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please read my story and give me good advice on life
First i'd like to start off by saying that i'm a 16 m in high school right now. The purpose of this post is that I believe I need some sort of advice or somebody to talk to. So the beginning of the end of happiness is in 2001. It was just a normal day but a roomate had to pay the rent he his wife and his son rented a room. At about 9 or 10 pm they had an arguement and it ended in him shooting my mother, her friend that was there at the time and a couple of minutes later commiting scuicide. I believe this is what has affected me so much and has turned me into the current failure I am. Right now i am a junior in high school and am very confused about life in general. I don't know if i should even try at school or even have thoughts of just ending everything but i've been hopeful and haven't took that kind of measure. I know it could and might get better but the pain of not having your mother and having her besides you helping you with problems and keeping you up when you're down. My dad is a jerk, at the time when my mom was shot he was in prison for domestic violance(hitting my mom). I alson feel ALOT of pain knowing that I have a little brother and he didn't really have any time to know his mother and will live thrus the same pain I go thru every night. It is really hard for me specially because I really don't have anibody that could help me and give me advice about life for I am not close enough to anibody right now. I feel as if I have no purpose in life and I am a complete failure. Please give me any advice that may be helpful in my situation.ANY advice will be greatly.(I was tearing up writing this post just talking and thinking of the pain of losing my mom and having no one "there"
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I could write pages and pages of advice, words, and I think at the end I'd really not have done much at all to help.
The kind of pain you're going through can last a lifetime. It's not something you will be equipped to deal with alone.
You need therapy. Dealing with this kind of event in your life, learning to live with it and find energy and passion for living again is not something most people know how to do. And it's not something that any of us can fix so far separated from you or the life you live daily.
A professional who can be there, see you in person, read your face and words, and offer feedback and help you work with the results can do more than any of us ever could to make things better for you.
Find out if you're insured.
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Go there and call everyone anywhere near you. See if there's anyone you can work with, see if you can pay for it or if not if there's anyone you can work with pro bono. Talk to school counselors and see if there are resources there to help you.
The first step in helping yourself involves exploring your options for outside help.
The rest... the search for a role model, for someone to look up to who can help you figure yourself out will probably go on forever. Both my parents are alive and yet I don't speak to either of them. I haven't been able to rely on them for help, decent advice, or anything other than funding for education since I was prepubescent. I wasn't all that much older than you when I couldn't even rely on them to pay for education either.
That lack parallels yours. I cannot call my mother and ask her for comfort when I'm down. I cannot call my father and ask him for advice on my young marriage, on work, on friends. I cannot share my joys or pain with them. They are, for all intents and purposes, dead to me. And it wasn't really my choice. All I did was cut off contact, a choice I had to make because they weren't capable of meeting even the smallest of my needs as a son or as a person.
I buried myself in friends. And the woman I am now married to. I turned to others whom I respected, and eventually loved, and I found friends who I looked up to and wanted to emulate. I need a good bit of therapy too, and I'm a decade older than you are still waiting for my opportunity.
All I can tell you is that giving up gets you nothing. Ending it solves no problems. Nothingness is nothingness. Your problems still exist, only now there is no one there to shoulder them. Your brother will be even more alone.
I wake up every day angry at the world to some degree for what I should have had and didn't. I can't help that much. But I also recognize that I do not want to let the world crush me. I do not want to give up. I do not want the story of my life to end where I am now, so that the only remembrances of me are of a sad guy who eventually walked away from the pain.
I want to have kids. I want to be a better father than mine ever was or could have been to me. I want to have friends who will miss me when I'm gone, and who will go to my funeral and remember all the good times, the laughs, the joyful tears, the shared experiences.
I want to be celebrated as a decent person who added more to the world than he took away.
Work towards the same. Fight for yourself. Struggle. Set goals and make them a reality. When all seems lost, tell the world to go to hell and keep trying anyway. Defiance is worth it. I still have hard days. I still question whether I'll ever be truly happy. But in the short time since I was your age I know that I've made some other people's lives better.
That alone, for me, is reason to keep living. Maybe it'll help you. Spend time with your brother. Let him know he's loved every day. Find friends. Do the same for them. Find a girl (or guy) and do the same for them. Fight to get yourself educated. Fight to make yours and those you care about's lives better. Fight to live. Life is worth it.
And truthfully, it gets better after high school. When you are an adult who can fight for himself without parents support.
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I'm really sorry to hear about your mother and what has happened to you, The pain of losing a parent must be really hard to bare. I'm 16 myself so maybe I can give you perspective on it from our age. It's good that you've gotten this far and havn't ended your life. You doing that shows you want to get over this. Your little brother needs somebody to be there for him and I'm sure you would like to make his life as easy as possible when he has to go through this. It must be hard not being able to speak to people about this but Seeing a therapist could really help they will not judge and will try there damn hardest to help you like we do. But what they do best is they see past sympathetic phrases and actually help you on a deep emotional and mental level.From this I can tell that you love your mother and you really really miss her it must be really difficult. But she would never want to see you throw your life away or give up on life.She'd want you to be happy and live your life as best you can. You will never forget what happened but you can move on from this and learn to live with it and deal with it better. Your willingness to get over this helps because nobody can help unless your willing. Your not a failure. You've just gone through a lot and have never really opened up to anyone about it. You need to have some time to yourself, not to think about what happened but to think about what your going to do now that it happened. You can still talk to your mum I mean it helps me. Just talking aloud to that particular person. You may not get a reply but sometimes it does help. Maybe you could start a diary. You just really need to release this feelings because what happened has traumatised you and you need some help with that. You can always inbox me if you want for more help on this matter. Thats what us people are here for. To help people like you. I really do think that seeing a therapist will really benefit you though, so keep that in mind? I really do hope this helps love, all the best, xx
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First off let me start by saying i'm sorry for your loss loosing a parent isn't easy...
You aren't a failure you shouldn't doubt yourself or be hard on yourself yes you should try in school your mother would want you to succeed nothing less not give up or fail everyone serves a purpose in life that includes you too your young you haven't found your purpose yet but you will evenually within time your life is worth living your young and have your whole life ahead of you think of your brother if he were to loose you he'd be devastated he can't afford to loose you seeing as he already lost someone close
to him i know it's tough to be strong but you've got to try your hardest not only for yourself but for your brother seeing as you say you've got no one there try visiting a therapist they'll listen to what you've got to say you'll feel better once you get what your feeling out in the open for someone to hear never forget your mother is you and your brother's guardian angel she'll protect the both of you stay strong & god bless... :)
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