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i constantly have to lie to my best friend
I'm 19 and a female. ok so every friday nights my best friend wants to hang out with me she's a girl too. And I have a boyfriend as well and they don't get along at all for a lot of reasons so they don't talk.
It seems like every friday they always plan to hang out with me the same time and it really sucks because I can't choose who I want to be with. Sometimes I hang out with them both or just one of them on fridays. It becomes a big disaster in the past because they want to hang out with me. Sometimes I hang with my best friend and I tell my boyfriend and he gets mad because he wanted to be with me but then he goes and does his own thing. If I tell my best friend I'm with my boyfriend she will get mad and do her own thing.
It's just really stressful because sometimes I lie to them and hang out with my boyfriend for a couple hours then go hang out with my best friend. And sometimes it's the other way around. I try to treat them the same. I just don't know what to do anymore. Because they always want to hang out with me fridays. I need help on what to do. Because there's been a lot of arguments with my best friend and boyfriend whenever they want to hang with me and I have to say no I'm hanging out with (best/ or boyfriend). I just want them to be happy. I hate turning them down. Fridays are so dramatic for me please help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am just going to be blunt here. Take it from someone who has been chosen second to a boy, by her best friend. Do not be a shitty friend. Boys will come and go, a friendship (if it is a real one) will last. Do not let a boy ruin your friendship. Stop lying to your friend. Switch off Friday's. Hang out one weekend with your friend, and the next with the boyfriend. I promise in the end, your friend will be there for you always.
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Hey there,
I think that you shouldn't have to lie to make things work between the three of you. There is a way where you can have time with both of them on Fridays, not have to worry about the drama, and not have to be involved in their conflict with one another (for the most part).
Here's what you do: Tell your friend and boyfriend that you hate having to choose between them every single Friday, that you find it hurtful to the other person when you tell them you can't spend time with them, and that you don't want to/will not do it anymore. Then let them know what is going to happen from now on...
Instead of trying to pick 'sides' of whom you should chill with that day (or lying) I think you should schedule Fridays you spend with him, Fridays you spend with her, and Fridays you plan to spend with both of them. You could make it so that the 1st Friday you hang with your boyfriend, the 2nd Friday you chill with your bestie, and then the 3rd Friday you make plans for all three of you (or however you choose). By doing this, you and them will both know when they get to hang with you ahead of time (so they shouldn't have to fight for the next Fri) and that you are treating them fairly. You could write down the new plan (days) on a paper for them or you could buy those mini calendars for all of you and put a big "Your Day!" on the days you are going to spend with just her or him/both of them so you all are aware of the same plan.
You should never have to pick sides between your bf and bff; that is part of what's making them frustrated atm. Your friend thinks you are ditching her for your boyfriend and visa versa. Plus, telling one of them you've been spending time with the other is only making them more agitated and causing them to want to spend more Fridays (than the other person) with you. When they know you are lying to them or that you can't choose, it isn't making them like eachother or you any better.
So: start by using a calendar and mark in the next Friday with your bf's name, then the next with your bff, the one after with both, and then excetera excetera. Tell your bf and bff that this is how you are going to roll from now on so that you can spend time with both of them equally with as little conflict/drama as possible. If your bf or bff doesn't like the idea, just let them know you will be looking forward to the next Friday you have marked in for them. If either one complains that a day isn't working for them, have them switch Fridays with eachother. If you keep each Friday strictly to one person, that person will be happy and you will have a chance to please the other the next Friday.
It may sound like a crazy idea right now, but once they can allow the other person to have their day with you, things will go much smoother. They will be happy with the time they get with you (more than the couple of hours; a whole day) and you will be less stressed :) Bonus: you won't have to turn either of them down <3
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Well, you should sit down and talk to both of them about it.
I sugest that it be sepratly since they both don't like eachother. Explain the stress its putting on you.
If your boyfreind and bestfreind realy love you,and wish to stay with freinds/boyfriend with you, the'll understand.
I know this is practical, but you could work it out to where you have set fridays for each of them.
Like one friday you hang out with your boyfriend, then the next your hang out with your bestfreind:
Or you can hang out with your boyfreind on friday then hang out with your bestfriend on saturday then do it the opisite way the next week. I hope this helps. bye (:
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