A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 97479
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
20/f
so my girlfriend and i used to always be all over eachother, but now we havent had sex in almost 3 weeks, what can i do to turn her on? she almost never seems to be in the mood anymore. (link)
|
I'd start it with a conversation.
Sex should always be a priority in a relationship. As with any other priority, it requires mutual agreement, communication, and compromise.
My girlfriend has a tendency to get stressed out, and when she's stressed she's obviously not horny. I have an incredibly high sex drive, I want it every day. She doesn't, at least, she doesn't when she's got other shit on her mind.
I have talked with her extensively, sex is a need, both guys and girls get emotional fulfillment and connection from it. I would bring it up calmly, and tell her that you miss being sexual with her as constantly and want to understand where the change in drive is coming from. It can be a touchy subject, just emphasize that you want both of you to be happy with your sex life.
Ask her if she's upset about something, stressed out or concerned and she hasn't shared it with you.
Hopefully she doesn't get defensive. If she does, stop the conversation for a second to both calm down, and maybe reconnect. In the past, when my I brought it up it was a sensitive subject and my girlfriend felt the need to justify herself. I'd stop her, ask her if I could give her a hug, and tell her that I didn't want HER needs to be unmet either, but that we both needed to be able to talk to each other about what we need because neither of us can read minds.
I told her I want to give her what she needs, and I want to make sure she's OK. But I also gently made it clear that allowing life to destroy our sex life and eliminate sexual contact for extended periods of time was not OK with me.
Its hard. It takes two people both acting like adults to have this conversation and immediately move forward with it. You both have to be OK with knowing what the other person needs, and you both have to be willing to place the other person's needs above your own.
Thats compromise. Sometimes, in relationships, you meet in the middle. Both bend, and you find a common ground to stand on together.
Other times, one person lets something go for the other person. Compromise comes in that you're both willing to place the other person's needs above your own, and you somewhat take turns for each other, one being strong when the other cannot, and switching when needed.
And part of that is being able to hear constructive criticism and being able to talk maturely about needs that are not met, without acrimony or accusations.
Take it slow, but bring it up. You need to talk it out, it won't fix itself any other way.
|
i wanted to take some pictures for my fiance....like you half nude and stuff. i got a disposable camera and i= started to take some pictures well its hard to do a whole lot when im the only one holding the camera so i was wondering if someone could give me some ideas so i could finish off the roll of film.....like different positions or outfits or expresions......i just need some ideas
thanx (link)
|
Fiance? I'll assume that you two are committed enough to trust.
First, incinerate that disposable camera. Unless one of you develops your own film, you don't need to be giving some random film clerk a camera full of provocative pictures.
Digital cameras are cheap, you can use a photo printer at home to print out pictures if you absolutely need hard prints, digital images are easier to store, easier to hide, and easier to get rid of should the need arise. In a trusting relationship, digital photography is the way to go. It lets you keep the pictures entirely to yourself.
|
|
In your opinion (or learning from personal experience), what are the pros and cons of a open relationship? (link)
|
Open relationships seldom work well, and usually only work well with people who are a bit to a lot socially mal-adjusted.
The biggest problem with an open relationship is that by definition it can't be that strong. When you don't dedicate yourself to anyone specific but hold yourself open to new people, things don't usually work out that well.
Its a ton of needless complication.
Cons include increased risk of STDs, issues if someone becomes pregnant by accident due to having to figure out who the dad is and hoping that its a guy who actually wants to be around the mother, jealousy, a lack of emotional fulfillment, etc.
I've not met anyone who considered themselves to be "in an open relationship" who had an age appropriate level of emotional maturity.
Having sex with people other than your partner in an open relationship polyamory situation is almost always a bad idea. Thats the reason most people who like ideas like that end up being swingers. Because most people recognize that you NEED a stable partner to share things with but also to place you and for you to place as first priority.
In my experience, open relationships are a result of people who are scared shitless both of commitment and of being alone at the same time spending time around each other. Rather than seeking a deeper trust and understanding with one person you have many shallower relationships to try to make up in quantity what you lack in quality.
In the most simple terms, its not possible to have a truly deep, committed relationship in an open format. It can take years to know and adjust to one person, decades sometimes. Doing that with more than one person lessens the commitment to each of them to some degree.
I've only seen one example of how a relationship works well with more than two people, I have a couple of friends who live together in a trio similar to polygamy. My friend is a straight guy, and his girlfriend is bisexual. His girl met another girl whom she had feelings for, formally dated, and fell in love with. The girl joined in their relationship and they are all three a "couple". My friend fell for the second girl, and she with him, so each of them is fully in love and committed to the other two people. The girls have outlets for both straight and lesbian desires. They do, from what they tell me, occasionally bring in other people, but its a mutual choice for their mutual sex life, all three have to want it and the other person isn't someone they date, just someone they play with and are friendly with. The actual relationship is set in stone with just the three of them.
It works only because each of the trio is capable of helping take care of the other two's emotional needs, and the commitment in the relationship is universal. Both women plan on having my friend's kids, living with him for the rest of their lives, etc. There is still only one relationship, shared by three people instead of two. They sleep and live all together, decisions are made by all three and a ton of compromise has to be made. They have to each consider an additional two points of view in every situation instead of just one plus their own.
And it took them a long time to work things out well enough that the relationship was anything like stable. They could not have worked it out had there not been a commitment present between each person in the group.
Open relationships don't work like that. Its alot of drama that no one should deal with, and most people I know who try open relationships find them unfulfilling in the long run.
|
|
i am about to start a "keto diet" where you eat a lotttt of fat and protein and basically 0 carbs except the little that you get in greens. and you "carb up" one day a week. has anybody done this? experienced people only please. what kind of fat loss can i expect? im just trying to lose the last pounds of fat on my body so i look lean for summer (: (link)
|
Terrible for you. Destroys your cholesterol and such. If you're going to stay away from Carbs that doesn't mean you focus on fats. Protein is important but you want lean and low cholesterol protein.
In other words, lots of chicken (any fowl, if you prefer turkey or something), very little beef, a decent bit of dairy, and you need to get to know nuts.
Not alot, a handful or two of peanuts a day is enough, but nuts are very nutritious and carb free. They are high calorie and high fat though, so watch yourself.
Salads can be good low carb, if you make your own vinegrette dressings you can make a great salad thats virtually carb free. Just make sure your ingredients don't have any. Ranch is terrible, avoid it. Some veggies have starch, avoid them too. Potatoes of any kind, the usual.
Also, fish is good. Not fried fish, but baked, grilled, pan seared, there are specific fats in fish that can aid in weight loss in small to moderate amounts. Try to eat a fish meal twice a week or so.
|
|
My friend is twelve and she wants to have sex without a condum .She does not have her period and is a virgin.Can she still get pregnant? (link)
|
She easily could. If she isn't ovulating yet she's going to start soon.
If she starts having sex at 12, she's going to have it repeatedly. 12 year olds who become sexually active aren't mature enough to not fuck like rabbits and get caught at some point.
Thing is, she's not going to put the condom on next time, either. Or the next, or the next. And neither is he.
She will end up pregnant at some point. I'd be willing to bet money that if she starts having sex without a condom now she'll be pregnant a month after she starts getting her periods.
12 is too young. She is a child. Not even a teen, she is an adolescent child. She isn't capable of reproducing yet, why in Gods name should she be having sex.
If you want to help your friend, you will tell her parents or a school counselor.
Pay attention, please. This is important. Maybe the most important decision you will face in the next five years.
If your friend starts having sex now, she will fuck herself up. Sex is an adult behavior, and it creates adult emotions and problems. A 12 year old has not been taught and is not old enough to understand any of this. She can't handle it.
When I say this, you are biologically not old enough to be able to have sex responsibly.
If you tell no one, you might keep her as a friend. And you get to watch, as she has sex with a variety of guys and turns herself into some asshole's sextoy. She's going to chase after guys who use her for sex, she's going to start hating herself because she can only feel loves when a guy gives her sexual attention, and she's going to become an incredibly damaged and dysfunctional person, or she's going to spend tens of thousands of dollars on therapy.
If you tell her parents, you might lose her as a friend, but you get to watch as she gets the help she needs and the attention she needs. You get to see her being protected by adults who actually know whats best for her and who can try to save her from herself. You will know that you gave her a shot at not ruining her life.
And if she doesn't, she will thank you for that someday.
It sucks. Everyone hates to be in this position. But its the right thing to do. Tell someone, get her help. She doesn't have to know it was you.
|
|
So my boyfriend brought up an interesting topic last night and i just wanted to know some oppinions. If you commit suicide and youre a good person do you really go to hell? and why? (link)
|
Because you are selfishly taking someone's life. Just because its yours and not someone else's doesn't mean God thinks any less of it.
Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. The elevation of yourself and your pain above everyone and everything you know in your life.
People have a need for each other. These needs force us to form bonds with others, we are not OK alone. When you kill yourself, you selfishly sever those bonds. You show people that your whims are more important to you than they are.
It harms those around you, bonds broken leave wounds. And when one of us gives up everything they have to failure by choice, it diminishes us all.
|
|
Next year, my younger sister will be joining me at high school. I am female, sixteen, from a religious family, and in the middle of the American South. The problem with my sister joining me at school is that I am an out bisexual everywhere except my home. I have a darling girlfriend at present who, though she does not attend the same school as me, is a frequent topic of conversation amongst me and my friends. My main concern is that my family and public life will mix. My mother is very religious and, though she has walked in on me with a woman (it was awkward), she has chosen to ignore it and try to set me up with her friends' sons. My father is unaware of this. What would be the best way to prevent my family finding out about who I really am? (link)
|
Jesus.
Thats tough. I'm a guy, and my parents would have kicked me out had they found out I was having sex in High School, (I actually did get kicked out for something smaller than that) so I can relate.
Your sister is GOING to find out. I'd suggest you approach her about it at some point and talk to her, sister to sister. I'd phrase it something like this.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. You're going to be in the same school as me, and I'd prefer to tell you something myself than hide it from you. But before I tell you, I want you to understand that I don't want mom and dad to know. I'm bisexual, and I'm dating a girl at the moment. I don't want to hide who I am, but I know that my parents won't react well to it, and I'd prefer to be out of the house attending college when we have that conversation. I hope I can trust you with this secret, I'd prefer to not have to deal with their anger and denial over the subject"
Don't plead with her, just ask her. Express trust in her and ask that she measure up to it. Use any of the above you like, I hope it helps a bit.
Situationally, this is a roll of the dice. Without knowing your sister I couldn't tell you if you can trust her. If you can't, do your best to hide it. Thats all you can really do, and it is the best idea.
|
|
ok im 14 and my boyfriend is 16. he wants to have sex in the family bathroom at the mall but i don't know if i should do it or not. If it helps its the only place that we can atchually meet. Thanks in advance. (link)
|
Theres nothing like the romance of a tile floor stained with urine, is there?
No you should not fuck your 16 year old boyfriend at the mall.
If you aren't old enough to manage to find somewhere that isn't the floor in a friend's spare bedroom while his parents aren't home, or worse, the family bathroom at the mall, you really don't need to be having sex.
Plus, you're 14.
And if anyone notices, someone who sees you go in or hears a noise, you end up getting brought hope by cops who tell your parents you were fucking in the family bathroom in the mall.
A sad truth, as a teenager, is that the act of choosing to do something proves that you are not mature enough to handle it.
An adult in this situation would not say yes. And if you'd like to point out that you're not an adult, I think you just answered alot of your own questions about sex.
You will not look back on this and be glad you did it.
|
19/f. So I have this amazing fiance whom I love very much, and the possibility of being pregnant with his kid. We've been together for almost two years, and planning a wedding.
Well like a week ago, we brokeup because we got into a huge argument. He broke my heart badly and felt that I should move on. Well I put up an ad on Craigslist about me wanting a relationship. I ended up getting 5 valid responses from guys saying how cute I am and such. Well I got to know them all a little bit. Then suddenly my ex-fiance came around to apoligize and he treated me to the movies, and begged for me back. So I accepted happily.
Now the problem is, I have these 5 guys wanting to go out with me. I don't know how to tell them I am going back out with my fiance. Like they LIKE me. I still want to stay good friends with them, yet I already know it'll break their heart.
So as a note, don't tell me I shouldn't of went to Craigslist in the first place. I think I already know what I've done. I am asking is, how can I break the news to them?
And I am faithful!! I never cheated and never will.
Thanks (link)
|
This really isn't hard.
Send them an e-mail thanking them for their interest, tell them that you got back together with your guy, and wish them a nice life.
Then block all of their e-mail addresses.
|
|
What are the best techniques for studying for finals? (link)
|
Retention is generally increased when you process information in more than one way. The best ways I've found are when reading something to either write some organized notes or to quietly read to myself out loud and say everything.
Your brain processes it once when reading, and again when writing or speaking. Doing all three can help even more.
Also, study for about twenty minutes, no more than twenty five, and take a five to ten minute break. The brain doesn't retain things past twenty minutes, it gets into a rut where you can read it but don't store anything. You give it something else to focus on for a short time (maybe something fun) and then go back to studying.
Give yourself enough time to cover the material and make sure you get a solid 8 hours every night. Breakfast in the morning to get you going, avoid caffiene (as the crash can be devastating to concentration) and don't freak out too much.
|
|
First off, I am a 22 year old male. I was in a 5 year relationship with the love of my life. We have two children together, which in hindsight was way too early, but hey. She left me two months ago, for which she said I didn't pay enough attention to her, which was valid. However, since then, she has continued to speak to me, and every day is different. One day, she says she just needs a little time but I am the most important man in her life. The next, she says she is completely done. What the heck!? She tells me to treat her with respect and show her that I can give her some attention, and she'll come home. However, she is out living the life of a single 20 year old. Clubs, talking to guys, the whole 9, and it's difficult to give her the respect she truly deserves. She was a great mom and a great girlfriend. Should I just leave her alone for a few weeks, or what? FYI, there has been no previous infidelity, and just today she bounced from "I'd love to come home tonight and watch a movie with you", to "I might talk to you tomorrow when I pick up the kids, maybe." (!) Help! (link)
|
It sounds like both of you need to grow up a little. You're in the process, its quite obvious you're trying hard here.
With that said, theres not a ton we can tell you to help. Simply put, we don't know her, we don't know you, and we don't know the situation, all of these are important.
It sounds like she's freaking out about responsibility and is out being somewhat of an attention whore, in addition to whatever problems exist in the relationship.
Counseling is needed. Ask her if she'll go see one. Beyond that, all you can really do is give it time. And talk. Talk is good, communication is obviously a problem with you guys. Start talking. Open up a little and try to get her to do the same.
|
First off, I'm in a long distance relationship. Yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday, and I didn't talk to him at all. He went out with friends, and didn't get back til real late, so okay whatever. Today he left a voicemail saying to call him at 7. I did, and he was sleeping. He got up at about 11, so we talked for a good 5 minutes..uhhh. I could tell he was on xbox, so I told him to go play with his buddies and we'd talk tomorrow. He happily left.
Now, I truly don't mind him going to play, I suggested it..but this happens everyday now. This has happened for the past 3 weeks, and I just don''t have the heart to tell him how much it hurts me. I wait literally all day long to speak to him, and when the chance finally comes, we talk no longer than 10 minutes, and he leaves to play xbox, says he'll talk to me tomorow, and the pattern repeats. I mean, our relationship is long distance, communication is the only damn way we can keep this thing going.
I don't know whether to tell him, and he see me as some whiny girlfriend, or just continue to let it happen. Everytime I hang up the phone after telling him to go play xbox I immediately start crying. And I never tell him this, he has no idea how much talking to him means to me. I'd just like to feel a little more important than his xbox friends, whom he doesn't know in real life. To make things worse, the 5 minutes we do spend talking..he talks about xbox. And usually about new girls he's added to his xbox friends list.
God, please, just any help/advice would be appreciated. I'm tired of crying. (link)
|
This doesn't sound worth saving.
I know that sucks to hear, but you haven't given us any reasons you should be invested in this, especially if we're talking weeks of behavior.
I've done distance. It worked only because at least once every three days we'd have a three to seven hour discussion on some random topic. The desire to talk was always mutual. If its not, things fall apart. We'd have times where we talked every night we were apart for two or more hours for a month straight.
Its time to move on and find someone in your own zip code. Unless you're an adult who's capable of turning distance into more if you wished, its not a good idea.
|
|
hey okay im just wondering what peoples opinions on this are; im 14 and my mom tells me to tell her when i have sex but she says that i have to wait till im 17. what if i were to have sex at 15 of something like before 17, should i tell her and she would get mad or should i not tell her and keep it from her? and like if i didnt tell her how would i get birth control? (link)
|
You have a responsibility to tell her.
The sex life, in general, is a private affair. Many general guidelines exist like this and almost all of them are suspended with regard to parents and minor children.
You are their responsibility. Like it or not, sex is an adult behavior and you are not an adult. You live under their roof and you are their kid. You have a responsibility to make sure they know enough to be able to protect you, and you have a responsibility to try to keep the peace in your house.
Keep the peace doesn't mean you hide things and hope nothing comes to light. It means you try to work things out so they aren't a problem anymore.
Plus, you're 14. Your mom isn't ready for you to be having sex, parents always see their kids as vulnerable children. Part of nature.
At some point in the future, whenever you're ready, sit her down. Tell her that you want to go on birth control. Tell her that the reason you want to get on birth control is that you want to have sex.
At this point, she'll probably switch into nuclear meltdown mode. Stop her, calm her down, and just keep repeating "Mom, calm down and let me explain myself fully"
Explain that you aren't telling her that you've decided to have sex, but you do recognize that even if you aren't ready to have sex, you want to. The desire is there, thus the responsible thing to do is get on birth control.
She can't really say no to this. Not without being irrational and unreasonable. It doesn't sound like she is, but then your question was short.
The point of this, is that your mother isn't ready to accept her daughter as a sexual person. Doing the above blatantly shoves it in her face without putting the threat of sex directly in front of her at the same time. Emphasize that you are NOT intending to have sex now, you just want to start getting used to being on birth control. Throw in the obligatory "I've heard alot of them have different side effects, it would probably be good to have the chance to try a few and see which side effects are most easily lived with at a time when I'm definitely not having sex, thus not risking anything by changing prescription"
That argument is pretty hard to knock down.
Once your mom gets used to scheduling gyno appointments for you, getting your birth control or taking you to get it, etc etc, sex is a much smaller leap.
You get her to the point where she's expecting it and just hoping your virginity lasts rather than trying to control it herself.
This would be the adult approach. You take the responsibility upon yourself and do what you need to do for perfectly valid reasons.
|
My best friend started smoking weed about a year and a half ago. At first she just did it on the weekends every now and again. She invited me to join her at the parties but I didn't want to so I never did go and join in. All of this time has gone by and with everything going on it sounds like she is doing something else (drugs) but I KNOW she isn't. I KNOW she isn't doing any other drugs besides the pot.
Well, anyway, she now smokes pot a lot. She smokes probably every day, usually after school (when she actually goes to school). We still talk on the phone but it's becoming clear that the weed is doing something scary to her.
My best friend has become increasingly paranoid over the littlest things. Her behaviors have changed to where it's almost impossible to be around her and not go insane!
She will only eat something if it's cut into 3 pieces or if there is only 3 pieces of it. At first I thought she was kidding around but it's become obsessive and when you ask her about it she says it's "safer" to eat in 3s but can't explain why. She is sick a lot, A WHOLE LOT, and so I thought maybe the smaller portions helps her or something but when I asked her if that was it, she got really confused and I dropped it.
She won't go out of her house after 8:27 at night. I don't know why! Like, if I ask her to spend the night she always says no and says she HAS to be home before 8:27pm. She never has any plans or anything though. It's really weird and because of that, we don't hang out so much anymore. I mean, we can't go out to movies at night, can't double date, can't go to a football game, can't spend the night at my house--because she's weird! I thought maybe that's when she wants to be high at night but I don't know. It's confusing.
Then, when Twilight came out, we were going to miss school and see it together. We totally had plans to see Twilight in the theatre that day and so I went and waited for her. She never showed up! I felt so stupid because I was waiting for her at the theater and everybody that was going to see Twilight had people to watch it with but me so I just walked out. I went and called her and she was all, "Twilight? Oh. I forgot that was today." It was a big deal to us though! I'm still mad at her over that though, but it wasn't just one time...time and time again she has not showed up for things or not been ready when I came to pick her up. She always "forgets" about the plans even if we just talked about them the day before!!!
It's just gotten to the point that she's crazy, constantly sick with something, and, well, smells bad. She always smells like pot and has met up with me without washing for a few days. It's just...disgusting. I don't want to lose my best friend but it's like I already have. She can't even tell me secrets now without making me jump through hoops for the information because she's afraid I will tell somebody. We can't do anything together because of her time restriction and her forgetfulness.
Can I save my friend and our friendship or is it not worth it any more? I'm so confused at what is happening to her but she doesn't seem to notice anything has changed. We've been best friends for a lot of years now and she wasn't like this before. What do I do? (link)
|
As stated below, that is not just pot.
The most likely explanation involves a psychological disorder. Its the threes thing that gives it away, and the words "Safe in threes"
Thats a direct symptom of certain kinds of OCD. 8:27 at night? Again, a numbers fixation.
The pot isn't helping, but she needs some kind of therapy. This is alot bigger. I agree that you can't know all she's taking, it doesn't sound like you see her all that often. She could be up to her eyeballs in Acid for all you know, but I definitely think that regardless of the role of the drugs that theres something else going on.
Honestly, I'd talk to a councilor about it. Don't mention the drugs up front, but mention the numbers fixation and the changes in behavior. Ask the councilor if theres anything that can be done, that it almost sounds like your friends has OCD and that you don't know how to help her get help if she needs it. Talk to your parents about it as well, same rules apply, leave out the drugs for now.
People have a tendency to dismiss things more easily when drugs become involved. Often ignoring signs of other help needed because they have something they don't understand that they can point out as the "likely cause" of something else they don't understand.
|
Hi, my parents recently found many Febreze cans throughout the house. They now, all of a sudden, are 100% sure I am an inhalant addict. I smoke cigarettes in the house and I go through cans of Febreze pretty quick because I use a lot to cover up the smell of the smoke though. I know I shouldn't be smoking anyway but I rather my parents know about me smoking cigarettes in the house than to think I am using inhalants.
I had a drug problem for awhile last year. I have been clean of all drugs for nearly four months and am being tested on a regular basis. I have gone through rehabilitation and attend therapy sessions regularly. I, honestly, have never even heard that you could get high off of things like Febreze, but I was aware of people who huffed paint or glue. I never got into anything like that simply because of the health effects, and because people I had talked to who did do it said it wasn't even that great but consumed their lives.
Anyway, I am trying to figure out what I should do in this situation. If there is a test or anything to prove to my parents that I am not using inhalants I would be more than happy to take it. I also need to know how to tell my parents about my cigarette smoking. I know this needs to come out to them (my therapist already knows I have picked up the habit) but I am now afraid they will think I have slipped into heavier drugs and/or making excuses up for the Febreze.
Please, I need all the help I can get because they are stuck on this and want to send me to a rehabilitation for inhalant abuse. I do not abuse inhalants and I really don't want to go to rehab for something I don't/didn't do. I do not know what I can do. HELP! (link)
|
I've actually run into this one, it was a school administration issue. I fell asleep in class one day, and my friends thought it would be funny to give me a hitler mustache with white out.
So, when I woke up to a teacher shaking me, I was sitting there asleep in class with white out on my upper lip directly under my nose.
It looked like I got messy shoving a bottle of white out up both nostrils.
I got dragged into the office, and it was worse because at that point I honestly didn't KNOW how I got white out on me. They figured I huffed so much I blacked out or something.
I showed a little derision. I was 16, I'd been to any number of parties, and my innocence was long since forgotten. I knew all about drugs, and I explained to him in detail why I wouldn't do inhalants.
Guy - You're using drugs in my school!
Me - Inhalants aren't a drug
Guy - how can you say that?
Me - Because inhalants are just chemicals. Drugs are substances that have affects on the brain, inhalants don't have affects, they just outright kill the cells. How stupid do you think I am that I would be sitting in class snorting white out, knocking myself out and screwing my head up with a substance who's only effect is to make your brain not work?
I managed to convince them that no, I would not snort white out in class.
Go talk to your parents. Show them the cigarettes, then pull out a can of febreeze, read whatever it says on the side of the bottle about getting rid of odors, and ask them a simple question.
"If you were smoking and wanted to hide that fact from your parents, how would you do it?"
|
|
Hey im 18/f. I was just wondering if you miss your birth control for a day or two and have sex and he cums in you. How much higher are the chances of me getting pregnant. For example i forgot to take my birth control tonight and yesterday and my boyfriend and i had sex tonight. He pulled out but i know its not an effective method. I was just wondering how much higher are the chances now?? (link)
|
Theres no way to know.
Some women can miss a pill and the timings right, and then they're pregnant. Other women (like my girlfriend's best friend) go off birth control on purpose to get pregnant and it takes 8 months.
Continue taking the rest of your birth control, and wait a few days to a week after your period to take a test. If its negative, continue birth control.
|
|
Ok so my friend has just been dumped by her boyfriend after 20 months of bing together (im a guy 17 shes 17) shes my best friend but i jsut dont know how to give her advice :( i really want to make her think that life goes on she will eventually get over himn even though its going to be hard as hell, i was talking to her today she was in tears of course and much like every guy with a crying girl we have no fucking clue what to do or say, i really want to help her even if its the tiniest bit but i dont know how :( how do i give her advice? what should i keep in mind? how i do stay levl headed and not make my self so awkwardly uncomfortable when girls are like this. thanks for you time and effort and interest in my question (link)
|
The following is not mine, but I give it to you as it has been given to me. May your friend find value in it.
Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the fuck out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry ass, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
# ? Mar 15, 2006 21:22
* Profile
* Post History
* Quote
lushka16
Apr 08, 2003
Doctor of Love
Dump
RULE 1
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll fucking kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the shit out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional shit for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't fuck her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do shitty things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really shitty. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T FUCKING STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
|
I want to start using "sexy" talk on my boyfriend. As he is going away for the weekend i hope to send him a few texts just to show what he is missing HAHA!
However, i want to just speak "sexy" not dirty, i don't want to send dirty messages because there is always a chance of someone reading the messages. So i personally feel that sexy messages are much more acceptable than dirty message, Just my personal preference.
Me and him have this personal 'joke' that I am going to turn gay and go with girls, so maybe i could build that in to the texts? (because i know he definitely likes the idea of me and another girl haha)
Have any of you got any ideas on how i could tease him through texts?
thanks! xo (link)
|
I'm going to speak up for the men in the world, and say that unless you're leaning bi, you shouldn't tease about it.
You'd be giving him hope. Its mean.
::Edit::
Its still mean.
::/Edit::
|
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, but we were friends for years before that. I've never loved a guy this much, and our relationship is pretty serious. He lives with me, but he has a room outside of his parent's house that he pays rent for (it's in like a shop thing on his parent's property). My family is fine with us living together, but his parents are huge Christians. We live with my grandparents, but sometimes we like to stay over at his place just to have a little more privacy. His mom doesn't say anything, but his dad says that no girls are allowed to say overnight with him on his property. I respect his dad's religious beliefs and go out of my way to please him. He doesn't allow women on his property to wear anything that he considers indecent, so no matter how hot it is, I wear jeans and conservative shirts when I come around, but it's a little ridiculous. He doesn't say anything about us living together at my house, but he does not allow us to say the night together in my boyfriend's room. My boyfriend has paid rent for it, but he says it's his property so it's his decision.
Is there anything I can do about this? I know it may not seem like much, but I always feel like he's judging my every move and it drives me crazy, since it's not very christian-ly to judge, anyway. Should we talk to him about this or just let it go and do what he says? (link)
|
::Edit::
Thats hilarious. My friend Lacy has been with her boyfriend 9 months. She lives with her own grandparents (he lives with her) and he has a room with his parents (don't know what arrangements). His parents are christian and them being together and living together bothers them, and she's not allowed to spend the night. His parents hate her, they've had several screaming arguments. Her family couldn't care less about them dating.
I'm not even fucking kidding about this. I read your post and did a double take.
Small world, eh?
::/Edit::
Let it go.
The only thing you're going to do is make it worse. You and his father do not think the same way, and trying to convince a devout christian that pre-marital sex is good, ok, normal,or anything like it is about the most hopeless task you could ever set yourself.
Because thats what he sees. Devil woman corrupted his son with sex. He doesn't sound so imbalanced that he actually thinks it in those terms, but he definitely sees you in that light.
Don't push him on it, don't bring it up, just silently respect his right and think about getting an apartment together.
Random sidenote, is your name Lacy?
|
25/F/US
Three years ago, I met a man. Our relationship was brief but very intense... I don't entertain any delusions regarding love; I didn't know him long enough to feel such a thing. But, when I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that no man I have met since can rival him. I've never been more attracted to a person, on so many different levels, or felt myself connect with a person emotionally and mentally so quickly, so easily.
During the past few years... I've tried to move on. I've dated. I've fallen in and out love. At one point, I was even engaged to be married. I can go for months without thinking of him at all... But once he runs across my mind, he's hard to push back out again. And I can't push him out without a tremendous amount of effort, without missing him terribly.
I want for nothing more than for this to stop. Recently, I've been thinking of him and it's driving me absolutely CRAZY.
Please help me make peace with his memory. I've tried addressing the feelings of anger, rejection, sorrow, regret... I've even thought that maybe HE isn't really the problem. Maybe the problem is just that I'm lonely and remembering a better time.
They say, whoever 'they' is, that the first step of the healing process is to acknowledge the problem. I've acknowledged the problem. I've acknowledged a combination of problems.
What now? (link)
|
I honestly don't think anyone here can give you the tools for that.
I've dealt with memories like that. I used anger to carve desire out of myself. Its a painful, scarring process that I do not recommend.
Go see a therapist. If you talk to one and don't like them, speak to a different one. Sometimes its about finding one who's got a personality you can be comfortable around.
They can help you figure this out. You also keep looking for that connection. Its not bad to want intense passion in a relationship, just need to figure out how to disassociate that from your past.
|
|