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How do I tell my boyfriend he is going to be a dad while he's still at uni?
Me and my boyfriend are both 19 (both about to turn 20, he was born 2 days after me) and before you think this is a silly teen pregnancy that shouldn't have happened, we both use protection regularly and know the consequences of having sex.
I've been friends with him since I was 13 and we went to school together and are now attending the same university. He's studying Politics and I am studying Law, so me getting pregnant right at this moment may be difficult.
We've been dating for 3 years and about 8 months and became sexually active 6 months after we started dating.
I went to the doctor because I felt slight cramps in my stomach and my stomach looked bloated, and left with the news that I was pregnant, and also I have been told that I'm about 5 months along.
Now before you have doubts, my mum was 6 months along when she found out she was pregnant and I don't think I showed any symptoms and if I did I wasn't paying attention.
We always use condoms and I was on the pill, but a couple of months back the condom broke, but I thought the pill would be fine. I know that there was always a chance of me getting pregnant, and that's why I'm not as worried about actually being pregnant and having a baby, it's just I don't know what my boyfriend is going to say. I am keeping the baby and know it's going to cost and am prepared for that and juggling Uni and a baby,because staying at school is what's best for me and the baby, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend and how (or if) he will cope with a baby and studying. He loves kids and we have talked about when we would like them, and he said he didn't mind when, because he would always try to make sure he was in the position to be able to care for one (we both have part-time jobs + money saved up for anything) if he ever had a baby, but I don't know his reaction to having a baby when he's 20 and still at Uni.
His birthday is coming up in a few days and I want to tell him them and am hoping he considers it a good surprise, but how should I go about telling him?
Also do you have any tips on what I should do now regarding the baby, me, my boyfriend and school?
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Hey,
I don't think that every teenager has a "silly" pregnancy. I know that even if you use protection and take all the precations, things can still happen that result in a baby. I am glad that you knew what you were doing when you started having sex and that you knew your bf for years before you did become sexually active.
Factually, a lot of people don't know they are pregnant until months after when they go see a doctor, so I could see how you didn't realize it within the first few months. You described your bf as an understanding guy, so I'm sure he will understand. He even said he would try and make sure he was in the position of being a father when the time came, so this news is not going to make him completely turned-away (he must really care for you). I believe you should go about telling him, by bringing the topic up casually. By this I mean: when you two are sitting around chatting, ask him what he thinks being a dad would be like. After he answers, let him know you think he would make a great Dad in four months. If he doesn't get the hint, let him know you are carrying his child (say "I have your baby right here", "you now have the title Dad" and/or point to your stomach and smile at him). No matter what, he will be in a little shock and by telling him he will be a good father he won't be very discouraged.
As for your baby, I would say: let your parents know if they don't already (they can offer lots of support such as emotional, money and babysitting, for free), stay in school (education is essential as you know for you both), work whenever possible (income has no limit), and figure out how you are going to get what you need to take care of the child and when. Also, finding other friends/family that will help you take care of your baby when you are at school would be a good idea (grandparents usually are a good source of this :p).
For you and your bf: communicate about what is going to happen (who could take care of the child? and when?), find what will work for the both of you (more agreeing/smiles the better), and make sure when the baby comes you still have quality alone time with your bf so he doesn't think you are putting all your time into the baby and not him (it happens).
School-wise: keep working hard to get the grades/classes you want, don't miss any days unless you absolutely have to and let your professor know why you may be missing days if you do. I'm sure he/he may be willing to give you an extra day for an assignment.
You will find a way to manage you, the baby, your boyfriend, and school as long as you have a schedule to keep track of them all. Try to fit in the activities you love, so that you aren't always focused on one thing and have your own down time too (great stress reliever). I know a few people that have had a baby before they were 18 and they turned out great. Long as the love and support is there, you will have a wonderful family. Feel free to inbox me if you would like to talk about anything else that you need <3
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