I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172962
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I am starting college in September, seeing I will be meeting a whole bunch of new people and not knowing that many of them. Any ideas of how I can get a lot of friends? (link)
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I can't even explain to you how freaked out I was about whether or not I'd meet cool people at college - after four years there, I'd made the best friends of my life and was surrounded by people all the time.
The thing about most colleges is that they have organizations for most everything, no matter how normal or freaky. You can join the hiking club, the scuba club, etc and meet people that way.
I was too much of a wuss for that at first, but it didn't matter. I met my closet friends by living and working - when you move into a dorm, everyone is in the same position. Everyone is new and knows next to no one. Really put yourself out there during the Welcome activities, and you'll get to know the other people.
Class is also a great place - you'll be seeing the same faces every day, and that makes it easier to get into conversations.
Basically, take advantage of any mixing activities your college offers, and be your normal, wonderful self.
It'll be fine.
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Hey everyone im the girl that jus wrote that ? in about her boyfriend forcing her into sex...well everyones advice helped me soo much... i talked to him yesterday about the whole thing and i told him that we are gunna stop having sex n doing everthing eles for a while...he agreed to that n sed he was sorry n hopefull he will never do it again...i told him that you guys sed it was rape n that got him thinking that hes never gunna do that again bc thats the last thing he wants to do...thank you guys who helped me sooo much i really apreciate it! if nething happens i will surely let you know thank you!
ºMagenº (link)
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I'm happy the advice helped. It was the strong, right thing to do to talk to your boyfriend and stand up for yourself.
I think taking a complete break from sex is a really good idea; stick with it for awhile and see how he reacts. If he's the one who said he's 'hopeful' he won't do it again, that still sounds sort of dubious.
I hope everything works out for you. You are about a million times better off than you were yesterday at this time because you spoke up and defended your heart and body.
Good job.
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ok i gotta ask this now..i heard someone say something bout there bf bein bipolar..what does that mean? is it like split personality?! also..my ex was really mean and called me hoe and stuff then like the day before that he was like baby i love you ill never leave ur side..is that bipolar? (link)
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Bipolar disorder is not the same as split personality disorder. You can learn a lot about bipolar disorder by typing it into any search engine - another name is 'manic depressive disorder.'
From what you've said, your ex-boyfriend is nowhere near bipolar. He's just a typical, mixed-up guy - and your relationship really wasn't that super. Anyone who calls you a ho is not crazy, but you might be approaching crazy if you allow them to call you that without dumping them afterwards.
So, it's good you're out of that relationship. Move on and find someone who can treat you with respect!
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hello. i'm going into 7th grade and i weigh 153. i'm 5'3". i want to run cross country, but i don't want to get a physical cause you get weighed. for one reason, my mom is skinny and is always preaching to loose weight and i did, 5lbs. reason two, i don't want the coachs, and definatley other runners to see it. what should i do? I only have till next thursday. please help. i rate HIGH!
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Coaches need physicals mainly to make sure that you are healthy enough to play their sport. They are not going to memorize your personal details - I worked for an organization which required physicals, and we viewed them as just permission slips to participate; you know, getting the doctor's okay.
The other runners will never see your physical.
If you're worried about your weight, it seems like the best thing you can do is join the cross country team. You'll be firm and healthy in no time - and no one will ever talk to you about your exact weight.
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okay so i was gonna have sex with this boy jon (we'll say) but then we both decided we weren't ready and ever since we really haven't talked much. and every time i c him he always has another gurl over or sumthing and he just ignors me. how can i get him to open up to me again? (link)
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It sounds like Jon only liked you to get into your pants; if he didn't, he'd still be talking to you right now.
He is not the sort of guy you should be considering having sex with, as someone who really cared about you wouldn't be acting this way.
You can approach him and ask what's wrong - and then possibly get back into a friendship with someone who doesn't really care for you - or you can cut your losses and move on.
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ok.. i am overweight and i eat like.. unhealthy foods.. well.. i want to eat salads when i am in school.. but i mean.. since im overweight people might make fun of me for eating a salad.. or anything healthy.. so i just dont eat.. i want to eat something healthy.. but i dont want people to laugh and dont say.. 0h.. just be happy with urself.. bla bla bla.. only if u know what to do.. write back.. ill rate you go0d
>>oVeRwEiGhT (link)
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If you want to eat salads, eat salads. If people make fun of you for being overweight and eating in a healthy way, then stand up for yourself. Tell them that you're eating healthy BECAUSE you're overweight; people should respect that you are trying to get more healthy.
The only longterm solution is to make an overall life change - salads are not going to provide you with enough energy, but a salad, apple, and tuna fish salad will. If you are eating healthy foods in good amounts, you won't feel the urge to overload on snacks when you get home from school.
Eating right and exercing gently will get you looking and feeling like you want - and when you get there, remember to be nice to people who are trying to change their lives.
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how do i know if i need a bra? (link)
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If your breasts are uncomfortable during day-to-day life - for example, while running, jumping (Okay, maybe your day-to-day life isn't being a gymnast, but you get my point!), etc. You'll also want a bra if your breasts are big enough to be showing jiggle when you walk.
It's important to keep your breasts supported, but mainly it's just up to you. If you feel uncomfortable - physically or emotionally - without a bra, then it's time to get one.
They come in all shapes and styles, so you'll be sure to find something perfect for you.
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Alright, I asked a question here.and most answers came out that i might have an infection. I am soooooooooo scared to ask my mosther if she knows anything about my prob. Can sumone help?
My ratings are as good as the answer (link)
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Well, no infection is a good infection. You need to decide what is more important to you - your health, or the embarassment of having to ask your mom for help.
You could always tell her you just wanted an appointment to see the doctor, but she's probably ask you why. It's hard to give more advice because you didn't provide a lot of information, but the bottom line is that you need to see a doctor.
If your mom is the way to drive you to the doctor and make the appointment, then you'll have to be upfront with her and share your concerns.
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okay, i am a 17 yr old girl, and the guy i am crazy for is 18, only like 3 or 4 months over tho, and my mom is freaking out over it! she's like, "if you guyz do anything, i will get him for rape" im in a tough situation and i dont really know what to do. i went to my friend and she said "follow your heart" how typical... ;D (luv ya tho sis!!!! if ya see this here! lol) ...anyways. i dont know what to do because i simply adore him, and my mom is okay with us hanging out and holdign ahnds and stuff, but i dont know about dating. help me!!!! cuz i dont wanna lose him (not that i am gonna do anyhting sexual with him anywayz! ) and i dont wanna dissapoint my mom... so either way some oen gets let down, and i really dont know what to do! (link)
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To me, it sounds like your mother is just not prepared for you to be dating. It's convinient for her that your guy of choice is over 18, because it allows her to feel like she still has some control over you.
You need to have an honest talk with your mother - tell her that you are disappointed she doesn't trust you. Explain that you don't want to have sex with him, but that you will have sex and a boyfriend one day, and she can't hold you back. You've got to let your actions speak loudly - let her know what you know about safe sex, etc - and just act in a generally responsible way.
You two need to sort this out now, because when YOU are 18 your mom won't legally be able to stop you from dating anyone. It's better to talk things out than have a huge fight - right now she's forcing you to pick between her and yourself; in an ideal relationship, you could have both.
Let her know she's important to you, but that you are growing up and deserve some independence.
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Hello, i am an 18 yr old grl dating a 28 yr old guy. See i have this thing with me not going to have sex till marriage which is not a bad thing... right? well my b/f knows this and knows my limits.. but see everytime we get alone and stuff he always tries to stick his dick in me. He almost did about hmmmm should i say 5 TIMES!!!!!!
Its not easy to remain abstinent but i tell you what its not FUN EITHER!! Its like your head is telling you go for it and grab the fuckin condoms but yet your heart is like wait a fuckin min. do you really know this guy or is he just using you for sex?? see the 17th is our 5th month anniversay
but yet i knew him for a few months before we started dating. so my question is to you all is what am i supposed to do. He promised me he would never do it again but yet he said that last time. I told him hes lucky b/c usually its like a baseball game 3 strikes your out!! but yet i've given him 5 chances so far and this is the last chance. So what should i do?? let him try and screw me or what?? See I love him to death but as you can tell i am not ready yet! I need help and need it bad! Plz someone help me.. i really need it!!
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You are not ready, so don't have sex. It's as simple as telling your boyfriend - in a serious tone - that waiting until marriage is what you want to do.
If you tell him this, and he still tries to penetrate you, then it's clear he does not respect you or your feelings.
You might love him to death, but having sex before you are ready can mess you up emotionally, get you pregnant, or give you a disease. You deserve to find someone who loves you - and if your boyfriend doesn't care about your beliefs, then he does not love you.
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this question is for my friend:
my boyfriend is so sweet. he'd never cheat on me and he never acts Interested in another girls or stuff like that. do you think he could be gay? because he doesn't seem to be interested when girls are wearing skimpy clothes on tv or pictures and id ont think he looks at it on his own. but he gets horny around me. i don't think he is but soemtimes i wonder. (link)
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It doesn't mean he's gay; it means he cares about your relationship and respects you.
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hey, every time I try to upload a picture into my profile for my advice column, it never shows up. Do you know why? I figured I'd ask you because you have your picture on your site. please answer when you get the chance. thanks! (link)
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Well, here's what I did. I have another website which hosts images, so I just picked one of the pictures which was already online. So all I had to do was type in the address where the picture already was.
I think that's the best route - you can find free webspace at a variety of locations, including geocities, or ask a friend with webspace to host one picture for you.
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Umm, it may sound stupid, but people have been mentioning it, what is a cherry? not the fruit. (link)
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A cherry is a hymen; both are slightly bigger in myth than reality. You can break your hymen at any point during your childhood or adulthood - riding a bike, etc - and even if you don't, it starts naturally disintegrating.
Most women do not have full hymens when they 'pop their cherry.' It's just an expression for losing your virginity.
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OK here it goes!...Me n my boyfriend have just started havin sex...n well once he has had it once he has to have it all the time...well sometime i really dont want to...but he will force me into it or beg me to have it until i give in...n i love my boyfriend so much we have been dating now for 4 months...i keep saying no over and over but he keep it going when i finally give in he says baby im sorry for doin that to you...but he still does it anyways he promised me that would be the last time but that wasnt the first time he did it either! What should i do and say to him w/ having to break up with him? Please help me! (link)
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When a boy forces you to have sex, that's rape. It doesn't matter if he's your brother, your boyfriend, or a stranger. You always have the right to say no.
If your boyfriend does not understand that, then he does not respect you. It doesn't matter if he only does it one time or apologizes sweetly afterwards.
Sexual coersion is sexual coersion. if you continue to put up with it, you'll end up hating him AND yourself. I'd have a serious talk with him; explain that what he is doing makes you feel uncomfortable and is also illegal.
If you tell him how you feel and he still doesn't listen, then that's a pretty clear sign that he doesn't care about you or what you have to say.
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Why does it hurt more to take out a tampon when it hasn't soaked up enough blood?? sorry if that sounds really stupid.. (link)
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Okay. Imagine making a tight fist with your hand. Imagine you've got a dry tampon in there - while you're squeezing your hand together, pull the tampon out.
Got that?
Now, imagine your hand is full of slippery jelly. See how much easier it is to get the tampon out?
It's the same thing.
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i have a bump on the inside of my pubic area.. im almost positive its not HIV becaus i only have one & my boyfriend has no signs & hasnt been with anyone who has any.. its itchy & sometimes sore when irritated, im going to the doctor soon.. has anyone ever had one of these? what do you think it is? (link)
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Sexually transmitted diseases - some have no symptons. Some only 'show up' on females, and not males. Some people have certain diseases go immediately dormat, while others react and show their infection.
Your boyfriend could have easily received an STD and passed it on to you - you need to get checked out by a doctor. Even if this bump disappeared in five minutes, you need to go to a doctor.
You should get tested for STDs, as should your boyfriend. Some diseases can be passed even if you are wearing a condom, including herpes...which can appear as little red bumps.
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ok my best friend and i are friends with benefits and for a while it's been working out but now i'm hugely late on my period and i don't know if it's stress or not. if i am pregnant i can't get am abortion because my best friend will never talk to me again, but i'm not sure that i'm ready to be a mother. what should i do?? (link)
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How late is 'hugely' late? If you are more than a week late for your period, the best thing to do is buy a home pregnancy test. They only take a few minutes to let you know the result.
If you are pregnant, then you need to do some serious thinking. If you are not ready to be a mother, you are not ready to be a mother. Becoming a parent will change your life forever - it should not be something you do to make your best friend happy.
Abortion is right for some people. Giving the baby up for adoption is right for others.
Chances are, you'll need to be brave enough to sit down with your parents ASAP; if you decide to have an abortion, you have to have it fairly early in the pregnancy.
There is a lot to think about, and you need to make the choices which are best for you. Abotion will allow you to physically carry on with your life, but you'll probably need some supportive friends to lean on. Giving up a baby for adoption is a strong, wonderful thing to do - but that means you have to carry a baby for nine months. That will affect your schooling, your friendships, and your body.
I hope you aren't pregnant, as that would make this all easier. If you are not, take it as a sign that you need to have a serious talk with your best friend. The two of you need to be using at least two forms of protection so you never have to have this emotional upheaval again; you also need to talk about what you would do IF you got pregnant.
The definition of friends with benefits 'working out' does not include the possibility of becoming a teenage mother raising a baby alone, or the idea of a girl who made the tough choice to have an abortion and then was dumped by her best friend.
The first thing, take the pregnancy test. Pray it's negative. Then get yourself to a gyno and figure out the best form of birth control for you.
Good luck.
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I am a 13 year old white girl (almost 14). I am intrested in this black kid. some of my friends are ok with it but one of my best friends think i shouldnt like him because he is black. he is one of the nicest and sweetest people i know. i just dont understand why she cant see him for an amazing person and not just him being black. What can i do to get through to her? (link)
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Just do what you think is right - carry on liking this guy, regardless of his colour. If you treat it as a normal thing (which it IS), then she'll have a harder time making you into some sort of freakshow.
If you hang out with this guy more, invite her to join you. It might be uncomfortable at first, but if she has a chance to know him, I'm betting she'll think he's a nice guy.
Prejudice is ignorance; it does not mean a person is stupid, just inexperienced. If she believes black people (or gay people, or latin people, etc) are somehow inferior, she's making a judgement based on what she's been taught. It's easy to pass judgement on a group of people you don't know - but when the person has a face, a personality, and is in her circle of friends...
Well, that's how ignorance stops. Good luck. Stay strong and continue being steadfast in what you believe - you really are in the right, and hopefully you can help show your friend that people are people, no matter what colour they are.
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Me and this girl are good friends when she first cam to my school she told us but she was pregnant and i was like ok but then all the other kids stoped beliving her because lets face it she didnt look or act pregnant and I stuck up for her and all but it did seem kinda suspicious when she had the baby while we were all taking our regents then she was back to take the next regents the next day ? how quickly can a 15 year old bounce back from something like that? . its not that i dont want to belive her because shes a sweet girl and aLL i think she just wants attention but thats a little extreme. now i feel bad because no one bleived her and shes kinda isolated im still nice to her but no one will listen to me and just forgive her. what should i do?? (link)
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Right - if she's a normal size girl, then there would have been a visible bump in the later months of her pregnancy. She also would not have been in school the day after giving birth - unless it was a fake baby.
People lie for a lot of reasons. If she was new to your school this year, maybe she wanted a quick way to get attention and wasn't thinking very clearly about her lie. Maybe she wanted to impress people with her sexual 'expertise.'
I'm not saying it's okay to lie, but if you really like this girl, then you should openly talk with her. Let her know, gently, that you want to be her friend, but friends have to be honest with each other.
You can't really help other people be nice to her; but if you stick by her and give her a chance to really be herself, other people might follow your example.
I think she sounds like a scared, lonely girl who might just need one good friend.
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what can i use in my house for a fake cock((like to use when i want to u know what))?? i rlly want to know (link)
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Well, anything which is smooth and clean. Handles of a hairbrush are a good example, but most anything will work.
The important thing is to realize that you'll need to wash your object with soap and water beforehand; bacteria is invisible, and you don't want to introduce any into your orafices.
Using food also isn't the greatest idea, as food is much more likely to have rough spots which can rip your flesh or a condom. You want things which can be cleaned before and after every use.
Use your imagination; whatever you pick you should probably set aside - under your bed? in a drawer? - just for the purposes of masturbation. It's handy because if someone sees a hairbrush by your bed, they won't get suspicious.
If you want to find objects for clitoral stimulation (rather than a penis substitute), shower heads, running water, or electric or battery powered personal massagers are dandy.
Enjoy.
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