A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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If both me and my boyfriend have never been sexually active(which is a known fact) can either of us contract an STD if we don't use a condom? Also I'm on the pill. For the birth control bit. (link)
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Zero Chance.
If neither of you has ever had sexual contact with anyone else, short of some kind of Miracle of Satan, no, it can't happen.
Consider http://www.vcf-contraceptive.com/whatisvcf.html
You can find it in any pharmacy area, near the condoms. Its just a nice extra bit of mental security.
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will a yeast infection go away on its own (link)
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Yes it will. My girlfriend, quite sadly, is prone to them. She gets at least one every other month. Her birth control makes it worse, but they do eventually go away. Eat yogurt, take warm baths, consider talking to a gyno or looking in the pharmacy section for medication to help (they have over the counter stuff)
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18/f
I am planning to sign up for the army in a week or two and I was just wondering what is it like at boot camp and after you get deployed? Espeically being female im curious how it is for females? Is it the same experince as a male or what am I to expect. I really want to get more research done before I sign myself up but i can't seem to find too much information on-line... Any information would be appreciated.
Thanks! (link)
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http://www.nwlc.org/pdf/Military%20Harassment.pdf
Read this.
The information is dated, but things haven't changed a whole lot.
http://www.taskforcemountain.com/top-stories/532-20080909-p3-3
Now read that. Thats current, the Army is _currently_addressing_ the sexual harassment problem. In other words, they haven't started stopping it, they're still trying to figure out how.
A female army vet I knew related her story. She found a commanding officer she was attracted to, and started a relationship. For protection.
I won't say that Gang rape is exactly common. But its not as uncommon as something like Gang rape should be. Sexual assault is pretty common, and unless you're fully capable of defending yourself, or you've got someone higher up watching your ass, you could end up with alot of unpleasant memories you end up seeing a therapist about down the road.
The army is the worst place you could be. Most people who join the army and end up deployed regret the decision. Worse, the government is actively harassing veterans right now.
If you want to join up, join the navy or the air force. Both services treat their people better. What does better mean?
The army is designed to use you up. They take everything you can give them and give as little back as possible. Enlisted people on the ground have little value compared to people with technical skills. Its a fact, if you're in the army or marines your job is bullet sponge. Thats what you're there for, thats what you do. Join something where the point is not making you dig ditches and shit on the ground in an occupied foreign country.
Do not do it. Its fucking stupid. You're signing away your life and your human rights to an organization who's absolutely gleeful that you're willing to give them that much power over you. Once you sign yourself away, they can do whatever they want with you. It won't be fun, it won't be cool, it will be several years of your life wasted for nothing.
If you have to join an armed forces, join the Navy. You can sail around the world, spend most of your time in foreign ports, and you'll possibly have enough time to pursue a little college education if you end up stationed at a base for a while.
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20/f
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and this is my longest relationship and it has become serious. We have discussed marriage (im not sure if this is what is pulling me away or not cause i am scared of commitment) I care so much for him and he is head over heels for me. He is such a great guy and would do anythihng for me, but I dont feel that pull on my heart or butterflies in my stomach anymore like i did at the beginning of the relationship. Im not sure if im just getting bored with him or if i dont have as strong of feelings for him anymore. Does/has anyone else whos been in a long term/serious relationship feel this way? Will it change? and what can i do to fix it so im not feeling so bored and can get that spark back?
Thanks so much for your help! (link)
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Butterflies and such definitely happen alot less often the further you get into a relationship.
When you start out dating someone, you're in the honeymoon phase. Everything is perfect and exciting and champagne and strawberries. After a while, that "new" wears off a bit. You see their flaws, you start to fight, you feel distant.
This is where the deciding comes in. Its where you need to know if you love this person, and want to work on it, or if you need to leave.
Relationships take work. Staying in love takes work, communication, cooperation. There are days where my girlfriend and I can't stand each other. It happens with anyone who spends time around each other.
But under that, the love is still strong. We always come back to each other to work it out. We reconnect, we talk, we fix things.
Will it change? If you want it to. If you want to make this work, and you want to talk to him. Its not that hard to get that feeling back when love is there.
As to if you love him? Only you can figure that part out.
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I masterbated about everynight for 3 nights, in april, and i haven't had my period since april 7th, and its already june 6th, could something be wrong? or is it a miss period or irregular? i know i can't be pregnant because i NEVER had sex in my life, or even got near a penis in my life time, so what's wrong? does anyone know? im kinda scared, what about yeast infections?! (link)
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Periods can be irregular for a variety of reasons, its not pregnancy related, but it could be stress and worry, it could just be a random twist of your body with no particular reason at all.
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We were doing a berthing inspection when we seaqrched one of my shipmates' racks, only to fu=ind the "extenze" male enhancement product. Does this stuff actually work? of so how? if it does i migh invest in it, not to put myseklf down im fairly satisfied with what ive been endowed with, but as far as for making average guys larger, is it wirth the money? (link)
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Penis enhancement is an urban myth. The closest any come to working is to basically put you in a higher state of excitement which shifts more blood to your dick causing a slightly larger and firmer erection.
This effect can be achieved easily by being very turned on, but if you want to blow a ton of money on it, go head.
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I have a boyfriend, and we're both only 15, but he seriously wants to get married. The problem is, he's a deep dark kind of person (a "bad boy" if you will), and I'm more on the friendly happy side. Not to the extreme, but I don't beat up someone if they offend me like he does. Also, our beliefs clash really bad. He says he'll take on my beliefs for me, but thats probably a bad idea. I love him, but I don't have even similar goals for the future as he does, and I've told him that. He kind of blows it off and thinks I'll be the one who changes. What should I do? (link)
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He has no idea what he's talking about.
I can think of only two reasons you're asking this question.
1) He's trying to get laid
2) He's more than just a little crazy.
Ok, or 3) Both
You feel uneasy because, even at 15, your subconscious is telling you you would be absolutely effing stupid to go through with this.
Your boyfriend is an immature child. Guys don't grow up as quickly as girls do
Now that thats out of the way, its time to sit up and pay attention. This guy is your first lesson.
Often times, we meet people who are capable of putting up enough of a good face to get someone (that they want to date) to like them. There isn't anything particularly special about these people, except for the fact that they're generally worthless and can pretend otherwise with some degree of skill.
You have made the mistake of investing your emotions in a childish 15 year old who's stupid enough to think he's hot shit. Continuing to date him will reinforce his ideas about how much he is hot shit. Validation removes the need for self growth, and he will, as long as you date him, remain a stupid asshole of a 15 year old who think's he's hot shit.
This guy does not respect you as a person. You are a goal. You are not whoever you are, you are just "his girlfriend"
Guys who think like this give no credence to girls who occupy the spot of "his girlfriend". He doesn't think of you as a person so much as he does a pet whom he hopes to sleep with at some point.
Thats why he's dismissive.
In the future (when you've come to terms with how worthless this guy is) you need to take longer to let yourself fall "in love" with someone. I know that I'm a bit different than most, I seek concrete reasons to love someone before I commit to emotion, but going a bit more in that direction wouldn't hurt you.
Add this guy to the category of "things you don't like in guys" and look for someone who doesn't seem like him, try them out.
::Edit::
Also, I am completely against marriage before the early twenties (at the absolute earliest)
You are, at 15, not the same person you were when you were 10. You are not remotely the same person, you don't see the world the same way, your opinions, likes, dislikes, all of it has probably undergone some significant changes.
Imagine in another 5 years. You won't be the same person yet again.
At any point in your life, there are people who are compatible with you. Given time, mutual growth and maturation, the same might not be true of these people later on, or earlier in life. A guy you date when you're both 15 will be a completely different person at 20. You will be too. Theres no way in hell you can predict if you two will be compatible down the road.
Do you know why marriage is generally illegal under 18 without guardian's consent? Because kids are fucking stupid sometimes. When you're a teenager, you're going through alot of emotions for the first time. First sexual desire, first time you seriously consider marrying a specific person, hell in sexually active teens the baby bug is relatively common.
You aren't feeling these things because you're meant to act on them, you're feeling them because your body and mind are getting themselves used to these adult emotions and desires. You're preparing yourself for the future, when you are capable of acting like an adult in regards to these desires.
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This is really weird, but can the water pressure from the shower head damage the female organs? (link)
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No. If it were doing damage, it would be causing pain.
A few things to watch out for.
1) Water forced accidentally up the urethra can be very painful. Its a small space, and its only meant to be one way.
2) Water inside your vag isn't a great idea. A little water isn't going to hurt you, but too much of anything stands a chance of throwing your little ecosystem out of whack. Results can be things like yeast infections, which are not fun.
3) Strong sensations like water pressure can increase your sensitivity threshold. In other words, if you overstimulate something, it takes more sensation to stimulate the next time.
Its not permanent, but a common similar experience is girls who use vibrators regularly. They sometimes find themselves a bit desensitized to normal stimuli and it takes the intensity of the vibrator for them to enjoy it. Eventually, they have a hard time feeling even that.
Then they stop for a few days, and it gets back to normal. Its a very temporary and nonpermanent situation, but its something to be aware of.
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So im a 22 year old guy and my girlfriend and I have been having sex for about a year now. She is on the pill and we also use condoms. However, yesterday afternoon things got heated and we failed to use a condom. she also missed a pill early on in the week. It has been two weeks since her period. I did not cum inside her I stoped the whole thing before that happened. Is there anyway she will get pregnant. (link)
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Highly, highly, highly unlikely. If you didn't climax, I can't imagine how she'd get pregnant.
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Okay i am a 13/f and i want to have sex with my bf. We have known each other since pr-k. We have been dating for almost 3 months and things are getting to be really serious. i always told people i was going to stay a virgin until i get married but i dont think i can do it anymore. He worships the ground i walk on and he isnt like most 13 year old boys. He loves me for me and we have grown up togather so he knows everyhting i have been through. I want to have sex with him and he only wants to if i want to. i do but i dont want my parents not to trust me anymore i have told my mom about it and she said just to let her know. i did and she flipped so what do i do... Please help AND FAST!! (link)
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Its too early.
I'm not going to discount your feelings. Hell, most 13 year olds don't manage to find anything resembling adult love, and while you're young, I'm sure you're sincere.
Its hard to understand or even really want to consider alternative viewpoints when confronted with active sexual desires.
But I can give you a concrete reason for waiting.
Sex has the ability to take over a relationship. You get so caught up in how fun it is and how much you both want it, that you forget to do any of the other parts, like getting to know each other or getting used to each other. Sex is an important part of adult relationships, but its only a part.
When you're young, you don't have a ton of experience. You don't know what you want out of a guy, you don't know what you SHOULD want out of a guy, and you don't know anything about the guys you're dating, because you're just now learning something more real than what you watch on TV.
Right now, thats what your relationship is supposed to be about. Meeting guys and figuring out what you like and don't like about them. Learning how to deal with intimacy and trust with another person. Learning how to compromise with someone because you want to, even when its hard as hell.
These are the things that let you find someone later you can have lots of wonderful sex with. But sex isn't the point, its a way to bond, have fun, and make kids. The point is the companionship.
When young kids have sex, they miss the point. They date to find someone to sleep with, rather than dating for dating.
And while I don't doubt that you two want more than sex here, sex can still take over the relationship. Trust me, if you think you want it now, wait until you've had it. Its a can of worms you don't need to be dealing with right now. Wait, spend more time with this guy. Get to know him. I can't give you a right age, but I can tell you that you should not, at 13, have sex with someone you've been dating less than a year.
If you go ahead with it, use protection and bring up gynecologist visits with your mother. You need to get on birth control regardless of having sex or not having sex asap.
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so there is this guy i have been seeing every once in a while since i was 16 and he was 19.i am now 19 and he is now 22. we were "boning buddies" more than anything but only because i always ended up being in a relationship with someone else. well three weeks ago me and my boyfriend of two years broke up and my "boning buddy" broke up with his girl of 8 months.. so we are actually both single now. we had sex the first time we saw each other after our break ups but after that we have just hung out no sex. mostly because i havent really let it happen and im kind of testing him. i have always liked him and now i have realized i wish i would have given him a chance long ago. he has not necessarily told me he likes me and im a little confused. he texts me almost everyday wanting me to go to his hockey game or play beer pong with him or whatever. i take him wanting me to go to his hockey game as a sign that he isnt just into getting in my pants. i kind of slipped and told him i didnt want a relationship because i have always been in one and maybe thats why he hasnt told me he likes me> it usually takes me a while to really open up to guys and act all mushy over them i usually expect them to act that way towards me first.. but he is just like me. should i open up a conversation and ask him what he thinks about me> im not sure what to do all i know is i dont want to be just his f*** buddy but i dont want a relationship either. i have ALWAYS been in one and i enjoy not having to commit. am i asking for too much and whats the best thing i should do about this whole situation (link)
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Ouch.
The good news is, it sounds like he's interested in more than sex. The bad news is, that turning a friends with benefits situation into a relationship is hard. Worse, you're anti relationships and need time.
Its time to level with him. You've been dancing around this and sleeping together for like three years? Definitely time to air some things in the open.
Don't have sex with him again. Not right now. You want more than a relationship, so its time to stop settling for less. If you send any other message, you're just going to make the entire process harder on both of you.
Rather than give you "you should do this" advice, I'm just going to put myself in your shoes and illustrate what I'd do. Sexes switched cause I'm a guy and it just flows better for me that way.
Were I in your shoes, I'd arrange a dinner and tell her alot of what you've told me thusfar. I'd tell her that I love the sex but that I want more than that, that I think I want to invest more than just meeting up, fucking, and hanging out in her. I'd tell her that given that I just got out of the relationship I want to be single, and that I just need some time to be ready.
I'd also tell her that the sex was stopping, I'd tell her it was always fun, but I want more than sex and I'm not going to settle for less. I personally would be more than willing to hang out without the sex, and when I was OK and wanted to be in a relationship again I'd make it very clear and ask her out.
Thats how I'd handle your situation. I'd masturbate the days away rather than sleep with someone I want to do more with, and I wouldn't go out and sleep with anyone else to satisfy the itch if theres someone specific I wanted.
Those are my choices, they might well not be at all what you want or need, but given the circumstances its the best I've got =/
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ok well im going out with this girl who i was good friends with before hand...because we went out before then broke up then became really good friends then decided to go out again
but im really confused because im not sure how to go further than kissing with her or what she expects from me. because shes generally the type who likes to go further pretty quickly. shes nineteen by the way.but i dont know how or if she will find it weird because we are friends. or how to break that awkwardness. how do i know if she wants to? when we make out its pretty intense and stuff and she usually puts her leg right up against my crotch but i really dont know. any sugestions? or how i could tell if she even wanted to? because i wouldn want to if she didnt if you get me.
thanks (link)
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The line "What do you want me to do to you?" in the heat of the moment generally gets a positive response.
Outside the moment, talk is always good. If you're making out intensely, it should be ok to ask her what she thinks of sex. Don't ask about a timeline or anything like that, just ask her what she thinks about it, what she likes, what she doesn't like. Being ok with talking about sexual histories can be a good bonding point in a serious relationship.
My girl and I talk about sex all the time. We discuss fantasies, sometimes make plans, talk about things we've done whatever. Its fun to be able to talk about it with people, even more fun when you can talk about it with a girl you're sleeping with.
If you're confused about expectations, don't be afraid to ask outright. The trick is to make yourself open to her responses. When she gets positive responses and active, questioning interest to her ideas about sex she'll put herself out there more. It gets alot easier to figure out what she wants after that.
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Ok, here goes... I guess I should tell you a bit about myself, at least the basics: 17, female, and a virgin. Great, right? Now, onto the question.
Last year there was a guy in a couple of my classes that we're going to call "Aaron." He was a year older than me but I was in his classes because I am on a more advanced track. Well, Aaron sat in my little group during math class along with his other friend, "John." I had known John from before so we all got along really well. It wasn't soon before I started to really like Aaron. Besides celebrities, he was the only guy I had ever felt sexually attracted to. It was apparent he liked me too. As the months progressed, we started being more open with each other and joking about sex. One day when we were sitting in Spanish (our table was WAY in the back), we got on the topic of boobs somehow. I made a comment like "I don't get why guys like boobs, they're just big bags of fat!" to which he retorted, "Well, if you were a guy and saw your chest, you'd be attracted to them too." With that, he cupped my boob. I was kinda shocked! I mean, we were in the middle of the classroom! Part of me thought it was strange and the other part was in heaven! It felt really good and I completely trusted him. This continued on and we made out a few times. One day, we were eating lunch and he told me to meet him up at his locker in ten minutes. We each got locker passes and I follwed him up shortly after he left. I was really happy. His locker was located by a guy's bathroom. He told me to follow him inside. I was REALLY scared to go in. The big taboo, you know? But I was so enamored that I followed him in. He asked if I would give him a blowjob. He did not pressure me and asked very sweetly, making sure I was ok. Let me tell you, I've never wanted to do anything more in my life. I was so ready for it, but in a bathroom? No. It felt so wrong. It was then that our male science teacher walked in. We were shouted at but in the end we didn't get into too much trouble. After that Aaron became a recluse. I don't know if it was because he was embarrassed, angry, or scared, but he stopped talking to me. It really hurt me and I gave up the hopes of ever being with him.
Skip to the end of this year:
We eventually made up, but he still didn't really talk to me. It wasn't until a week ago I actually spoke to him for more than two minutes. We were confined to the auditorium, setting up amps for an assembly later that day. We talked, but we didn't mention the year before or anything sexual.
Later that day, Aaron sent me a message on facebook asking if I would give him a blowjob.
I really didn't know what to say. This was really unexpected and I wasn't prepared at all. I decided in my mind that I still really wanted to do it. I liked him a lot, and this was basically for my pleasure as much as his. He wants me to do it behind our stage, in a loft that holds all the costumes after school. It's hard to find the time, but I really want to!
So here are my questions:
1) Am I really wrong to do this?
2) Should I lie to my parents so I can do this?
3) At school?!
4) How can we find the time?
Thanks for everything and I'm sorry this thing is so LONG! I'm hyped on Caribou right now and my fingers just keep going!
(link)
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I really don't know what to think here.
I can't say yes to this. Bottom line, he sent you a message on facebook after avoiding you a ton asking for a blowjob. I'm a guy, and I know that if I did that, sex is more important than anything else. He's blatantly telling you (probably without meaning to) that sex is more important to him than you are.
I don't think he likes you nearly as much as you like him. I think hes just as turned on by you as you are turned on by him, but for him I don't think it goes much further.
Blowjob in a bathroom? A stage at school? I mean, I guess I get being teens and not having anywhere else to go, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth (excuse the expression)
I don't think you should. I think you should require more of him, more interest in you, than he's shown. Maybe he's just not mature enough, your description came off as an oblivious completely normal stupid teen guy rather than an asshole of some kind.
But you need more than an oblivious completely normal teen guy. You're 17. Go find someone who's 19 or 20. You're mature enough to date a few years ahead, and you aren't going to find what you want in high school guys, not if you're letting things happen this easily.
Don't put so much stock in lust, sweetheart. Lust is great, but its not to be mistaken for a relationship.
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15/f.
Alright, so I've asked both of my parents numerous times about piercings. My mother is more considerate, but when talked about with my father the question brings up termoil and anger, and usually ends in some type of yelling. I've been heavily thinking about getting my nose, and/or belly button pierced, against my fathers wishes. If I do, does anyone know a good way to hide the fact I have them?
(Our family has a boat, and we go out on it frequently, so please don't suggest that I wear a shirt to cover my naval around him) (link)
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You're a minor. Respect your parents wishes, get one when you turn 18, preferably after you move out.
Its an image your dad doesn't like. With some people, tattoos and piercings have a very negative connotation, and because he agrees with those ideas he does not like the idea of his daughter being perceived that way.
He thinks that most of the people who get piercings are a bit crazy. He doesn't think you're a bit crazy, he's afraid other people will think you're a bit crazy and that it will have negative impacts on you. Dads are always afraid that the world won't see their daughters through their eyes. Its why I'm going to put any boyfriend my future daughter has through hell. I know someone with a trained bear...maybe I'll make them wrestle it before they're allowed to propose...
Anyway, you have plenty of time for personal statements. Your father is not going to acknowledge you as an adult. And you aren't, you're 15. Respect his wishes, move out, and do whatever the fuck you want. But for the sake of everyone's sanity, drop the subject for now.
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do people who used to smoke pot and stopped still have the same "stoner attitude" as before? like being passive/lazy-ish (link)
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I love idiocy. I'd love to see the seminar Sweethoney went to to get that misinformation.
When you enter a state of mind, you remember it. Meditation is an example, people try to concentrate on nothing but silence, empty their mind of everything and calm themselves completely.
Being in that state, you remember it. You can remember how it feels to be empty and calm, and you can sometimes use it to your benefit. Being upset or angry you can remember that calm place and go back to it, letting you chill out.
People can do similar with drugs. Being drunk alot, its easier to remember how you act and to simulate it, to somewhat relive it in your own mind without the alcohol. Being mellowed out with a little pot, you can chill out and feel that mellow like a word on the tip of your tongue, and be a little steadier.
Laziness is just part of a person. People with energy not stoned will have energy stoned. My friends and I used to run all over town doing random shit, we had tons of energy and focused it outwards.
To correct sweethoney, THC can stay (in testable amounts) in your body for long periods. Its stored in fat cells, and released when those cells are burned or slowly leeched out over time. The THC in your blood is actually worked out pretty quickly. The length of the high shows us that, you rarely last more than an hour or two off a single hit. By then its either worked out through wastes processes or stored in fat cells, to be released slowly (which is why you can still test positive days, weeks, sometimes months after regular smoking with a blood test or urine test)
The actual effects, high and recovery last 24-48 hours. Lab tests have shown that with chronic regular smoking that the slight effects to short term memory and thought processes can last up to 72 hours. Theres no addiction outside of the habitual (which can happen with anything from food to drugs to video games) and no lasting effects outside of the usual risks associated with inhaling any kind of smoke.
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okay so me and my bf are gonna have sex pretty soon and was wondering why guys find it so attractive when girls swallow after a blow job.. (link)
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Part of sex is maintaining a mood, or trying to heighten it. When decent sex is occurring, a couple builds on each others emotions and desires to heighten arousal.
When one person shows disgust or discomfort with any part of sex, it dampens the mood. Its just a somewhat unwelcome attitude regardless of the reasons behind it.
On the other hand, when anything about sex turns one person on to the point that they show it, it turns on the other person. When a girl is fine with and even enjoys swallowing, its just another positive note in the course of the experience together. Its another thing for two people to build arousal and desire for each other.
Theres also the side thing.
People refer to it as "slutty" or "dirty" as below with another poster. Thats a bad way to put it. Humans are excited by the taboo. We are curious, and if we feel like we aren't supposed to do something it gives that something an even greater potential for enjoyment at times.
Simply put, the more open someone is to all aspects of sex, the more enjoyment everyone gets out of it. I mentioned curiosity. Satisfaction of curiosity is a very basic and yet very powerful human drive. When two open people have sex, curiosity can become a part of the experience. My girlfriend and I are both very open people in that way, I know that I can suggest something we haven't tried and theres a 99% chance that my girlfriend will be excited about trying it just because she knows it turns me on.
With people who aren't open, either side might fear judgment, rejection, disgust, or a host of other negative emotions. That fear makes you hold back and repress what you want. That, right there, is a gigantic fucking canyon in communication between people. And its a canyon in an issue as important and basic as sex.
Lets use a practical example. My girlfriend recently told me a fantasy that she's apparently had for years. I don't need to tell you what it is to let you know that its pretty kinky, and pretty out of the ordinary. Its not something many people would be comfortable with.
But because I am open, the idea intrigues me. I want to try it now myself just because I want to be able to give her a fantasy that she's had for a long time. I will be turned on purely by the fact that she wants to do it, but theres a bonus to that.
When we do in fact do what she wants, I'll already have a reason to enjoy it. That makes it alot easier to enjoy the fantasy itself on its own merits. If you like sex because you're comfortable doing almost anything your partner would want, and you like making them happy, it gives sex a completely positive base feeling that you can then add other excitement onto.
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What is the best way to prevent sunburn?
I'll be going to the beach and will be out in the sun all day long. I don't want to get older and find out I have skin cancer because I let myself burn too much and didn't take care of my skin. How do I protect myself from the sun rays? (link)
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Oi.
Sun rays are actually quite beneficial to the body. Your skin produces viatmins in response to exposure to UV light.
Get some sunscreen, SPF 15 or SPF 30 if you're paranoid, and get out of the sun for half an hour a few times a day to give yourself a break.
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Okay so as it states in the subject, Im an 18 yr old girl with no labido.
i've been with my boyfriend for 2 months and when we first started dating I had no problem getting wet and horny. Now, nothing. We did have a few issues with him having pre-mature ejaculation but not anymore. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm never horny and its becoming frustrating. I'm taking antidepressents, could that be the cause of it? or is there something actually wrong with my body?? I'm thinking about getting some "goat weed" which apparently makes people get really horny. someone help. (link)
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It is 100% the antidepressants. They have an extremely supressive effect on the sex drive.
If you're on anti-depressants, you probably have a councilor of some kind. If you don't, get off the anti-depressants and get a therapist or councilor. There are other ways to manage issues that you have than proscribed medication, try to explore that.
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http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=563708
I did find your advice helpful, but heres some furture inquiries:
The part about him not asking my opinion about enlisting happened a few months ago. After it did I kept my mouth shut for a total of 48 hours in which I endulged in chocolate and self-examining instead of resulting to violence and wringing his scrawny neck. On asking him why he didn't ask my opinion he claimed it was his only option, that life held no other avenues. I then further questioned him as to wether or not he'd even applied to any colleges or looked into scholarships and blahblahblah. He hadn't. He'd jumped into a life without examining any other routes. I wanted to pummel him for being so dense as to shut off all options because he might possibly not find the answers he was searching for. But I dropped that. I accepted it as him being a stupid teenage boy, but it still bothers me today.
And, like your advice said, I hadn't dug deeper by yelling at him. Well...I finally unleashed my inner Amazon and sort of exploded on him. Not unprovoked, but I might have gone a tad overboard when I called up and old fling and had 12 or so college boys over to my house just to spite him. Heres the reasoning I flipped; Two weeks ago we had a conversation about how I felt as though work was more important to him than I was. And through my tears and his sniffles we came to an agreement that he'd change his availabilty so that he couldn't work after 7 on Saturdays and Sundays so we could have some more traditional date/hang-out times. Saturday we had plans to go to a movie. He called me 45 minutes before saying his best friend, who also works at the same place, went home sick and he had offered to cover his shift even though it was out of his availability. Of course I understood. I wasn't mad, that would be outrageous. But I was a tad disappointed. The first week we were suppost to try to make an effort to spend more time together and the first attempt is marred. Sunday we were suppost to go to dinner at the first resturant we ever went to together, his idea. 7 o'clock rolls around and still no word. At 8, after three failed phone calls, I got a lil pissy. Then my friend Elizabeth texted me saying "Hey girl. Just saw Paul!" I responded asking if she was at the place of his employment. She said that no she was driving towards it and he was in the car next to her. Needless to say thats when I got ticked and called up the college boys. Yesterday when I talked to Paul he said that they had asked him to switch shifts and he had agreed because they were going to pay him time and a half to work outside of his availability. He also said he texted me, and tried to call me leaving a voicemail. Neither of which I ever recieved, my phone can be a bit unreliable so I do believe his story. But I think its a tad ridiculous to blow me off for work twice in one weekend. Maybe I'm being just a bit overly sensative, but I feel neglected.
And on the issue of him cheating. He doesn't have it in him. He lost his virginity at 14 and had sexual relations on a constant level from that time till when we started dating me. We've been together almost one year and I'm still a virgin. He respects my decision, and doesn't push or complain. This weekend was the only time I haven't know where he's been or who he's been with, not in a controlling way, but we do talk quite alot. I know he's never cheated and never will. Thats not what I'm worried about. Plus I expect him to be around alot of boys and I also know he's not gay by the way he reacts to me.We may not have sex, but I'm not excactly prude. (Tmi?) He also doesn't agree in the saying that "Its no gay if theres no eye-contact," so as far as cheating goes I believe I'm in the clear.
Anyways, he said that he feels like I'm too hard on him. That me being upset with him about our lack of time and what happened this weekend is unreasonable. That I should realize they're not his choices, and that he's also got to study for finals.
I don't know what to think. Am I a controlling snide witch or what? (link)
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First, a sidenote. Your boyfriend can quit before he takes his oath. I believe that you can ditch out any time before you take the oath to serve, which happens at boot camp. I'm not entirely sure about all of this, but I know that I had a friend who signed up for the Marines and called and changed his mind the day he was supposed to be on a bus for Boot Camp.
I don't know the exact conditions or what the exact point of no return is. A lawyer probably would, or would know where to get the information, so you might want to call one and ask.
As to the rest... Well let me go read it.
Alright.
Priorities are important. But they are also used as scapegoats for resentment. His priorities do not match yours. Its not that one of you is right and one of you is wrong, its just that you both want different things and hold different things to different standards.
I won't argue with you over the cheating thing. I'll just say that he'll be under alot of pressure to cheat, if for no other reason than most of the other guys on ship will and will respond negatively to a guy who, as they see it, throws their infidelity in their faces with his "Its not OK" attitude.
The fact that you aren't a virgin just means he's patient. Sorry, I'm a guy, I know how we work. Its not a bad thing, but its also not a sign of a guy caring excessively. Its a mark of self control rather than intentions.
I think your spiteful reaction was pretty shitty. His behavior doesn't justify yours, and while he definitely doesn't seem to be prioritizing you enough that doesn't justify malicious action.
My personal opinion is that this guy isn't going to make you happy. You don't want to dedicate your life to an enlisted 18 year old idiot who's incapable of respecting a simple desire for time. Whether he's just a doormat who can't say no or actively avoiding you, he's still placing other things above you on the priority list. To a point that he's ignoring your needs.
The sooner you get out, the better off you'll be. Theres plenty of guys more compatible with you out there. Plenty enough that you really shouldn't be that serious about a guy who isn't.
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I am 43 years old and don't really want to be here anymore. In the past month and a half my life has changed and made me realize that I am tired and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have been with my fiance for 7 years and within that time I never thought my life would be where it is now. I invested every dime I had in his busness ventures and now i have nothing. we moved to florida to a foreclosed house and he runs a strip club he bought with our money and little by little he kept getting home later and later. feeling alone and sad I got bad news from my doctor a month after that. I have ovarian cancer. I told my fiance and he said he was sorry to hear it but now he doesn't come home at all only every three to four days to change. I have no friends and feel so betrayed and there isso much more including that he ruined my credit buying properties under my name then never paying the mortgage.I have nothing. I can't see the future because I have so much in my life that is making me feel this way. I want to be strong but I can't sleep or eat and I need surgery on june 10th and I don't even know if I will be strong enough. I have realized that his actions means the relationship is over but what hurts the most is that I thought he was a good person and would be here for me especially now that I am scared and alone. I just really hate myself I hate who I am and what I have become. I never thought a human being could be so cruel. I feel as if I am looking out through someone elses eyes that I don't belong. I have noone to talk to and just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I never accomplished any great thing or have any friends just me and I hate me. (link)
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I wish I had some advice to offer. I wish that something in my 25 years on this planet gave me an idea of how to impart any bit of hope to you.
The only thing that I can say with any certainty, is that I have considered what you are considering. I've sat there, inches away more than once in my life.
And I would be lying if I said that I regretted choosing life. Even when my life sucks, even now, when the thought occasionally crosses my mind, I do not regret the experiences I have had, the things I have learned, the people I have known and the lives I have helped enrich.
I choose life, because in a world where I feel like I cannot do anything to help myself I've sometimes found ways to help other people. I've sought out those whom I can admire, those whom I would seek to emulate. And I've dedicated every second I spend breathing on this earth to trying to improve their lives, to bring them whatever happiness is within my power to bestow. Even when all I have to offer is love.
In thinking about ending my life, I realized that I didn't care about myself. But that gave me a power greater than anything I've ever had under my control. The power to sacrifice of myself for others, and to not give the slightest shit about the consequences. I've gone without food so my friends can eat. Because I know I couldn't give a shit less if I feel hungry. It doesn't bother me. It bothers them. If I'm going to feel like shit regardless but in doing so I can take on anothers burden, there is less shit in the world.
And I know that when death finds me of its own accord, I will be remembered fondly.
For me, thats enough. More than enough.
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