icey0990's advice column | Page 79

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

NY

Occupation:

Residential Associate/ College Student

Age:

21

Member Since:

July 28, 2004

Answers:

2046

Last Update:

March 30, 2010

Visitors:

105414

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

Work/School Relationships

about

advice

In my school people get picked on school temas basically because they are friends with the coach. they could be not as good as one person but if they know the coach they will still make it. well i dont know the coach and im trying out for basketball but i dont know if i should because they probally wont pick me cause i dont know the coach cause im ok at basketball im not the best but im not bad (sorry if this is confusing) my question is though should i try out or not?

Yes i would definately still tryout. You'll never know til you try, right? :) So what..the worst that can happen is you might get cut...at least you tried right?

There's a 'rock event' (like a disco but with rock music) that goes on in my town every month or so, and most of my mates go to it. Out of the seven of us, five go (I don't). This place has a really bad rep. and most people who go there drink, smoke and do drugs, but of course my friends parents have NO IDEA about this. All of my five friends who go have gotten into smoking, and two of them are serious binge drinkers. One guy I know but am not great friends with also goes to this place and has gotten into illegal drugs, as has one girl I was kinda 'hi in the hallway' friends with, and she got expelled and charged by the police for it. Now my problem is, I will NOT stand by and watch my friends slowly kill themselves with a load of alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, but how can I stop them? I can't say anything about how dangerous it is because that's like preaching and they know the dangers but don't care. I am thinking of breaking friends with them...three of them are moving into my house in a couple of months and I have told the two of them moving in with me that smoke and drink that they can forget moving in if they think they can smoke in my house and they just laughed. I don't want to preach and I know if they don't want to stop I can't make them...but what do you think I should do? I am NOT standing by and watching them die. There's also the added problem that I am extremely asthmatic and being in a house with smokers would (I've checked this with a doctor) kill me within a month, but my friends won't listen to this either. I love them all loads but I am not putting up with this any more and I am not putting my life on the line because they are too selfish to stop smoking. CAN I make them see sense? Or should I just break friends and move on?
Thanks!!

In this case.. I would say to break friends and move on. You sound like your a great friend because you dont want them to be in danger..buttt...they are not returning the friendship. A real friend would not just brush it offwhen you say " you cant smoke in the house because it would kill me." They sound like they are out of control. I would say...im sorry but if you want to be out of control and put your lives in danger..go ahead..but your not going to put mine in danger. Definately dont let them move in..and stay away from them unless they give you a major apology.
I hope all works out
-melissa-

OK...my best friend EVER is moving to Australia, the total other side of the world!! :'(
I want to give her a really great, unique send off. She is leaving in three weeks, and I want to get her a great present and throw a great party she'll always remember!! I don't want to burn a CD because she does loads of those herself, and I don't want an ordinary boring party. Anyone got any great ideas for a really unique send-off?

Hmm maybe get you and 2 or 3 others who could help you with the cost. Maybe rent out a firehouse or throw it at someone's house if possible. Invite a bunch of people..have a bunch of food..music..and your set! Maybe ask if every guest brings a small present...or something she can have as a memory. Maybe have everyone cut out a picture of them and put it on a huge poster..have them sign it! She'll love it. You could put together a "book of memories" which includes pictures,inside jokes, and paragraphs people can write about like "hey remember the time we..." Sending her with a videotape is a cool idea. Maybe you guys can make a video tape that will let her remember her town and friends and school. Im sure she'll love it..but get planning now! :) If you find that its too last minute and you cant throw a real party..have a bunch of people go to the mall or have a sleepover with close friends and exchange memory presents there. My suggestion is..no matter what..before she leaves..have at least one more sleepover you'll never forget. Stay up all night..the whole 9 yards
-melissa-

Ok well this may sound very dumb but here it goes . . . In P.E. we're doing swimming. Today I drowned during the class they were obviously able to resusatate me. I'm embarassed to go in school on monday. The girls in my school are very catty and news spreads fast at my school. I don't remember much of it. All I remember is trying to do a back dive into the pool and all of the water being pushed out of my lungs and trying to breathe next thing I know I'm laying o the hard floor with my class mates staring over me and the lifeguard. It was horrible and terrifying. How should I deal with the girls at school? Is it true that I could get Peunomia (sp?).
Thanks very much!

To deal with these girls..the key is to not let them get to you. If they see yuor getting upset/embaraased they will be happy and keep doing it. If you walk the halls with confidence and attitude (meaning if they make fun of you ..you snap back saying something like "dont you have anything better to talk about" or.."if you think its funny theres something wrong with you". In school..people talk and you cant stop em. You could hold your head up high. Most ppl will ask if your ok. All the convo will be gone in a few days so dont worry. At least it isnt worse..like getting ur period and everyone seeing..or something horrible like that. I think your more likely to get pnemonia if it were cold water at like a waterfall.

What do you do if your friend tells you to find someone new, because they like the same person you do and say they like them back? I believe it to be a bit harsh. If your friend cared for you, wouldn't they just leave it alone instead of saying something like that?

She could have been more gentle and nice about it. I guess if i liked someone and he liked ME back..and my friend liked him too..i would kinda want him because the guy likes me back. However..if i saw that my friend was hurt then i would put aside the guy until she was definately ok. Your friend is probably excited that she found a guy who likes her back..maybe she got caught up in the moment. Talk to her about it and maybe she will put the guy off until your over him. I bet she doesnt know that your hurt and you want her to forget about it. Just talk to her..its the best way to settle it :)

it feels like all of my friends are getting new friends and that im "out of the loop" like me and this 1 girl used to be really close and now she has new friends i mean we still hang out but not like we used to. this is making me reLLY DEPRESSED what should i do???
-unloved child

Your feeling this way because its normal to.You can get in the loop too!Ask them early in the week like tuesday or wed. ..ask hey you guys wanna go to the movies? or go to my house ? etc. invite everyone and you'll be in the loop in no time! They wont turn you down or anything..you'll do great. You could also maybe get closer with a girl you get along with in some class..or maybe a teammate on a sport. All you have to do is ask..can i have ur number? maybe we can hang out? In no time you'll have a lot of friends to hang out with. Try that out and if it doesnt work..write to me in my inbox
-melissa0

My parents are in a very strict religon.
I dont want to be in this religon and I've told them so, and I don't go to their church.
But everytime I do something against the church rules, (even though I dont go)
they still go, "Your going to hell" "Your a sinner" bla and so forth.

I dont like this and it hurts my feelings. They even say I'm full of the devil and qoute scriptures at me. What do I do? its totally getting on my nerves and just because I dont go to their church doesnt mean I'm a rebellious brat like they think I am.

HELP!

Tell your parents that even though you may believe in different things than they do..thta you still are their daughter and you want to have a relationship with them. They sound extremely radical ..so if they dont care about what you say dont be upset..they are the ones throwing away a relationship with their daughter. There are plenty more ppl out there who care about u, including us here at advicenators :)

Hi i've just lost my job and plummiting into depression very fast. I'm trying everything i can to find/get a job but i'm finding it very hard as theres not alot going. I cant seem to be doing enough to please everyone and i'm doing all that i can and i'm slowly making my self ill. Has anyone got any tips.

first..and most importantly..dont let it get you siick! in the end you will pull through. Are you willing to moove to somewhere that has more job offeringss? for now..maybe work two jobs that wont pay as much. Is there a place you could comute to for a job? Theres something out there for you..but please dont make yourself ill over it! thee will be an opportunity..it might take a little while. My uncle out in oregon is a computer WIZ!! but..he too lost his job and had trouble getting on track..but he did and he pulled through. This is something many people go through..its not perminent though.
-melissa-

Hey everyone,
I'm 15 & I've liked this girl since about August last year & we just started chatting & then I found out from her friend that she liked me. So we went out for about a month & she dumped me for another guy (her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with to go out with me). Now she says she just wants to be friends, but she is always flirting with me & I'm getting really confused.

for now just be her friend and if she tries going ou with you again talk to her first. Tel her you dont want to be toyed with ..you dont want her to take turns going out with him then you. Maybe she just doesntt know what she wants. I would just be her friend and check out the others girls at school

what is the first thing u do when you have your period.... what do u do?

Well..definately getting a pad or a tampon to wear is a good idea to do right away. Next..make sure you have enough to last you through the duration of your period. Then make sure you have tylonnal..motrin..etc if you get headaches or pains. After that..resting is a good idea if you can.

14/f , today me and my boyfriend madeout for the first time today. it was his first time ever to makeout, but not mine at all. the problem is- he wasnt that great at it, and i didnt really know what to do :x I know its not that big of a deal but its kinda of a turn off.. what do you sugest i do? thanks :)

Its his first time.. i would keep making out with him because as you do it more..he will get better! After awhile if you dont see improvement..maybe say..hey try this with me..and instruct him what to do. (example if hes too sloppy tell him to sit still while you kiss him) maybe then he will catch on. But give him some more time to practice and maybe he'll get the hang of it on his own

My boyfriend and i have been going steady for almost a year. We have had our differences and when we fight i usually turn to one of my guy friends. Lately, my guy friend and i have been flirting a lot and i am really starting to like him. i really like my boyfriend, but my thoughts haven't been about him lately. i think about my other guy friend all of the time. i don't know if i should break it off with my boyfriend or not. i don't want anybody to get hurt; what should i do? Please help!

Well theres some stuff to think about.
-are you willing to risk a friendship? some people dont want to take the risk
-are you sure the fire with your bf is burning out? its ok to have thoughts about other guys as long as your bf is number one
making a list of each guy with the positives and negatives always helps.
It sounds like your relationship with your current bf is getting old.Relationships come and go so i think its ok to dump him. Tell him the truth..tell him you want to be friends but you've been having feelings for someone else and its not fair to be dating him when u have these strong feelings for another guy

okay so i think that i have found the love of my life! hes reall sweet to me and funny and i kno he would make a good husbnd.. or well.. long term bf. but the thing is im only thing the 8th grade! is this extremely like not right? i mean yea i kno i have my whole life ahead of me still .. adn i kno we are both gonna date other ppl but i want him soo bad! can some one please talk some sense into me?

Definately its ok! Its ok to think of him as a long term bf..i wouldnt go as far as husband just yet. When i was in 8th grade i found that kind of connection too ..so it just goes to show you that you can be in 8th grade and still have strong feelings

Hi, i am new to this place but i do have a question. I am a 20 yr old male.My girlfriend wants to be friends cause she does't have the time in her schedule. She doesn't call it breaking up. And i feel like huh? When did she first feel like this. And now i am doing my best to get her out of my head but i still like her very much but i don't want to talk to her about it cause shes tired of hearing it. So for now i have been staying away from her. Ever since then i have been in a depressed phase and i am cranky as hell, but i do not think she cares enough about me as i do her, cause it seems her life and career are more important than i am to her. Can you tell me what i should do?

I think you desserve a girl who can fit you into her schedule. Your right..it does sound like shes putting her career first. I would respect her for being honest with you..because being in a relationship when the other doesnt feel the same is no fun. Your 20..which is still young. Live the single life..try and get out with the guys.This shoul get your mind off of her. Its going to take time for the pain to get better..but for now try and stay active. Maybe join a gym..go out with friends a lot..enjoy being young. A girl who can fit you comfortably into her schedule will come along eventually..and its going to work out in the end. Stay positive..and be patient because yours will come along.

okay, my friend is asking this question not me, she wants to know if the gyno can tell if you masturbate. She is going today and she masturbates but doesnt want her mom to know.

She wont be able to tell. If your friend masturbates pretty hard and she broke her cherry from it..the gyno could tell its popped. However..the gyno will not tell your mom if your cherry is popped or not because there is confidentiality between your friend and the gyno.

Ok, Me and this guy just hooked up yesterday. Well today at school I didn't seem him very much and everytime we would talk he was like why arent you talking to me and i was like well i havent seen you and stuff like that. But still everytime he asks me that. what should I do. Please answer soon I need to know what you guys this for tomorrow

In the morning is there time before school (like 5-10 minutes) where everyone hangs out? Thats the way it is here..so you guys can meet there and talk. if you have conveinient classes and you have a minute or two to meet in the hall with him ..do that. If you have a study hall while he has a lunch go visit him there..meet after school to talk. Try that and if things are still weird and its awkward and you just arent talking..then maybe there isnt a connection. I wasnt sure if you meant its awkward and you guys never have anything to talk about..or if you dont have time..i think you meant both? Well thats what i would do..and if its still awkward and theres nothing to talk about..maybe you guys just dont have the connection.

im in love, and have been in love with this one guys for almost a year now...we started going out last march, and we broke up in august because he started liking other people, or losing interest in me.. we didnt talk for two months, and then outta no where he pops back into my life saying he loves me still and hes never had feelings for anyone like this before...ive heard this so many times and everything, and im tired of believing in him and getting broke down...we've still been seeing each other, not officially, like 'friends with benefits' because my mom really doesnt like him at all... he says that he loves me, but that he doesnt go out wiht me because he doesnt liek commitment ( but beforehand he was trying to hook up with a girl from somewhere commitedly while we werent talking )...now i feel hes just using me, and only saying the things hes saying to make me happy, to keep me holding on because he knows how i feel..
..i love him and its so hard for me to move on, to love someone else...and i really cant picture my life without my babe... even though i never knew if he really loved me...
...theres a feeling inside me that i got with him, thqt i just dont get anymore, because i dont have him, id ont know what i have with him anymore...i miss it, and i miss him...
my question is though, what do i do?
what would you do?
~thank you

Aw sweetie..theres an saying "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I would tell him that your feeling like your being used and your either going to go out..or go your seperate ways. If he doesnt want commitment..and there was a girl he was interested in before...he could be fooling around with her too. Ask him to tell you the truth of why he doesnt want commitment and if hes seeing that other girl.
I would hold onto all the good memories and try to move on. The relationship lost its spark..and it sounds like all hes into right now is using you for benefits. Its not right for you to be loving him while all he wants is to get some. If he loves you now..he wouldnt just be friends with benefits. its so hard and i've had to move on from a deep relationship too..but you can do it! It will take time..but its all part of growing up. You'll be stronger in the end.
Hold onto the good memories..and remember "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." You loved and lost..but at least you loved. Many people dont get to experience the feeling of love at our age.
I know its hard to picture him with another girl..but it will get easier. Eventually your going to meet a better guy trust me.
I hope i helped ..please, if there is anything else i can do..you know what to do..drop me another question.
-melissa-

Ok, well lately, many of my friends have been smoking weed. I tell them that it's stupid and that it can harm your health, and stuff such as that, but they keep telling me that weed doesn't harm your body in any way what-so-ever. If anyone knows, can you please tell me what side-effects you may get from smoking weed? (I'm a 14/f, if that's important, which I don't think it is.)

You get thirsty,hungry, you become reeeally relaxed and you laugh a lot. You can also do /say some pretty dumb stuff. Its not harmful the way cigs or other drugs..and some say it harms brain cells. Theres a bunch of theories out there and almost all pot smokers insist its not harmful..but its still an illegal drug and it can lead to other serious drugs. a "gateway drug" as they call it. Dont give in to your friends..stay with what you beleive.

ok im freaking out here...me and my boyfriend were under the covers at his house...and he was fingering me and i gave him a handjob...i tihnk he ejaculated a little bit but on the blanket away from me...he didnt go that much because he can control it and stuff...well i was expecting my period on the 19th (thats when i had it last month) but my period is always on a weird cycle...now im wondering if he got a little bit of sperm on his fingers or something and fingered me....hes really careful about that stuff though...so i dont know...ive been totally stressing out so much (we did this around the 11th or the 12th) what are some symtoms of pregnancy besides a missed period??

Symtoms are missed period, mood swings, back pain..but i dont think you need to worry. Its so sooooooo unlikely your pregnent. You said yourself you have weird cycles..which is normal until your like 18 or so. Your skipped period is due to you stressing out..not to worry because the sperm die off once exposed to air! The sperm can only survive if he ejaculates in or verrry close to your vagina. Your vagina nourishes the sperm which allow it to swim up to your ovaries. he ejaculated a little ..and some got on his hand or w/e then he fingered you right? Your fine trust me..the sperm didnt surrive. If he had a whole big handful of ejaculation then fingered you immidiately its still pretty unlikely that your pregnenent. Please try not to worry..and relax! :)
-melissa-

if a woman is about 2 months or 1 month pregnant and not showing at all...and she went on an amusement park ride that had a sign that said no expectant mothers posted on it...what would happen to the baby? would it cause a miscarriage??

It depends on the turbulance of the ride. If its extremely extremely thrilling and there are lots of movement..yes something could happen. It may not..the safest thing to do is to simply not ride. At amusement parks they have to put a sign saying those pregnent or have heart problems, etc, shouldnt ride so they dont get sued. Yes a miscarriage is possible so the best thing to do is to not take the chance.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>