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My Dad Hates My Boyfriend
16/f. So, around the time the new year started, I started dating my current boyfriend. I care about him a lot because we were friends before dating and we can tell eachother anything. Anyways, my dad doesn't like him, at all. He thinks that my boyfriend has "no personality", no direction in life, and only after sex. When I first found out how he felt about him, it really hurt, because he's actually the complete opposite. My dad is also very overprotective in general: I'm only allowed to go to the mall or some other secure location like a friend's house(if the friend is a girl of course), no guys are allowed at my house, and I am only allowed to sleepover at 2 of my friends' houses. Anyways, my boyfriend is quite the opposite. He used to take me to cool stores and restaurants and I would go to his house. However, I did all of that without my parents knowing. He would get very angry if he found out. Recently, however, things started going downhill. My bf came to visit me one day at my house and my dad got furious and didn't let him in the house. After that, he tried seeing me again, because it was our anniversary. He didn't go to my house but waited nearby so I could go outside. My dad found out he was nearby because he picked up the phone in the middle of our conversation. Then he yelled at him and told him to go home. Since that day, I've been grounded. I'm afraid that I'll still be grounded on valentine's day. :( And this all stinks because I think that my dad needs to get over it. I mean, I understand that he's concerned that I'll get pregnant or just hurt in general, but I know that I am mature and can make intelligent decisions. I have really good grades in school and don't do drugs or drink. I help around the house too. But I tried talking to my parents about my bf, but my dad just "knows" that this guy is bad news. It's just really unfortunate because I don't even go to the same school as him, so how will I ever see him if my dad keeps me on lockdown? Any suggestions? Thanks.
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You know what, The exact same thing happen to me when I was 16. My dad hated this guy I was dating, just hated him. He called him all these names. I thought I loved this guy. I even had a wreck driving my car to follow this bf because my dad just told him off while he was at my house. I was so upset at my dad. Now, that I'm lots older, I see that my dad was right. This guy was so not what he said he was. My dad knew something I didn't. It took me forever to figure this out. My parents did let me do a lot more than yours. Where is your mom in all this? It does sound like your dad is very protective, one thing is for sure, he loves you. I think I would go out and get this book called,'How to talk to teens so teens will talk' book and help him learn how to do this. Leave it on his table or where he sits. It's difficult to be a parent, we want to protect our children from everything, but he would greatly benefit in learning to communicate with you, then you wouldn't be sneaking around to do what you want anyway. Your dad would be able to learn to trust you if he could to communicate. It is going to be hard for him to do this, if he catches you sneaking around trying to see this guy. Then he will say you can't be trusted.Oh, he already did catch you. So now you need to talk to him about communication. I know how you feel firsthand. I know what its like to want to be around someone your dad hates. This is how I know you will do anything for this to happen. I read one of your responses, I hope he is a person that will listen. Don't forget the book, I hope he is a reader. You know, its so hard being the teen growing up, and it's so hard being the parent that wants your child to be safe. Your a nice and sensible person, this is good. Good luck, and hang in there.
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First off, perspectives.
Every 16 year old I've met (including myself at that age) thinks/thought they're mature and intelligent enough to handle their own decisions.
Everyone I know who is in their 20s and beyond also thinks that they were an idiot at 16.
This is your father's perspective. He knows you aren't as mature as you think you are (you arent, no offense) and he also knows something about guys that you do not.
There are two types of teen guys. Door mats, and assholes. The biggest thing both of these have in common is that they are pretty horny. The difference between them is self confidence.
If you bluntly offered your boyfriend sex, I guarantee you would probably sleep together within a week. The only mitigating factors here are self confidence and religion/morality. Basically, if you have a guy who's too shy to make a move, or a guy who has been taught and buys into "sex before marriage is wrong"
How do you combat this?
As stated below, it starts with talking to your father.
The right attitude is required. Calm is a necessity. Anger will make it easy and automatic to dismiss you. Indignation isn't a bad idea. Lastly, not disagreeing with him on certain points.
Example. He says "all guys just want to get laid"
Most girls would disagree with this. They'd say "no, he likes me for who I am, thats not what he wants!"
And most girls would be told they didn't know what they were talking about.
What YOU should say is something more along the lines of "I know, Dad. Guys want sex, thats a given. If I didn't date guys who wanted sex I'd end up in a convent or a lesbian, and I'm really not too keen on dating girls. Maybe you should trust my judgment that sex isn't the ONLY thing this guy wants, and maybe you should also trust my judgment to not sleep with him just because we like each other. You can't protect me from the world forever, and I'm 16, so if you don't let me date a little bit now what the hell am I going to do when I'm out on my own?"
He still sees you as his little innocent girl that he has to protect from the world. Disabuse him of that notion by being blunt and to the point. Tell him that you are not an idiot, a complete innocent, or in general the kind of person who's going to let herself be taken advantage of. And tell him that you know that at some point, a guy is probably going to hurt you emotionally. But you can't learn to pick yourself up if you never fall, and he's just going to have to trust that you're smart enough to not get yourself an STD or pregnant in the meantime.
Lastly, don't approach this from a "But if you just got to know him you're going to love him!" angle. Your dad isn't going to "love" any of your boyfriends, he's just going to be sitting there thinking "This little asshole wants to fuck my sweet innocent baby"
Approach it from a "I'm going to choose who I date, and I don't think its right of you to deny me a little freedom at 16. I've given you reasons to trust my judgment, I'm a good kid, and you need to see your way clear to being OK with me joining the dating world, because whether or not you like it, I already have."
Again, do this in a calm manner, don't be arrogant or bitchy, and don't be condescending. Just be matter of fact "This is what I want, this is why, and I think I have earned a little trust here"
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You should sit your dad down and talk to him, maturely and ask him why he doesn't trust you, you said you don't drink or anything so if you have never done anything to make him not trust you then he should, also get your mom involved ask to sit down with both of them and talk about it, if your dad would go for it get you, your boyfriend and your parents together for a dinner one night to try to get to know him. Tell him what you told us, how you feel about him and how he needs to let go of his little girl and let you be your own person tell him your plans on sex, and that you know your to young(if thats what you think or want him to lol) let him know that your responsible to make good decisions and if you have a cell phone tell him it's okay for him to call and check up on you if it makes him feel better.
goodluck hope i helped
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If i were you, i would have a sit down convo with my dad. I would tell him how you feel and tell him the points about you having good grades and all around being a good girl. It dosent seem like you do anything wrong. So just tell him how you feel and whether you think it will or not, he will be thinking about it! goodluck!
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