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How to make peace with the past?
25/F/US
Three years ago, I met a man. Our relationship was brief but very intense... I don't entertain any delusions regarding love; I didn't know him long enough to feel such a thing. But, when I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that no man I have met since can rival him. I've never been more attracted to a person, on so many different levels, or felt myself connect with a person emotionally and mentally so quickly, so easily.
During the past few years... I've tried to move on. I've dated. I've fallen in and out love. At one point, I was even engaged to be married. I can go for months without thinking of him at all... But once he runs across my mind, he's hard to push back out again. And I can't push him out without a tremendous amount of effort, without missing him terribly.
I want for nothing more than for this to stop. Recently, I've been thinking of him and it's driving me absolutely CRAZY.
Please help me make peace with his memory. I've tried addressing the feelings of anger, rejection, sorrow, regret... I've even thought that maybe HE isn't really the problem. Maybe the problem is just that I'm lonely and remembering a better time.
They say, whoever 'they' is, that the first step of the healing process is to acknowledge the problem. I've acknowledged the problem. I've acknowledged a combination of problems.
What now?
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This man-he is they guy you "go to" in your mind whenever you start the pity party in your head. You say months go by when you don't think of him, I'll be willing to bet when you do think of him it is when you are feeling particularly lonely/vulnerable/hoodwinked/whatever. His face is just the image you have put to that feeling you have.
To be honest with you-I think it's all pretty normal. We all have that guy (mine's name is Mark), just like we all have those feelings. Here's the good news. Somewhere, without you even realizing it, some guy you have completely forgotten about is thinking about you. You were the perfect girl to him, and even after all of these years he hasn't gotten over you.
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hey!
all i can say is that we feel this kind of love-when we see the best,or the 'divine' in a person..sometimes,the person doesnt reciprocate,for some reason,we embark on guilt,and anger,and feelings of rejection.just tell yourself,you saw the best in him,and he didn't,not because it was your fault,but for various other reasons.it hasn't worked out,God has kept the best for you in the future,it is yet to come.so move on,stronger,more peaceful,and accept that you are a wonderful person yourself,and look forward to the day u find someone perfect for you,and who reciprocates that love.God does exist,and if you havent got that person,he isnt the right one.soulmates happen when both have mutual love,and God will make your life and wishes fulfilled.just look at the pattern happening behind the scenes in your life,that will make you accept that the best is yet to come.
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I honestly don't think anyone here can give you the tools for that.
I've dealt with memories like that. I used anger to carve desire out of myself. Its a painful, scarring process that I do not recommend.
Go see a therapist. If you talk to one and don't like them, speak to a different one. Sometimes its about finding one who's got a personality you can be comfortable around.
They can help you figure this out. You also keep looking for that connection. Its not bad to want intense passion in a relationship, just need to figure out how to disassociate that from your past.
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