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Should I be myself?
Next year, my younger sister will be joining me at high school. I am female, sixteen, from a religious family, and in the middle of the American South. The problem with my sister joining me at school is that I am an out bisexual everywhere except my home. I have a darling girlfriend at present who, though she does not attend the same school as me, is a frequent topic of conversation amongst me and my friends. My main concern is that my family and public life will mix. My mother is very religious and, though she has walked in on me with a woman (it was awkward), she has chosen to ignore it and try to set me up with her friends' sons. My father is unaware of this. What would be the best way to prevent my family finding out about who I really am?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Jesus.
Thats tough. I'm a guy, and my parents would have kicked me out had they found out I was having sex in High School, (I actually did get kicked out for something smaller than that) so I can relate.
Your sister is GOING to find out. I'd suggest you approach her about it at some point and talk to her, sister to sister. I'd phrase it something like this.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. You're going to be in the same school as me, and I'd prefer to tell you something myself than hide it from you. But before I tell you, I want you to understand that I don't want mom and dad to know. I'm bisexual, and I'm dating a girl at the moment. I don't want to hide who I am, but I know that my parents won't react well to it, and I'd prefer to be out of the house attending college when we have that conversation. I hope I can trust you with this secret, I'd prefer to not have to deal with their anger and denial over the subject"
Don't plead with her, just ask her. Express trust in her and ask that she measure up to it. Use any of the above you like, I hope it helps a bit.
Situationally, this is a roll of the dice. Without knowing your sister I couldn't tell you if you can trust her. If you can't, do your best to hide it. Thats all you can really do, and it is the best idea.
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Though you should not be ashamed of who or what you are, if they're religious like you say, then they might not be as understanding as they should be.
If your sister is around, don't talk about your girlfriend. Warn your friends and people who know about you and her not to speak of her around your sister. Keep everything about her hidden while she's around.
Tell your family when you're ready or when you think it's right, or not at all for now.
Hope that helped :)
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I think you need to take your sister aside and tell her that this is a very private matter but you want her to know the truth before she hears or sees something. Inevitably she's going to.
Let her know it's up to you and not her to fill your parents and other family members in when it's right. Be who you are at school and with those in your circle that you trust.
What I would suggest is using the resources and groups at PFLAG (Parents Friends of Lesbians and Gays) to educate your parents and knock down anger and stereotypes as sooner or later they're going to have to deal with you being bi-sexual one way or another. Your mother knows but isn't ready to process it.
I understand how rigid some of the beliefs and religious teachings are in the South. Having said that you're their child and they have to accept (not embrace the lifestyle) you.
You can hide this but I wouldn't as one day it will have to come out. You should do it on your own terms with the support of your sister and mother and work on this as a family. Nothing changes except now they know. I think once they see that things will be fine.
As things progress gradually introduce them to your partner. Once they see how wonderful he and or she is their guard will come down and any hate or fear will fade. It'll be a struggle but hiding reality will only get you so far before you have to let them know. Start with your sister as she's bound to be more accepting. Let me know how things go for you.
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