I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172972
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whats a viborater and how do you use it? (link)
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A vibrator is a sex toy. It is roughly shaped like a penis - though it could be smooth or rough, hard plastic or softer silacone. There is a mechanism in it which makes it vibrate.
Some women like the way it feels when they press a vibrator to their clitoris, while some insert it into their vagina. Some women don't like it. It's totally a matter of taste.
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My ex-boyfriend, and I really need 2 talk, and discuss our break up. But I dont know if I should or not cause we broke up on a bad key. And even if i did talk 2 him i wouldnt know what 2 say. Please help, and i'm 13.
*Sign*
Confused (link)
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Why do you need to discuss your breakup? A breakup generally means that a relationship is over - it has nowhere to go.
I'd figure out why you want to talk - did he dump you and you want an explanation? Do you still like him? etc. Then figure out how it will benefit you.
For example, if this guy dumped you and really doesn't want to be with you, you're only making it harder for yourself if you go tell him you still like him.
If you still decide to talk to him, you'll want to get things clear in your head and figure out what you want to say BEFORE you start a conversation with him.
Good luck.
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Well I'm "going out" with this guy from school..But when we talk we have like no conversation and I was talking to him about his ex-girlfriend and he said he didnt want her knwoing about me cuz they might be together in the future...well idk i didnt say anything...i think he wants me just for stuff...and when hes sick of me he'll leave...well i dont really like the guy i mean im just going out with him to see if i start liking him and so far our "relationship" is going nowhere. hes a pretty cool guy but i think we'd be better off as friends.. Hes a druggie, he drinks (im not into that) and he likes to rush into things with his gf's...ok so heres my problem. i wanna tell him i dont think going out is a good idea and im gonna tell him why i think that but i dont wanna seem..well mean i guess..the guy has been wanting to go out with me for over a year now! he was all excited cuz i told him i would do stuff (if i was comforable enough) to him but i wouldent go all the way...sooo idk its like hes using me for a while until he goes out with his x again...i wanna break up but i dont want him mad at me..any advice?? Thanks and sorry its so long!
[I. R a t e. e v e r y o n e] :) (link)
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1. You say you don't like him.
2. He's told you he might be with another girl in the future.
3. He was excited you would do stuff with him.
4. You don't have good conversations.
You're completely right. You should break up with him. You're also right in saying you don't need to be mean. Breaking up with anybody is bound ot hurt their feelings a little bit, but you can minimize this by being honest and sensitive.
For example, you can say something non-commital like, 'I really don't think this is working out. You're a great guy, but I don't think we make a great couple.'
He'll be hurt, and that might show itself as being angry. You can't help how he reacts. But you CAN help yourself - staying in a relationship where you are unhappy is not healthy. It's more important to worry about YOUR feelings than his - which means breaking up with him and finding someone you have a real connection with.
Good luck.
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Alright, I'm not really worried about this, but it has been on my mind. I was masturbating the other day, and I was humping very lightly, and then when I had an orgasm, I went to the bathroom and there was a little blood. I was due for my period anyway, so I put a pad on, but I got no more for about three days, when my period came. Was the first blood my cherry? (link)
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Well, it doesn't sound like you put anything inside of you. This makes me doubt that the blood was your cherry.
If you were due for your period, I tend to think this is what it was - are you periods often spotty, or do you usually get it and keep on going?
If you orgasm after your period has ended, you can 'wash out' some of the remaining blood. Some people also use sex/masturbation as a way to start their periods, and maybe that's what happened.
If there was no pain and no more strange bleeding occurs, I'd say you were in the clear - nothing to worry about. If it happens again, then it might be worth checking out with a doctor.
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okay well my two best friends go out... why does that bother me i mean i dont have feelings for my friend [hes a boy] but why does it bother me?? please answer people keep sayin i like him but i dont i need help soon (link)
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Well, I think it's normal to feel bothered - even if you have no feelings for either person and think they are great together.
They're forging a new bond together, and that excludes you. It's human to feel that way - just let them know that you still want to spend time with each of them individually, or together!
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I have this boyfriend, whom I cheated on 3 times already. (He lives 14 hours away from me, he moved). I love him so much, but sometimes I just get lonely of not having him here and I go out and do stupid things. I love him to death and everytime I cheat on him I tell him. I hurt his feelings so much but he always takes me back. I don't know what to do... it's just sometimes, he doesn't even get mad when I tell him I cheat on him. (Or maybe he just acts like hes not mad, but he really is). I've been with him for almost a year, we BOTH love eachother so much.. I just don't know why I'm always cheating on him if I "love" him... help? (link)
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You were right to put the word love in quotations. Cheating constantly on someone isn't love, but in this situation I think you should cut yourself some slack.
This guy might be wonderful, and you might have been wonderful together - but you aren't together anymore.
A long distance relationship is draining. It requires a deep commitment on both sides, which is lacking here. Sometimes life is about timing, and I don't think this is the right time for your relationship with the guy.
You're obviously unhappy living so far from him, and that's understandable. You need to do what is best for you - and that could be ending this relationship and finding someone closer to home.
Good luck.
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how do i get my gf from cutting herself? (link)
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If someone is cutting, that usually is a sign that they cannot handle their emotions anymore. They need outside help - and not neccesarily from a boyfriend.
I think the first step would be to share your concern; let your girlfriend know that if she's having a bad moment, she can pick up the phone and call you - but only if you are willing to take that responsibility.
I think the safest step is to talk to your parents about what to do - her parents will probably need to be involved. If you don't want to talk to your parents, try getting a school guidance counselor involved.
She'll be embarassed and possibly angry, but you are standing up for her - you are helping her get the emotional support she needs to be able to deal with life.
Good luck.
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What are the chances of becoming pregnant the very first time you have sex, being it was unprotected? (link)
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Your chances are exactly the same as if it were your 50th time having sex.
Being a virgn does not protect you from pregnancy - only you and your partner can do that. The safest way is by using two forms of birth control. For example, the Pill to help prevent pregnancy, and the condom to do the same AND to prevent transmitting an STD.
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I love my bf but im in love with my best friend.. I wanna stay with my bf and i cant have my best friend.. i dont even know how he feels about me... but i cant stand it what do i DO?!
you know I think i can answer this myself... if i love my bf i'd stay with him right.. well Im gunna of course... but i just wanna know how to just stop and forget about the love and just be his best friend and stay in love with my bf.. cuz my bf means the world to me (link)
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Well, you can't help who you love. And if you really love one person, then you won't be able to fall in love with someone else.
You can't forget about people you care about, but you can make choices.
If your boyfriend was really right for you, you wouldn't be thinking about other guys. It seems like staying with your boyfriend could be seen by you as the safest thing - you already know he likes you, and you have no idea how your best friend feels.
I think it's only fair to your boyfriend AND to you to end that relationship - you totally deserve to be with someone so great that the idea of another guy wouldn't even enter your head!
Good luck.
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Hi , okay when i wake up and i brush my teeth , after i get a HORRIBLE stomach ache ! it really sucks because it ruins my day ! is it normal? am i doing something wrong when i brush my teeth? PLEESE HELP ! I RATE 5 ! (link)
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Okay. If you wake up the same time every day, and brush your teeth the same time every day - then this could or could not be related to brushing your teeth.
Perhaps the stomach ache comes from hunger or another issue; either way, I'd get it checked out with a doctor. They'll be able to diagnose what's wrong and also help you solve it - one trip there, and then you have no more ruined days.
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Ok HeReS HoW It StArTeD:
I WaS OvEr At My FrIeNdS HoUsE(aka person) AnD ThIs iS OuR CoNvO.
Person: Ummm I need To Tell you Sumin Serious But you Cant Tell AnYbOdY!!!
Me: Ok You Can TrUsT Me
Person: I think I mite Be bi
Me: Bi as in Bisexual
Person: Duh
Me: Wow
PersOn: I kno
Me: So r you atrracted to any of our friends?
Person: yea
ME: Are you attracted to me?
Person: Maybe
So Thats It. So Im confused cuz it kinda grosses me out cuz what if she invites me to sleepover and since i cant tell anybody about it she'll get invited to sleepoers nd stuff so she could try to make a move on me nd my friends i need help
ill rate!!
(link)
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Well, it takes a lot of guts to come out. I'd be honoured that she chose you are the person she could trust with one of the biggest issues in her life.
I'd let her know that you support her, but you are not interested in pursuing a relationship. Then I'd treat her normally.
Just because she's bi doesn't mean she'll be all over people at sleepovers; she could just want to hang out and have fun with her friends, like anyone else would.
Be as honest with her as she's been with you, and your friendship will only get stronger.
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Okay here's my problem...I slept with my best friend, but he doesn't remember, and now I might be pregnant. Maybe I should explain...About a month & a half ago, my best friend/roommate and I went to a party and when we got home we kinda started making out (we had both been drinking). When he said he something that he really needed to tell me, and said that he was in love with me. It was so sweet and we ended up sleeping together. The next morning I woke up before him and cooked breakfast for him. But when he woke up, he was really confused, and he said he couldn't remember how he got home, and he really didn't remember anything since the beginning of the party the night before. I was freaking out and I didn't say anything about what happened between us. We later found out that someone had put something in the drinks at the party and a bunch of people couldn't remember stuff. I had decided that I wasn't going to tell him about out night together because it would be to weird. Then I didn't get my period this month, so now I'm really freaking out. I know I need to tell him but I don't know how. Then to make matters worse, I was trying to tell him yesterday, and he said that he wanted to tell me something (I thought he was gonna say he loved me) and he said that he was still a virgin and he was saving himself for the person that he was gonna spend the rest of his life with. I didn't think it was possible to feel any worse. I'm 22 and he's 20.
Can anyone help me please? I don't know what to do... (link)
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Whether you are pregnant or not, your best friend deserves to know that he is no longer a virgin. Be prepared for disbelief, shock, or anger - but it is the only right thing to do to tell him.
As far as your chances of pregnancy, how late is your period? If it's at least two weeks late, then your best bet is to buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test. Follow the directions carefully, and you'll have your answer soon enough.
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HELP!! A few summers ago I grew a few inches and gained a significant amount of weight, and now I have so many stretch marks, and they're making me SO Self concious!! My boyfriend of 6 months always wants to run his hands up my shirt to tickle me, and I always make him stop and blame it on tickeling.. but it's really I just don't want him to see my stretch marks!! They're on the front of my stomache, my sides, even on the sides of my breasts.. and I don't know what to do to get rid of them. I've read about them and they're caused from the lack of cologen or something like that, when your skin stretches, so it makes the marks. Does anyone have any home remedies or products that work efficiantly and aren't that expensive??? PLEASE HELP ME! (link)
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Alright. When I had my breast reduction, the surgeon recommended a cheap lotion - it also works on stretch marks.
It's called Palmer's Cocoa Butter with vitamin E. It should be in most local drug stores. Apply it a couple of times a day, and it'll help soften the skin and lessen the appearance of stretch marks.
Also - it's normal to have these marks after a growth spurt. Most everyone gets them. Whether you use the lotion or not, over time they will become almost invisible.
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Mods, please don't delete this, this is really important to me...
Okay, this question is kind of personal but i need to know if anyone else experiences this. I'm a 16/f and I have a boyfriend whom i've been with for going on 6 months now, and everytime we're together, no matter what we're doing, if it's sitting at the dinner table talking, or making out under the covers (most of the time it's more intense under the covers) I get really wet.. "down there" and it's to the point where it's kind of embarrassing.. because whenever we get sexual (not nessicarly sex..) he laughs about it, and it makes me feel really self concious.. Does this happen to anyone else?? Is it normal??? Thanks for the help..
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Boys get erections, girls get wet. It's supposed to happen.
Explain this fact to your boyfriend - and also explain it means you are turned on, which should be a compliment to him - and then tell him to stop making fun of you.
If he continues to be disrespectful, maybe it's time to find someone who is a bit more mature.
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A boy deep kissed(first kiss) me and i am very paranoid about catch HIV through kissing, but should i be worried? (link)
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No.
You'd have to swallow gallons of saliva to be infected from it.
If, however, you or your boyfriend have open sores in the mouth and one of you is infected, there is a possibility that infection would be transmitted.
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My boyfriend and I just had sex for the first time..He took my virginity. It was unprotected and Im not sure if he pulled out or not. We were both a little drunk. I dont regret it. Anyway, I was told that you shouldn't have unprotected sex for 15 days after your last period ended. Its only been 10 days. Im a little worried that, well basically, I could become pregnant. Im not sure if the 15 day thing is true. Im going to the health clinic in a couple days to get on birth control and they always give you a pregnancy test. I want to know if I should be worried about this or not and if the 15 day thing is true. Hurry..this has me scared. Thanks. (link)
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Buy a calander. Now, circle the day each time you get your period. Figure out how long your average cycle is - say, 28 days.
If that's the case, you'll ovulate around day 14, which is you most fertile time. Having sex a day or so before ovulation is also highly likely to get you pregnant. While this window is the MOST fertile time, you can also get pregnant during any stage of your cycle.
In addition to getting a pregnancy test - and you'll need to tell them when you had sex, otherwise the test could give a false negative - you'll also want to be tested for STDs. Condoms AND birth control are the safest way to have sex.
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umm.. dont think im stupid for asking this but i just wanna be safe and sure. if a girl is on birth control, does the guy still need to wear a condom wen they do it? (link)
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Birth control is not effective right away, nor does it work if the girl is on certain types of medication. If the girl is on the Pill, she'll want to make sure she is taking it at the same time every day.
Those things aside, no method of pregnancy prevention is 100% effective. I would recommend two forms of protection - I think it is smart to have your boyfriend wear a condom.
In addition, only a condom can give you some protection against sexually transmitted diseases. Such diseases can render you infertile, be untreatable, or kill you. If you want to be the safest you can while having sex, a condom is a must.
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i have no clue where i should have put this. but heres my question... what do they do when you go to get birth control? (link)
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The first thing that will happen is a chat with your doctor. She will want to know the date of your last period, if you are sexually active, and what sort of birth control you are looking for.
There are many types aside from the Pill, and even birth control pills come in a bunch of varieties. You doctor - you should go to a gyno - will give you an internal exam. This doesn't hurt, although it can feel emotionally awkward. Having a doctor you feel comfortable with will help.
After the doctor makes sure you're healthy (why not consider getting tested for STDs if you are sexually active, as well), she'll talk with you to decide which method of birth control is best for you. She'll write a presciption and tell you some basic info about whatever type of birth control you decide to get.
Make sure you read any suppliments that come with the prescription carefully, as certain types of birth control take a month to become effective.
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Alright, last year i fell in love with one of my teachers who is much older than i am. i love him a ton. i've loved him all summer long, and i've missed him like crazy. tomorrow i start a new highschool and i'm scared like crazy. i don't want to go, because i don't want what my teacher and i have to go away. i don't want to go to a new school. i want to stay at my jh. i don't want to leave. what can i do to make this easier on me? i'm so heartbroken, i just don't know what to do. (link)
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I think the best thing for you to do is think logically - turn off your heart for a moment and use your head.
You are not going to date your teacher - he's a grown man, and you are a student. Perhaps the things you like about him - his sense of humour, his brains, etc - are things you'll find boys in high school have.
Crushes hurt. That's why they are called crushes. Some people think it's emotionally safer to like someone they don't have a chance with, but ultimately it can make you feel like crap.
I think you should move up to high school with an open mind; perhaps you'll meet someone your own age you can have a genuine relationship with. You only 'know' the school side of your teacher - he's got a bigger, fuller life outside of school. You can never know that part of him.
But a guy your own age?
You can learn a lot about him, and let him learn about you. You can really develop feelings - feelings so strong you'll look back on your crush and wonder why you felt so bad to be leaving junior high.
Be brave and you'll be fine.
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i was at my friends house with a bunch of other friends and we got drunk. the whole night i was hanging all over the kid i liked ( who happens to be a good friend) and i refused to talk to anyone besides him. i tried to kiss him when i was drunk but he wouldnt kiss me. does that mean anything besides he only likes me as a friend? (link)
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It might mean that he only likes you as a friend, or it could mean he was uncomfortable being around a drunk girl.
What I think it REALLY means is that your inhibitions are lowered when you are drunk, and that's something you'll want to be careful about in the future. It's easy to be brave when you're drunk, but you can create awkward situations which you'll have to take care of while you're sober.
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