stargirl51's advice column

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Q: okay so...i was with this guy for like almost 6 months. i broke up with him cuz he was always lying to me and hurting me. i gave him 3 chances and after that i was done. that wasnt the only reason i broke up with him... i also starting talking to and getting along with other guys. it was hard. ever since then for the past month he has called me everyday like 5 times a day telling me he misses me and wants me to take him back and that he loves me and needs me and wants me. and i have tried to explain to him that like i basically need to move on. like when him and i were together he seemed so perfect... and now that he and i are juss friends... well he is kinda annoying and weird. =/ but then hes like its okay i will wait for you. and im like okay... do you not get it?! like sometimes i find myself thinking about him... but in a ifferent way and its so hard to get over him when he calls like everyday!!! i seriously juss want to move on... but idk how to!!!! i juss like want to make it clear to him that i have been talkiing to other guys and there isnt that much hope for him and i.... but i dont wanna like break his heart... any advice??

don't pick up the phone when he calls. Don't answer his emails. Let him keep trying to get you back. Eventually, he'll get the picture.

And if you really need to talk to him, tell him that there's absolutely no way you'll take him back.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Hi jack, my name is ashley!! You're a guy/gal my age and I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice?? Ok, so... I do like this guy and I'm pretty sure he likes me back. He asked me for my number at the end of the school year and he hasn't called me yet this summer, could he be scared or what? Hmmm... anyway's he's very intelligent and I'm not really smart but I'm about average. He has most of is future planned out, he's in the marching band, and has straight A's... do you think he might expect that of me? So, there's this physics day at my school where we go to an amusement park and do problem solving things. Well, I went on a roller coaster with him and you know how they take those snap shots? When we got off the rollar coaster my hair was up and everything and I was so embarrassed, so I said I look horrible there... then he looked over at me with soft eyes and said you look good. What does that mean? It seems like when I see him in the hallways at school he looks at me differently then he would someone else...??? I'm curious on how guys 16 think, but he's just so mature. Although, Then there was this one time in the lunch room... I was sitting next to him and my elbow kind of touched his and neither of us moved it until we had to...???? Do you think that means anything? I really like him but I'm not ready to date and he's not allowed to, but I just wonder if he likes me and if they're any hints to that...??? Do you think he'll call? Anyway's thanks for reading this, I know it's a lot to read... but for some reason I have a good feeling asking you gyes about this???

Ashley,

You might wanna send Jack a message instead of posting in the forum. Haha.

Hope you don't mind me answering in the meantime.

He COULD be scared to call you. And you'll never know what he expects unless one of you picks up the phone and talks to the other and get to know each other.

If he says you look good, it means he's trying to give you a compliment, silly! Sounds like he's really digging on you, so you should talk to him about it.

And the elbow touching thing could mean the world to him like "OH MY GOD. SHE TOUCHED ME!"

And if neither of you are ready to date, then why not just start off as friends or just talk to each other at school or whatever. That way, when you're ready to take the next step (dating), you'll be ready.

cheers,
stargirl

PS: A club I used to be a part of in High School had a physics day too! We went to six flags!

Q: 14F
Ok so i'm pale medium blue eyes and brown hair mide length and it's extremely straight. So before the new school year i nead a hair cut i'm extremely athletic but still like trendy. My face is sort of round and ovalish what kind of hair cut should i get?

a pixie or a styled bob.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: my boyfriend of 8+ months, just recently told me last night that he needed 'space' we both were crying our eyes out, and everything was so depressing. i saw it coming because of all the fights we've been having, and things between us just don't feel the same. he says he needs until the end of the week to decide things for himself. we're still dating, but we don't talk anymore. and we won't for the rest of the week. i'm completely crushed. i can't eat or even think straight. i don't know what to do. i just keep crying. what am i supposed to think? are our chances of getting back together good? i just need opinions :(

Getting back together has a pretty low chance after a guy says he needs "space."

And chances are that you're going to feel miserable and sad for a while. But...slowly but surely...you're gonna get back on your own two feet. And one day, you're going to wake up and not cry or feel crushed.

Space and time is what you need to give yourself.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Lately my b.f has been taking me for granted. Losing the little things he used to do for me when we first started dating. I just came back from being away for 2 weeks and i got sick on return. Instead of calling me to see how he was i called him and he was busy with his friends and showed no true affection. Naturally i got mad and burst on him that night telling him that i felt i was being taken for granted and unloved sometimes. Now my mom isnt that happy with him because hes not making me happy. I love him so much and he promised me it would change but what should i do about my parents and him? its important for me for them to like him. I love him and knows hes been busy this summer working for school but i just want some more time from him so we can have a summer like last. Thanks in advance and any advice on any of this would be helpful. By the way im 20 and so is he and we've dating for a little over a year

If it's been over a year and the romance and affection has diminished that much, he could just have lost interest in you. It makes sense that your parents don't like him and chances are, they never really will.

Best advice is just to not buy into his promises of it getting better. Because if he's like that when you arrive home, chances are that not much (if anything) is gonna change.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: well, i would love to be with my ex, but i know its never going to happen. i miss him everyday but he doesnt want me anymore. we dated for almost 2 years and he broke up with me. he came back to me about 3 times telling me how he was sorry and hes just been confused. but about a month ago he broke up with me when he found out his mom was going to die soon.. and i tried really hard to get him back but he said he just doesnt like me anymore. and about a week later his mom died and since then he barely will talk to me. i told him how much i love him and how i wanted to be there for him but he told me to just leave him alone and move one.. im not sure if its just because of his mom or if he really just doesnt want me. its hard because hes done this 3 or more times saying the same things and then coming back to me.. so its very confusing but this time i dont think hes coming back beacuse normally he'll still give me a call once n awhile. im trying to move on but its so hard. what can i do to help with the pain. all ive been doing is going out drinking, meeting new people but everynight i go home and feel so empty. ive met a lot of new guys but i dont like any of them they're all just annoying. i just want my ex so bad, and i need to get over him but nothnig is working. hellpp

An easy way to get over things is to just stop seeing him. At all. No talking, no seeing. Just drop him out of your life and move on.

Make new friends. Get a job. Start a hobby. Go to clubs and stuff.

Even if he comes calling, don't answer, don't see him.

There's a whole life out there and you should get out there and see it. Find yourself. Who knows? you might find Mr. Right.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: My boyfriend is always super sweet and romantic, now I want to do something special for him. He absolutely loves spanish and spicy foods. I, admittedly, do not cook or know very much about these types of foods.

Can you tell me a classic meal (that fits into "spanish" or "spicy") or just a great meal that I could fix him for dinner?

Yum...Lots of spanish dishes that easily fit into the category of "spicy"

Have you tried looking at allrecipes.com?
http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/World-Cuisine/Europe/Spain/Main.aspx

I personally have a kinship with the ever classic Paella. Which is a rice/seafood dish. Yum yum. Here's a recipe I've used before:

http://www.spain-recipes.com/vegetarian-paella.html

It literally takes an hour to cook. You can use frozen substitutes. And it might be cheaper to get the peppers pre-diced (like the kind they serve up in omelets) Now with this recipe, I was very tempted to give it a bit of protein by adding some spicy italian sausages. It has all sorts of other paella recipes including the seafood version.

If you need more cooking advice/instructions/definitions, let me know!
Happy cooking!
Cheers,
stargirl

Q: My mom and dad are in a lot of debt right now. It's really hard on them I can tell so I try to not complain over stupid stuff anymore. Well my mom is taking it the hardest I think. I mean school's comming around and we see those adds for back to school clothes and stuff and I can tell she feels bad because we won't be able to do that this year. There are a lot of other things we can't swing anymore and I really want to tell her it's ok, and that I don't need any new things. But it seems like when I tell her that she just gets upset. Maybe I should just leave them alone? It's just nerve wracking to wake up and see my parents stressing over bills and things, and I can't do anything or say anything. What do I do?

Thanks...

You can try to tell your mom is ok a million times. But it'll still feel like a knife to the heart to her. It's probably killing her to see her own kid becoming used to all this. No parent ever wants not be able to provide for their kids.

My advice is to carry on normal life as much as you can. Gently remind her of the positive things like how you still have each other or how you won't end up spoiled or something.

Then one day, when you have a job, you could slip her some money. Or save up and be able to buy things or take her out to a nice dinner. Things will work out.

cheers and best of luck,
stargirl

Q: my mom and dad are really strict. they dont want me dating or staying out with friends (guys or girls) till one in the morning.

but my bf (my parents dnt know he is) wants to go to vegas with me for 3-4 days. he already bought the tickets and its for august.

i want to go but what lie could i tell my parents so they let me go without them knowing im going to vegas and with a guy.

If you're under 18 or 21, there really isn't a reason why you're out til 1am. Really. There isn't.

Cancel the tickets. Like the other advisers that have answered here: It's a VERY BAD idea.

Think about it.

First off, I'm probably assuming too much here but most likely, you're still in school. Hanging out with people til 1am is not a good thing and your parents are trying to protect you.

Second, keeping your bf a secret from your parents. That's only going to cause even more distrust and more strict rules from your folks.

If you lie about leaving for 3 - 4 days to Vegas of all places, you are going to come home to Armageddon.

Just stop and rethink this.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok well i just learned that my best friend has been talking bout me behind my back and i dont know what to do :[

Confront her about it.

No best friend talks behind her best friend's back.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: i know this sounds stupid, but i don't know how to give a handjob. help meeeeeee

It's not stupid at all. it's not like we're all born with the innate knowledge of how to give a handjob.

Explore his body with your hands. Yes, his whole body. Just to map out his body in your mind. And when you get to your goal, let your fingers do the walking. take your time and explore and caress everything. While you're doing this, you should listen and watch his reactions to gauge what you should explore further and what you should back off on. Every guy is different, so I can't tell you specifics. Be creative! Ask him how he does it at home and try to mimic his moves! Or, even hotter, have him guide your hands.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I'm 16 and have never had a job before.
I need a good job, nothing fancy. But something that can work around school. Does anyone have any suggestions? Also i know its kinda a lot to ask but not work really late hours. I think that i need to really help my mom out with the bills. Or just pay for my own stuff myself.
Help!

=]

At least in California, minors (those under 18) can't work past 11:00pm or exceed 20-some odd hours.

Usually grocery stores or movie theatres or sales work around your school if you mention it in the interview.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: hi im 15 and i started cutting a while ago and ive tried different things to stop.. i have stooped for a while now but im afraid ill start again... can you help me figure out a way to stop for good? thanks bunches =)

Gather a support group.
Your friends, your family. Surround yourself with people that you trust and love. Tell them that you have stopped and are afraid of starting again and would want their help and support in stopping this habit.

Honestly, that is one of the best things to help you get through a difficult time like this.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I want to use tampons but im scared to do so, my friends are always like "have you used one yet" and they say its easer and not go gross but im scared.

A good tampon to start with would be the tampax or those rounded plastic tampons.

Best thing to do if you're a first time user is to read through the instructions carefully in the privacy and comfort of your own bathroom. And take a deep breath to relax yourself.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I have a crush on this HOTTIE! I think he might like me but i'n not sure. What if he doesn't like me? How do i tel him i love him?

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Slow down! How do you know you love him?

It could be infatuation. A major crush. Get to know each other first and when things start to get comfortable, tell him how you feel (not tell him you love him but rather tell him you really like him).

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I am 13 and have never gotten my period. Recently, I've been getting black stuff in my underwear and when i pee little black stuff comes out and when I wiped myself a little blood. I do not know, is this my period or not? Whats wrong with me and why is it black?

The black stuff is most likely tissue from your uterine wall.

Just to be sure, you should check with your health care professional.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Well Hi, I was wondering if i should go out with my ex-boyfriend again? I broke up with him for a dumb reason but he still likes me and i feel bad.

That's a loud and resounding no!

Sure, you feel like you want him back now. But give it a couple months, go out, have fun, flirt a little, live a little, and soon, you won't even give him a thought.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: hey i'm 15/f
i weight about 126 and i was hoping to lose like...11 pounds in 18 days
is that possible?
and how do i get rid of fat on the sides of my hips
thanks[=

Not healthily possible.

If you want to get rid of the things on the sides of your hips, you should check out a bellydance class or video. I've found that the mayas (or vertical figure 8's) really trim down your love handles. Or regular shimmying would help.

Coupled with a healthy diet, it should trim you down in a few weeks or months.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I never have anything to talk to my boyfriend about on the phone and he always gets mad can u help me because i get kind of scared when i talk to him on the phone

That's a conversation topic on its own.

"Why do you get mad when I never have anything to talk about?" and "I get scared when I talk with you on the phone now"

That'll get a conversation starting.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Well im young and i havent started my period, but i want to know hwo you know your gonna start, like i know you get cramps and moody but do you know when its a period cramp, or do you know the moodiness is from your period, like is it nothing youve felt before, like you can tell, i just wanna know if i will know for sure that "that is period cramps" or "that is moodiness from my period", i can tell, so please help me out , i wanna know, Thanks!

You'll know. the cramping will feel like someone's grabbed hold of your uterus and twisted it. Some women feel fatigue, some feel bloating, constipation, etc.

If you're on the onset of puberty, keep a tampon or pad in your purse/backpack.

cheers,
stargirl