Just here to help
I don't sugar coat things, I am honest and truthful
Hi,
My name is "Lucy" Of course that isn't my real name.
I answer any questions that come to my in box, However if you don't receive an answer within 2 days more than likely your question has been rejected for a good reason.
I answer anything of the following only;
Relationships/Relationship Abuse/Cheating/Family Issues/Depression/Anxiety/Random Weirdos
NOTE: At times I am brutally honest this is not intended to offend anyone as I am here to give advice. I am straight to the point and I put a finger down on certain questions asked.
- Lucy
Age: 26
Member Since: September 17, 2009
Answers: 575
Last Update: July 24, 2010
Visitors: 32719
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Okay, so im 18 years old and me and my boyfriend plan on staying virgins till we are married. Well, this is also mine and his first relationship so we are both figuring out stuff. Well the other night we both kinda got into the moment and we ended up kinda grinding up on each other, which is also known as dry sex. Well, I stopped it and it only lasted maybe 3 minutes...well, im getting all worried that there is a chance i could be pregnant even though he swears he didnt ejaculate. He was wearing underwear and jeans and i was wearing running shorts and underwear. So is there any possible way? And I know this is probably even stupid to ask but I still have about 3 weeks if not a little longer till my next period. (link)
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You are not pregnant, You didn't have sex.
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ok, i have been married for 5 years he was my first one i ever slept with, but now after i had my son, i still love him but i am looking for some excitement on the side to try someone different is that normal? is that ok? i have tried allready 3 guys in the last couple of weeks and all of them dissapointed me sexually is it me? should i stop? am i just crazy for doing this? i am still young (24) and never played around like this before but still feel unsatified what does everyone thing please advice (link)
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No it is not okay
You are not only just looking for what else is out there, You are cheating on your husband. If your husband doesn't satisfy you then TALK to him about it and communicate to find a way where you two can work out a plan. Cheating on your husband is unfaithful, disrespectful, hurtful etc. NO, It is not okay to cheat! You owe it to your husband to sit down and tell him you are not happy in the marriage.
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I am a virgin but I'm still pretty young (16). My boyfriend has had sex before and he's a little older than me (18). He asked recently if we can start having sex. I love him a lot but he doesn't know I'm still a virgin. I don't want to be embarrassed and tell him about it but I heard that if we have sex then I will bleed on him. That sounds a lot more embarrassing to me.
So, I want to tell him that I haven't had sex yet. How do I tell him this without making him mad, upset, or afraid? I do want to have sex with him and I love him a lot so I know he deserves to know but I don't want to scare him off or make him mad that I haven't told him sooner.
What are the right words? (link)
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If you can't tell your boyfriend the truth, Then you aren't ready to be having sex.
Sex is someone that should be with someone you can be fully opened too, Simply put you just tell him the truth "There's something I wanted to let you know, I'm a virgin and I would like it if we took it slow" If he gets mad or upset then he isn't the right guy to be having sex with because being a virgin is not that big of a deal.
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Now im 16 i met a guy that was 25 he didnt know my real age and i felt bad and we start talking and we were a couple at least i thought now he later on in our relationship found out i was 16 and i found out somethings about him like he was married, had kids and he really didnt like me the way i like him he thought it was just a game and that hurt me because i had gave my heart to him and my virginity i felt stupid and i was but i still liked him i wanted to stay with him still it was like i was to deep in the relationship or whatever it was to let him go even after i found out that i mean i never liked or cared for anyone like i did him. I kept seeing him and he eventually just left and didnt tell me it was over that really hurt now hes been gone for 7 months now and i dont know why i cant get over him i want to know how i mean this is ridiculous im not this type of person to keep thinking of someone i mean since that did happen to me i really dont care for the relationships i be in now there nothing to me sometimes i wish i could see him and tell him how i feel so he can see, here and feel my pain but thats just stupid that want change anything but how do i get over him (link)
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Move on, For your sake of safety and he should be moving on for his sake of avoiding JAIL TIME. A person that is 25 years old should not be involved with someone who is 16 years old. You are a minor and he is an adult, He should be sitting in a jail cell in my opinion.
HE IS TOO OLD FOR YOU, Legally.
If the wrong person ever found out you had sex with someone who is 25 years old even if you agreed to it, He can be charged with statutory rape to a minor person under the age of 18, Sexual assault and a bunch load of other things. You are WRONG, He is VERY WRONG. Nobody who is 25 years old having a relationship with someone who is 16 is right in the head. A 25 year old man should NOT be looking at someone that way. Your moving on, Look at the bigger picture...He is too old for you, He's MARRIED with KIDS! Next time be smart and stick with people your own age, Sure your 16 years old but you are not a slut stop acting like one.
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Ok..You see I lost my friend because I didnt go on a trip to cedar point. A stupid reason acutally and she said I was a fucking dumb bitch because of it. I was sick, and depressed a good reason for me to stay home.
My boy friend has been very good to me, he's never hurt me in anyway. His last 2 girl friends broke up with him because they said that people were saying they he was cheating, when he swore to me that he hasnt done anything like that. He never breaks up with his girl friends. He is very sensitive, I heard him cry before now I wouldn't think someone like him would cheat on me? When he says that I'm his everything, and without me he would be nothing..and he would end his life if he was without me. I love this guy, I gave him all of my heart and he doesn't want to break up with me. This girl is apparently all over him her names Jackie and lou and her were supposly "with each other" and I've heard a BUNCH of people telling me that they were with each other..and he tells me that, there doing this because they no its one good way of hurting him. I'm fed up of everything. I need help I really do..Will someone PLEASE give me an insight? Am I being taken as a fool? (link)
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If I understood what you wrote correctly, You stated that he said he was with Jackie...
If your boyfriend is with another girl, Then yes you are being taken as a fool and you need to dump him and move on.
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I recently self blessed a crucifix necklace and promised that i would not have sex until i was married. i am 15 years old and I have so much tension and horniness so this is incredibly hard. I want to masterbate so bad, but i feel like if i don't masterbate, i'll only get hornier and want to do bad stuff before i am married. I don't want to have sex though i think it's awkward and disgusting kinda, considering that my labia is huge. But is masterbation considered stroking your vagina? cause i don't finger myself. what i do is i watch stuff and stroke my.... ya know. I don't know if thats considered masterbation, but i am catholic. I don't know what to do. I can't wait about 11 years to have pleasure, i have to take it out someway..... i dunno what to do! (link)
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Yes,
Masturbation can mean coming in contact with your private parts, It is not a bad thing and masturbation is the safest way to pleasure yourself. There is nothing wrong it, Everyone does it.
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22/F
I'm in a male-dominated field at school, taking summer classes. I haven't had a summer term before, so I've never had to worry about this.
Is it weird to wear a dress to class? Knee length, nothing fancy, just a sun dress. I like wearing dresses in the summer, usually, but I'm only one of three girls in 60 people. Would I look too fancy, or like I'm trying too hard?
Thanks! (link)
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No you are not trying to hard, It is always good for a female to show their feminine side once in a while. As long as you aren't wearing a glittery gown that is revealing then you should be fine ;)
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F/17
For years I've been shaving down there, and basically I need a way to stop getting red bumps and cuts.
I use a new razor almost everytime, and I use anti-bump gels. I can't figure out the best way, I think my skin is just too sensitive. Is it better to wax? And what strips are recommended?
Any ideas?
Thanks :) (link)
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What type of razor do you use? As a lot of why you cut and get bumps could very well be because you aren't using the proper razor ;)
I've been shaving down there for 10 years and I have used a variety of razors but I strongly recommend using intuition. Here is an example of what I am talking about..
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_heKbL8SUewE/SstMUiQjG0I/AAAAAAAAKfk/6MYA0vGstI0/s400/schick+options.jpg
I have never had a problem, No bumps or cuts! :)
It can be found at Walmart for about 9 dollars, Refills can be about 20 bucks... but a pack should come with an extra razor and it will last you about 2 months.
EDIT: Sure, :) I use Pure Silk
http://www.theluxuryspot.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/pure-silk.jpg
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I have been on depo since November and never had a major problem until now. For the past 2 weeks I have had an upset stomach, shooting pains in my abdomen and chest and well as a minor head ache. All of these symptoms are minor though. Even so I know something is wrong. I did think it had anything to do with the shot until I looked at the "rare but serious side effects" of depo, these included upset stomach and chest pain. The web sites all say if you have them contact your doctor asap. But I am 18 and my mom would kill me if she knew i was on birth control. Anyway has anyone experienced these side effects? What happened? Also all the web sites say they are serious side effects but none say what could happen if you don't get it check out. Anyway i would just appreciate some advice or personal experience. Thanks. Sorry it was long.
Also I have been kind of stressed, I think that could be a reason... (link)
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Relax
You are an adult it is YOUR choice to whether you tell your mother or not. As an adult you legally have the right to obtain your privacy.
I was on the depo provera shot for 2 years, I didn't experience ALL the symptoms you've describe but I did experience shooting abdominal pains, Headaches/Light dizziness. These are the side effects to the birth control shot as birth control is NOT always for everyone which is why we have a variety of things to choose from. To answer your question, You may need to consult your gynecologist and seek another option. From my experience the depo shot made me gain 60 pounds and not to scare you or anything hun but I have read some pretty bad stories about how it can scar your uterus and make some people become infertile. Consult your doctor
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my boyfriend i have been on and off with for the last month, he asked me out, and we dated and we broke up, we both found another person to have a relationship with... and then we coicidentally broke up with them on the same day.. and then a few daays later we start dating again... This guy has a reputation as a player, but i really love him. He cheated on me with some skank that i don't even really talk to, but she knows damn well we are dating.. i told him that i loved him and that it would hurt really bad if we broke up. We are still together, and i don't have a clue if it is going to last, what should i do? (link)
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Why in the rights mind are you with someone who can't be faithful? If he cheated, He will probably cheat again and again. If he has a reputation as a player, Then that should tell you something. No breakup is easy, However why put yourself through a heart break? You already know that you two aren't going to last but you don't want to except it. Cheating on your spouse makes it harder to trust and even if someone attempts to forgive and forget it will ALWAYS be somewhere in the back of your mind. If you take him back after he cheated you are telling him it is okay, Stand your ground because cheating is NOT okay. What should you do? DUMP HIM and keep it that way you are way better than that.
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I recently found out that my wife has "fallen in love" with a friend from childhood whom she reconnected with on facebook. It blew up when he was in town for a reunion and she invited him over for dinner and I watched my wife flirt with him most of the night.
Now we have been trying to work through this and I realize that I played a part in her searching for things that were lacking in our marriage elsewhere. I was being consumed by our financial situation and was completely unavailable emotionally, but I thought is was just a phase that we would get through.
We own a business together and have three children and just celebrated our 12 anniversary. We are working through things. Trying to get back on track.
But there are some things that I am struggling with. The trust has been broken and over the last month she has continues to lie to me about certain things, which I think she doing to protect me. She has expressed that she thinks about being with him, but she is committed to our marriage. And recently has told me that divorce is not an option, which I think is good news. I want to stay married. I want to heal this, but I am really struggling.
I see her hurting for him and it drives me insane. He is separated from his wife, who he has describe to my wife as crazy. He claims to be a Christian man, but I can't help but think that he has played my wife, but that is another issue.
The thing I am having the most trouble with is dealing with the pain of knowing that she hurting for the loss of someone else. Seeing her hurt for him; I can sense it when she is thinking about him. And I am angry that she took the steps to get here, but my anger was one of the things that drove him to him. She has told me that she knows what she did was wrong, but when I am feeling hurt she doesn't want to talk about it. She thinks that I am making it into something bigger than it is. And I do not know what to do. I fear that she is staying with me for the kids, for our business, because a divorce would be messy. It would be humiliating for her. She has only told 3 girlfriends about it, and the fact that she is hiding it makes me believe that she is keeping this secret fantasy alive in her head.
We have talked about counseling and although she did not want to go at first, she has agreed. Do I need to swallow my hurt and give her time to get over him? What do i do when I see her hurting? How do I deal with my hurt?
What can I do to deal with this pain? (link)
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While Adviceman is right I just have a few things to add
I believe that there is no true love as long as someone's heart is set on someone else. She has fallen for a childhood friend which brings conclusions to whether or whether not she feels the marriage is a burden and she is just in it for the sake of the business and her children. Seeking marriage counseling is a big step, but although you two seek help the fixture to this marriage is on her part, She stated that she thinks about being with him, Clearly she had hinted to you that she is not happy in the marriage. Divorce is not an option to her assuming because she doesn't want to go loose the business as well as putting her children through emotional distress along with a bunch of other things. A marriage cannot work unless both people are committed on making it work it takes time and effort. I am truly sorry that you are dealing with such pain...but you need to have a sit down with your wife and have a serious talk. For now I would see where the counseling goes and try to work it out but IF for whatever reason it didn't work out divorce may be your only option. Don't stay in a marriage for the sake of your children, You are not bound to sacrifice your happiness.
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What does it taste like? salty or sweettt? (link)
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I think Rachel nailed this one, Raw egg, Salty with a little bit of a urine taste too it.. Depends on the guy.
Put it this way, It's gross!
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what will happen to my son if he keeps dating his girlfriend when he turns 18 and she will be 14 (link)
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I recommend sitting down and talking to him seriously, If he has a sexual relationship with a girl of age 14 he could be charged with statutory rape of a minor.
Depending on the state someone can't legally consent to sexual relations until the age of 18, Sometimes certain states allow 16. Anyone under the legal age can be charged with statutory rape, Sexual assault etc.
As a mother, I would recommend suggesting the possibility of him waiting until she is a little older to date, All it takes is one person to say the WRONG thing
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im about to get my braces off and im really afraid ill have little white boxes around where my brackets used to be....i brushed and flossed really well the entire time i had braces, so should i expect them? im not worried about any pain....just wanna know what to expect. (link)
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You will be just fine, I had braces for 4 years and never ever had any problems when I had them removed. There is nothing to worry about, Look forward to getting them off and smile ;)
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okay, so i am 15 years old and my whole life i have been a daddy's girl and stuff. But we'd always go through rough patches where he'd pull me by my hair, jump on my stomach, or smack me with wooden spoons whn i was in my childhood state. Now that i am a teenager, he has gotten worse and he tries slamming our heads to the ground. He also still punches and yells really loud if i say something bad. If i stick up for myself now that im older i punch back and then he goes insane and throws things and punches and sometimes even strangles. But i don't know if he has a bad temper but i love my daddy cause when we get along, we really do get along. But we had a child abuse class in school because all i wanted to do was cry. Because all of the symptoms, warnings, and signs of child abuse were my dad. He also had a little wine glass by his bed and he drinks sometimes before bed. That's when most family fights happen, at night. I am so scared that he is really going to hurt me. I have an egg on the back of my head because right now he just punched me for sticking up fr myself. He is a successful dentist and i don't wanna ruin his career for having him get arrested and we need his money for our home and to support us, and i love him when we get along.. and i'd cry if he went away but it's those outbursts that i am deathly scared of. is there a place where he can get help? and still have his career? His psychologist doesn't work. please help me, please ): (link)
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Everything you've describe is child abuse, You need to get child services involved. Take pictures, and report it. If your father doesn't want to loose his career then he shouldn't be putting it at risk. I know you love your father, but ABUSE IS NOT LOVE.
Call a hotline, Tell a teacher or call child services it is not right and it is NOT okay.
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13/f
My school went on a field trip to bush gardens(an amusement park)last Friday. wen we were in the area called jungala, my group and i were playing around in the nets. we were talking to almost everyone who passed by saying "hello whats your name?" and stuff like that. this one kid we said that too was like "my name's Dylan" and then he left. then a few minutes later he came back and sat with us and we were all talking. He's 14 and in 8th grade. He also gets his permit next month. then we exchanged numbers. then after talking for like an hour, he had to leave to go back home in Fort Desota. i live in Tampa, so we don't live far away. (only about a county away)then when he left he was texting my friend and he asked her if i liked him. i said no because hes not real cute, and we don't live near each other. So then he texted me. This was our conversation:
HIM: i have something to tell you
ME: What?
HIM: i like u A LOT.
ME: how we just met like an hour ago
HIM: because your pretty, funny, and cute.
(*then my friends told me to tell him*)
ME: wow that was cheesy
HIM: fine....you be hawt
ME: sorry but i have a boyfriend (when i dont)
so what should i do
(link)
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Honestly,
If you don't like him, Then tell him and stop texting him. If he lives far away then like the person said below me you probably won't see much of him anyway.
Someone who randomly says you "Hawt" in a text message an hour after getting to know them well, I would probably back off a little bit. Why?
You've ONLY known him for one hour, Do you know anything about him? Does he have a girlfriend? ...
It's weird...Perfect way to scare a girl off
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And its a big deal to me if they're really into music, like indie rock and stuff like I do. Haha cause most of my crushes since 2006 (6th grade) have been guys like that.. once it was a guy with shaggy blonde hair though. Now its this guy like that with brown hair.. and Im new to the town and hes practically my neighbor and Im so nervous around him! But I think we could be friends.. so I wish I didn't get this crush before even getting to know him lol
I think Im too afraid of rejection, and am afraid of commitment, and somewhat what others would think about the relationship. I've never had a boyfriend so I don't want my first one to be a dud. And I feel that my parents would kind of look down on me if I date a white person, in a way.. cause I get the feeling they seem to feel in interracial relationships people are too different to really be together. Which I think is silly. I mean they're not racist, but they have some African beliefs I guess. Well its not like the first person I date will be the one I marry anyways.. what are the odds. Bleahhh.. what do I do? (link)
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The whole point of dating is to date around and see what is our there, Explore new things, Different people and new surroundings. If dating a white person with shaggy hair makes you happy and that is what you like then let it happen. Your happiness should be what matters to you, Not about what your parents think.
Anyone can be rejected, It doesn't have to be a matter of race. People get rejected all the time for being taller, overweight and for many other reason. No matter where you go, There are always going to be those people that are just assholes. If you do get rejected you need to realize that it is his loss and not yours. Try to start off with a friendship, Approach him the way you would with any other person a "Hey, what's up" and go from there overtime when you two become more comfortable with one another you can gradually tell him how you feel. Sometimes there are people out there that have expectations for their children some Asian families want their kids to date Asian families etc. However, You need to think about yourself and your happiness, If that means sitting down with mom and date and talking about it then let it be. Explain to them how it makes you feel and communicate. If you like your neighbor then I say go for it! :) There is nothing wrong with having a crush that is not your race.
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I have a friend that is nice,good listener, be there for you when you need her,caring and good at keeping secrets, but the thing is she gossips and talks about people she doesnt like. Do you think i can trust her? I'am confused. (link)
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If her gossiping bothers you then you need to confront her about it. If it were me, I would wondering of whether she talks badly about me when I'm not around...As I don't like people who go around bad mouthing other people because it portrays them as a two faced liar.
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how far should you go with a guy at age 13...and don't say "however far you wanna go"--thanks (link)
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Nothing
13 years old is WAY too young, Rainbow is right.
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Does anyone know a site where I can ask a question on sex. I believe my question would be too graphic for this site because of how young most of the people here seem to be. :\ Or maybe a girl that would be old enough to answer my question (im 16) (link)
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This is Advicenators, We are here to give advice.
If you feel your question is too personal then you can choose to ask a question directly to a columnist. The way to do this is you can click their names and "Ask Question"
Never be embarrassed or ashamed to get advice, This is what we are all here for.
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