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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
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hey
i asked this question before but something else happened.. ill just explain everything again. i work at mcdonalds and i like my manager.. i am 16 and a half and he just turned 20.. he makes fun of me as a joke because im really clumsy and trip over alot, and he tells people i laugh alot and get embarrased easily. we were messaging each other a couple of weeks ago and he asked me what qualities i liked in a guy and i told him, and then he replied saying "It sounds like youre trying to drop a hint..I can get fired for fraternising with crew" and i replied saying "Ha dont flatter yourself :)" and then he replied saying "I never do, but is it just coincidence that i loosely fit what you just described?" and i said: "I guess it is a coincidence because i dont know much about you" then he said "Well i say that rules are there to be broken, you just cant get caught" and i said "Yeah true"
anyway at work he acted the same as before but he always put me on the position i liked to do most and he kept looking at me and staring. then i texted him on new years saying "best wishes for 2009" but he didnt reply, and he didnt reply to the message i sent asking him how long he will be staying as manager for.
then i didnt talk to him for a week and last sunday he was acting pretty cold towards me and i didnt know why. he just didnt talk to me. then the next day he got told that he has to move to another store (they said he doesnt get along with the store manager and assistant store manager and because he cant handle when it gets busy). and from then on he just hasnt talked to me and when i ask something he replies in just Yes or No.
today at work he was a bit kinder. and so i messaged him about 2 or 3 hours ago saying "If youre over hating me, come to a party with me tomorrow night :)"
and he hasnt replied.
whats his deal?
thanks
(link)
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He doesn't know if you like him, and being a manager and not wanting to lose his job means he's just trying to cut it off.
If you like him, find a new job and express more serious interest, or get a transfer to another McDonalds.
If its just a passing fancy, be polite but stop texting him and asking him out to stuff.
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http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=556726
^that was my question from about a week ago
i guess i agree on what you told me..the thing is..i feel like, its almost like, i KNOW im headed for something bad. i almost feel like im setting myself up for it too. almost like i know for a fact that this isnt going to end well..at all. and i know you probobly are thinking, if i know something bad is going to happen, then why do it. but the truth is..i dont know why i want to..honestly, i dont. my liking for him has faded out ever since last tuesday he asked me if he payed me 20 dollars if i would give him a blowjob. that really offended me..he definitly is using me and what hurts the most is, he USED to like me. back when we first met, he was the one who "liked" me first. and then he found out that i liked him, and thats when he started getting big headed and full of himself, very cocky about it. he would ask me, so you like me? and id say yeah i do and hed say, yeah idk ill have to think about it.
that made me angry whenever he did that to me..and wanna hear the worst part? he likes someone else too. and he flirts with her just as much, i just know it. but she lives an hour away and they only see eachother twice a year and she is two years older than him. so i feel like i have more a chance. WHY DO I WANT TO DO THIS WITH HIM. WHY?! even i dont know why! people ask me and i just stand there speechless because i cant think of a good reason. its almost like, i feel like i need something more intresting in my life right now..my life isnt exactly the greatest right now, ill admit that. and its also really sad because ill admit that i havent really gotten any since last summer. i have good reasons for this but i dont feel like getting into it right now. i also feel like i think doing this will make me feel better about things right now, but the truth is at the same time i know this is bad and i know what im going to do with him, is going to be bad..even i know that he doesnt like me. i know that. but..why not? he says im really hot and all of these things like that, but he never cares about what i have to say unless its sexual and about giving him a handjob. last week he begged me for a picture of chest. i said no about 20 times in the nicest way and he just kept saying, please trust me im not like that you can trust me no lie i wont show anyone and then this really angered me. he said, "please im really starting to like you please" i know that was a lie. he does not like me. he may like my body, but he definitly does not want to go out with me. but why doesnt he like me. and how can he want to do these things with me but not like me? he must think im pretty and ive given him tons of oppurtinities to get to know me, but he doesnt seem to care..why doesnt he want to go out with me. it hurts me..it also hurts when he doesnt want to have a simple conversation about things with me like about music. litterally everyday that we talk now he only wants to talk about what hes gonna do to me and how were gonna do it. i dont really like it anymore..but yet i still want to. but why...its almost like im..desperate..i hate admitting it..i really do..but then i just think maybe i wont get attatched to him and maybe ill do these things and then go on with life. but still, im not like that..im not that kind of person..things stay with me for a looong time, and this especially i feel might. god i just hope he still wants to talk to me after..he said he would, but i dont believe it. im not really asking a specific question im just wondering..what do you think about all of this..
(link)
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Alright.
First, we learn the difference between like, and lust.
Like means that you enjoy spending time around someone. I love my girlfriend, but I like her as well. We have a friendship that is separate and at the same time part of what we have together. We still have 2+ hour conversations.
Lust means that you have sexual desires only. While women can and do feel lust, men have the market cornered in that area.
You asked a big question. "how can he want this but not like me?"
Here, we get into the differences between men and women. We are wired differently. Men are biologically programmed to mate. To find sexual partners and procreate. Women are designed to nurture, and to form more close and permanent emotional bonds.
Now, a decent guy is in control of himself. A guy who seeks sex as obviously as the guy you describe and lies outright and obviously, he is neither intelligent nor mature. Sure, he might be able to be nice. There is more to being datable than being occasionally nice.
The problem here is confidence. He is an idiot. From what you've told me, he truly is immature and relatively stupid and unperceptive.
He also just doesn't give a shit. He is confident because other than sex he doesn't want anything you have to offer. You don't feel confident because you can't understand why he doesn't want what you have to offer.
What you have to get through your head, is that you DO have things to offer, and you need to find someone who actually appreciates that you are more than a fuckdoll.
It hurts because you are ignoring the very obvious blaring warning signs that this guy is a douchebag. You are letting yourself feel for someone who in no way deserves it. THATS what you have to work on. You rush into like, and given the opportunity you would probably rush into love.
If you haven't ever seen it, go watch "The Holiday". If you have, go watch it again. Kate Winslet said it well.
"Why am I attracted to someone that I KNOW is bad for me?"
"Because you're hoping that you're wrong, and every time she does something that tells you she isn't good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you she wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that she isn't for you"
Substitute "he" for "she" and you're right on target.
Let me tell you exactly how this will play out if you go through with it and never pluck up the courage to tell him to fuck off. You give him a handjob. He now knows persistence pays off, and he continues to work on you, perhaps even seeming to improve to you. You begin to do more in hopes that it somehow pops out a relationship, eventually having sex with him. He continues to pay you no attention and talk you into whatever. Eventually all the hurt balls into a knot of intense anger and you let him have it.
You have just become too much trouble, and he drops you like a bad habit. You feel hurt, betrayed, and like you can't trust anyone anymore. You learn a very hard lesson and move on more than a little emotionally shredded.
You need to come to terms with the fact that he is NOT going to come around. You have nothing but sex to offer this guy, because thats the ONLY thing he cares about. This is not your fault, its his, and until you accept that and cut off contact entirely you're still going to hurt.
Seriously though. You need to separate yourself from this. Block his phone, his e-mail, his aim, his myspace, his everything. If he tries to talk to you, tell him something along the lines of "Why would I want to talk to you, you only want trashy sluts who let you have what you want. Maybe you should get a blow up doll, she won't tell you no"
Do this in the most scornful voice you can muster. Let him know he is beneath you and that you are disgusted by him.
If you aren't, you should be. Fake it if you have to.
Oh, and he might decide to be angry and rejected over it, usually resulting in him lying about you doing things.
Ignore it. If anyone asks, be completely truthful about how pathetic it was, he didn't get so much as a kiss but spent weeks trying to convince you. Tell them he tried to buy a handjob (make sure to mention how sad that was) and don't be afraid to mention "sure, I liked him. Until he turned into a 12 year old inexperienced douchebag of a little boy"
Lastly, you're way too nice.
"he asked me like 20 times for topless photos and I told him no in the nicest way"
Why in all the Hells there ever were are you being nice about that? Your response should begin with "Hell", end with "No" and between the two should be the only "fucking" he ever gets from you.
You are an intelligent young woman. I'm not saying that to boost your ego, I'm informing you of a fact you seem to have missed.
Your posts have been relatively concise, well written, and your observations are decently perceptive. You're just ignoring yourself, and all the voices telling you this is a terrible idea. Stop that. You're smarter than you think you are, so when you feel those warning lights go off in the back of your head, pay some more attention.
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I'm having issues with someone who I really like and admire. This would be silly cuz it's someone from a tv show I like and this person just joined a social networking site not too long ago and this person might not be who they say they are and all with the way this person is acting and all as people like to pose as someone they are not such as celebs, etc, but who knows. A friend and I are handling the issue in an email(Have not sent the email yet trying to figure out what else to say before sending it so far, good but dont know what else to say) and letter we just sent out, but would love some help/advice. Here we go. Okay. When I go to comment this person's pictures, wall comments, notes/blogs,etc they get deleted. No one else's gets deleted except for mine. For some reason I don't know why. None of my comments are mean or rude or anything. I know it's their profile and all, but it does hurt my feelings and it brings me to tears and if the person doesnt want comments, say so, right? This person does not say weather they want comments or not. I love giving comments but I havent since this has been happening and it's almost been a month since this happened. Also this person has ignored me on some things. I asked them a few questions. I got flat out ignored. Also they wanted to give advice about an issue ad I asked in a message if he was still interested. Nope, I got ignored. I don't know what I did wrong which I feel I did nothing wrong. None of my messages or comments were bad. They were pretty nice and all. Also this person has this trivia game going on and I want to play. I love playing those games, but Im afraid this person will delete my answers and all like they are doing with my comments. I dont get it. Why am I the only one that has my comments deleted and no one else has? Tis really hurts and all. I dont leave much for comments and all by the way. The email/message so far is what I stated so far. Is there anything I could add before it gets send out and would another letter go out incase the email is ignored, etc(cuz not everything from the other letter was covered) Any advice on what do and say and all would be great. thanks. :) (link)
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Its a social networking site. Move on. This is seriously not that big a deal.
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Hey, im 16f. I was wondering if anyone knows of an online dating site that is monitered and safe for teens where I could possibly meet someone and feel safe knowing im not talking to some fake across the internet. You know? Please tell me if you know of any ;) (link)
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There exists not a single site like what you're looking for, sorry.
Simply put, you are not the key demographic of dating websites. They don't want to focus on minors at all, because if you DID run into a predator when they said it was safe they'd be liable.
Basically, theres no way to know if theyre real or not outside of having known them in person before online. Sucks, but its the truth.
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I'm 18/f and just started college. I made these great friends, but they kept talking to me about my bad habit of hooking up with guys a lot. They thought it was annoying when I would stress over a guy not talking to me the next day. I can't stop hooking up with guys and now they said that they can't be friends with me cause I act too slutty. I don't feel like I'm that slutty because I only had sex with a few of the guys, but how can I change my habit so that they will be friends with me again? (link)
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Start respecting yourself just a tiny bit.
Heres their perspective.
They watch you go sleep with a guy. They know that he doesn't give a shit about you, and they know that guys who use girls like you aren't going to call and they think you're kind of stupid for stressing over a foregone conclusion.
They also respect themselves, and you don't respect yourself. And because you honestly just don't get it.
"I can't stop hooking up with guys"
"I only slept with a few of them"
You're the one making the choice to be promiscuous.
Oh, and there aren't degrees of "slutty". You can't be "not that slutty" or "Just a little slutty"
You either are, or you arent. You either have standards, or you do not.
You do not, which is why they don't want to be around you. Your behavior is NOT ok, its not normal, its not healthy, and its not right. They don't want to be around you because it makes them uncomfortable to be friends with someone who seems to have little regard for herself.
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14/f
Ok so me and this guy have been going out for a month and by valentines day it would be exactly 2 months. haha anyways but I was wondering if I should get him something. I am soo clueless if I should get him something small or what. The guys I have gone out with before I wasn't going out with during valentines day or anything so I have never got them anything. And on top of that I don't want to look weird or whatever getting him something too much because he isn't the richest guy in the world :P So maybe a card? Plus I am 14 so I really don't want to do so much haha thanks for your help! (link)
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If you don't say anything he'll probably have no idea its valentines day.
A card would be more than enough.
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so i know this is weird but bare with me lol. I was dared to have someone pee in my mouth and i said no, that's def not healthy. and then someone else said it was fine and i was just being a wimp. But if peeing is like the release of all of those toxins then drinking it would be bad for you right? so what im wondering is if swallowing pee is actually bad for you besides just being gross. (link)
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Theres nothing like responses from the uninformed peanut gallery.
Urine is sterile. In order for someone to urinate out something toxic in sufficient concentrations to harm someone else, they would have to have ingested large amounts of said toxin.
So, for example, if the person was peeing lead, they would be hospitalized or dead with lead poisoning.
As this doesn't seem to be the case, the urine is sterile and harmless.
Its simply disgusting.
Fun fact, you can drink your own urine up to three times in the desert to stave off dehydration.
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Okay,
My computer lags so much when I try to play world of warcraft...everything seems to be very gray too. I even tried to play Second Life and I couldn't move at all.
I have a computer it's a 2000 windows xp, 512 mb ram (I updated it to 1G) Basically what I would like to know is what exactly do I need in my computer so it can handle Massive Multi-Player games?
Thank you (link)
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For WoW specifically.
2Gb Ram recommended. Because of the nature of Cities, Battlegrounds, and Raids the more Ram you have the more the game can display at once. 1 GB will run it but you will have lag.
2.5 Ghz single core or 1.5 GHz Dual/Quad core. Generally recommended to play with no client side lag.
256 MB Video card with most updated drivers possible. The new graphics in Lich King puts a strain on older systems that could handle Vanilla and chugged a little under Burning Crusade.
256 is the lowest I'd recommend, a 512 video card would do you one better.
You can find out your video card by going to the start menu, choosing run, and typing "dxdiag". Hit enter to run it, and under either display or video it will tell you the type of card and its memory.
From what you described, put video card on the top of your upgrade list. With 1GB of ram its going to lag sometimes, but if you're having that severe of problems your video card and its drivers probably both need replacing.
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14/f
Ok so I know there's a million questions like this, but I kind of need help... So there's this boy that I haven't exactly noticed before-I don't know why, because he's really popular, funny, smart, nice, and HOTT-but lately I've seen him staring at me. Like at this school dance, I was laughing and dancing with my best friend and one of my guy friends, and I looked over and he was just staring. Then this other time at lunch, my friends and I were being really silly and we were playing with glitter (lol...) and I looked up and saw him staring at me again! And those aren't the only times either...now that I'm aware of him, I see him out of the corner of my eye a lot. And it's not creepy staring or anything. We don't really talk all that much, either, but sometimes we're paired in groups together in classes, and he always starts to sound really nervous and giddy almost... So now I think I like him, like a lot, now. So here are my questions: 1. Does the whole staring/giddy thing mean he likes me? 2. How do I let him know I like him, WITHOUT talking to him? 3. How do I get him to ask me out?? I'm REALLY not into the whole me-asking-a-guy-out thing...besides, I really don't know this guy all that much. I've never had a boyfriend either, so I don't even know how to ask someone out anyways, so please don't tell me to go for it... But I could use some help! Thanks. (link)
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1) Almost certainly yes.
2) Walk up to him, smile, make eye contact, and ask him how he's doing. Continue conversation in whatever way you see fit. Do this daily until he asks you out.
3) See above. Make yourself available to him. Smile at him when you see him. Make eye contact while smiling. Encourage him to talk by asking him questions about anything you think he'd have more than two words to say about.
It sounds like he's your age. 14. That means that he is inexperienced enough to feel very nervous.
Add to the fact that being nervous apparently makes him goofy and slightly retarded around you, and we have a confidence problem.
You solve this by giving him positive feedback.
Eye contact is essential. Eye contact tells a guy "I like looking at you". Smiling is also a good general positive response. It lets him know you aren't bored, or repulsed by him.
Also, break the touch barrier. The simplest way to do this is through humor. Getting him to tell a joke (or just taking advantage of him telling one on his own) or teasing him can work equally well.
Say you tease him a bit (remember to smile, so he knows you're kidding) and when he responds, smack him on the arm lightly.
You just sent him terabytes of information, mostly in the form of "HOLY CRAP SHETOUCHEDMESHETOUCHEDMESHETOUCHEDME!" but also he becomes aware that he might be allowed to touch you back. This creates more interest, and opens the door to other forms of casual affection. Hugs, pokes, slaps, pushes, etc.
He should get the message eventually. If he doesn't, you should gain enough comfort yourself by interacting with him that you can blush and throw out the "so are you going to ask me out, or what?" line. I've never seen that fail coming from a girl, so if you work up the courage you're almost 100% assured success.
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would it be considered slutty to give a guy a handjob if ive only seen him twice at my friends house and we arent going out and all he wants from me is sexual favors..i like him and i sort of want to but i sort of dont and im afraid this will make me a slut and he'll tell all his friends and ill seem like a slut. he also wants to eat me out and finger me but i told him i dont know maybe. because i mean we arent even going out and whenever i bring up the topic of him liking me he just says he doesnt know and that he wants me. but then he says he wants me to do these things, he means. i sort of want to but i feel like thats kind of slutty..i mean its not like im doing it to all of these guys, its just one guy. and i like him. but i dont think he likes me..but still its not slutty because its only one guy right? (link)
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Yes, its kind of slutty.
Adults call what he wants to do "using people". It means that they get what they want from someone while completely disregarding what that person might want or need in return.
Plus, he WILL tell his friends about it. If nothing else, at some point some other guy will challenge him on his sexual experience and he will list off anything he's done to prove he isn't "inexperienced".
Why wouldn't he talk about it? He has no respect for you, he just wants you to do things for him. Why would he respect your feelings about not wanting people to think you're a slut when thats exactly what HE thinks.
Because thats what a slut is (by general convention). A girl who lets herself be used by guys because it makes her feel liked (she isnt).
Why would he being the only one matter? You're still being indiscriminate. No one other than you would see this as "he's the only guy". Everyone would see it as "He was the first of many". And if liking this guy a little when he doesn't want anything but sex back is enough for you to give him some of what he wants, I doubt that will be the only time you do it, or that it will be the furthest you go in a situation like this.
Stop saying "I like him". Who cares. He doesn't like you back, and his willingness to accept sexual favors IN NO WAY means that he will like you back, ever. More than likely he'll just get what he wants and drop you completely the moment getting what he want's isn't as easy as asking.
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13/m
ok so i was sitting down today doing a and i noticed a big red lump on my penis just near my pubic hair but not on them i think it cound be a bad thing but i dont really want to tell my parents about it cause i havent shown my penis to anyone since i was about 5 and now i dont know what to do
it kind of looks like a mosquito bite but a bit bigger i think it might be a tick but im not good with animal bites so what could it be and what should i do about it (link)
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If you aren't sexually active (I would guess you aren't) then its more than likely some kind of insect bite.
Other possibilities off the top of my head would be heat rash or some kind of allergic reaction.
Allergic reaction is possible if you just noticed it today, they don't last long. Try to figure out if you've had anything unusual in contact with the area.
Heat rash is a probable result of less than ideal hygene. Likely a mixture of abrasion and possibly a clogged pore getting infected.
If it stays the same for more than a few days, or gets worse, you need to tell someone about it besides the internet.
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There is this guy that I am sort of "talking to" and tonight he was trying to upload pictures on to his myspace, but he was having some trouble, so he asked me to do it for him. Okay, no problem.
So he gives me his username and password so I log in and start uploading his pictures. Well I become more then tempted to look in his inbox see who hes been chatting with. So I do and theres about five different girls that he's sending messsages to.
He calls them "hun" and "baby", "babe", "sweetheart", "beautiful"... the works. So heres my problem with the whole situation. Tonight we were having a sort of "deep convrsation" and I said "listen, you know that I don't talk to any guys or hang out with any guys but you, so where do you stand with the same situation"? Well he pretty much said I don't call or hang out with any other girls. I dind't get the impression that he was haning out with any of the girls yet or anything like that.
I really wanted to say what about online, but i figured that would be too obvious. I just don't know what to do about it without saing that I looked in his inbox.
Any advice would be so helpful. (link)
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Deer in the headlights response. If a girl I was interested in told me that I was the only guy she was interested in as a preface to asking if I was interested in anyone but her, I would probably lie in the moment. .
You put him on the spot having information you got by invading his privacy. You shouldn't have asked, and he shouldn't have lied. It was an instinctive "oh shit" reaction.
Come clean. Admit that you snooped and apologize for it. Admit that it made you a little jealous and you reacted to that without thinking. Promise not to violate his trust like that again.
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Heey. I'm 16 yrs old and a jr in HS. Ok so I met this really cool guy when I was in the 6th grade and we went out on and off throughout these years. Its crazy I know. We barely used to see eachother before but we recently got backtogether on november because he told me he loved me and I was the only one. So the last time we hung out was a week ago he took me to a resturant and we had a lot of fun. Then after that he never called me back. I called him lots of times and left him a text but he never wrote back. Then I called him on monday and he answered and told me that he had left his phone in his school and a lot of other excuses for why he didn't get to talk to we this whole week. So then I found out that he had blocked me from aim and he had an away message basicallytalking about a girl that he loves her smile and everytime he sees her it makes his day. I doubt it was about me. And then while we weren't talking that week he changed his mood on myspace to "in love" so anyway when we got to speak I told him to do what he wants to do(this was texting by the way) so I called him and he didn't answer so I texxted him back saying not to ignore my call and pick up but he didn't want to he just wanted to text. So then I said "do what you want to do because we were fine and then you got like this and before we tried it again you said that it wasn't going to be like last time but it is now" and he said "so its over I guess. I wasn't going to break up with you but that's the way you want it" so then all I could say was ok and he never wrote back after that. So I don't understand we were so good we spoke all the time and then we went down hill. And he doesn't even bother trying to talk to me. And before we started dating again he begged me to get back together with him like a million times. Btw we were on and off for like 3 yrs bbut this time he told me he was going to try his best and things will change. But I don't know what to do please give me advice. I've known him for so long its hard now to actually get over him for good and I'm extremly hurt. I know this was long so I'm sorry I'm really desperate. Thanks so much if you read all this. (link)
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I would not be satisfied with the amount of information given, and I would personally (in your shoes) try to find a way to get him to talk to you face to face and ask him questions like "what the hell, what changed?"
It sounds like he is trying to avoid that like the plauge.
Send him a text that says "After all these years, you owe me a face to face breakup. Please find time to meet me" or something along those lines.
He's hiding from you, I have no idea why. If you can't let it go, try to find out. The relationship may well be over (I dont think you really want to date a guy who's this immature that he won't pick up a phone) but he owes you something of an explanation.
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I am 14, and I am uncomfortable with my stomach size. At 12, I weighed 67 pounds and was 4'9, now I weigh 125 and am 5'6. My friends tell me I look fine, but I look fat when I sit down. I am not anorexic or have bulemia or anything. Am I too young to worry about it? (link)
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125 and 5'6 sounds on the very attractive side of healthy.
Contrary to popular belief among girls, guys like girls that have a little softness to them. Curves are more attractive than hip bones and ribs.
Its not about being too young, its about your self image being screwed up. You're fine, you don't need to lose weight.
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im totally and completely in love with my boyfriend. and im pretty sure he feels the same way. but im worried about our relationship.
we have sex and do foreplay, and its all nice and such. but we've only been dating a couple of months and already this flame (being our relationship) has gotten so high. im worried that in the longrun, its just going to start feeling like a routine. and then it'll get boring, and we'll both wind up bored and end up splitting.
ive waited so long for him. and i finally got him. how can i keep the flame burning high so we dont get bored?? (link)
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By bonding outside of sex.
You are right. Over time it does get to be routine. The trick is, to make it a routine you enjoy. Routine is just the process of a person becoming more and more a true part of your life. Its not something to be worried about, its sinking into a rut thats the problem.
You fight that with love, awareness, and communication.
I'm at 4 years in less than a week with my girl. We got this far because we can talk to each other. Its been that simple. The ability to hold a conversation that interests us both has gotten us through times when we were too stressed out and upset on a daily basis (both by each other, and by life) to do anything except talk to each other.
Do things together. Find things you both like (movies, books, places, events, anything) that you can do together and talk about later. Take an interest in each others interests so that you can hold conversations about anything either of you likes.
Relationships don't have to be perfect. But understanding helps cover the rough spots (they will exist).
At some point you guys will have a fight. Thats when the real relationship begins (and the honeymoon phase you've been in so far comes crashing down) and you both get to show what you're made of.
Talk about it afterwards. Try to remain calm, and stop talking for a minute to calm down if you must. LISTEN to him and express yourself. If after your first fight you can sit down and somewhat calmly discuss why you were angry and either reach a compromise or agree to disagree amicably, God knows you might be hitting 4 years in the future as well.
I also delivered something of a line that worked miracles. I told her after a fight somewhat early on that the great part about fighting with her is that I knew we'd figure out a way to solve it later, even if we were mad about it then. Told her I knew I'd always come back after because I wanted to be with her and that was more important than petty disagreements.
It was relatively true, but it also helped her come to me a few times when I couldn't go to her to work things out. We've broken up before (lasted two months) and we've had our share of fights were things got pretty bad between us, even lasted days. But we've persevered, and its entirely worth it to be going sit next to her to watch Independence Day as I speak (type?)
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Well I dated this guy for a year & 3 months. Things just did'nt work out , I was heart broken . He broke up with in June . I fount out JUST 2 weeks ago he had been having " flings " with my BESTFRiEND from that January till the break up , he cheated on me & everything . I went through hell for 6 months trying to get over him . I started hanging with this guy Jason , we became BESTFRiENDS August . We did'nt have feelings for each other for a while , we were seriously bestfriends . Well as the months went by , we did start liking each other & started " talking " . Well my ex [ Justin ] - was my first love . Me and Jason date now , since November . It's great ; He treats me WAY better than Justin did . but after I fount out Justin cheated I really didn't want ANYTHiNG to do with him ... ain't talked to him since I fount out . but I feel bad & guilty because I think about him , I would'nt say it's alot , but more than I should . I know he's my first love & all and that's normal . but I just really want this to TRULEY be over , I feel bad because I feel as if i'm not giving my [ ALL ] to Jason . I'm in love with Jason though , I fell really fast because we knew each other so well & automaticly " clicked "... what do I do ... anyways to just NOT think about him ? ugh (link)
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It just takes time. Being betrayed lasts, it is going to hurt for a while.
Work on some mental exercises. When you start thinking about the ex, stop yourself and think about your new boy. When you can't refocus yourself go find something to do.
You also might want to call the ex at some point to tell him that he's a lying cheating scummy bastard. Not having vented those things could be leaving you with some issues.
Hell, talk to your boy. Explain to Jason that you just found out you'd been cheated on, and you're angry and hurt and don't know what to do about it. Don't make it a constant topic of conversation, but it could be a conversation you have where you ask what he thinks. Outside opinions are good and this would be a good showing of trust towards him on your part (bonding closer with a current is a good way to help yourself)
Cheating hurts, its understandable that you think about him. You need to cut him out of your life as completely as you can. That might mean one final conversation.
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okay dont start with your to young to think about this stuff okay ive herd it all so shh just answer my question.
im 15/f and my boyfriend right nows 14/m.
okay well weve been off and on sence last may we get in lil tussels you could say. so now were dateing again and its going wounderful it really is. i love being with him and hes the only guy i can really see my self with. and im ready to take it to the next leavel all weve done is make out. and we talk about haveing sex but im not truely ready for that i just wanna do some oral things. but im not sure if hes up to it. i mean we talked about waiting about two months ago bc i wasnt ready but now i am ready and i would like to suprise him but were never alone his paarents are always there or mine are or my brother or his brother or sister. so we have no us time but at movies and going out to dinner and what not. so how am i supposed to suprise him when theres no time to do it? (link)
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::Edit::
Your age was pertinent to the question because your mutual inexperience makes your judgment even more unreliable than it already is at 15.
Sorry if you prove people right enough that you're sick of hearing it.
::/edit::
::edit 2::
Oh, and its "you're" or "youre" if you hate punctuation. Not "Your"
As in "Your bad at following directions"
::/edit 2::
You're young and he's younger.
Don't surprise him. Not the first time. Discuss it. Talk to him. Ask him what he wants and what he's comfy with. At 14 he's going to be more nervous than you because he's young and inexperienced AND because he is younger and less emotionally mature overall than you are.
Don't try to move to fast. Just because you personally are ready doesn't mean you as a couple are ready, or that he's ready.
Talk to him, figure things out, go from there. Communication is important.
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When most think of virginity, it's supposedly this sacred thing that one "loses" and should be handled accordingly. If society didn't make a whole deal about being a virgin, or losing your virginity how different do you think things would be? Do you think people would being losing it more casually, or do you think more people would feel a sense of not having to have sex at a young age because there isn't such an emphasis on virginity? I live in America, and I have to say, as a teenager, the concept of virginity is talked about frequently. Thoughts? (link)
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Its the only way to stop people psychologically.
Teens are too stupid in general to place credence in ideas like "sex is supposed to mean something" or "you're too young and emotionally immature to handle the full impacts of the decisions you're making"
So what do you do? You find something that invokes an instinctive emotional reaction.
Purity. Virginity being equal to purity and being a special gift and all that is designed to get women to wait. Yes, its focused entirely on women. Because men just don't care. Men are designed to pursue sex, and young men who have the opportunity for sex are going to take it 90% of the time. Most guys sub 20s are not mature enough to say no to sex from a girl they like if they have the opportunity, even when its a terrible idea (Hence, drunken hook ups and the like)
So the entire thing is about closing down the opportunities girls offer them. You associate some level of shame with lack of purity and pride with being pure, to give people a reason to not.
Look at society today. When was the last time you got a message from anywhere except maybe your parents that sex is a part of the development of a loving, close, committed relationship?
Movies and TV don't do it. You can't keep someone's interest with a slowly developing deep love story the way you can with drama and chaos and love stories that blossom over the course of a movie with a time of under 2 hours.
School just avoids the subject altogether, pretending that teens don't do anything the way it has been since time immemorial.
So, no one is telling kids what dating has been. Our parents have fallen WOEFULLY down on the job. How our culture got so screwed up about sex that no one has any idea of whats supposed to take place before hand, and so teens just make it up as they go, I have no idea.
But thats the basic problem. Lack of guidance. In our discomfort we resorted to motivations used by the earliest settlers of this country.
Guilt.
Thats what virginity is. Because no one wants to explain to their kids about relationships. Because too many adults don't have a clue in that area themselves. They use virginity as the hammer they slam down on the table to make loud noises and try to scare you.
Because, for some reason, no one has the common sense to tell kids "You shouldn't be having sex at 13, you should be nervously asking each other out"
Sugaslap below is a perfect example. The wealth of information available through TV and the internet and friends makes teens think something they never thought before. That they know everything. That they know enough to handle things.
But even a 17 year old, is still a minor for a reason. I would say to any 17 year old who thinks that they are ready to take care of themselves, we don't in this day and age teach you enough to know that by 17. And alot fewer of you are mature enough to handle your own shit all on your own than think so.
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I go to school in a dominantly rich area. Most of the kids at my high school are very well off. Amazing cars, credit cards, all the money they can spend, the latest technology things, just have anything and everything they want. I'm not as well of as these kids so it's kind of hard for me to fit in. The girls here almost never wear the same thing twice, they carry extremely expensive hang bags, just the works. I just need some advice on how to fit in here.. I'm not going to have the latest phone, the coolest car, and I wear the same jeans like twice a week. Thanks (link)
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Treat having less money as a fact rather than a status symbol.
The trick to being accepted is not giving a damn about it. If someone asks you if you have something, say no in the most unconcerned tone imaginable. "Nah" works really well.
The trick to this, is to be admiring without caring. The attitude of "thats cool, its probably nice to have one, I just don't know what I'd do with it" is about as close as I can describe it. When someone shows off something, act interested, but don't ever seem bothered by the fact that you don't have one too. When someone asks you why about anything you own, respond with "It fits me"
This part is where you get to have fun with it. Pick things you like. Wear things that look nice. Pay attention to your appearance and always look like however you'd like within your means. Establish yourself as comfortable with yourself and people will envy YOU.
I've had to deal with the same things for different reasons. I was well off enough for everything I'd wanted when I was a kid. By this, I mean that I had simple tastes and wasn't concerned with things like how I looked or what I had as long as it served my purposes.
I didn't have a cell phone until the end of high school (didn't want one) and once I finally bought one, it was a simple solid state phone that cost like 70 bucks before coupons and rebates. I don't think I paid a dime for it with my contract.
People would ask me why I didn't have a kickass phone. I would respond by pulling my phone out and dropping it on the ground, then picking it up and saying "that happens all the time. I wanted a phone that can withstand punishment and be easily replaceable"
Then I'd offer to try that with their expensive sliding/folding/picture taking/mp3 player phones to see the result. I was always declined.
All I had to do was establish that I had my own reasons for what I wanted. It helped that I often did, but thats not entirely necessary to start out with. Just pretend, and do what you like. Eventually you will enjoy making your own decisions about what looks good and not caring what other people think, and that confidence in your own choices will be a bit more real.
You gotta insulate yourself. This hurts because you want all these things and are jealous, and that jealousy is something others can see. If you stop yourself and just learn to like what you have, other people won't be worried about it either. Kids in school who were different and fine with it always seemed to do well socially, because if you're ok with the way you are others assume there are good reasons and will go along with it, giving you more chances. Just be nice, friendly, and interested along with the confidence you project, and remember that these are teenaged kids just the same as you. Having money isn't going to solve all their other insecurities, worries, and everything else.
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My husband and I attended the wedding of two dear friends. The groom's mother, "Millie," made party favors for all the guests -- little gift bags containing sugar-coated almonds and, because the bride and groom are animal lovers, a small glass animal. A few days later, a friend brought her teenage daughter to our home. The daughter admired the two glass animals, so I gave them to her.
I was shocked when, the following weekend, Millie called and asked me to return them. She said she planned to take them back because she would prefer to use the money to buy the couple something they could use. Feeling guilty for "regifting," I responded with the first thing that popped into my head, that I hoped I hadn't "misplaced" them. Millie said she hoped not, too -- they had cost $35 apiece, and she would expect us to reimburse her! Further, we should not mention it to the "happy couple" because of the embarrassment it would cause.
I asked the bride's sister where Millie might have bought the glass figurines under the guise of wanting to get some as gifts for my grad students. I was stunned when she responded that she had purchased an entire case of these inexpensive animals as wedding favors, and that I was welcome to them if I wanted to pick them up from her home.
I'm unclear what motivated Millie to ask for the animals to be returned, or why she would inflate the price and expect to be reimbursed. I understand there was an unpleasant power struggle over the wedding arrangements, but I'm not sure what she hopes to gain from this.
How should this be handled? My husband says I should tell Millie the truth, that we gave them away and we know they cost only 80 cents apiece. What do you say? (link)
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I would tell her that you gave them away and are more than willing to reimburse the full retail price. Then have a pressing need to get away, promise to send a check, and hang up before she can say anything.
Ignore her calls until she gets a $1.60 check in the mail along with a price label for the same item (or a printout from a website or any other pricing info would work)
If she calls back after that, offer to replace them yourself as soon as you get your $1.60 back.
Oh come on, its temping and you know it.
If you didn't want to have fun with it, you could do as advised and get some as offered and bring her six or seven of them to "apologize" for having given them to a couple of kids. Puts you in the upper hand in every way without making you the jerk in the situation.
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