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This isnt slutty right..? :/ [continuation]
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^that was my question from about a week ago
i guess i agree on what you told me..the thing is..i feel like, its almost like, i KNOW im headed for something bad. i almost feel like im setting myself up for it too. almost like i know for a fact that this isnt going to end well..at all. and i know you probobly are thinking, if i know something bad is going to happen, then why do it. but the truth is..i dont know why i want to..honestly, i dont. my liking for him has faded out ever since last tuesday he asked me if he payed me 20 dollars if i would give him a blowjob. that really offended me..he definitly is using me and what hurts the most is, he USED to like me. back when we first met, he was the one who "liked" me first. and then he found out that i liked him, and thats when he started getting big headed and full of himself, very cocky about it. he would ask me, so you like me? and id say yeah i do and hed say, yeah idk ill have to think about it.
that made me angry whenever he did that to me..and wanna hear the worst part? he likes someone else too. and he flirts with her just as much, i just know it. but she lives an hour away and they only see eachother twice a year and she is two years older than him. so i feel like i have more a chance. WHY DO I WANT TO DO THIS WITH HIM. WHY?! even i dont know why! people ask me and i just stand there speechless because i cant think of a good reason. its almost like, i feel like i need something more intresting in my life right now..my life isnt exactly the greatest right now, ill admit that. and its also really sad because ill admit that i havent really gotten any since last summer. i have good reasons for this but i dont feel like getting into it right now. i also feel like i think doing this will make me feel better about things right now, but the truth is at the same time i know this is bad and i know what im going to do with him, is going to be bad..even i know that he doesnt like me. i know that. but..why not? he says im really hot and all of these things like that, but he never cares about what i have to say unless its sexual and about giving him a handjob. last week he begged me for a picture of chest. i said no about 20 times in the nicest way and he just kept saying, please trust me im not like that you can trust me no lie i wont show anyone and then this really angered me. he said, "please im really starting to like you please" i know that was a lie. he does not like me. he may like my body, but he definitly does not want to go out with me. but why doesnt he like me. and how can he want to do these things with me but not like me? he must think im pretty and ive given him tons of oppurtinities to get to know me, but he doesnt seem to care..why doesnt he want to go out with me. it hurts me..it also hurts when he doesnt want to have a simple conversation about things with me like about music. litterally everyday that we talk now he only wants to talk about what hes gonna do to me and how were gonna do it. i dont really like it anymore..but yet i still want to. but why...its almost like im..desperate..i hate admitting it..i really do..but then i just think maybe i wont get attatched to him and maybe ill do these things and then go on with life. but still, im not like that..im not that kind of person..things stay with me for a looong time, and this especially i feel might. god i just hope he still wants to talk to me after..he said he would, but i dont believe it. im not really asking a specific question im just wondering..what do you think about all of this..
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Alright.
First, we learn the difference between like, and lust.
Like means that you enjoy spending time around someone. I love my girlfriend, but I like her as well. We have a friendship that is separate and at the same time part of what we have together. We still have 2+ hour conversations.
Lust means that you have sexual desires only. While women can and do feel lust, men have the market cornered in that area.
You asked a big question. "how can he want this but not like me?"
Here, we get into the differences between men and women. We are wired differently. Men are biologically programmed to mate. To find sexual partners and procreate. Women are designed to nurture, and to form more close and permanent emotional bonds.
Now, a decent guy is in control of himself. A guy who seeks sex as obviously as the guy you describe and lies outright and obviously, he is neither intelligent nor mature. Sure, he might be able to be nice. There is more to being datable than being occasionally nice.
The problem here is confidence. He is an idiot. From what you've told me, he truly is immature and relatively stupid and unperceptive.
He also just doesn't give a shit. He is confident because other than sex he doesn't want anything you have to offer. You don't feel confident because you can't understand why he doesn't want what you have to offer.
What you have to get through your head, is that you DO have things to offer, and you need to find someone who actually appreciates that you are more than a fuckdoll.
It hurts because you are ignoring the very obvious blaring warning signs that this guy is a douchebag. You are letting yourself feel for someone who in no way deserves it. THATS what you have to work on. You rush into like, and given the opportunity you would probably rush into love.
If you haven't ever seen it, go watch "The Holiday". If you have, go watch it again. Kate Winslet said it well.
"Why am I attracted to someone that I KNOW is bad for me?"
"Because you're hoping that you're wrong, and every time she does something that tells you she isn't good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you she wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that she isn't for you"
Substitute "he" for "she" and you're right on target.
Let me tell you exactly how this will play out if you go through with it and never pluck up the courage to tell him to fuck off. You give him a handjob. He now knows persistence pays off, and he continues to work on you, perhaps even seeming to improve to you. You begin to do more in hopes that it somehow pops out a relationship, eventually having sex with him. He continues to pay you no attention and talk you into whatever. Eventually all the hurt balls into a knot of intense anger and you let him have it.
You have just become too much trouble, and he drops you like a bad habit. You feel hurt, betrayed, and like you can't trust anyone anymore. You learn a very hard lesson and move on more than a little emotionally shredded.
You need to come to terms with the fact that he is NOT going to come around. You have nothing but sex to offer this guy, because thats the ONLY thing he cares about. This is not your fault, its his, and until you accept that and cut off contact entirely you're still going to hurt.
Seriously though. You need to separate yourself from this. Block his phone, his e-mail, his aim, his myspace, his everything. If he tries to talk to you, tell him something along the lines of "Why would I want to talk to you, you only want trashy sluts who let you have what you want. Maybe you should get a blow up doll, she won't tell you no"
Do this in the most scornful voice you can muster. Let him know he is beneath you and that you are disgusted by him.
If you aren't, you should be. Fake it if you have to.
Oh, and he might decide to be angry and rejected over it, usually resulting in him lying about you doing things.
Ignore it. If anyone asks, be completely truthful about how pathetic it was, he didn't get so much as a kiss but spent weeks trying to convince you. Tell them he tried to buy a handjob (make sure to mention how sad that was) and don't be afraid to mention "sure, I liked him. Until he turned into a 12 year old inexperienced douchebag of a little boy"
Lastly, you're way too nice.
"he asked me like 20 times for topless photos and I told him no in the nicest way"
Why in all the Hells there ever were are you being nice about that? Your response should begin with "Hell", end with "No" and between the two should be the only "fucking" he ever gets from you.
You are an intelligent young woman. I'm not saying that to boost your ego, I'm informing you of a fact you seem to have missed.
Your posts have been relatively concise, well written, and your observations are decently perceptive. You're just ignoring yourself, and all the voices telling you this is a terrible idea. Stop that. You're smarter than you think you are, so when you feel those warning lights go off in the back of your head, pay some more attention.
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