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long distance lover!
i have had a long distance relationship for about 7 months now, and i have never met him in person. we are planning to meet this year. it would seem like we are meant for eachother by the conversations we have, but what if we are totally different in person? is meeting up a good idea?
im an adult, so i dont need the "internet predator" lecture, just give me some insights. anyone ever experience this?
thanks advicenators
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
All I have to say is my Uncle met a girl online and...now she's my Aunt. Happily married of 6 months. So, it isn't really our job to judge because like my Uncle your relationship could turn out greatt. On the other hand it couldn't. Just follow your heart, it'll tell you the right thing!
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You cannot be "meant for each other" online.
You're going into it with a rosy colored image of who this guy is, and its GOING to come crashing down around you.
No one is anywhere near completely genuine online.
Think about a first date. No one shares the things that are wrong with them on the first date. Well, maybe some people do, but they rarely end up on a second date.
You've just had seven months of not even first date level. Why? Because in addition to not out and out telling you about his flaws, the worst ones he probably doesn't know much about, because most people are blind to the biggest things wrong with them. You get no hints, because _he's_ clueless about it.
All this adds up to him not really being who he seemed online, and you can't get to know someone without knowing their personality, their habits, the little things about them and how they react to the world that really define a person.
Going into this with a "we're meant for each other" attitude is wrong, because at this point you really have no clue.
I did distance. In all honesty, the reason it worked is that we went into it with no expectations. We were just going to be fuck buddies,and ended up involved. Two years later we moved in together, and two years after that I'm typing this out to you.
It worked, because we didn't go into it thinking we were meant for each other, and we knew each other for more than a year before we got involved (and had met in person multiple times prior to getting involved)
You need to treat this meeting like a first date, not like you're meeting the guy of your dreams. If you don't, I can almost guarantee its not going to work out, because he isn't whatever magical image you've built up in your head.
One last note, once every 7 months won't make a relationship. Physical intimacy, sex, just being able to touch each other, is part of a relationship. If you two "date" for three years meeting once every 7 months you'll be three years into less than two months worth of normal dating.
Which is stupid, really. If you guys are this far apart, you probably ought to both try to find someone more local.
And echoing what other people said, meet somewhere public and have someone you trust within view at all times, work out a signal where you send them a message and they "call you with an emergency" if you have to bail.
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Whatever you do, Meet in a public place. I'm not here to lecture either. However, It's better to be on the safe side.
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I understand you're an adult and I'm not here to lecture you - just give advice. So I advise you to please at least bring a friend with you. Adults can be defenseless to you know, so in order to be safe rather than sorry try to make it a double date the first time you meet. Anyway, sounds like if you two are having great conversations online than there should be no problem communicating in person. However, some people are better at talking online rather than in person. Have you tried talking on the phone with him yet? Meeting up is a good idea to find these things out before you find out that you've waisted too much time. Good Luck!
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