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lonely and married
Well, I have lived in a marriage for 28 years. It has been very rocky since day one. I have learned that my spouse cannot have intimacy. I have known this for some time. We have had counceling(one year) and it was getting better, but now, he is back in is shell again. We have never had intimacy, Only sex sometimes, usually none, and now, none for 3 years. He is a good person, I guess this is why I have stayed. I have left 3 times and go back. I am so so so lonely, I dream of being happy. I dream of being with someone that I can laugh with and cry with. I feel I am to old now, at 52 and female, to be starting over. I guess I feel bad for him. We have nothing in common, and all these years, I have lived the most lonliest life ever. He is a hard worker, but that is all.
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Communication is what you need right now. Tell hiim you're feeling unhappy and are thinking of leaving him for good. Because you've left him before and came back he'd probably expect you to do the same thing. But i think its time to get out of there. There are plenty of men your age and younger who would love to make you happy and make you laugh and give you the sex that you've not had in 3 years. Just the fact that you're asking for advice means that you are very unhappy. Some people say maiirage is sacred and you should stick it out no matter what, but happiness, to me, is a far more sacred thing!! A life without a marriage may be lonely, but a life without happiness... thats no life at all...
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I agree with the below. After counseling and 28 years of trying to pull him out of his shell, the time has come for a decision.
I'm alot younger than you, but neither I nor my girl can imagine what your situation feels like. That length of time... You've been married longer than either of us have been alive.
If you want to save this marriage, its possibly ultimatum time. Tell him exactly whats going on with you, and exactly what point you're at. Clear, concise communication. If nothing changes, I wish I had something else to say, but I think it might be time to move on.
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After all these years, he's unlikely to change. It's entirely up to you to decide whether or not you will continue to live like this.
That said...do you have a life outside the home? You don't say whether or not you work, have hobbies, friends, outside interests. Sometimes if you have other interests to occupy your time, emotions and mind, relationships can be more tolerable and can actually seem better than previously thought. Sometimes that longing for intimacy can be completely erased when you find something else (not another man) to replace it. An interest that becomes a passion.
If you're set on staying in the marriage, then I think you must accept your husband for who he is and move your own life in a positive direction. Don't have a victim mentality. Your life does not have to revolve around this issue. Go out and make an exciting, fulfilling life for yourself. After all, life is so much more than the man in your living room.
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