I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172969
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Im 13 years old and im very scared. This summer my boyfriend who wasnt my boyfriend then got out of jail for drugs. He said he would change for me and I believe him. We've been goin out now and Last night he called me crying sayin he thinks he is going back to jail. All I know is that his dad and him got into an arguement and that he wants to move in with his grandparents. And He wouldnt answer me why He thought he was going to jail again. Then he said he had to go and that he loved me and he never called back. I dont know if he went to school today or not, but Im really scared and I dont know what to do about it. Should I call him and ask him about it or what? Last night I cried all night long. I tried calling 2 times and nobody answered. I dont want to loose him. What do I do? (link)
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So. I don't want to be the person who tells you that this guy isn't a great catch, but I'm going to be.
A guy who is in and out of jail is not in a position to have a real relationship. Further, the fact that he's been breaking the law shows that he's not a solid or dependable person.
If you care for him, it's understandable that you are concerned about him. That's fine. Maybe he needs a friend.
But at 13, you DON'T need a boyfriend who mysteriously ends up in jail, doesn't let you know what's going on, etc. It's not a strong, safe position for you to put yourself in.
Stand back. Be a supportive friend, but set the limits. You can call or write him, but trying to be involved with a young guy who's in and out of jail will only lead to heartbreak.
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yes, i know this is wierd subject but belive me by the time i explain this, if your a girl at least, you can see why i'm pissed. My best friend just so happens to be one of the girls with, well, big breasts. Well i'm starting to "catch up" to her, and every tiem i tell her my size she laughs and says with sarcasm and disbelief in her voice, "thats not your size, that's almost MY size!" And for some reason alot of times we'll get in a conversation, and she'll bring up her boobs! it's so annoying how do i show her that what she's saying is really bitchy w/o her freaking out because belive me this girl is a huge drama queen (link)
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Why not stop talking about boobs with her?
You already know you don't like the way she will react. I think you're telling her size to show her that she's not to unique or brilliant - but really, they're just boobs.
If the two of you argue about boobs, then skip talking about them.
I'd be careful, though, because it also sounds like she's trying to belittle you. She might be talking about how you won't catch up with her bra size, but she could be MEANING a lot more. If it continues, the best thing to do is have a serious talk with her.
Let her know how you feel, and see how she reacts. If she doesn't make an effort to be more considerate of your feelings, and you genuinely don't like the way she acts, it might be time to find a new friend.
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i don't like myself. is that normal? like are there other people out there who don't like themselves either? i dunno, i just am having a really tough time and i'm liking myself less and less and less. please help me. i just feel so out there and wierd. (link)
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It's not weird. If everybody loved themselves, why would the self help section at the bookstore be crammed with a ton of books?
Things you can do:
Make a list of things you DO like about yourself, no matter how small you think they are. Your eye colours? Your singing voice?
Focus on the positive, but also think carefully about the negative. Ignoring those thoughts won't help you, but trying to figure out where they are coming from will.
If you have a specific bad thought, such as 'I'm failing out of school,' it's something you can take action to conquer - study more, don't skip classes, etc.
It's very normal to feel this way for any number of reasons - or no reason at all. The best thing to do is find someone to talk to...a parent, friend, teacher, cool aunt, etc. You'd be suprised how many people feel this way, and sometimes knowing you aren't alone can help a lot.
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I really don't like your response towards her question. The father of that baby is 15, not 13. Who are you to tell her that she should get an abortion!!! That's murder! Everything happens for a reason did you ever think about that? How do you know that this isn't right where they're supposed to be. Maybe he IS the one for her. She's not selfish, she's taking her daughter's life into concideration. You're making these kids out to seem like bad children and they aren't. "They already made one mistake why encourage another"??????????? Those kids already have a responsibilty towards eachother now. If they have a second child they're still gonna have to take care of it just like the first one. (link)
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Whether someone is 15 or 13, they are still a child.
I did not tell anyone they should get an abortion, I simply pointed out that it was an option.
At thirteen, no girl should have to be a mother. It is a mistake. Of course, she has to deal with the situation she's created, but no one can say it is ideal. This, as you conceived at 13 as well, is a fact you are well aware of. It's tough enough to have a baby without being a child yourself.
I don't think these kids are bad; I do think they have made some bad decisions, however. If they've had sex and created a fetus, then it's a logical assumption to think they might continue to have sex if allowed to live together. Why compound the problem? One child is tough - why have two or three?
These kids have no responsibility to each other - their top priority is their unborn child. I'm sorry that you feel defensive, but try to take a step back.
Your child is a thirteen year old girl. Her body, emotions, and life situation are not fully developed; she's not in the ideal place to become a mother.
I stand by my advice - her needs should be the top priority. Perhaps that means going to see a third person - a counselor or therapist; someone objective needs to offer help and guidance.
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i am 13/f & im not sure what masterbating is? can you tell me??? i think i masterbate but i dont know what it is? or fingering myself doesnt give me, much please what all can i do to help me, feel better? and give me orgasisms? i rub it too but that gets boring, what can i do other than that to make it feel good? please help & i rate high! (link)
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It's not surprising that fingering doesn't thrill you; most females can only have orgasms after stimulation of their clitoris.
If touching your clitoris is 'boring', then I'd say wait and do it when you feel excited. If you do it just to do it, then it's not going to feel good.
As you get older, your sex drive will increase. It could simply be that your body isn't ready to be very sexual at this point. Or you could just need to not masturbate unless you are excited, and then be patient.
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This is going to sound stupid but the term "getting off" does that mean like when a guy "gets off" he gets a hard on or he orgasms?? (link)
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If a guy 'gets off', that means he's had an orgasmn. This could be through masturbation, oral sex, or penetrative sex.
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is wakling just (or close) as good for you as running? like can i loose weight from walking 20 minutes a day or does it have to be running? thanks i rate!! (link)
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Walking can be even healthier than running - you can do it longer and more consistantly without putting added stress on your joints.
Any exercise program should be discussed with a doctor, but most health experts I've spoken with suggest a moderate aerobic exercise plan - 30 minutes three times a week.
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Well let me say i am over 21 i have a real problem my boyfriend and i are together for three yrs i was married before this for fourteen yrs and now i live with my boyfriend we have never had sexual intercourse in 3 yrs. i am so bitchy because of it i have done everything to try to get him interested in sex. i have talked to him i have emailed him and once i even was gonna hook up with this guy in the area but he found out about it. and put an end to it. i do all the house work and more i wait on him basically hand and foot. nothing seems to work i am basically killing myself around the house to please him. but i do have to admit for the past few months i have been really bitchy. i do not wanna end this relationship although i do not know why except i have spent alot of money and time in this relationship for it to end. i have tried being nice i have tried everything i am at my wits end over this i no sex is not everything maybe that is what i am holding on to. in a way i feel he is driving me to another man's bed and if that is what he wants i will be happy to oblige. i dont think this is what he wants cause i no he is gonna dump me if he finds out i would love just to have sex for an entire day i think it would do alot for myself. yes if u have not guessed already i have a high sex drive and it is like a drug addict being cut off only worse like 5000 times worse we sleep in the same bed he tells me he loves me and i do love him. i have talked to drs like i said i have done everything. he lays cuddled up to me in the bed. which is hard. i cry alot over this. i have asked him what turns him on when i ask him there is no reply. i would be willing to do just about anything please help no i am not gonna go to a sex therapist cause he wont go but basically anything else (link)
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Okay. You've lived with him for three years, and you want a real relationship, but you're not having sex? That's a little weird.
If you had some sort of moral objection, or if you both were happy not having sex, it would be a different story.
Point blank, this isn't a good relationship. You shouldn't have to go crazy cleaning the house in order to make your man happy; he should be happy enough to be with you.
If he's not willing to go to a sex therapist, this is just another sign that your relationship is not as important to him as it is to you. If he truly loved you, he'd be willing to consider options which might be embarassing to him.
I would wonder if he was sexually confused, not in love with you, or just a guy who doesn't like sex. In any case, the two of you do not sound compatible at all.
You sound strong, vibrant, and ready for a real two-way relationship. I'd end the one you are in now; you're not only going to dislike your boyfriend in increasing amounts, but you are going to lose respect for yourself if you stay with him.
Move on. Be strong by yourself; then find someone who is interested in a true partnership. This life is too short to be so unhappy.
Love is supposed to increase your happiness, trust, intimacy - not make you feel frustrated and alone.
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Hi my name is jessica and i have this friend and she likes the same boy i do she knows i do but one of us is going to end up going out with him but if we do i dont want to loose everything we have because if one oof us go out with him the other will get mad what do i do? (link)
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Why don't you two talk to each other and decide what's more important - some guy or your friendship?
If you both feel like you'd be upset if the other one dated him, and if you are both concerned about your friendship, then it seems like the best thing to do is erase this guy from your little black book of possibilities.
Use the time you'd have spent with him with each other - it'll bring you closer together. Hopefully the next time around you'll set your sights on someone your friend doesn't like!
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My parents just told me they might be getting a divorce. I'm devistated. If they got a divorce, nothing would ever be the same again. Help! (link)
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You're right. Things wouldn't be the same.
While divorce is emotionally hard, it can lead to stronger people. Your parents would not be considering a divorce lightly - have they been fighting a lot? Not talking?
All that leads to an uncomfortable home environment; adults can often be happier apart if their marriage is not working, and that rubs off on their kids.
I'm not trying to gloss over the pain of divorce, but ultimately it is up to your parents. They make the choice, but you have to learn to deal with it. It's hard, but it's happening for a reason.
Your parents will be happier, and that could make for a stronger relationship with you - or at least a calmer, more open home environment.
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hey. im starting to go thru puberty and develop my breats but the question is how long will it FULLY take them to develop. theyve been the same for lyk 4 months and there not growing. and no, i kno that they still have a lot more to grow cuz no normal person could have boobs this small. but anyways how long will it take them to develop FULLY. please help! (link)
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Most women's breasts are not fully developed until their late teens or early twenties.
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hey. how long does the pleasure last when ur having sex? i hope it lasts longer then masterbating cuz the pleasure only lasts lyk 15 seconds when i masturbate. i rate high! (link)
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If by pleasure you meant orgasm, it'll probably be similar to when you masturbate. It might be slightly longer or more intense, but an orgasm is basically an orgasm.
However, the foreplay will bring more pleasure - the kissing, touching, etc often are highly arousing for people.
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well i had my period.. n they were like all the symptoms n everything so im sure i had it.. but ive missed my period date?? idk wats going on.. i tried to wait a few extra days but its been like 4-5 days n i sitll havent gotten it? its my 2nd time getting my period so i dunno is that normal? im not very close with my mom.. so i cant really talk to ehr about it.. i dunno what to do! helppp!! ((n i havent been having sex lol so it cant be that)) (link)
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Periods take a long time to even out. If it's only your second time getting your period, then you don't have a 'period date.' It's nothing to worry about.
Some girls get it like clockwork, some only get it every few months, some get it whenever it feels like showing up.
You can start circling the days you get your period on your calender if you want to keep track of when your period shows up - but for the first year, it'll probably be really erratic. It'll even out with time.
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As part of my value system, I feel it is necessary for me to save my virginity for whomever might become my wife.
My foresight has not predicted I would be in my early thirties and still not in the position whereby I would be in a deep relationship.
Being without this in my life has detimentally affected my emotional health.
How can I find the best way to cope? (link)
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Masturbate.
Channel your sexual energy into something else - write a book, paint, learn to play the guitar.
Focus on getting to know people - male and female - and forming connections.
Think more about your value system - does it still line up with your life?
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I'm really attracted to my friend. Hes 17 years old and is a total hottie. I really would love to spend the rest of my life with him. He gives me chills down my spine to see him happy and when hes sad it kills me ... literaly. The only thing is, that is stopping me from being with him, is my religion. In my religion it is against my code to have sex with another male. What do you think i should do? I really want to be with him and have sex with him but when i do i feel bad... help please. im an 18 year old male. Weve known each other for 5 years now. please help. (link)
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Religion is important, but most people start questioning their beliefs during their teens and early twenties. Most beliefs are pushed onto children by their parents or church, rather than coming naturally to the child themself.
I'm not sure what your religious persuasion is, but I can say that religion is a manmade thing. Men write the holy books, reign over the churches, and claim to interpret God's wishes for us.
Only we can know where we stand with those things. Most major religions will have gay or lesbian contingents - and many gays or lesbians, myself included, leave the church they were raised in and find another.
I can say that it's not wrong to love somebody, no matter what is between their legs. Love is about communication and laughter and trust, and those are things which transcend boundaries.
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Ok im really attracted to my friend and he's a guy and i really think he's hot but idk how 2 tell him how i feel or even if he's gay. Please help i am a 14 and im a guy please help! (link)
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Well, does your friend know that YOU are gay?
I'd say that was the first step - maybe he's having similar feelings and does not know about your sexuality. Either way, you'll want to be upfront and honest with friends about your sexuality; you want them to know all of you.
Once he knows, he could ask questions, make a move, etc. The first thing to do is talk...and then hope he likes you back!
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Hey there. Well, I started birth control last Sunday. I haven't even been on it for a complete week. Well, my boyfriend and me had sex, and I read in this little book I have about the birth control I'm taking, and it says it takes a month for birth control to become effective. I really worried now. Is there a chance I could get pregnant? I mean, does it actually take a month, or do they mean, the first time you take it, it's effective? (link)
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It does take at least one month to become effective. During the first month, a second form of protection needs to be used.
There are other times you'll need two forms of protection - if you miss a pill (for the completion of that cycle) or are on anti-biotics.
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Hey...im a girl and im addicted to masturbating. i do it whenever i can with whatever i can. if my parents found out they'd kill me. but...i was wondering 2 thins
1) can your cherry pop when you're masturbating?
2)if you masturbate too much, can it make you sterile and not able to have babies?
Im so scared of these two things...but im so addicted...help me! (link)
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1. Your cherry can pop while horseback riding, having a fall, or riding a bike. Most cherries, or hymens, are partially or completely disintegrated by their mid to late teen years.
2. No. It cannot make you sterile.
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When I was 12 years old, I was raped, and became pregnant. I never told my daughter how she was conceived. She is 13 years old, and I just found out that she's pregnant. Her boyfriend's father kicked him out of his house as a result. Abortion is out of the question. We have to decide whether my daughter and her boyfriend will raise the baby themselves or allow me to adopt the child. So I have three questions.
1. How do I tell my daughter the truth about how she was conceived?
2. Should I allow her boyfriend to move in with us, and if so, is it okay to make them sleep in seperate rooms? (His only other option is to move out of the country with his mother.)
3. Do you think it would be better for my daughter to raise her child or should I adopt the baby? (I was unable to have any other children.)
Sorry so long, but any advice would be appreciated. (link)
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1. I don't understand why you need to tell her about how she was conceived. I think it is an important issue which needs to be discussed, but I think it would be better broached when all these other worries were not present.
It has no affect on your daughter's choice - and why is abortion out of the question? I'm by no means advocating abortion, but it COULD be the best option for her.
2. If you allow her boyfriend to move in with you, you are taking on a second child to raise. They are 13; parents-to-be or not, they are children. Allowing him to move in traps your daughter in an awkward position; at 13, she has not found the love of her life. She shouldn't have to live with someone who ultimately will be more connected to the child than herself.
If he DOES move in, then by ALL MEANS they should be sleeping in separate rooms. They've made one big mistake - why encourage them to make another? As a parent, you need to set down guidelines of what is acceptable, while still be supportive and loving.
3. I think it would be traumatic to be a mother at 13; I think it would be worse to give the baby to its grandmother.
It is selfish of you to want to adopt this baby just because you want another child and cannot conceive. Your first obligation is to your existing child; imagine her pain and confusion when the baby calls YOU 'mommy.'
Next, imagine the pain and confusion of your grandchild when the truth of their birth comes out. Eventually, you might be supplanted as the parent of the child...and that would be painful and confusing for you.
I think abortion, giving the baby up for adoption (not to you), or helping your daughter to raise the baby are your three best options. Think first of your daughter, not your own aching and empty arms.
I sincerely wish you the best, and I think you'll do fine - as long as you remember where the priorities lay...on your current child.
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i used to cut for 2 years but my ex bf told after i went through a lot and he told so now im getting help...well the other day my friend came over and we were talking about cutting but i stopped so she said "well getting high takes it away like cutting does" so i got high, my friends would kill me if they found out...and theyd probably tell and i dont want that to happen...theyd probably all hate me too and i dont want that to happen cauze i love them all sooo much! but the only person who knows is that girl...help me please, what do i do?
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Switching one problem for another still leaves you with a problem. It's good that you're getting help for cutting, but you don't want to add another issue to the list.
Perhaps you can talk to your therapist about getting high - whatever made you want to cut has not gone away. It's still there, and it's making you want to get high. Until you figure out what's going on, the symptoms aren't going to go away.
It's like trying to repaint a car with a broken engine (beware...cheesy metaphor coming!); think of your therapist as a mechanic. They can only do their job if you are open and honest.
And your friends aren't getting mad because they hate you. It's because they love and care about you, and don't want to see you hurting. You're lucky to have those sort of people around you.
Talk to them, talk to your therapist, and talk with yourself. Be honest about what you want and what's bothering you. Trust yourself - you have the answers you need, and you just might need a little help finding them.
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