i don't worry about boys because i hate the way i look because i have braces and i'm very very inconfident and have never kissed a boy and none of my friends are even virgins. but i don't think like a normal one. when i party, i just think about all of the bad things instead of just having fun, like what if i pass out or throw up and my parents have to come pick me up, what if i get caught, what if i go upstairs into my friends room and a guy is up there and tries to attack me, what if this guy starts touching me without permission, what if someone thinks i'm a slut, etc, and some of you might say it's resp0onsible to always be cautious and sometimes its a good thing that i'm very cautious, but other times the thigns that i'm thinking are just ridiculous and unnecessary because no one is trying to do anything bad, everyones just trying to have fun. so please don't answer the question saying that im actually responsible because i go way over the top inside my head with the cautiousness. i so badly want to be a happygoluck teenager who lives to have fun but still does good in school, but is carefree about anything in life except have fun, besides the major things like taking care of myself, school, family, etc. i'm not saying like dumb ignorant and ditzy, i'm saying like i don't want to worry that much just live in the moment. because i can NEVER live in the moment, i'm always living in either the past or future. also, even though everyone does it in highschool, and i KNOW they do so please don't try to answer saying they don't, whenever i drink i feel guilty and like im' diong something wrong because my parents don't know,but seriously like do they really expect me and my friends not t drink when i KNOW that they did when they are my age? but like at parties after everyone gets drunk and some people start fighting or hooking up with random people or throwing up or peeing, i'm like, how is this even fun anymore? and i just feel bad, like omg what if my parents saw m e right now what would they think? and i hate it so much, like for once i want to actually have fun instead of worrying about if it's normal for everyone to be drinking so much. and like in my head i KNOW its normal, because like its highschool, so how can i stop worrying about what i'm doing and just enjoy the time i'm in? so my question is how can i become more like that and not think that everyone is out to get me and not worry so much about whats going to happen in life and just enjoy the time i'm at right now (highschool)? (link)
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There is no such thing as a "normal" teenager. Normal is a word teens use to justify stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous behavior.
Yeah, your friends seem happy from what you see. What you aren't seeing is that probably one in five of them already has an STD and hasn't noticed or has noticed and hasn't told anyone. What you aren't seeing is how lonely some of them are because when they lower themselves to sex toys thats all they can be to the guys who know, and being a sex toy isn't exactly status that gets you intimacy and love. What you aren't seeing is when theyre at home alone wondering if what theyre doing is right, and hoping it is. And what you aren't seeing is that the ones who aren't questioning themselves about these things are too stupid to know any better and will likely remain so for a long time.
What do you do?
Have fun responsibly. You don't have to drink to hang around those who do. You don't have to fuck every guy who gives you a look to hang around with people. If anyone asks, your choices are your own. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If someone tries to get you to do something, politely decline. If they ask why, just say "its not for me"
You will drink at some point. You will party. You will get laid. You might do other things as well.
And fortunately for you, you are intelligent enough that you will do these things responsibly. So when these girls who you know are dealing with aids, herpes, feelings of worthlessness because men don't value them, you'll be Disease free, not developing drug or alcohol habits while still doing what you want, and dating men who value you as a person while (hopefully) giving you great sex.
There is plenty of life after high school, and as someone who partied his ass off in high school, college is better in every way. But in the mean time, you DO need to relax. Instead of looking at how much fun everyone is, look at how sad it is. Theres a reason your parents would look down upon teens drinking until they pass out, piss themselves, throw up everywhere, or go fuck some guy they've rarely said more than two words to.
The big problem here is perspective. You think theyre right and you're wrong. And you are wrong, but not about what you think.
Its stupid to have random sex with random people. Its stupid to drink to the point of sickness, complete loss of consciousness and control, or to where you can be taken advantage of.
And all your friends, well as I said. Theyre either questioning themselves the same as you are, or they're too stupid to.
Thats the answer to that final question in your post.
::Edit::
Oh, and as far as boys go, smile more, make some eye contact, and try to talk to them a bit. It'll come.
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I'm 26. For ages I've stayed a virgin for a number of reasons, but finally I decided I wanted to sleep with a guy I just started seeing. He knew I was a virgin and after only seeing each other a few times we had sex. He's been really sweet. However, I got out of a bad relationship a few months ago and was really hurt emotionally. I'd made a mental pact to date more than one guy once I started dating again, just for my own self-preservation. So now that I am dating again, there are a few guys that have asked me out. I'm interested to date 3 guys at once, but have to wonder, now that I'm sleeping with one (using protection and on birth control), what if I want to sleep with the other two guys? Would that make me a slut? (link)
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If you're willing to talk it over with the guy you're sleeping with.
Does this make you a slut? Does that matter? Do you think its a good idea is more the question. Sex with one person can be complicated enough and you want to maintain sexual relationships with three separate people?
Most people would say that was stupid, whatever other labels you want to put on it.
I understand the desire to have more partners. I lost it early, have been with many people, am in a 4 year relationship, and STILL have sexual desires for other people, including the general "I'd like to sleep with someone other than my girlfriend because I haven't in so long" urge.
I do not indulge in any of them. Because while yes, I am in a committed relationship, I am also think that sex is a little more important than that, and because I don't want my life to become the eternal hell juggling more than my already-a-pain-in-the-butt girlfriend already is (that was affectionate sarcasm, since tone is hard with text)
If you wanted to date around, you shouldn't have involved sex. Most guys don't like being one of three. Most girls don't either. The only real exceptions are swingers and people who engage in plural marriage. You don't seem like either.
Slut or not, its a stupid thing to do. Not immoral, not slutty, but just plain stupid. Dating and sleeping with three guys isnt nearly as simple as you make it sound.
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I live in California..
Almost about 3 1/2 weeks ago I bumped into someone's car in a parking lot, and so far have not been contacted about the accident (minor, left a dent). A few days ago, I was pulled over by a police officer due to a defective tail light, and was really nervous about the officer running the plate and seeing that the car had been involved in a misdemeaner hit and run.
I have a couple questions about this:
a) If a license plate is run through the system (which it generally is when police stop you), would police be alerted of a possible hit and run parking lot accident?
b) if so, how long after a police report is filed, is an alert entered into the system (regarding your license plate)?
I made a mistake and bumped into a car (very minor), but am worried about a possible police report... :/ (link)
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How would they know it was you?
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f 17
my boyfriend and i went to a local concert and had a lot of fun, it was a really wonderful night.
he got a ride home with his friend and i drove myself home.
a few minutes after i got home he called me to tell me that his friend thought it would be funny to punch the gas while he was getting out of the car, so basically he fell and got his leg run over by one of the wheels and he says he has a purple gash on his leg now.
naturally i started freaking out, i mean he called me to tell me this and it sounds really serious. he said he could walk on it fine so i know it isn't broken. i started looking up how to treat leg wounds and asking him questions about it with legitimate genuine concern, and he keeps being like "relax chill it's ok it's not a big deal i'm fine it's gonna fine"
after a good 15 minutes of this back and fourth kind of talk i got really frustrated and upset so i was like "ugh. i have to go. bye." and he was like "oh, ok, bye"
but i'm still genuinely perturbed, this whole him not worrying thing happens all too frequently, but only with his own well-being. he worries about me a lot, but he never puts enough logical consideration into himself.
...am i just being a typical woman at this point? am i nagging? am i overreacting?
this specific incident aside, how can i influence him to take better care of himself, or at least take my worrying somewhat seriously? he doesn't eat much and when he does it isn't healthy, he's 17 and still hasn't gotten his driving permit, and he's been wearing just a thin sweatshirt jacket when it's genuinely freezing outside.
....am i just acting like his mom? how can i get him to take my concerns seriously and actually do something about them? (link)
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You're freaking out a bit too much. My girl does the same thing. She'll freak out when I havent eaten in a day or so and I'm genuinely not hungry. She'll worry when I get hurt and its not that bad. The other day I jumped into bed and slammed my head up against the wall where a headboard would be if we had one. It didn't even really hurt that badly, but she was freaking out. I used to play football, and it takes alot more than that to hurt me so far as head injuries go.
I think you should explain yourself to him so he understands what happened. Talk to him about it.
But yes, you're being a relatively typical girl, and you don't need to be getting upset over it. Concern is fine, fighting about it is not. Nothing you've mentioned is a huge concern.
Try to work on expressing yourself without freaking out and trusting your boyfriend a bit more.
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What's wrong with me?
I've been trying to establish a long lasting relationship for the last 3 years with 3 different women and each one has fallen apart..........and I can't see why? I need help to figure out what I’m doing wrong and need suggestions. I’ve tried to be myself and that’s just not good enough. I mean I have the right ingredients: I'm male, in my 30's, have a secure job in medicine, live in NYC, am well paid, think I'm a nice guy, do things for others without any expectations........and despite all this, things never work out.
I put my all into these relationships……I don’t hold back. I’m willing to do anything for these girls to make them happy………I’ll sacrifice sleep, time, energy, effort, money…. Things always start out well but then things turn and the relationship sours. I always feel I’m not doing enough and when I pull back , they pull completely away…….I mean what is it………….Am I too ugly? Too short? Too needy?
I’ve put in so much effort. Every time things end, I become more bitter and upset and depressed. It takes a hell of a lot out of you………and each time I pick myself back up, I get knocked down. Is gets difficult to remain optimistic.
I don’t need reassurances that things will get better….I need advice as to how to improve them.
(link)
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Hmm.
At first guess I'd say you're far too needy and probably something of a doormat. You try way, way too hard.
All the right ingredients you mentioned form a stable platform for a relationship to develop on. But none of them are by any means necessary.
I'll read something back to you.
"I'll sacrifice sleep, time, energy, effort, money... I always feel I'm not doing enough"
Then you ask "Am I too ugly? Too short?"
If you were too ugly or too short, you wouldn't start out well to begin with. Too needy? Probably close to the mark.
When you are with a woman and you are constantly trying to fix something, both sides get the impression that something is broken. That something is wrong. Relationships are give and take, and you sound like you're trying so hard not to take that you give, and give, and give, and give. Way too much.
Something you might want to try. Call an ex. Ask her if she would mind talking to you for a minute. Make it clear you aren't trying to get back with her or at her or anything, you just need to know where you screwed up. What did she NOT like about the relationship.
I'd be willing to put money on a response that goes something like "You were suffocating me, I don't need to be taken care of I need to just be cared for, and paid attention to"
Women want to be paid attention to. They want to feel like you listen, and at least somewhat understand them. I honestly don't think you do (understand them).
Its also possible that you freak out. Are you constantly asking them how they feel, if everything is OK? Go rent Waiting if you want to know what I mean. Look at the guy who can't pee in public. Seem in any way familiar?
For someone as successful as you seem to be, you don't seem to be very confident in yourself. You're giving us factoids about your life but you don't seem to draw confidence from them. Rather, they are just logical justifications of why someone SHOULD be interested in you from your perspective. I mean, the entire tone of your question is plaintive.
You need to chill out. Get a hobby, blow off some stress, hell have a drink if you can do it without being an alcoholic. Women don't want a guy who is as wound tight as you seem to be.
Lastly, yeah it takes a hell of alot out of you. Getting dumped sucks. But you do need to get over it and get over yourself just a little. Moping around in misery isn't going to add to the attractive factor.
If you post some specifics, maybe some information on any feedback, anything the girls have said to you, etc I can help more. Private questions welcome. Maybe give me a play by play of your last relationship and especially detail the moment it seemed to be going down hill.
Also, details like how often you call, what YOU say, examples of the attention you pay them, etc would help.
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do you guys prefer all the hair "down there" shaved off or just leave it alone? share your thoughts please.
thanks! :) (link)
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My girl and I both prefer as little as possible.
A beard trimmer will cost you under 20 at Wal Mart, and gives you a way to keep the bush tame without ever having razorburn or ingrown hairs from shaving.
Plus, when you get bored and decide you want to see what it looks like when you shave it in the shape of a bonsai tree, you'll have the tools ready at hand.
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Alright, for christmas i just got the white MacBook. i was wondering if its true that its basically impossibal to get a viuris (spelling?) on it. and if i should get limewire since my mom gets mad that i spend alot of money on her itunes account.
*does limewire slow down your macbook ALOT?
*do you think it is worth it?
*have you personally, or has a friend had a problem with his/her macbook from limewire?
(OR FROSTWIRE!!!!)
thank you!
(link)
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A word of warning.
Macs do not get viruses that often. This is true. The problem is, on the flip side, that if you get a virus you can't do nearly as much about it.
Also, corrupted files don't have to be viruses to screw with a computer, so download with caution.
Something else you want to keep in mind. It is far easier to protect a PC against problems other than viruses. Problems like having your IP recorded when you download a song from a computer run by anti piracy groups. You are a good bit more exposed.
http://phoenixlabs.org/pgosx/
Download this. Peer guardian automatically blocks both incoming and outgoing to a large list of IP addresses known to be malicious. It can help keep you safe, but nothing is foolproof, and limewire is alot harder to guard than other programs that work a different way.
If you don't already, when you download anything, move it to a different folder, completely outside of your limewire folder. Any computer you connect to that is anti P2P can at the very least scan your limewire folder, and sharing files is alot more common way to get caught. Set it so that you have a small number of max uploads and move things out of your folder so that no one can get any files off your computer.
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First Question: I am moving in with my fiance soon (we are sending our check in on the 23rd of this month) I am excited but a little nervous, any tips?
Second Question: I live at home with my father and my son right now. He is driving me crazy. I keep everything inside. When i try and talk he acts like he is 12. He acts like a child. I am always cleaning up after him, them he screams i dont do anything. My fiance and I have one car, I drive him too work at 9:45 am. i pick him up at 2. I go to work usally 4 (sometimes 2 when he needs to find a ride home) i take him back to work on my lunch break at 8. and pick him back up at 1 am. i am always cleaning and taking care of my child and all he does is complain and yell ( we just moved here to missouri in june). I am not sure what i am asking i guess how to deal with him?? (link)
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Second question first. Obviously, your father isn't going to move with you, so thats relatively solved. I'm not sure what else you're looking for here.
First question.
Tips.
One of the biggest tips I can give you, is be prepared to piss each other off. Seemingly innocuous habits can drive you or him up the wall when you have to live with them.
You both need to be prepared for that. The first few months, you might well fight ALOT more than usual. Things settle down as you get used to being around each other day in, day out. He will probably forget to put the seat down, and you will probably soak your butt in toilet water. Take a shower, and bitch at him without yelling.
That comes to anger management. Both of you need to have a "you" place in the house where you can occupy yourselves. Somewhere (even if you're in the same room) where you can go to occupy yourself .
I live in a 1 bedroom with my girl, and we each have a computer. My computer is my space. Its not that shes not allowed to use it, its more that I want to be able to use it whenever I possibly can. That is "my space" where I go when I need a little solitude, even if we're watching a movie together on the TV next to me.
Have somewhere you can go and something you can do to occupy yourself. Make sure that neither of you suffocates the other one.
Fights are somewhat different when you can't just go home to get away from him when you're pissed. You need to be able to coexist in the same room without ripping each other's heads off (and it WILL happen if you haven't had fights like that already). You both need to be able to cut yourself off before the yelling begins if at all possible.
Take a second, breathe, hell go do something for 20 minutes to calm down and come back.
(Sidenote: Forgive me if you already know all this , I'm going from the info in the question which doesnt really tell me that)
The last, compromise.
Compromise means that you can both live peacefully with the result. This means that sometimes you will have to let things go, sometimes he will let things go, and sometimes you meet in the middle. Whenever confronted with a problem ask yourself
- Why does this bother me?
- Should it bother me?
If you've got a yes to the second and concrete answers to the first, talk to him about it. See where you can both bend a little. Other times, its good to just let the other person have their way. The computer example is a good one. My girl lets me have my way with my computer. She knows I'm an incredibly hardcore nerd inside, and that my computer is the first thing in line of my priorities behind her, friends, and family. She respects that, and pretty much doesn't touch it without my permission.
An opposite example is food. I generally don't care what we eat, she ALWAYS does. So I let her pick and rarely if ever fight her on it. I might be in the mood for Chinese, but she wants a hamburger so we go somewhere we can get her a hamburger. I can have Chinese some other time. This happens on about a daily basis, but its something I CAN compromise on, so I do whenever possible.
Try not to kill each other, the first six months can be pretty rough as you get used to (and modify) each other's personal habits.
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im a really shy and quiet person and im really not confident at all. i just get really nervous talking in front of a big group and even when im only talking to one person i just never know what to say and it gets all awkward...
at my school im known as the quiet and awkward girl...
what do i do to start being confident and stop getting nervous around people and in front of a large group or even in front of just one person?
how do i stop being so quiet shy and awkward??
how do i know what to say all the time? i just never know what to say and can't come up with anything without sounding boring or retarded or just saying oh ok...
please help!! (link)
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Practice.
Practice practice practice.
The core idea of confidence is that confidence cannot be manufactured. It must be earned by success.
And to do that, you must let yourself let go of how afraid you are of failure.
Go talk to people. Start conversations with random people. It can be terrifying, but if you do it again and again you will learn how to conquer that fear, and begin talking to people.
I was like you when I was younger. At times, painfully shy. I knew I didn't know how to talk to people.
Also, read. Research. Learn as much about as many random things as you can. I was blessed with a retardedly high memory retention (if I read it or see it I can remember it almost verbatim) so as I grew up I developed a wealth of information to come to my defense. When I'd freeze, my brain would just take over on auto pilot with information I already knew. I was confident about a subject, so I could talk on that subject even though I wasn't confident in myself.
Don't dominate conversations when this happens. Listening quietly and attentively is just as important.
Start small. Start a conversation with a friend and talk about stuff. then several friends. Move on to a single stranger (guys are great for this, because a guy WILL generally sit there and listen to you regardless of how awkward it gets) and then move on from there.
Sound boring. Sound retarded. Thats the first step, and all socially anxious people do it. Laugh at yourself and laugh with others. Smile more, and try to make eye contact more often when you're talking to someone.
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I'm a 15 year old girl.
So to start off you must know that according to people in my school I'm in the "popular" clique. It kinda sucks because whenever I like a guy they think I'm joking or pulling a prank just because of my "status". It really sucks because now people are like you must have really high standards because you don't like anyone! Which is totally not true it's pretty much the exact opposite! Someone please help me, what should I do? (link)
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Intimidation.
That is your foe. Guys don't want to get shot down, and because you're "popular" alot of guys assume that getting shot down is inevitable.
The first thing you can do, is be more aggressive yourself. If you see a guy you like, smile at him and encourage him to talk to you. Give him openings. LOTS of openings. Young teenaged insecure guys can be really dense and really scared.
The line "I really want to go see this movie, but everyone is busy, so I don't have anyone to go with" with a cute pouty face will generally jar even the most frightened of guys.
Learn to use your body language to encourage people.
- Smiling -
Works amazing wonders. A smile is encouraging, a smile lets a guy know that he isn't doing anything so wrong that you're repulsed by him. Give a guy a smile, and it gives him confidence with you.
- Eye contact -
Also works wonders. Eye contact shows both confidence and interest.
Combo move, look a guy in the eyes, and when he looks back, smile. This is a clear "I like you looking at me" signal.
- Teasing -
Teasing is a good ice breaker. Light teasing about inconsequential things can be a great ice breaker. Be careful about the timing on this, because teasing used too much or incorrectly can discourage a guy. The goal of this is to get him to tease you back. This shows he feels more comfy around you. Don't tease until you can hold a conversation with him without it.
- Physical contact -
No, this isnt about sex. This is about comfort. Many guys have an automatic instinct not to touch a girl if they don't know its ok. Again, I don't mean sex, I mean something as simple as a touch on the arm to get his attention, or a hug, or something of that nature. Be careful with hugs, because if you make a guy feel too much like a friend he might back off from hoping for something more than that.
An example, using teasing above. When he teases you back, swat him on the arm lightly and laugh. It gives you an opportunity to break the touch barrier in a casual friendly way.
Same way, when you walk up behind him and want his attention, touch his shoulder or arm when you say hi, don't just keep your distance.
Like I said, its not about sex or anything like that, its about sending messages that he will (even if only slowly) pick up that say "I like it when I'm touching you and vice versa"
- Blunt delivery -
If you've been paying a guy alot of attention for a week or two and still havent gotten asked out, you can work up the courage to drop a painfully obvious hint. I gave an example above, but you can do that one further by simply dropping into the conversation "So are you ever going to ask me out?" and then smiling and giggling or even just a small smile and an embarrassed blush (you probably will do the second without meaning to if it happens) to let him know that no, his opportunity to do so is not lost to him.
Say hi when you see him, pay him attention, smile and generally act like you like being around him. If he doesn't get the message you may have to resort to blunt delivery, but bluntness can be adorable and generally has about a 100% success rate.
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i just finished sending off my college apps around the middle/end of december. about how long before i should start to expect acceptance/rejection letters? (link)
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I applied to UT Austin in October and didn't get my acceptance until March. Alot of it depends upon the size of the school. Large universities or schools with alot more prestige are going to take longer because they are alot more selective about it.
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I've been with my current boyfriend for almost two months now, and he's a really nice guy, and he is very thoughtful and emotional. I just don't think there's much of a connection between us. I've had a few other boyfriends before, and whenever I am with him, I don't feel the way I think I should...I don't feel attracted to him, I guess is what I'm saying. But I feel guilty dumping him because he is an amazing boyfriend. He buys the best presents and says the sweetest things to me. So, I'm wondering, is it worth it to dump him and hope someone that makes me feel the way I think I should comes along? Or should I just be happy with what I have? (link)
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You're seeking excitement. Its that simple.
That connection, that attraction, is the feeling of excitement of being around someone.
I would say, give it time, and talk to him. I'm sure at this point its hard to figure out exactly what you're looking for, but I can guarantee he can provide it. All men have the ability to give a woman what she wants, the problem is figuring that out and figuring out how to give it to her.
Some guys can do this automatically, some can't.
I'd say you need to think about this alot more. Think WHY you don't feel this way, think about previous boyfriends and what made them give you those slight chills, the excited blush. Then go talk to him about it.
In all likely hood, I would say he is probably a little too passive for you. You need to encourage him to take the lead, to be a bit more aggressive with you. This is not an uncommon problem, especially with sweet guys who tend to be more shy. You probably need to break him out of his shyness, because I can guarantee that somewhere in there there are things you WANT him to do.
You just need to figure out what those things are, and communicate them to him.
The answer isn't simply to accept things, or simply to walk. You CAN work on things like this.
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sorry in advance if this is to much info haha its so weird writing this but whatever, i really need to know..
so im 16/f and my bf says he wants me to lick his ass haha i know that sounds really weird but yeah. What i wanna know is like how to do it right. Like i guess id be on my knees giving him a bj and then i'd want to go from that to his ass but like you cant really lick a guys as from a front can you? so i guess im asking how to switch from a bj to a rim job... and i looked up positions to do this online and what i found was either on a bed (which wouldnt work it would be either in or outside of a car) or like with him bent over and that wouldnt work either cuz bending over would make him feel like the bitch haha. and also jw how do you give a really good rimjob? and is it like gross? haha thanks lol sorry this is so weird (link)
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In all, complete honesty, I wouldn't do that until you're married to someone.
Simply put, you're 16. He probably isn't too much older. If you break up, you will become "the rimjob girl" to everyone he knows.
Overly kinky sex acts go the same way as compromising pictures, you don't want to open yourself up to this kind of stuff. Especially not as a teen.
Just tell him you aren't comfy with it and don't want to. Seriously, this isn't something you should be willing to do at this point in your life, if only because of the possible (and likely) social repercussions.
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so im 18/f
i have friends, but its that i commute to college, and i only talk to like two of my friends from high school.
i've been talking to this girl, emily. she use to go out with my cousin. she is in 9th grade though, in high schoool. i'm a freshman collge. the thing is, she gets me. she is the only one who understands whats going on in my life, because she is going through something similar too. i just feel weird hanging out with her though. i dont want people to be like wow she is hanging out with a freshman from high school, you know? but i love the girl, she is like becoming one of my close friends! like i said, i can trust her and i know she wont judge me. thats hard to find. but in my mind, i always feel like people think i dont have friends and i'm a loser for hanging out with a freshman. and i mean i really want to hang out with her, she is a nice girl and so what am i to say? oh i cant hang out with you because your like four years younger than me? NO! i want to hang out with her, but i feel stupid at the same time.
any thoughts, suggestions, comments, ANYTHING!? (link)
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With friendship, age is just a number. Make other friends your own age, but never sacrifice someone you care about because of what other people think.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. When we first met he was a "trouble maker" and occasionally did drugs. He has completely changed his life around and no longer is a part of that scene because he knows that I do not approve of anything like that. We went to a party last week with some of his old friends and I got a bad vibe. I asked him to be honest with me and he told me that he did cocaine. What do I do? I don't want to instantly be mad at him because at least he told me the truth when he could have just lied and said he didn't do anything, but I do not want to be with someone who is okay with using drugs. I don't want to say ill leave him if he does it again or anything because then he will never admit to it if it happens again and I want him to be truthful. Help! (link)
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It doesn't sound like he's an addict. It sounds like he was peer pressured into doing something he'd done before.
I would talk to him. Ask him why he did it. Tell him you aren't mad, but just that you want to understand. Ask him why he wants to snort lines, what about it does he not want to give up.
To be honest, its kinda his choice. It doesn't sound like he's a loser addict, or that its affecting anything other than you not liking it, so talk to him about it from a "I want to understand" perspective and see what you can work out together.
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There is this guy that I known sence I was 8 years old...I start dating him when I was 15...He was 23..At first he did'nt want to go with me cause I was to young.But off that we were together one whole year. We parted like 2 weeks after cause my mother kept threatning to press charges..So the plan was that we get back together
when I hit 18.2 years pasted and it's like hella tru.He wants to marry me and all.But he want to wait till it hit our aniversary date(My 27th), we had when I was 15(awww)..Right now I'm single and almost 18 on the 30th of this month.......
Yeah I've been mingeling sence time went by.He's in a relationship right now but, plans to break up with his girl friend soon.He's going to his dads wedding in March..He says he refuses to catch the thing that guys are supose to catch if they want to marry next.(he siad because he is not going to marry his girlfriend) He don't want her to think that.
He said that our love is meant.And that he wants to be with me till death does us part.He said that he'll ask me in person on his knees with the ring and all.And he said he will not take no for a answer. I said Yes...
Then I start thinkin about it later on in the day..I cried I was sad.I was mad and confussed...I was thinkin like .What about his girl..When is it gonna end ..Is he gone tell her way b4 then..What should he do if he's making plans to marry me? What Should I do? Because I'm in love with this man. (link)
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Holy christ.
Do not marry him. Do not say yes. At best he has serious emotional issues, at worst he is some kind of deviant. He's 26 and wants to marry an 18 year old, and whatever you want to think, thats bad.
Age is not just a number, if he relates to you this well there is something wrong with him, because I promise you are not up to a normal 26 year old's level of maturity.
There are danger signs left and right here. You're ignoring them. He has a girlfriend he is lying to and going to break up with. This shows you that trust is not important to him, nor is doing right for rights sake.
You should forget this man, honestly. But if you can't you should date him consistently for at LEAST a year.
Just don't be surprised, hes incredibly immature and trust means little (as you've seen with the other girl). This kind of guy WILL cheat on you should the opportunity be presented to him, and he will go searching for someone to cheat with when you two start having normal and very real relationship problems it will result in a divorce. Both of you seem to be laboring under the misconception that relationships are just love and romance.
You won't be ready for marriage for a few years. If you marry this guy, its going to end in heartbreak and divorce.
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My boyfriend and I had a talk last night about how he wants our relationship to go. Ironically, after we spoke about it, we watched That 70's Show and the episode was literally about exactly how he wants our relationship to go. He sent me some of the quotes once he got home. I don't really understand what he wants, so hopefully you can help me understand.
"See! Remember when our relationship was the most fun thing in our lives? And then we put all this pressure on it. Wish we could just...y'know just hang out and forget all about that stuff."
"Donna and I have decided we're not gonna talk about our relationship anymore!"
"It's going to be so great to be with Donna without all the talking and the decisions and labels. Y'know like am I your fiancé...y'know am I your boyfriend..."
(link)
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He's an idiot.
He wants the relationship to not be complicated.
To be more specific, what he wants is to remain in the honeymoon phase of the relationship permanently, a sure sign of an immature individual.
He isnt grown up enough to realize that relationships develop, become more complicated, and eventually that "oh we're so in love with each other constantly" feeling fades and is replaced with a deeper and much more important form of affection and love.
Basically, he has the relationship skills of a 13 year old and wants the relationship to remain that of a relationship between 13 year olds. Simple, uncomplicated, and shallow as hell. The sign of a truly immature male.
I mean, seriously, who quotes an episode of "That 70s Show" as an example of where they want a relationship to go? I expect the next installment of advice is going to be how to have a threesome and keep your relationship ok.
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17/f
My parents and I would like to take a three day trip over spring break (this March). We are from the west coast of Canada so traveling overseas isn't realistic with the short time period. Where would be a good destination? We went to New York in the summer so that is out although we did really enjoy the city. We went to Hawaii once and that was enough. My parents are thinking Las Vegas, but personally, it sounds like a better place to go with friends. I would like to travel to somewhere warm but it is not a necessity. Thanks! (link)
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Hmm.
Well if the west coast of California isnt overdone for you guys thats always a good idea. I also like Seattle, its a nice city even when its raining.
If you'd like a bit of a different taste, try Austin, TX. Theres alot of culture, interesting places to go, and fun things to do. Try to be there on a Wed and ask people where Alamo Drafthouse is (its a movie theater) and go to Wierd Wednesday.
Vegas... I wouldn't recommend it. You want to do Vegas when you're 21 and have friends to go with, while there is a ton of stuff to do, being 17 kinda hampers it and being with parents even moreso.
Colorado is also great. I can't remember where it is, but theres a place called Garden of the Gods thats absolutely beautiful, and Pikes Peak is fun (theres a tram car to the top where you can buy asprin for altitude headaches and enjoy being higher than anyone except Seth Rogen on a day off.)
There are plenty of cool places to go, it just depends on where you feel like and what you want to see.
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