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Life.
First Question: I am moving in with my fiance soon (we are sending our check in on the 23rd of this month) I am excited but a little nervous, any tips?
Second Question: I live at home with my father and my son right now. He is driving me crazy. I keep everything inside. When i try and talk he acts like he is 12. He acts like a child. I am always cleaning up after him, them he screams i dont do anything. My fiance and I have one car, I drive him too work at 9:45 am. i pick him up at 2. I go to work usally 4 (sometimes 2 when he needs to find a ride home) i take him back to work on my lunch break at 8. and pick him back up at 1 am. i am always cleaning and taking care of my child and all he does is complain and yell ( we just moved here to missouri in june). I am not sure what i am asking i guess how to deal with him??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Second question first. Obviously, your father isn't going to move with you, so thats relatively solved. I'm not sure what else you're looking for here.
First question.
Tips.
One of the biggest tips I can give you, is be prepared to piss each other off. Seemingly innocuous habits can drive you or him up the wall when you have to live with them.
You both need to be prepared for that. The first few months, you might well fight ALOT more than usual. Things settle down as you get used to being around each other day in, day out. He will probably forget to put the seat down, and you will probably soak your butt in toilet water. Take a shower, and bitch at him without yelling.
That comes to anger management. Both of you need to have a "you" place in the house where you can occupy yourselves. Somewhere (even if you're in the same room) where you can go to occupy yourself .
I live in a 1 bedroom with my girl, and we each have a computer. My computer is my space. Its not that shes not allowed to use it, its more that I want to be able to use it whenever I possibly can. That is "my space" where I go when I need a little solitude, even if we're watching a movie together on the TV next to me.
Have somewhere you can go and something you can do to occupy yourself. Make sure that neither of you suffocates the other one.
Fights are somewhat different when you can't just go home to get away from him when you're pissed. You need to be able to coexist in the same room without ripping each other's heads off (and it WILL happen if you haven't had fights like that already). You both need to be able to cut yourself off before the yelling begins if at all possible.
Take a second, breathe, hell go do something for 20 minutes to calm down and come back.
(Sidenote: Forgive me if you already know all this , I'm going from the info in the question which doesnt really tell me that)
The last, compromise.
Compromise means that you can both live peacefully with the result. This means that sometimes you will have to let things go, sometimes he will let things go, and sometimes you meet in the middle. Whenever confronted with a problem ask yourself
- Why does this bother me?
- Should it bother me?
If you've got a yes to the second and concrete answers to the first, talk to him about it. See where you can both bend a little. Other times, its good to just let the other person have their way. The computer example is a good one. My girl lets me have my way with my computer. She knows I'm an incredibly hardcore nerd inside, and that my computer is the first thing in line of my priorities behind her, friends, and family. She respects that, and pretty much doesn't touch it without my permission.
An opposite example is food. I generally don't care what we eat, she ALWAYS does. So I let her pick and rarely if ever fight her on it. I might be in the mood for Chinese, but she wants a hamburger so we go somewhere we can get her a hamburger. I can have Chinese some other time. This happens on about a daily basis, but its something I CAN compromise on, so I do whenever possible.
Try not to kill each other, the first six months can be pretty rough as you get used to (and modify) each other's personal habits.
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I just moved into my first apartment last month, The first couple of months are going to be rough. "Giving you a heads up" but relax, Think about the good things. You have accomplished something and you should feel great about it. Your fiance just might be under a great deal of stress yet overwhelmed with everything. Moving can be very overwhelming yet alone hectic and as well as his job goes that could be apart of it. Try to be understanding, Talk to him. I do not know the relationship between you and your finace but I'm going to say this as a friend to you. "Think twice, Act once".
If you need to talk, Feel free to message me.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped.
Bahaima22
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