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should I have sex with my bf?
hello, Im 18 years old and i have a boyfriend, we've dating 8 months. I know he loves me, and I guess i love him too... He almost 20 years old,and as any guy he wants to have sex.he isnt a virgin, unlike him, im virgin. the problem is my parents, they told me not to do this till marriage. bc my countries' religion is islam(muslim). But we are not religious, its just old traditions. in addition, after few months he going to university which is 4 hours from me. i dont know should i do this? he wants to and i kind of want too, but I'm not sure and afraid...and also my dad gonna be mad on me
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Thanks to everything. however im not going to do this. Im not ready yet
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The First question comes to my mind is Are you willing to give up on the traditions of your religions for this guy? Now I do not mean this in a bad way at all, In fact its a question you should ask yourself. Every momther and Father wants their little girl to stay pure for as long as they can, why do you think they invented chastity belts? But If you want to have sex with your boyfriend know that is entirely your decition and that you will own up to the consequences that fallow. From what I am seeing you are a 18 year old WOMAN not a girl, you are an adult and you make your own decitions, not the ones your parents make for you, but with that power comes great responsiblity, you must be able to accept and own up to all your desicions and take any consiquences with a grain of salt.
Your boyfriend is going to a university only 4 hours away, that's really not that bad if you think about it, you can drive down to see him, or he can drive down to see you evrey weekend, once a month. Trust me I would die to have an oppertunity like that with my boyfriend (he's a marine and stationed in Hawaii, so its an 8 hour expensive flight to get to him). So don't worry about that, if its love the absence will make it stronger.
If you do decide to have sex just remember you are a virgin and you need to take it slow and gentle at first. use a condom or a Vaginal Contraseptive Film (you can find both at drugstores) and to use a water based lubricant if needed (oil based breaks down condoms). It might hurt a little at first, but since you waited till you were 18 (GOOD FOR YOU BTW!!!) your opening just might be developed enough where it won't hurt real bad.
well I hope this helped,
If you have anymore questions e-mail me at
jellybeansandtinkerbell@yahoo.com
~<3 jelly belly
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Being as you're 18, the age of adulthood, the choice is and should be entirely yours.
No one can tell you what is right for you. But I'll give you my perspective.
Sex is more important to some people than others. To someone like me, it is very important, sexual compatibility is a big thing. One of the qualities I seek in a woman is that very sexuality.
I would not date a virgin by choice. I'm in a long term relationship, so its not an issue, but sex comes up quickly in discussion and I am naturally attracted to people for whom sex isn't still a huge mysterious unknown.
From my perspective, sex before marriage is neccessary. Every woman I've dated has shared this perspective, so its never been a problem, but I want a girl to know herself well enough that we can both judge our compatibility in this area. I've known guys who waited until marriage, had high sex drives, and ended up with women who could be satisfied with sex once a month.
The level of strife that can cause in a relationship is massive, and often leads to estrangement, divorce, cheating, emotional disconnection, and generally bad times. I wouldn't want to subject myself or anyone else to that.
As you can see, I don't recommend waiting until marriage. I think that adding the burden of learning to be compatible and communicate about sexuality with each other to the work of maintaining a marriage is a terrible idea.
I'm with the girl I'm going to marry. We've been together for four years, lived together for two this may. We have long since learned to work things out, and we are fully sexually compatible, having similar drives for it. I don't think I could marry someone without knowing them as well as I do this girl, I could not commit my life to someone unless I knew that not only we could make it work, but that we already were making it work before hand. I see marriage as just an extension of the commitment to each other that is already there. Its not the end goal, its just a step along the way.
The end goal, to me, is family. And for someone with as high a drive as I have, a partner who shares my desires and perspectives on what amounts to a very major part of the relationship is essential to the forming of a stable relationship that we can bring kids into someday.
My two cents, in any case.
Oh, and to add some perspective to this, I am Christian, baptized Catholic after birth. My family doesn't approve of my views in this regard, but I know that this choice is specifically right for me. They can be unhappy with it all they want, I am content in the knowledge that I am doing what is going to assure my future, and the future of the girl I'm with.
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