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Porn
i am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. we have been together for 3 years almost. the first two years we were on and off and had a lot of issues. we broke up for 4-6 months and saw other people and completly stopped talking to each other. we got back together and things are going great, we have learned a lot.
i recently moved in with him 3 weeks ago. i knew he watched porn before and i didnt mind if he did. if i was away for a week id expect him to because im not around. now im around every day because we live together. we still have sex regularly. sometimes (more now to me it seems) he hasnt been ejaculating (which makes me feel like im not good enough) he use to comment everytime the sex was great or good. we use to speak "dirty" to each other before too. he still comments on my body and how much he loves it.
for example we had sex last night and this morning and then i catch him a couple hours ago just watching porn but not touching himself.
the problem is i feel like he watches a lot of porn. i dont know how to talk to him because i dont want us to have a outrageous fight and i have no clue how to express myself to him. i dont feel like im as good as i use to be. i feel like he wants other females. i dont like this feeling and i just need to know how to handle it. Thank You
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A lot of people watch porn every now and then. Not many people watch porn while their partner is close enough to catch them or just a few hours after having sex. This sounds a little out of the normal range. Porn can become an addiction, just like a drug addiction. For men, once they become tangled in the addiction, it changes how they look at women. You've been noticing a change in the way he reacts to you, sexually. You also feel like he watches too much porn. Go with your instincts. They are telling you something is wrong. Chances are, he's been dealing with this for a while. Is just becoming more obvious to you because you live together. You need confront him about this and tell him it is making you feel uncomfortable because of the amount he's been watching and the changes you've seen in him. If he seems understanding, ask him to please refrain from porn at least while you are in the house. That's only fair. If he gets defensive and denies it, I think you need to rethink your living situation. Because it can only get worse from here if things aren't remedied. Trust me, porn is a bigger, more serious issue than many people know. I've known close friends and even some family who have gone through porn addiction and it is real. And even just in the few paragraphs you have written I can see the first signs of addiction. You do have a problem, here, I think. You may not need to break up, but maybe living together isn't such a great idea right now.
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perhaps he's just watching porn out of habit. either way, that is kind of fucked up. Ask him what the deal is with his little hobby. if you really want to fuck with a dude's head and get him to stop doing something, start the conversation by asking him why he watches porn. what does it do for him? then, using his responses to provide further ammunition, explain how fucking wierded out you are by his behavior. I dunno what else to say, if I had sex twice within the 12 hour period as you've described, porn would be the last thing on my mind for at least 24 hours. Perhaps your boyfriend is off in some fantasy world with all of his favorite pornstars, and whenever you guys get down, he's just disappointed that the sex doesn't live up to the lofty standards that have built up in his head. getting wrapped up in shit like that happens. If he's out in La-La land, the only way to reel him back in is to take away the negative stimulus.
just tell him all of the points you've already brought up in your question, and if he really gives a fuck about you, he'll cut the shit.
good luck
-Gunner
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Hey,
Truth is, every guy has watched/is still watching porn whether you know/care about it or not. Just because he watches porn doesn't mean that you are lacking at all or that you aren't as satisfying. Most of the time, us girls think that our men aren't satisfied with us because of their habit, but truth is that a guy will watch porn for many different reasons. Such as: to imagine himself in the other guys place, for gaining new ideas to try with you, or to fantisize about doing what he is seeing on the screen with you.
Watching porn is completely normal. The only time you should begin to worry is if he is starting to cut down the amount of sex he has with you dramatically or if he isn't willing to have sex with you anymore at all. He does not seem to be doing any of this. But, if you are feeling that he isn't putting as much effort into making you feel loved and satisfied, you should just have a one-on-one talk with him. Tell him how much you loved it when he complimented you, talked dirty to you, and when he ejaculated during sex. If he knows what you liked, how much you miss those things about him and that you want to try and put those back in the relationship; he should be willing to make your time in bed even better than it used to be.
I think the reason you believe porn is in the way is because you aren't used to seeing eachother on a day-to-day basis. Now that you are seeing eachother more, when you are in bedroom it doesn't seem as exciting to sleep with the same'ol. You know? You need to add some more excitment to your sex life to keep it interesting! Try switching it up (new positions), playing different roles (a cute waitress or bad girl), and doing sexy activities on a daily basis. You could: take a sexy photo of yourself and post it on the fridge (or somewhere he always looks) with a note saying "I want you tonight", stay home naked together hanging out all day (order take-out and agree that you'd both have to answer the door covering yourself with only a pillow/something other than clothes), fill the tub with hot water and bubble bath soaking together as long as you can, send dirty texts to eachother when you aren't face-to-face OR do something you've both never done/out of your comfort zones. By doing this you will learn something new with eachother and about eachother... gaining back that spark you used to have when you were apart.
Ask him what he does enjoy about porn and use what he finds enjoyable to your advantage. No matter what you think, he is not watching it to neglect you. He simply has found something interesting about it that makes him intrigued. Find out what that is and incorperate it into your daily sex lives. He will likely continue to imagine what it would be like to have sex with another girl, but ultimately he knows that you are the only one that matters to him... so he continues to only imagine. Communicate, fulfill eachothers needs and you both will gain back the satisfaction you desire <3
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Talk to your boyfriend, He will never know how you feel if you hide the problem and if you continue to avoid confrontation of the situation in the long run it will kill your relationship. When you talk to him don't come across as attacking, Calmly tell him that his porn habits make you feel insecure. Let him know you don't mind if he watches it while you are not around but you feel very uncomfortable when he does it while you are there. Your boyfriend may not realize it bothers you, After I assume he has done this before you've moved in and grown immune to it. Not every guy who watches porn wants another female, Sometimes it is just a guy being a guy.
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