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keeping the flame going
im totally and completely in love with my boyfriend. and im pretty sure he feels the same way. but im worried about our relationship.
we have sex and do foreplay, and its all nice and such. but we've only been dating a couple of months and already this flame (being our relationship) has gotten so high. im worried that in the longrun, its just going to start feeling like a routine. and then it'll get boring, and we'll both wind up bored and end up splitting.
ive waited so long for him. and i finally got him. how can i keep the flame burning high so we dont get bored??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
i know how you feel. ive been with my bf for almost 3 yrs..and at the 2 or 3 month point i was thinking the same as you. the key is this: SEX is not everything. Spending time together, doing other activities, just being happy together is what holds a relationship together. sex alone cannot hold a relationship together. its like crappy glue in a way.
so, to keep things interesting..plan day trips/overnight trips, go different places, try different things, dont let yourselves settle in the same routine where you watch tv all day and have sex in the same position in the same place and not go anywhere. if you two really love each otherr it will not end up like that though
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By bonding outside of sex.
You are right. Over time it does get to be routine. The trick is, to make it a routine you enjoy. Routine is just the process of a person becoming more and more a true part of your life. Its not something to be worried about, its sinking into a rut thats the problem.
You fight that with love, awareness, and communication.
I'm at 4 years in less than a week with my girl. We got this far because we can talk to each other. Its been that simple. The ability to hold a conversation that interests us both has gotten us through times when we were too stressed out and upset on a daily basis (both by each other, and by life) to do anything except talk to each other.
Do things together. Find things you both like (movies, books, places, events, anything) that you can do together and talk about later. Take an interest in each others interests so that you can hold conversations about anything either of you likes.
Relationships don't have to be perfect. But understanding helps cover the rough spots (they will exist).
At some point you guys will have a fight. Thats when the real relationship begins (and the honeymoon phase you've been in so far comes crashing down) and you both get to show what you're made of.
Talk about it afterwards. Try to remain calm, and stop talking for a minute to calm down if you must. LISTEN to him and express yourself. If after your first fight you can sit down and somewhat calmly discuss why you were angry and either reach a compromise or agree to disagree amicably, God knows you might be hitting 4 years in the future as well.
I also delivered something of a line that worked miracles. I told her after a fight somewhat early on that the great part about fighting with her is that I knew we'd figure out a way to solve it later, even if we were mad about it then. Told her I knew I'd always come back after because I wanted to be with her and that was more important than petty disagreements.
It was relatively true, but it also helped her come to me a few times when I couldn't go to her to work things out. We've broken up before (lasted two months) and we've had our share of fights were things got pretty bad between us, even lasted days. But we've persevered, and its entirely worth it to be going sit next to her to watch Independence Day as I speak (type?)
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You know what the problem is? You worry too much about nothing. I was just like you before when I have just started my relationship with this affectionate, generous, crazy, loving and funny guy, who is my current beau by the way. The extraordinary feeling of being inlove and being loved in return is simply indescribable. I also used to think and worry on how I can preserve and prolong the special bond that we share without compromising anything that will eventually lead to breaking up.
The best thing that you should do is to confide every anxiety and worries that you have regarding your relationship to your boyfriend. I did. And I can say its one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. He taught me that there is no use of thinking too much of what might and might not happen in the future. He said that what we should concentrate on is the present, to make the most out each moment that we are together.
Also one good piece of advice is to never close your gate of communication. You should be able to talk things out together. Respect and honesty should always be constant in your relationship. Once in awhile do some crazy stuff together just to put a sparkle of adventure into your lives.
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you could try stuff like role playing...or sex toys...just a variety of things i recommend you read karmasutra... but the other person is right too 8]]
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Don't worry about the flame going out.
Honestly, It cools down in any relationship
after awhile but its still great. Won't get
boring or routine if you really care for
one another.
Relationships go through a lot of stages.
They are all good. Just don't take each
other for granted and always tell them how
you feel. Be friends first and foremost!
I've been married almost 34 years now.
Hubby is still hot and I let him know it!
Hope your relationship lasts a long time. :)
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