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I'm 19 and a female. ok so every friday nights my best friend wants to hang out with me she's a girl too. And I have a boyfriend as well and they don't get along at all for a lot of reasons so they don't talk.
It seems like every friday they always plan to hang out with me the same time and it really sucks because I can't choose who I want to be with. Sometimes I hang out with them both or just one of them on fridays. It becomes a big disaster in the past because they want to hang out with me. Sometimes I hang with my best friend and I tell my boyfriend and he gets mad because he wanted to be with me but then he goes and does his own thing. If I tell my best friend I'm with my boyfriend she will get mad and do her own thing.
It's just really stressful because sometimes I lie to them and hang out with my boyfriend for a couple hours then go hang out with my best friend. And sometimes it's the other way around. I try to treat them the same. I just don't know what to do anymore. Because they always want to hang out with me fridays. I need help on what to do. Because there's been a lot of arguments with my best friend and boyfriend whenever they want to hang with me and I have to say no I'm hanging out with (best/ or boyfriend). I just want them to be happy. I hate turning them down. Fridays are so dramatic for me please help!
Hey there,
I think that you shouldn't have to lie to make things work between the three of you. There is a way where you can have time with both of them on Fridays, not have to worry about the drama, and not have to be involved in their conflict with one another (for the most part).
Here's what you do: Tell your friend and boyfriend that you hate having to choose between them every single Friday, that you find it hurtful to the other person when you tell them you can't spend time with them, and that you don't want to/will not do it anymore. Then let them know what is going to happen from now on...
Instead of trying to pick 'sides' of whom you should chill with that day (or lying) I think you should schedule Fridays you spend with him, Fridays you spend with her, and Fridays you plan to spend with both of them. You could make it so that the 1st Friday you hang with your boyfriend, the 2nd Friday you chill with your bestie, and then the 3rd Friday you make plans for all three of you (or however you choose). By doing this, you and them will both know when they get to hang with you ahead of time (so they shouldn't have to fight for the next Fri) and that you are treating them fairly. You could write down the new plan (days) on a paper for them or you could buy those mini calendars for all of you and put a big "Your Day!" on the days you are going to spend with just her or him/both of them so you all are aware of the same plan.
You should never have to pick sides between your bf and bff; that is part of what's making them frustrated atm. Your friend thinks you are ditching her for your boyfriend and visa versa. Plus, telling one of them you've been spending time with the other is only making them more agitated and causing them to want to spend more Fridays (than the other person) with you. When they know you are lying to them or that you can't choose, it isn't making them like eachother or you any better.
So: start by using a calendar and mark in the next Friday with your bf's name, then the next with your bff, the one after with both, and then excetera excetera. Tell your bf and bff that this is how you are going to roll from now on so that you can spend time with both of them equally with as little conflict/drama as possible. If your bf or bff doesn't like the idea, just let them know you will be looking forward to the next Friday you have marked in for them. If either one complains that a day isn't working for them, have them switch Fridays with eachother. If you keep each Friday strictly to one person, that person will be happy and you will have a chance to please the other the next Friday.
It may sound like a crazy idea right now, but once they can allow the other person to have their day with you, things will go much smoother. They will be happy with the time they get with you (more than the couple of hours; a whole day) and you will be less stressed :) Bonus: you won't have to turn either of them down
so there is a guy i like at school. im not sure if i should tell him or not. i talk to him sometimes in two of my classes but thats pretty much it. I think about telling him every night. I just dont know if he would feel the same way. I dont want him to stop talking to me if he doesnt feel the same way. Also i dont know how i could tell him because im shy and cant just tell him. He hasnt really dated any girls either. Girls like him and all but he just isnt into them. I asked him awhile ago if he liked anybody he said no and i asked him if would date anybody from our school he shrugged his shoulders and said i dont know and asked me why i was beating around the bush. I just dont wanna tell him and get hurt. Its our senior year anyways, but i cant stop thinking about him. what do you think?
I think you should tell him openly how you feel. If you only ever 'think' about telling him EvErY single night, then this is just going to keep eating away at you. You will never get anywhere or know how he feels until you 'actually ask him'. You already talk to him in your two classes, so casually ask him "have you ever thought of us being more than friends?". When he responds, you will know the answer. A guy isn't going to be turned off by a girl showing interest in him. If anything, he will be flattered.
I honestly think that he already knows you like him. When he asked you "why are you beating around the bush?" that tells you that he already suspects you like him. All you have to do now is ask him if he would like to hang out and make it happen. If you are thinking about him all the time and haven't made any effort to see if he would like to chill with you, then you will never ever know/get the chance. Ask yourself this: would you rather sit on the sidelines and keep wondering if he would date you OR talk to him and ask him out before someone else does?
Me and this guy used to talk last semester. people thouight we had a thing. Then the idea of prom came along. He said to my frined that he didnt want to go to prom with me, but wasnt going with any other girl because he didnt want to hurt me. Now this guy is kinda tight with girls and stuff, so another friend told me that one of hs excuses was that he didnt want us to get drunk and have sex incase i got pregnant or something.........yeaaa. Worse excuse of the century. but anyway that is that. Im taking a guy in grade 11 now but i still would rather go with the other guy. Now all he ever does is give me eye contact in the hall and a smile. Last week he did it every day and my close friends even noticed. This week he hasent even been doing that. Is he avoiding me? i just dont get him anymore. I should probably talk to him but it would be so hard to start and he would probably feel soooo uncomfortable about the whole thing.I think the only reason i even care is because i miss talking to him all the time. It s even worse because my best friend hates him and i know that he doesnt think very highly of her. Sometimes i wonder if thats why he doesnt talk to me as much. idk what im asking here...butt yeaa:)
Hey,
This guy sounds like he has a thing for you, but doesn't want to openly admit it. Why would he not want to go to the prom with you and then say that he didn't want to go with any other girl to upset you? This tells one of two things: he doesn't like prom OR he is too shy to ask you. BUT, he said he didn't want to hurt you, so he obviously wants to go - with You (most likely).
As for his excuses, yea they are pretty lame. I think he is avoiding you or else he wouldn't be flirting with you and giving you smiles all the time. Yes, you should talk to him! Doing so would help you figure out his true intentions. He might be just a nice guy or he might really like you. It doesn't matter if you think he'd feel uncomfortable; you have to give him a try. If you be yourself, he will feel comfortable. It is like that saying "it is only uncomfortable if you make it uncomfortable". Be calm and collected and you will have a good convo with him.
As for the conflict between your friend and him; you don't have to be involved in whatever they have against eachother. As long as you treat him right and her right they shouldn't hold anything against you. Your friend not supporting you in your decision, makes me wonder if shes a real friend. I think: if you want to talk to a guy, talk to him because you want to, not because your friend says she doesn't like him. Its your life.
If you want to meet this guy and hang out more: talk to him alone (when your friend isn't around), find out his interests (if you haven't already), ask him if he would like to hang out sometime (grab some drinks, go to the movies), and find out why he smiles at you in the hall. If he comes up with another lame excuse why he shouldn't chill with you or that his smiles mean nothing, you should find another guy (he is not actually interested). BUT, if he says he would like to hang out and he treats you respectfully... keep talking to him (even a "hi" along with a smile in return when he looks at you). He will get the hint
My friend has internal bleeding and she hasn't been coming to school a lot. People have been saying that shes dieing. And she has been to the hospital a lot. How could she have gotten this internal bleeding and how does a person even get it?
Hi,
Internal bleeding can result from genetic problems, certain medications, diseases, alcohol abuse, surgery, bad blood clots, organ failure, and minor to major injuries (the most common). When an artery or vein allows blood to excape the circulatory system, the blood collects inside of the body causing the internal bleeding.
Depending on where your friend has the bleeding, determines how good/bad it is. You can have it in your tissue, your organs, or in the cavities of your body (chest, head, and abdomin). Yes, internal bleeding can go away with proper medications or surgery. I had internal bleeding when I was 5 and went through surgery to fix the complications. I am fine now and your friend can be too if she continues to get treatment from the doctors.
If you would like to read more about internal bleeding, check out this website: http://www.medicinenet.com/internal_bleeding/article.htm
I like to think about names for if I ever have kids, and I really love the name Alexei for a boy, but a lot of my friends say it sounds like a girl name. Would this be an ok boy name? Thank you answerers
I think Alexei is a good name. It could almost go either way; boy or girl. As long as you think that is a good name for a boy, then it is. It doesn't matter what others think about your childs name, it only matters what you choose. Name the child whatever you like and in time, your friends will begin to accept it and see it as a good name too (least they should if they are your friend). I like how it sounds more unique :)
Me and my boyfriend are both 19 (both about to turn 20, he was born 2 days after me) and before you think this is a silly teen pregnancy that shouldn't have happened, we both use protection regularly and know the consequences of having sex.
I've been friends with him since I was 13 and we went to school together and are now attending the same university. He's studying Politics and I am studying Law, so me getting pregnant right at this moment may be difficult.
We've been dating for 3 years and about 8 months and became sexually active 6 months after we started dating.
I went to the doctor because I felt slight cramps in my stomach and my stomach looked bloated, and left with the news that I was pregnant, and also I have been told that I'm about 5 months along.
Now before you have doubts, my mum was 6 months along when she found out she was pregnant and I don't think I showed any symptoms and if I did I wasn't paying attention.
We always use condoms and I was on the pill, but a couple of months back the condom broke, but I thought the pill would be fine. I know that there was always a chance of me getting pregnant, and that's why I'm not as worried about actually being pregnant and having a baby, it's just I don't know what my boyfriend is going to say. I am keeping the baby and know it's going to cost and am prepared for that and juggling Uni and a baby,because staying at school is what's best for me and the baby, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend and how (or if) he will cope with a baby and studying. He loves kids and we have talked about when we would like them, and he said he didn't mind when, because he would always try to make sure he was in the position to be able to care for one (we both have part-time jobs + money saved up for anything) if he ever had a baby, but I don't know his reaction to having a baby when he's 20 and still at Uni.
His birthday is coming up in a few days and I want to tell him them and am hoping he considers it a good surprise, but how should I go about telling him?
Also do you have any tips on what I should do now regarding the baby, me, my boyfriend and school?
Hey,
I don't think that every teenager has a "silly" pregnancy. I know that even if you use protection and take all the precations, things can still happen that result in a baby. I am glad that you knew what you were doing when you started having sex and that you knew your bf for years before you did become sexually active.
Factually, a lot of people don't know they are pregnant until months after when they go see a doctor, so I could see how you didn't realize it within the first few months. You described your bf as an understanding guy, so I'm sure he will understand. He even said he would try and make sure he was in the position of being a father when the time came, so this news is not going to make him completely turned-away (he must really care for you). I believe you should go about telling him, by bringing the topic up casually. By this I mean: when you two are sitting around chatting, ask him what he thinks being a dad would be like. After he answers, let him know you think he would make a great Dad in four months. If he doesn't get the hint, let him know you are carrying his child (say "I have your baby right here", "you now have the title Dad" and/or point to your stomach and smile at him). No matter what, he will be in a little shock and by telling him he will be a good father he won't be very discouraged.
As for your baby, I would say: let your parents know if they don't already (they can offer lots of support such as emotional, money and babysitting, for free), stay in school (education is essential as you know for you both), work whenever possible (income has no limit), and figure out how you are going to get what you need to take care of the child and when. Also, finding other friends/family that will help you take care of your baby when you are at school would be a good idea (grandparents usually are a good source of this :p).
For you and your bf: communicate about what is going to happen (who could take care of the child? and when?), find what will work for the both of you (more agreeing/smiles the better), and make sure when the baby comes you still have quality alone time with your bf so he doesn't think you are putting all your time into the baby and not him (it happens).
School-wise: keep working hard to get the grades/classes you want, don't miss any days unless you absolutely have to and let your professor know why you may be missing days if you do. I'm sure he/he may be willing to give you an extra day for an assignment.
You will find a way to manage you, the baby, your boyfriend, and school as long as you have a schedule to keep track of them all. Try to fit in the activities you love, so that you aren't always focused on one thing and have your own down time too (great stress reliever). I know a few people that have had a baby before they were 18 and they turned out great. Long as the love and support is there, you will have a wonderful family. Feel free to inbox me if you would like to talk about anything else that you need
I am a single mother and my little girl is turning 16 in april and it is her golden birhtday, i havent been able to give her a lot of things, but this one time i want to do something so special that she will not forget it. She is very adventurous and loves to do outside things, but i also need to keep this inside my bugget, we do not have that much money. Any ideas as to what i can do for her?
Hey,
I think you should have a scavenger hunt! All you need is: paper, scissors, a pen, a creative mind, an adventurous searcher(s) and a surprise for the end. Start by picking 10-15 places your daughter knows really well/that are obvious (at home or outside around the house) and use them as places for clues to the surprise.
What you do is this: pick a starting place/thing, make the #1 clue (on a piece of paper) saying something like "you walk in me" (keep this one to hand to your daughter to start off) then stick clue #2 in a shoe (since that would be the answer to the first clue) that says "you walk/climb up me". THEN put the #3 clue on the stairs (since that's the answer to the second clue) giving you the hint to clue #4. Make up clues to fit your object and place them the same way so one leads you to the other. Basically: the 1st clue should give hint to the 2nd clue which should give hint to the 3rd clue, etc. AND the 2nd clue should be where the first one described and the 3rd clue should be where the 2nd clue described, make sense?
So, after you have all that figured out, make the clues and place them when your daughter isn't around/looking. You can have a couple of her friends over to help her search too, which would add to the fun. When she/they get to the last clue, instead of a clue at that next spot, there should be the surprise/treat. You could put candy there, a movie with a bag of popcorn, a bucket with goodies that your daughter likes or anything you think would make her smile. When I made scavenger hunts for my sister, she loved trying to find the next place/clue and was always anxious to find out what was at the end.
If its warm where you live, you could put a picnic basket at the end of the scavenger hunt (or have one just for fun) full of snacks with a blanket and then take her to a park to play frisbee/ball with you/friends and snack on your goodies
I saw a few weeks ago that my ex finally joined facebook, but I never friend requested him since I had the fear of him hating me or something. The other day I decided what the hell, why not. If he accepts me, he accepts me; If he doesn't, he doesn't.
Well, he did accept me after all. I didn't say anything to him, I just left it at the accepted friend request. Then he wrote on my wall several minutes later saying "Wow this is crazy, I swear I was just looking for you on this the other day".
And he asked for my number in a message.
So what does it mean ?
I should take it slow, right ??
Hi,
Him saying that about you, means he probably couldn't stop thinking about you and decided to look for you/find a way to communicate. Yes, you should take it slow, for you had previously broke up and shouldn't jump back into the realationship right away; it could only cause more hurt. Talk to him if you want, but make sure you are both on the same level/wanting the same things before you think about getting involved again. Any problems that caused you to break up should be resolved first. Please be absolutely positive he is the guy who you want to be with, before you make any decision
There's an anime called Togainu no Chi, but the site I'm watching it on takes almost a full hour to load only 20 minutes, so I was wondering if there are any sites out there that load it faster and better? With English subtitles too...
Youtube.com all they way! It has a billion of videos ranging from anything and everything. It only takes a few seconds/minutes to load. Just type in the search box which episode you wish to see and put "with english subtitles" right after to find it. Heres a link to Togainu no Chi with subtitles (to get you started): http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=togainu+no+chi+with+english+subtitles
I hope you find what you are looking for
so I was hooking up with this guy and i gave him a bj and he said it was really good. we were just chilling and talking after that and he seems really nice and funny, he's a good guy. then i kinda hinted it was my turn and he said he would but he didn't have anything to clean his hands with (we were in my basement room withtout a sink or anything and he couldn't go upstairs), but that he felt really bad. but i told him it was fine he didn't have to. then he said "well at least it makes you come back for more" and i said jokingly of course "nahh not at all!" but he knew i was joking i thinkk. so do you think he wants to do it again? i cannot read guys at alll haha thanks!
Hey there,
If he told you directly that you gave him a really good bj, then he meant it. Guys don't just say things for no reason. I have to say, most guys don't even have the balls to tell you if you did a good job or not (in an honest way)! If you meant 'does he want to have a bj again?' I would say Most Definately! If a guy can find someone to give them a bj... expecially a good bj, they are very likely to come back for more.
I think he would of given you the same pleasure if you were in a place where there was ultimate privacy. Making a girl happy takes longer than making a guy happy ;) Besides, when he asked you to text you and make sure you got home safe; it shows he is a caring guy. You will know he likes you/what you give him if he: smiles, touches you physically, or holds eye contact. Keep communicating with him and I am sure he would love to get together again
(17/M). Okay. My girlfriend (love her) and I have been dating for two years and she is 16, a sophomore. Well since I've known her she's always been tiny. Like she's pretty short, bit about average. She wieghs like nothing and has the teeniest build (little hands, feet, waist) but she's still got like... Substance. Curves? In my opinion she's perfect, but it's always concerned me about how small she is. She does cheerleading and tennis so I don't worry about her getting hurt so much in sports but just out in the world, god she makes me nervous. For some reason more so recently, and I think it's cause I had to fight some asshole off of her about three months ago. I found him with her pinned up against a wall, both of her wrists in one of his hands and a hand over her mouth and thank god I got there then cause I have no idea what he would have tried to do. But just seeing her so helpless like that, she seems so much more fragile and even tinier now. Its hard for me to let her go anywhere without me and that's not healthy but I go crazy worrying about her all the time... What am I supposed to do??
Hey there,
A lot of girls are actually tiny, as you describe. I am only 5'4, slim, about average. The thing about us girls though, is this: we may not be strong, but we are tough. Your girlfriend sounds like she is a tough person, for she is involved in those active, action sports. I am sure if you didn't show up that day (when the guy was on her), she would of fought back somehow, in any way that she could. I see what you mean about being worried about her nevertheless.
What you should do, is let her know that you are concerned; mostly for her safety when she is alone. If she says she can take care of herself, just say "I'd appreciate it if you kept your cell on you just incase you need to call me" or suggest that she takes a friend with her so she has someone to watch her that isn't you all the time. Finding ways to keep her safe that involves other people/things will make you seem less overprotective (girls don't like when you are this). Doing so will help her realize you are just trying to be there for her relationship-wise and safety-wise.
You are so right about the 'its not healthy to worry and be watching her' all the time. As long as you communicate that you are worried and you like it when she lets you know if something is up; your girlfriend should understand how you are feeling and know that you are only concerned because you love her. I think it is soo sweet that you want to protect your girlfriend.. most girls would die for a guy who cares like you do :) Once you open up to her, she will be aware of your feelings and help you to be less concerned
I'm eighteen years old. I've known my best friend since first grade and we've been best friends since we were in ninth grade. We used to drive to and from school together every single day junior and senior year, we hung out every chance we could, and senior year we went to prom together. I never really thought about being with him, and whenever someone would bring it up to me I would start to think about it and it would kind of gross me out. (Not that he's gross, he's just my best friend and I never thought of him that way.) He was always the goody-goody in high school, never drank, always did the right thing... and I was always the badass that was drunk all the time and hooking up with random guys. Well over the summer, I started to get feelings for him. I started noticing how grown up he was now and how much I really did love about him. I let these feelings go because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We both are away at college now-- I'm an hour away from home and he's four hours away from home. The feelings won't go away now. I'm kind of a promiscuous person.. I hook up with a lot of different guys and I'm always with a new boyfriend, and while I like that lifestyle to an extent, I want my best friend. In the past year I have completely fallen in love with him and I can't get over it now. I guess all those years of my mom asking me to PLEASE date him (lol) is influencing me. I'm going to visit him at school next weekend, and we're going to get drunk and I feel like it's going to slip out... but I want to tell him how I feel. Should I do this? I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin our friendship but I can't find the feelings anymore.
Hi,
I think you should casually ask him if he would like to be more than friends. That way you don't sound too pushy and you can find out how he feels for you. For all you know, he might be feeling the same way and never had the courage to bring it up. Your not risking the friendship if you are just asking his opinion.
He may ask if you are really interested in him or if you are just looking for a hook-up considering your past. If he feels the same way as you, explain that you think he is a great guy, that he brings out the best in you, that you miss him, and that you would like it if he gave you a chance. He has been your best friend for a long time so I'm sure he will give you that shot. Be sure to talk to him when you are both sober, so you are both being honest with eachother. There is nothing worse than getting drunk, having someone tell you they love you, believing it, hooking up and then being totally crushed/regretful later on.
Discussing your relationship with him in a comfortable setting will make the topic much easier to bring up. Catch up first: hang out, talk, watch movies.. THEN have a few drinks with eachother. Just be honest with him: ask him if he would consider being more than friends and go from there. Instead of spending time wondering what could of been; take that step and see if it can happen
My friend is mad at me because he thinks i told on him, but i didn't and now he's ignoring me what do I do
Hi,
What you do is: you tell him the truth! Let him know that you did not tell on him and make sure he heard what you said. Do not hassle him saying over and over that you didn't do it, just tell him once and then let him figure it out for himself after that. He should trust you if he is your friend. Give him some time and space too. He will talk to you once he is ready
So i'm pretty unhappy right now. I'm in college and I'm not necessarily finding it hard to make friends but I'm not happy with my situation now. In high school, I despised my social situation. All I've ever wanted was to fit in like a puzzle piece in a group of friends that I love to death. I had a few good friends and a best friend (another bad situation, story for another time) and that was pretty much it. I know, you're thinking quality, not quantity but there was not much quality either and neither is there at this point. There's this girl, Julie who is one of my best friends. At first I thought she didn't have much interest in me but then we all of the sudden became really close. I was ecstatic. She's way cooler and more fun than any of the friends I had in high school put together and it made my confidence go way up that she liked me so much and I could make a friend I actually liked and respected (I would never tell her that though, I try my best to act confidently). We're in the same circle of friends and we're all in the same residence building and they're all really cool, fun, and pretty as well. I was a dork in high school and before winter break and during I felt so proud that these people showed a strong interest in me. Well, my confidence has gone down exponentially over the past week. Julia has been paying a lot less attention to me and more to our gay friend Dan and a couple other people, which she has every right to do but it's crushing me. I can tell she's not as excited to be around me anymore. And this isn't just a paranoid vibe. I'm painfully jealous of the awesome relationship they are forming while I'm not really a part of it. It just makes me think that it was too good to be true. I'm not cool enough and I never will be. For a while I actually thought I was becoming this cool, fun person that people admired but now, I think that was too good to be true. I'm friends with all of them but now I feel like I don't totally fit in. The main thing is Julia. I'm trying to tell myself not to let one person bring me down but I'm disappointed. I think back to how happy I was when she started becoming really close with me and how jealous I am of the same thing that's happening with another person. I'm back to feeling like an unintelligent dork again when for a couple of months, I actually felt funny, fun, and likeable. I've always, always, always just wanted a group of friends. Not two or three here and there, a GROUP, who loved me as much as I loved them. My social life has been my number one priority since college and I try so, so hard for it not to be that way but I can't change it. I need acceptance. I need to be loved, and not but awkward people I don't like but the ones I do like. And trust me, I don't act clingy and needy to any of my friends. I'm good at concealing my emotions and needy is the least way I'd ever want to come off as. The whole Julia thing is the main thing that's absolutely crushing me. Talking to her about it is a bad idea. She's not doing anything wrong and if she's truly not interested in me, I can't force her really like me. I'm just extremely disappointed and insecure and I feel like everything has been reset to the way it was in high school. I just want a solution to this disappointment. I know, I can make new friends but it's not the easiest thing in the world and it doesn't resolve my disappointment about Julia. I want the happiness I had two months ago back. SORRY SO LONG
Hey,
The size of a question is no problem. I think the size of the question should tend to be the same as the reply. So, I know what it is like to have the need to fit in with a group or to find that someone you can relate to. If you don't have that, it can grow on you and make you feel as if you are nothing but a tiny speck on this planet called Earth. I have felt the need to be more than one person too. When you say quality not quantity, I can agree partially. Quality is very important, but sometimes it is nice to be able to fit in with a whole group.
Your relationship with Julie gave you so much, yet not what you had hoped for. Some people will appear to be there for you and then later you have to face the reality of their false image portrayed. What I mean is: things aren't always what they seem. I had a best friend for a few years and she seemed like the perfect friend. We hung out all the time, talked about everything, told eachother secrets, had sleepovers, etc etc. Until one year she decided to lie to me, backstab me, use me, and then dump me as a friend for my brother. Some friend she really turned out to be. Point is, we all have flaws. Even though some people may seem to have perfect lives and lots of friends... there will always be something that they aren't satisfied with. Such as family,a fake 'friend', boyfriend, or school. In your case, school groups. You have to discover who/what is real and be with that person/group. They will continue to accept you no matter what.
What you say about Julia; that she was much cooler than you and made you more fun... is silly. I know what you mean by 'she brought out the best in you', but you are still your own person and we are all human. No one is cooler than anyone else. We choose to make ourselves who we want to be because we can. No one decides if we are going to be happy today, sad today, or mad today because of a circumstance... it all falls on ourselves. You can choose to be happy as hard as it may be to overcome a situation. You can figure out what will keep you smiling or continue to dwell on what could have been. You know what I mean?
I really never fit in with anyone my whole life. My reasons are different than yours, but I can definately see where you are coming from. A sense of belonging is what makes a person feel important, loved, and accepted. I have to say, college can be a very hard place to find the acceptance you crave. There are people that keep to themselves and certain groups that won't accept others. What you need to do is seek out people that have common interests and make time to converse with them. If you find the people that can relate to you (expecially on more than one level) it is so much easier to belong to that group. Join a club or go to a get-together where all the students/teenagers hang out. Talk to people about your interests and see if they can help you to make them happen. Wherever 'your' people are, you should find a way to join them.
Please, don't turn away everyone that may seem like someone you wouldn't 'hang out' with. You never know, that person could introduce you to someone who would be able to help you out in the friendship area. You are so right about Julia. If she has lost interest in being your friend, then you shouldn't worry about her any longer. There are/will be others that will accept you for you and will want you to be part of their bigger picture. If you can train yourself to move on/open your mind to new opportunities, you will find that sense of belonging; it may even come to you without notice. Positivity is what you need the most. Even if you feel depressed, find a slight flicker of a bright side. You say you hide your feelings and that is alright sometimes. But, if you do feel like you want to talk to someone different, join in on a conversation, or if you feel excited about something, you should speak up! It will open your friendship doors greatly, leading you to becoming part of a group. Have you ever heard that: if you fall down, you pick yourself up again? You don't sit there or you may get ran over and over again... ouch. Do the things you love, never hold back, and try something new. You can meet simular individuals. Once you get involved, you will be included in many relationships/groups
So i'm pretty unhappy right now. I'm in college and I'm not necessarily finding it hard to make friends but I'm not happy with my situation now. In high school, I despised my social situation. All I've ever wanted was to fit in like a puzzle piece in a group of friends that I love to death. I had a few good friends and a best friend (another bad situation, story for another time) and that was pretty much it. I know, you're thinking quality, not quantity but there was not much quality either and neither is there at this point. There's this girl, Julie who is one of my best friends. At first I thought she didn't have much interest in me but then we all of the sudden became really close. I was ecstatic. She's way cooler and more fun than any of the friends I had in high school put together and it made my confidence go way up that she liked me so much and I could make a friend I actually liked and respected (I would never tell her that though, I try my best to act confidently). We're in the same circle of friends and we're all in the same residence building and they're all really cool, fun, and pretty as well. I was a dork in high school and before winter break and during I felt so proud that these people showed a strong interest in me. Well, my confidence has gone down exponentially over the past week. Julia has been paying a lot less attention to me and more to our gay friend Dan and a couple other people, which she has every right to do but it's crushing me. I can tell she's not as excited to be around me anymore. And this isn't just a paranoid vibe. I'm painfully jealous of the awesome relationship they are forming while I'm not really a part of it. It just makes me think that it was too good to be true. I'm not cool enough and I never will be. For a while I actually thought I was becoming this cool, fun person that people admired but now, I think that was too good to be true. I'm friends with all of them but now I feel like I don't totally fit in. The main thing is Julia. I'm trying to tell myself not to let one person bring me down but I'm disappointed. I think back to how happy I was when she started becoming really close with me and how jealous I am of the same thing that's happening with another person. I'm back to feeling like an unintelligent dork again when for a couple of months, I actually felt funny, fun, and likeable. I've always, always, always just wanted a group of friends. Not two or three here and there, a GROUP, who loved me as much as I loved them. My social life has been my number one priority since college and I try so, so hard for it not to be that way but I can't change it. I need acceptance. I need to be loved, and not but awkward people I don't like but the ones I do like. And trust me, I don't act clingy and needy to any of my friends. I'm good at concealing my emotions and needy is the least way I'd ever want to come off as. The whole Julia thing is the main thing that's absolutely crushing me. Talking to her about it is a bad idea. She's not doing anything wrong and if she's truly not interested in me, I can't force her really like me. I'm just extremely disappointed and insecure and I feel like everything has been reset to the way it was in high school. I just want a solution to this disappointment. I know, I can make new friends but it's not the easiest thing in the world and it doesn't resolve my disappointment about Julia. I want the happiness I had two months ago back. SORRY SO LONG
Hi,
You do realize that you sent me three, count it... three inbox questions completely the same. Just so you know. I will answer the last one you sent :p
Ok,so I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a week,I know not long at all.But we've known each other since september and last night when we were at the movies he asked what I wanted for valentines day.
I told him I wasn't sure,and that if I got something he had to get something too.He said he didn't want anything and that he'd just surprise me,but I want to get him something!
The problem is he's very mysterious and no one knows much about him,out of ALL the people he hangs out with and he hangs out with almost everyone.
I know he's into working out,since he does almost everyday he likes music alot too.
His style,well he doesn't really have a specific one he dresses in a emo style one day,then preppy the next.I have no clue what to get him since he's so mysterious! I don't know if he likes cologne or anything like that since he always smells good anyway? I just don't know what to get him so if anyone has a idea on something I could possibly get him it'd be appriciated,thanks in advance!
Hey there,
How about burning him a cd? It is simple and easy. Just find songs/artists that are his favorite and put them all on one cd. Or you can make up a cd of all the songs that remind you of him. Of course, try to pick songs that are in his genres of music. I am pretty sure he would love anything you put your time into. Plus, everytime he listens to it, he will be guaranteed to think of you.
Don't be afraid to ask him if he likes cologne; he won't know what it smells like until he gets it anyhow. Just ask what kind of cologne he likes the smell of, then go to a store counter and ask what kinds of cologne they have that smell like his preference. If cologne is a no-go, he sounds like someone who might appreciate a new work-out outfit/t-shirt as well
i am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. we have been together for 3 years almost. the first two years we were on and off and had a lot of issues. we broke up for 4-6 months and saw other people and completly stopped talking to each other. we got back together and things are going great, we have learned a lot.
i recently moved in with him 3 weeks ago. i knew he watched porn before and i didnt mind if he did. if i was away for a week id expect him to because im not around. now im around every day because we live together. we still have sex regularly. sometimes (more now to me it seems) he hasnt been ejaculating (which makes me feel like im not good enough) he use to comment everytime the sex was great or good. we use to speak "dirty" to each other before too. he still comments on my body and how much he loves it.
for example we had sex last night and this morning and then i catch him a couple hours ago just watching porn but not touching himself.
the problem is i feel like he watches a lot of porn. i dont know how to talk to him because i dont want us to have a outrageous fight and i have no clue how to express myself to him. i dont feel like im as good as i use to be. i feel like he wants other females. i dont like this feeling and i just need to know how to handle it. Thank You
Hey,
Truth is, every guy has watched/is still watching porn whether you know/care about it or not. Just because he watches porn doesn't mean that you are lacking at all or that you aren't as satisfying. Most of the time, us girls think that our men aren't satisfied with us because of their habit, but truth is that a guy will watch porn for many different reasons. Such as: to imagine himself in the other guys place, for gaining new ideas to try with you, or to fantisize about doing what he is seeing on the screen with you.
Watching porn is completely normal. The only time you should begin to worry is if he is starting to cut down the amount of sex he has with you dramatically or if he isn't willing to have sex with you anymore at all. He does not seem to be doing any of this. But, if you are feeling that he isn't putting as much effort into making you feel loved and satisfied, you should just have a one-on-one talk with him. Tell him how much you loved it when he complimented you, talked dirty to you, and when he ejaculated during sex. If he knows what you liked, how much you miss those things about him and that you want to try and put those back in the relationship; he should be willing to make your time in bed even better than it used to be.
I think the reason you believe porn is in the way is because you aren't used to seeing eachother on a day-to-day basis. Now that you are seeing eachother more, when you are in bedroom it doesn't seem as exciting to sleep with the same'ol. You know? You need to add some more excitment to your sex life to keep it interesting! Try switching it up (new positions), playing different roles (a cute waitress or bad girl), and doing sexy activities on a daily basis. You could: take a sexy photo of yourself and post it on the fridge (or somewhere he always looks) with a note saying "I want you tonight", stay home naked together hanging out all day (order take-out and agree that you'd both have to answer the door covering yourself with only a pillow/something other than clothes), fill the tub with hot water and bubble bath soaking together as long as you can, send dirty texts to eachother when you aren't face-to-face OR do something you've both never done/out of your comfort zones. By doing this you will learn something new with eachother and about eachother... gaining back that spark you used to have when you were apart.
Ask him what he does enjoy about porn and use what he finds enjoyable to your advantage. No matter what you think, he is not watching it to neglect you. He simply has found something interesting about it that makes him intrigued. Find out what that is and incorperate it into your daily sex lives. He will likely continue to imagine what it would be like to have sex with another girl, but ultimately he knows that you are the only one that matters to him... so he continues to only imagine. Communicate, fulfill eachothers needs and you both will gain back the satisfaction you desire
lets see here... there is this guy lets call him rhys. there is this girl lets call her megan. well megan had a crush on rhys like last year in 2010. they dont really talk to each other. she wrote him a note and asked me to give it to him so i did since i have classes with him and he talks to me sometimes. well thats all over nothing happened between him he never wrote her back or talked about her. she doesnt like him anymore and she likes this other guy which she is happy about. well i like rhys now and me and megan was sitting by each other in the library with this other guy. rhys walked in to the library late so he say by himself. i went to talk to him for like a minute. well later on that day i asked him some questions. i asked him if he liked anybody he said no i asked him if he would date anybody at our school (because he never dates) and he shrugged and said idk and then he was like why you beating around the bush? what does that mean? does he know im interested? is he? or did he think that i was asking them questions for megan since i was sitting with her earlier and the note thing happened a while ago
Hey there,
By saying "why are you beating around the bush?" he meant "why don't you just say what you want to and ask me out already?!" ;) Yes! He definately knows now that you are interested :) When you asked all the questions about dating, that is like a main hint that you want to date him. I think he probably wants to date you; do not be afraid to ask him out! If you flirt more with him, you will be able to see his reaction and gauge how he truely feels for you. I believe you have a very good chance
Okay... dating for awhile now. It's a long distance relationship but we travel and visit each other. I'm just worried... I'm not like the people there I'm from a small town and he ... well he isn't. I'm just worried I won't " fit in" ... help!
Hey there,
You don't have to worry about fitting in if you just be yourself. When others see how you act, hear what you like, and interact with you, you will fit in :) Believe me.
is it normal for a guy to stop himself from having sex and instead tell you he wants you the right way, not a one night stand? Its not like he stopped kissing me and my body, and we wound up having the best sex a few weeks later....
so what is the right way for a guy? I thought all guys thought the same...sex is sex.
Hi,
I would have to say, for the most part, no. It isn't normal for most guys in this day and age. BUT, I think what he did was very respectful to you. He wanted to wait to be sure he really cared about you before he had sex with you. Not very many guys I know are like this!
The right way for a guy can be very different, depending on the guy. Some guys just have sex for fun, for pleasure, just because.. and very few have it for the enjoyment of both partners. Yes sex is sex, but some (I guess I'll put it) actually care about the woman and her pleasures rather than just their own. RARE. I think you have a great guy and if you are curious why exactly he said that, just ask him ;) I think his 'right way' meant 'having the best sex with you'. Cuz thats what he did... Lucky you!