A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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guy
gettin bushy
get some links of pics of different trimming designs (link)
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Ask google, people get banned for posting stuff like that here.
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what is your opinion on girls sending guys dirty pics. not completely nude, but just provacative. 15f (link)
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I'm going to echo the words "Disgusting and trashy" from the poster below, because thats exactly what it is.
Plus, theres an added bonus.
You've got a 100% chance at your age that any picture you send will be seen by more than just the guys you actually send them to.
You've also got probably about a 60-80% chance of those pictures being seen by LOTS of people via the internet or repeated forwarding of the texts.
Its stupid, don't do it. Once you send them, you can't get them back, and lots of people WILL see them.
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16/f
Say your cousin Had sex with you when you were 7 and they were 13, but nobody made ur cousin do it she chose to herself. She kinda used you as a sex toy. But Your both girls. Is it still considered Rape? (link)
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Yes, I would.
Rape is taking advantage of another person through force, coercion, or diminished capacity (like drugs or alcohol)
In this case, a 7 year old is severe diminished capacity, at that age no one is old enough to understand that they should say no, why they should say no, or to back up a no with resistance. A 13 year old is old enough to understand this concept, and to use it against someone else.
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my son married last july to a girl who is a bully.she likes to be the center of attenion all the time. she talks about flirting with my sons friends and their coworkers in front of my son (they both work at the same company). she has begun to alienate my son from his friends and family (his sister & us) who try to tell him how he's not being treated properly. she called my son's sister stupid in front of both of us with no regard for what she said. he has to get permission to put gas in his car! she gets mad if a friend texts him on his phone. she'll text that person at the same time and ask why he's not texting her. she hates most of her coworkers and talks horribly about them. my son seems to know how bad it's gotten, but is in denial. the peolple who try to support him are the ones who are not allowed to be in his life. i told him he needs to "man up", but he thinks it will work out. i don't know how to be supportive without losing my mind. (link)
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Damn...
Your son, I'm sorry to say, is a little bit fucked.
Controlling is one thing, but purposeful alienation is a very, very bad sign. This relationship is not going to end soon, and if/when it does it won't be pretty.
Whats worse, is he actually went through and married her. The divorce won't be pretty.
Trying to marshal some good advice.
First off, don't alienate him. Confrontation is a bad idea, as he is more likely going to side with his wife than with you at this point. Denial is powerful, and she is going to draw on that to make herself the center of his world, and make anything that draws his eyes off the center a very negative thing.
As much as this seems contrary, I would recommend sitting him down and talking with him. The trick here, is to ask alot more questions than you make statements. Talk to him at length, make the observations you've made here, and ask him what he thinks it means, why she's alienating his friends, why he allows her to have absolute control like this.
At the end of the conversation drop the question-equivalent of the heavy end of the hammer.
"Given everything we've talked about, why do you still want to be with her? Do you? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a girl who is only going to get worse as time goes on?
Other than that, send him love and acceptance. E-mails or phone calls where you ask how he is, offer advice if he asks for it, and just generally show concern and care for him. Reinforce his confidence, tell him you're proud of the man he is (even if you disagree with choices he makes) etc. When he inevitably brings her and her shit up, ask him why he tolerates it.
You can send the "man up" message to him, but your son doesn't quite have the spine you would like, and making it clear that you don't think he's being a "man" in the situation is only going to alienate him and make it easy/easier for her to try to alienate him from you as well.
Don't put these restrictions on anyone else. Let his sister tell him how much of a controlling bitch this girl is, let his friends do the same. You stand back, seem like the voice of reason, and remind him that these people genuinely care about him, and only want to see him happy. Remind him that they tell him these things this harsly because they're scared that he's going to screw his life up and end up in divorce court in 10 years when there are kids involved, instead of now. Be honest with your own opinions but don't shove them in his face.
He might not have much spine, but with her influence he could easily grow one and be standing up to you, not her.
You can't save him from this. As clearly as you and others can see this, he can't. What you can do is remind him that life doesn't have to be this way, remind him that bad choices like this girl are not irreversible, and be there to help him pick up the pieces when this falls aprart.
If he starts talking about having kids with her, or tells you she's pregnant, its family intervention time.
Oh, before I leave off, there is one other thing you can do.
There are a ton of articles out there about how bad divorce can be for a guy, because courts favor women. It gets worse when the girl is a vindictive bitch, and especially when kids get involved. You might want to google around for some articles relating to this, and find a way to get him to read them without her finding out. Put in his mind the question of "if I divorce this girl, how bad is it going to get? How much deeper can I sink into this if I have kids with her and it doesn't work out? How much is it going to cost me personally and financially when this explodes?"
Delicate subject, you don't want to make him so afraid of divorce that he stays with her just to avoid it, but you do want to give him reasons to think about how badly she could treat him given what she sees as sufficient provocation (like a divorce filing)
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16/f. So, around the time the new year started, I started dating my current boyfriend. I care about him a lot because we were friends before dating and we can tell eachother anything. Anyways, my dad doesn't like him, at all. He thinks that my boyfriend has "no personality", no direction in life, and only after sex. When I first found out how he felt about him, it really hurt, because he's actually the complete opposite. My dad is also very overprotective in general: I'm only allowed to go to the mall or some other secure location like a friend's house(if the friend is a girl of course), no guys are allowed at my house, and I am only allowed to sleepover at 2 of my friends' houses. Anyways, my boyfriend is quite the opposite. He used to take me to cool stores and restaurants and I would go to his house. However, I did all of that without my parents knowing. He would get very angry if he found out. Recently, however, things started going downhill. My bf came to visit me one day at my house and my dad got furious and didn't let him in the house. After that, he tried seeing me again, because it was our anniversary. He didn't go to my house but waited nearby so I could go outside. My dad found out he was nearby because he picked up the phone in the middle of our conversation. Then he yelled at him and told him to go home. Since that day, I've been grounded. I'm afraid that I'll still be grounded on valentine's day. :( And this all stinks because I think that my dad needs to get over it. I mean, I understand that he's concerned that I'll get pregnant or just hurt in general, but I know that I am mature and can make intelligent decisions. I have really good grades in school and don't do drugs or drink. I help around the house too. But I tried talking to my parents about my bf, but my dad just "knows" that this guy is bad news. It's just really unfortunate because I don't even go to the same school as him, so how will I ever see him if my dad keeps me on lockdown? Any suggestions? Thanks. (link)
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First off, perspectives.
Every 16 year old I've met (including myself at that age) thinks/thought they're mature and intelligent enough to handle their own decisions.
Everyone I know who is in their 20s and beyond also thinks that they were an idiot at 16.
This is your father's perspective. He knows you aren't as mature as you think you are (you arent, no offense) and he also knows something about guys that you do not.
There are two types of teen guys. Door mats, and assholes. The biggest thing both of these have in common is that they are pretty horny. The difference between them is self confidence.
If you bluntly offered your boyfriend sex, I guarantee you would probably sleep together within a week. The only mitigating factors here are self confidence and religion/morality. Basically, if you have a guy who's too shy to make a move, or a guy who has been taught and buys into "sex before marriage is wrong"
How do you combat this?
As stated below, it starts with talking to your father.
The right attitude is required. Calm is a necessity. Anger will make it easy and automatic to dismiss you. Indignation isn't a bad idea. Lastly, not disagreeing with him on certain points.
Example. He says "all guys just want to get laid"
Most girls would disagree with this. They'd say "no, he likes me for who I am, thats not what he wants!"
And most girls would be told they didn't know what they were talking about.
What YOU should say is something more along the lines of "I know, Dad. Guys want sex, thats a given. If I didn't date guys who wanted sex I'd end up in a convent or a lesbian, and I'm really not too keen on dating girls. Maybe you should trust my judgment that sex isn't the ONLY thing this guy wants, and maybe you should also trust my judgment to not sleep with him just because we like each other. You can't protect me from the world forever, and I'm 16, so if you don't let me date a little bit now what the hell am I going to do when I'm out on my own?"
He still sees you as his little innocent girl that he has to protect from the world. Disabuse him of that notion by being blunt and to the point. Tell him that you are not an idiot, a complete innocent, or in general the kind of person who's going to let herself be taken advantage of. And tell him that you know that at some point, a guy is probably going to hurt you emotionally. But you can't learn to pick yourself up if you never fall, and he's just going to have to trust that you're smart enough to not get yourself an STD or pregnant in the meantime.
Lastly, don't approach this from a "But if you just got to know him you're going to love him!" angle. Your dad isn't going to "love" any of your boyfriends, he's just going to be sitting there thinking "This little asshole wants to fuck my sweet innocent baby"
Approach it from a "I'm going to choose who I date, and I don't think its right of you to deny me a little freedom at 16. I've given you reasons to trust my judgment, I'm a good kid, and you need to see your way clear to being OK with me joining the dating world, because whether or not you like it, I already have."
Again, do this in a calm manner, don't be arrogant or bitchy, and don't be condescending. Just be matter of fact "This is what I want, this is why, and I think I have earned a little trust here"
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So...My boyfriend and I had sex the other night. I got off birth control about two months ago and now if somethin happens, hes pressed on getting Plan B. I took it the other night (feb 7). We had sex again last night and he wants to get it again. He never came inside me...and Im supposed to start my period in a few days! I already ovulated this month according to the ovulating calander (they said anywhere from the 21st tul 29th) so i dont think i could get pregnant...but would you suggest I go out and buy the Morning After Pill??
Thanks for your help! (link)
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See Ohshitcassidy?
She is an idiot. Complete, total, utter idiot.
Yes, go out, and get one right now.
You are most fertile right before and right after you ovulate, but you continue to be fertile until after your period starts. It is possible to get pregnant AFTER your period starts.
Don't risk it, go get one, and stop having unprotected sex. You're asking to get knocked up.
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So, I'm in such a wierd place right now, any advice would be great.
18/m
My (first) girlfriend broke up with me a few months back, and she wanted to stay friends(so did I), but she hasn't made a single effort to stay in any part of my life. Not one call, anytime we've talked, it's because I texted her. I haven't even seen her since a couple weeks before we broke up.
I miss talking to her and I miss having a girl, but I don't want her back. Even before she dumped me she was never around, she basically dumped me in her mind and let me know over the phone later.
Part of me wants to still talk, she was my only friend outside of my family, but the other part says 'screw you, I'm worth more than that, if you wanted to be friends maybe try to make an effort'
Am I being an ass because I kinda gave up on trying? I know I deserve better than that, I'm an amazing guy (not conciet,judging from most guys, I'm the nicest guy I've met :p )
Thanks! (link)
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You're pining.
Its time to move on. She doesn't give a shit, its time you stopped too. You aren't being an ass, you're waking up to the fact that this girl is kind of worthless. You're better off, now go out and make some new friends.
Oh, and labeling yourself as "the nicest guy you know" almost always (99% of the time) means that everyone _else_ labels you as a doormat. Your question here about "am I an asshole for giving up on a girl who neglected me and doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me" kinda backs that up.
You need to expand your circle of friends, get out and away from your family, and develop a little more of your own life.
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I lost my job, and now I can't find a job anywhere at all. Even mcdonlands, pizza hut wouldn't hire me.
I have debt, need to go to school, and now I'm on the last of my money.
My girlfriend has to pay all the bills.
What the fuck? How the fuck? Can I do anything to unfuck myself? (link)
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If you honestly can't get a job at McDonalds or pizza hut, its how you're presenting yourself.
Talking to managers
Lets say you want to get hired at Best Buy. Go in, grab an application, and ask if the manager in charge of the hiring process is there. If so, fill out the application, hand it to him/her on the spot, and introduce yourself with a friendly smile and a firm handshake.
If not, ask when you could come back and speak with them. Bring your application in then, and introduce yourself as above.
An application is just a piece of paper, you want to be a face, and hopefully a name to them.
Dressing
Whenever you go in looking for a job, you should be dressed as closely to the job's dress code as you can. If the job's attire is casual (jeans and T Shirts) dress a little above that, jeans, nice shoes, and a nice button up shirt.
Cleanliness goes without saying. Make sure your fingernails are trimmed, many people will use specific aspects of your physical appearance to determine if you pay attention to yourself.
Punctuality
Doing exactly what you say you will do is important. I had an interview today. I was told to be there at 2:30. I walked in the door at 2:28. Getting there excessively early shows that you're nervous, possibly that you don't always get there on time and wanted to make sure. Getting there late... well you obviously don't want to set a precedent before you've even gotten a job.
By being there exactly when I say I will and not a minute after, I show that I have shit to do, but am perfectly capable of doing what I say I will. I show that I am completely confident in my ability to keep my word. I showed up at 2:30 and they didn't get to me until 25 minutes later.
But if they ask the hostess, she will know I got there at 2:30, exactly when I said I would.
Interviewing
Practice stories in your head. I've got two amusing stories and two serious stories for every single job I've worked previous.
Before the interview, come up with two or three neutral questions about safe topics. Examples would be things like "What's the process of promotion here?" or "What opportunities would there be if I thought I might fit in better in another area of the company"
Avoid anything about money, anything about employee benefits, or anything negative. I'll give you an example of a crash and burn a friend had. He got to the third interview with Best Buy, the "Pass and you get hired". Everything was going well, until he asked "At alot of previous jobs, I've experienced hostile customers. Whats your policy on dealing with hostile and combattive customers?"
That one question tanked his entire hiring process. He didn't get the job.
Attitude
When you walk into that store, you are not depressed, your family is fine, your life is fine, leave each and every personal problem in the car in the parking lot. Employers want a "can do" attitude and don't give a flying fuck about whats going on in your home.
Interviewing managers have two questions they ask themselves. "Can this person do the job?" and "Do I want to work with this person on a daily basis"
You've got to give them a yes to both.
Lying
Thats right. Lying. I have lied in every single job interview I have ever had. Ever taken a personality test?
"I am a very neat person in my personal life" Strongly agree to strongly disagree.
My apartment is in shambles right now, but I answer that one "Strongly agree"
Why? Because again, they don't give a shit about what your home life is like. What they care about, is can you give them exactly what they want when they want it. As long as you can show them that, they don't care, and they won't go looking.
I got a perfect score on a personality test for my last job. They asked me bluntly if I lied, because a perfect score is just... well its too perfect. My reply was simply a confident smile, and saying "I know what's expected of me, and I can deliver it on demand or request" They didn't press the issue further.
So when you're in an interview, and they ask you "so tell us about one of your faults" don't tell them how you're in AA, or how you can't keep a relationship going, or how you sometimes lose your temper and go off on people.
Tell them about how you get bored easily and like a job with alot to do, because it drives you nuts to have zero to do. Tell them how you're overly chatty sometimes and have in the past been too friendly to people who weren't in the mood to chat. Hell, tell them that you think you're too nice to people sometimes, and that your friends tell you that you shouldn't be willing to bend over backwards for complete strangers.
Its a bullshit question anyway, they don't care about whats wrong with you, they just want to see if you're damaged goods, or if you can smile and give a bullshit answer right back without it being completely apparent that you're lying.
And never, ever, EVER give a negative reason for quitting a previous job. The job before last I walked up to my boss and told him to go fuck himself (he was a complete douchebag) and said that I quit. I told the job I just got that I quit because I was moving, but the decision to move came after I quit. Remember that in general most employers cannot call a previous employer and ask them anything except "Did he work here?", "When did he work here?" and "Can he be re-hired?"
Because of this, most places won't ever bother calling a previous employer. In 10 years I have not had a single job denied to me because of what a previous employer said, and I have not left every job I've had on good terms.
The only things you don't want to lie about
- References. I've made up references before, but if you can't give a "yes my previous boss would give me a glowing review because of x, y, and z" answer then just say that they would say you're a decent employee.
- Job experiences you've never had. The one thing that will get a prospective employer calling your previous jobs is if you get caught pretending to have had a job. Especially if they seem to know more about said job than you do. Don't claim to have forklift experience if you've never driven one. Don't claim to know excel if you can't make a spreadsheet. Don't pretend to have been a manager if you have zero management experience. Etc.
Remember this. NEVER shoot yourself down. If you aren't going to get the job, you aren't going to get it, but it should NEVER be because of something you said.
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I am a 22 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and everything in our relationship is good except he has a problem with my sexuality. It is REALLY hurting the relationship. I feel as if sex is more of a chore then anything else. We still have sex a good amount, but not as often as he would like. And he knows I do not enjoy it (dispite my acting haha). It's not that sex feels bad or anything, it actually just doesn't feel like anything at all. I can enjoy myself sexually by myself, but have never really gotten pleasure out of sex with any of my partners in my life. Maybe I am masterbating wrong, therefore my boyfriend cannot get me excited? I know that I am supposed to tell my partner what feels good to me, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing really feels that good.
This problem has really been wearing down on me and my relationship lately and I could really use the advice. Thank you for your time!! (link)
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Everyone here is giving you "work on it and try new things" and "perspective" advice.
I've read what you wrote and I'm going to make an assumption here.
You said it doesn't feel like "anything". While its understandable that you might not have an orgasm, not feeling anything at all isn't normal.
To me, my first inclination is to say that the problem is somewhat medical in nature. Its not normal to experience zero physical pleasure during sex.
Possible basic solutions
- Vibrators. Vibrators have the ability to somewhat numb you over time (completely reversible, just stop using them). Basically, the body is designed to raise your sensation threshold when you overload it. So when using a vibrator, the sensations are often more intense than regular non-orgasmic sex, and you feel alot less.
- Condoms. Some people are naturally less sensitive than others, and a condom definitely lowers sensation. I'm not suggesting regular unprotected sex, but as you are in a committed relationship you might want to try brief sex without a condom (discussed before hand) and see if that makes a difference.
- Size. People come in all shapes and sizes, and its possible that you have been with guys who aren't quite big enough for you. Honestly, the only real way to test this out is by purchasing a sex toy thats a little thicker than average.
- Wetness. A common enough problem, too wet means no friction means less sensation. My girl at times has trouble reaching orgasm because she gets too wet to get the friction (and thus sensation) she needs. Take a quick break, and start again.
Its entirely possible that none of these are the problem, you didn't give enough information to really tell. It sounds to me like you very much want to be what he want's sexually, but its just hard because he is frustrated at his inability to please you in bed.
If nothing else, I would very seriously advise speaking to your gynecologist the next time you pay a visit. As a doctor, he can tell you alot more about things like this than anyone here can, and in your situation I would be seeking medical advice.
As an experiment, go without masturbating or sex for a week. Tell him what you're doing. At the end of the week, sleep with him and see if anything is different. It might help to have some sexual tension built up to spur you along.
Good luck.
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I am being completely and utterly serious.
I am researching demons, specifically names, behavior, appearance, etc for a story that I am doing. I am religious (Roman Catholic) and my mother has taught me that "playing" with the supernatural/demons, devil, etc may be "inviting" them into your lives. (Being possessed, or haunted) I do not want this to happen to me. I do not wish to mess with them, I just want to do research. I would prefer for the advice given to be done by somebody who is religious (some form of Christianity is preferred, but as long as you believe in good and evil, etc) I am being serious. Also, is just WRITING about them dangerous? Thank you so much.
-WiseRose (link)
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I'm 16f and my brother is 14. His room is next to mine. about two weeks ago I was looking for something ona a high up shelf in my room and I noticed a small hole in the wall. I looked through it but couldn't see anything. I didn't think anything about it and sorta forgot about it. Then like 5 days ago I was in my room getting ready for bed and right when I took off my bra and panties to take a shower I heard a noise right where the hole is. I was totaly wierded out and decide to check it out. The next day I went into his room and figured the hole is in his closet I went in there and saw his set up. He has a chair in there and a box of tissues (YUCK!!!!) From the hole, he can see most of my room including my bed. I was so scared since that means he's probably seen alot. I'm not a really bad girl, but I have snuck a few guys into my room when my parents were out and clothes have come off, and I do do things when I'm alone. I've had friends overnight and they've changed in my room. Now it's pretty clear I've had an audience. I'm totally pissed at my brother for doing this. Until now we get along great and I actually elt him hang out with me and friends becuase he's pretty cool. I really want to tell my parents on him but two things stop me. First my brother might turn the tables and tell my parents that I've had boys over, which they absolutely don't allow. Second, my dad has a really bad temper and is very strict. He'd probably whip my brother's ass off (I mean it, my dad still uses the belt on his bare ass if my brother doea something really wrong. 10 or fifteen stripes is pretty typical for a beating. It leaves my brother howling and he cant sit for days) and then who knows what he's do to me over the boys. I'm too embarassed to talk to my brother because he's seen so much. So I don't know what to do. I can't even cover the hole since my room was painted in this custom purple and we don't have any left. Any paint there would clash. Any advice? (link)
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I'd wait until you hear a noise, walk into his room, and smack the shit out of him with his pants off.
Catch him red handed and make him ashamed, let him know how violated it makes you feel, how disgusting it is, and that if you ever catch him doing it again you're going straight to you parents with the information. If he threatens you in any way, slap him hard across the face.
I don't usually advocate hitting people, but he needs a harsh wake up call, and he needs to get smacked for this. If you don't want to involve your parents, you have to draw a line in the sand.
Another way, is you can tape a letter to him over his side of the hole in the closet. Let him find it himself, let him know how disgusted you are with him as a person and especially as your brother.
Being an only child I can't even imagine whats going through his head. But its fucked up, its disgusting, and he's exploiting you. Stand up for yourself and stop him.
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First I really need people to just listen and not to judge or warn me of anything because I already know it all. All I really want is some opinions on this. PLEASE. i dont need negative feedback or the crap about predators and danger.
Well back in October I met this guy online through a certain website and we talked a lot. After a month of talking online and on the phone we found that we really liked each other and he asked me out. This guy lives all the way in Washington State while I live in Massachusetts. I know that I truly love this guy and he loves me but i just really need some positive feedback since i cant always get it from my friends. I havent told my family about him and i dont really intend on doing it until things get fully serious. Me and him talk every night and we text nonstop, We are coming to our 3 months of being together. All though we can physically be there at the moment we find the presences of each other through the phone and we just have something different from other people. i just dont know what else to really say i mean i dont know if people are willing to say anything but i would like to have someone else to talk to about this. Thanks for taking time in reading this. (link)
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Break it off.
Probably the last thing you want to hear, but from the sound of it you aren't in any kind of position to actually be with this guy. My advice is that distance doesn't work unless you can see each other at least once a month. Once a month is hard enough, but you don't know this guy, and you won't know this guy, if you're literally across the country from him.
Date locally. If not locally, at least in the same state.
Its nice to have a friend who cares, and a guy you can connect with. But you can't have a true relationship with someone thousands of miles away that you have to plan and save all year to go see.
Theres also something to be said about the fact that things will be more intense than is real if you only see each other once a year. You save up all your emotions for one visit, thats not how a real relationship is, and it will give you a false sense of what is both going on with you. You'll feel so in love, because you don't have enough time around each other to realize that its just the passion of the moment. Theres not enough time for that passion to go and real connection to begin.
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So i'm almost 17 and when i am 18 i am wanting to get plastic surgery done to get a bigger but i dont want it real big but i hav a real small but right now and its hard to find pants that fit and i hate it so i want to know if you think this is a good idea and how much do u think this would cost
thanks (link)
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Just to give you fair warning, plastic surgery makes you feel fake. While many guys might like the look of a girl who's had "work done" they like the look because they don't have to deal with it in bed.
Its not a good idea, and especially if you have your ass made bigger most guys I know would not be turned on by it (quite the opposite)
As if thats not enough reason, you're looking at 5-6 grand easy.
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So i lost my virginity to a real jerk who broke my heart and made me very depressed i decided a long time later that when i met the right person i would have my hymen reconstructed for a very special night i have been with this guy for almost a year and he is very special to me but now i am starting to have second thoughts about the hymen thing i asked one of my guy friends if it was a good idea and he said it was a very discusting idea and i should not do it i need opinions what do you think
thanks (link)
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Thats got to be the dumbest thing I've read in a while, no offense.
He isn't going to care that your hymen is gone, why do you? There is absolutely no reason to have your friggin hymen reconstructed. You screwed up, you trusted the wrong person. These things happen to everyone, and you've got to accept that, learn what you can from it, and put it behind you.
You're with a guy you like, that should be enough. Pretending the past didn't happen doesn't work, because the past changes who you are today, and if you don't accept that and learn from your mistakes, you will continue to screw things up in the future.
Virginity isn't important. Being with someone who cares about you is. Go from that.
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i have had a long distance relationship for about 7 months now, and i have never met him in person. we are planning to meet this year. it would seem like we are meant for eachother by the conversations we have, but what if we are totally different in person? is meeting up a good idea?
im an adult, so i dont need the "internet predator" lecture, just give me some insights. anyone ever experience this?
thanks advicenators
=]
(link)
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You cannot be "meant for each other" online.
You're going into it with a rosy colored image of who this guy is, and its GOING to come crashing down around you.
No one is anywhere near completely genuine online.
Think about a first date. No one shares the things that are wrong with them on the first date. Well, maybe some people do, but they rarely end up on a second date.
You've just had seven months of not even first date level. Why? Because in addition to not out and out telling you about his flaws, the worst ones he probably doesn't know much about, because most people are blind to the biggest things wrong with them. You get no hints, because _he's_ clueless about it.
All this adds up to him not really being who he seemed online, and you can't get to know someone without knowing their personality, their habits, the little things about them and how they react to the world that really define a person.
Going into this with a "we're meant for each other" attitude is wrong, because at this point you really have no clue.
I did distance. In all honesty, the reason it worked is that we went into it with no expectations. We were just going to be fuck buddies,and ended up involved. Two years later we moved in together, and two years after that I'm typing this out to you.
It worked, because we didn't go into it thinking we were meant for each other, and we knew each other for more than a year before we got involved (and had met in person multiple times prior to getting involved)
You need to treat this meeting like a first date, not like you're meeting the guy of your dreams. If you don't, I can almost guarantee its not going to work out, because he isn't whatever magical image you've built up in your head.
One last note, once every 7 months won't make a relationship. Physical intimacy, sex, just being able to touch each other, is part of a relationship. If you two "date" for three years meeting once every 7 months you'll be three years into less than two months worth of normal dating.
Which is stupid, really. If you guys are this far apart, you probably ought to both try to find someone more local.
And echoing what other people said, meet somewhere public and have someone you trust within view at all times, work out a signal where you send them a message and they "call you with an emergency" if you have to bail.
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How do I clean my computer off? Its running really slow, last time it happened I had a virus. I don't want to get my parents involved. Any free computer cleaning products I can download? (link)
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Arr.
I'm going to have a list of links, this is going to take a while.
A note, not one of these costs you a dime at any point.
Firefox
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/
Firefox is the browser you should be using. Download this after everything else on this list, but I'm putting it first because its important. If you already have it, ignore this. If you don't, download this and delete every shortcut to internet explorer you have.
No Script
http://noscript.net/
This is your first line of defense. After you get firefox, get this. Noscript blocks everything from running on new pages. At the bottom of the screen a bar appears where you can allow or disallow things. Youtube, viruses, javascript, this stops it ALL until you choose to allow it. The great thing about noscript is, alot of web pages will try to install shit the second you load a page. No script stops this when nothing else does. For pages like youtube, this site, you just click the bar at the bottom and tell it "allow all this page" and everything works fine.
Spybot Search and Destroy
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html
First program. Spybot is God. This one program keeps your computer safe from all kinds of crap that hurts it. The three biggest features are the spyware scan, tea timer and immunization. Update it weekly, run it every week or two, and keep the immunization current. Its help files give great explanations of what it does and how to use it.
Oh, and Tea Timer. Tea timer protects your registry from unwanted changes and lets you know when something is working in your system that you don't want. Its not a virus scan, more something that pays attention to a few sensitive areas that viruses can cause alot of damage in. I generally keep it running at all times. The one exception is, I shut it down when I am playing video games. Tea Timer uses a pretty large amount of memory while in use, and it doesn't interfere with movies and small games, running something big like Half Life 2, Bioshock, Gears of War, or any game thats come out in about the last 2-3 years usually slows my computer down alot unless I start shutting things down.
But then, I've got 512 MB Ram, 128 MB Video Card, a 2.66 GHz single core processor, etc. If you have a beast of a gaming system at your disposal, you probably don't have to worry about this as much. If you've got 2 gigs of ram, a better video card, and a dual core or better processor, ignore what I just said and let it run, unless you experience alot of slowdown.
AVG Virus Scan
http://free.avg.com/
AVG Virus Scan. A quality virus scan thats freeware. Download it, use it, love it.
Though, if you've got some money, norton isn't a bad idea. Norton Antivirus has always been the best as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't cost a ton to get a subscription to it for updates, but if you don't want to spend money AVG is the way to go.
All this together should go a long way towards fixing your computer. Grab Spybot and AVG first. Update them, run them, fix what they tell you to fix. Then get the rest of this stuff.
One last trick, the paging file. If you don't know what that is, your hard drive keeps free space on it that acts like ram, when your processor and ram memory are full they save running programs onto your hard drive and recall them to ram memory when they need to be used. Its a way for your computer to manage resources better.
I keep a 1 gig paging file. That keeps my system running pretty well. To set your paging file, go to the my computer icon, right click, and select "Properties"
From there, Go to "Advanced" and click on "Settings" in the performance box.
In the new window, find the "Advanced" tab again and at the bottom it should have an option for virtual memory. Change it to 1024 MB, and make sure your hard drive has at least a gig free. You need to keep a gigabyte open on your hard drive at all times so that your computer can use the paging file, if you don't, slowdown city.
If your computer is still running crappily after this, its time to reformat and reload windows. You'll need a windows install CD, and you'll probably have to ask your parents about that.
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im only asking this because other websites have made me paranoid and im feeling stupidly stressed out. i gave my boyfriend a handjob then afterwards fingered myself obviously i washed my hand inbetween with soap but he didnt cum just got a little wet
i am due on my period and i am getting a brown coloured discharge...which i here can mean being pregnant:s (link)
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You've got less than a single percentage chance of being pregnant. More than likely, your period is coming.
If you miss it, wait a week, and take a test. None of us can give you more certainty than that.
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Well, I have lived in a marriage for 28 years. It has been very rocky since day one. I have learned that my spouse cannot have intimacy. I have known this for some time. We have had counceling(one year) and it was getting better, but now, he is back in is shell again. We have never had intimacy, Only sex sometimes, usually none, and now, none for 3 years. He is a good person, I guess this is why I have stayed. I have left 3 times and go back. I am so so so lonely, I dream of being happy. I dream of being with someone that I can laugh with and cry with. I feel I am to old now, at 52 and female, to be starting over. I guess I feel bad for him. We have nothing in common, and all these years, I have lived the most lonliest life ever. He is a hard worker, but that is all. (link)
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I agree with the below. After counseling and 28 years of trying to pull him out of his shell, the time has come for a decision.
I'm alot younger than you, but neither I nor my girl can imagine what your situation feels like. That length of time... You've been married longer than either of us have been alive.
If you want to save this marriage, its possibly ultimatum time. Tell him exactly whats going on with you, and exactly what point you're at. Clear, concise communication. If nothing changes, I wish I had something else to say, but I think it might be time to move on.
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hello, Im 18 years old and i have a boyfriend, we've dating 8 months. I know he loves me, and I guess i love him too... He almost 20 years old,and as any guy he wants to have sex.he isnt a virgin, unlike him, im virgin. the problem is my parents, they told me not to do this till marriage. bc my countries' religion is islam(muslim). But we are not religious, its just old traditions. in addition, after few months he going to university which is 4 hours from me. i dont know should i do this? he wants to and i kind of want too, but I'm not sure and afraid...and also my dad gonna be mad on me (link)
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Being as you're 18, the age of adulthood, the choice is and should be entirely yours.
No one can tell you what is right for you. But I'll give you my perspective.
Sex is more important to some people than others. To someone like me, it is very important, sexual compatibility is a big thing. One of the qualities I seek in a woman is that very sexuality.
I would not date a virgin by choice. I'm in a long term relationship, so its not an issue, but sex comes up quickly in discussion and I am naturally attracted to people for whom sex isn't still a huge mysterious unknown.
From my perspective, sex before marriage is neccessary. Every woman I've dated has shared this perspective, so its never been a problem, but I want a girl to know herself well enough that we can both judge our compatibility in this area. I've known guys who waited until marriage, had high sex drives, and ended up with women who could be satisfied with sex once a month.
The level of strife that can cause in a relationship is massive, and often leads to estrangement, divorce, cheating, emotional disconnection, and generally bad times. I wouldn't want to subject myself or anyone else to that.
As you can see, I don't recommend waiting until marriage. I think that adding the burden of learning to be compatible and communicate about sexuality with each other to the work of maintaining a marriage is a terrible idea.
I'm with the girl I'm going to marry. We've been together for four years, lived together for two this may. We have long since learned to work things out, and we are fully sexually compatible, having similar drives for it. I don't think I could marry someone without knowing them as well as I do this girl, I could not commit my life to someone unless I knew that not only we could make it work, but that we already were making it work before hand. I see marriage as just an extension of the commitment to each other that is already there. Its not the end goal, its just a step along the way.
The end goal, to me, is family. And for someone with as high a drive as I have, a partner who shares my desires and perspectives on what amounts to a very major part of the relationship is essential to the forming of a stable relationship that we can bring kids into someday.
My two cents, in any case.
Oh, and to add some perspective to this, I am Christian, baptized Catholic after birth. My family doesn't approve of my views in this regard, but I know that this choice is specifically right for me. They can be unhappy with it all they want, I am content in the knowledge that I am doing what is going to assure my future, and the future of the girl I'm with.
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i'm 15, female, and sexually active. i've had 15 partners so far and get tested for stds every three months. so far its all been negative.
i am very tiny my current boyfriend however is about nine inches and thick as a can of silly string just about...when we first started it would always hurt at first but only when we first put it in but not too long ago he tried going in really deep and it hurt like i was losing my virginity all over again...the next day i went to pee and it stung and there was blood spots so i got a mirror and theres a tear right below my vagina...the skin around it is very irritated and ive been getting frequent yeast infections [which i am alergic to yeast so yay for me] like once a week...it burns and itches and ive been tested recently and its all negative, i got some ointment for external use from my gyn but it only helps for the first hour or so after wards
what do i do?? (link)
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You're 15.
One of the reasons its generally not a good idea to have sex at your age (especially as much sex as you've been having) is that you aren't physically fully developed yet.
Also, he is far above average if your description of him is actually accurate. Alot of women just aren't built for a guy that size.
What do you do? Close your legs.
Seriously, you've got some fucked up priorities, and 15 partners at 15 is seriously bad. I sometimes reserve judgment, because my number is relatively high as well, but 15 at your age... you need to stop having sex and seriously reevaluate your standards. Because yeah, you've been lucky so far. At this rate, you won't be lucky forever.
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