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quiet and shy
im a really shy and quiet person and im really not confident at all. i just get really nervous talking in front of a big group and even when im only talking to one person i just never know what to say and it gets all awkward...
at my school im known as the quiet and awkward girl...
what do i do to start being confident and stop getting nervous around people and in front of a large group or even in front of just one person?
how do i stop being so quiet shy and awkward??
how do i know what to say all the time? i just never know what to say and can't come up with anything without sounding boring or retarded or just saying oh ok...
please help!!
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Practice.
Practice practice practice.
The core idea of confidence is that confidence cannot be manufactured. It must be earned by success.
And to do that, you must let yourself let go of how afraid you are of failure.
Go talk to people. Start conversations with random people. It can be terrifying, but if you do it again and again you will learn how to conquer that fear, and begin talking to people.
I was like you when I was younger. At times, painfully shy. I knew I didn't know how to talk to people.
Also, read. Research. Learn as much about as many random things as you can. I was blessed with a retardedly high memory retention (if I read it or see it I can remember it almost verbatim) so as I grew up I developed a wealth of information to come to my defense. When I'd freeze, my brain would just take over on auto pilot with information I already knew. I was confident about a subject, so I could talk on that subject even though I wasn't confident in myself.
Don't dominate conversations when this happens. Listening quietly and attentively is just as important.
Start small. Start a conversation with a friend and talk about stuff. then several friends. Move on to a single stranger (guys are great for this, because a guy WILL generally sit there and listen to you regardless of how awkward it gets) and then move on from there.
Sound boring. Sound retarded. Thats the first step, and all socially anxious people do it. Laugh at yourself and laugh with others. Smile more, and try to make eye contact more often when you're talking to someone.
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try talking to someone in your class (or something that you're in) who you know isn't going to be all "they're so weird" because maybe you don't have all of the answers. you know that there is usually some mellow person who is very chill with everyone and isn't necessarily always entertaining a crowd. who knows, maybe there is even someone with your same problem who's looking for someone else to come up and talk to them.
try talking to someone about things you know they are involved with. (ex. you're both in lit class and you had 30 min. to write a 5 page essay, you might approach the person like "wow, i didn't expect that," "how do you think you did," or "well, what was your answer to the prompt.") try to find things you have in common with them, like if they're wearing a bandshirt and you like the band, you can talk about that, their Cd's or last concert or gossip about the lead singer...lol. or just try to talk to them about general things (like "what's your schedule?" or "do you ever watch shows on the wb?") questions are always good, and people usually like to talk about themselves and their interests and experiences.
finally, when it comes to people talking to you and you can't think of anything to say but "oh ok," try to think of follow-up questions to their story or w/e, or try to relate a story of yours.
confidence starts with being able to relate to people and...well...talk. it can be kind of nerve-wracking, especially if you're kind of used to being alone and not used to talking, but once you start to make friends and you know them a little more, you can talk a lot easier. most of the time, being social isn't something you're just naturally gifted with, you just have to try to get out there. it will get easier, i promise. it takes one step to start a journey (or however that famous saying goes). so good luck!
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in order to build your confidence continuously tell yourself how beautiful and smart you are. Not only tell but believe it and others will too. Never just walk up to a crowd of people and start talking take it one person at a time. Speak up and speak out say hi, hows it going, what's your name. Don't be afraid to take a little rejection, if anyone rejects your nice jesture then that is someone who you wouldnt want to be friends with any way. But dont be to bold either because you will scare people away. Get noticed in GOOD ways and people will start talking to you. Being a little akward is not always a bad thing embrace your akwardness you will be suprised at the response you get.
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