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The Navy Girl
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I did find your advice helpful, but heres some furture inquiries:
The part about him not asking my opinion about enlisting happened a few months ago. After it did I kept my mouth shut for a total of 48 hours in which I endulged in chocolate and self-examining instead of resulting to violence and wringing his scrawny neck. On asking him why he didn't ask my opinion he claimed it was his only option, that life held no other avenues. I then further questioned him as to wether or not he'd even applied to any colleges or looked into scholarships and blahblahblah. He hadn't. He'd jumped into a life without examining any other routes. I wanted to pummel him for being so dense as to shut off all options because he might possibly not find the answers he was searching for. But I dropped that. I accepted it as him being a stupid teenage boy, but it still bothers me today.
And, like your advice said, I hadn't dug deeper by yelling at him. Well...I finally unleashed my inner Amazon and sort of exploded on him. Not unprovoked, but I might have gone a tad overboard when I called up and old fling and had 12 or so college boys over to my house just to spite him. Heres the reasoning I flipped; Two weeks ago we had a conversation about how I felt as though work was more important to him than I was. And through my tears and his sniffles we came to an agreement that he'd change his availabilty so that he couldn't work after 7 on Saturdays and Sundays so we could have some more traditional date/hang-out times. Saturday we had plans to go to a movie. He called me 45 minutes before saying his best friend, who also works at the same place, went home sick and he had offered to cover his shift even though it was out of his availability. Of course I understood. I wasn't mad, that would be outrageous. But I was a tad disappointed. The first week we were suppost to try to make an effort to spend more time together and the first attempt is marred. Sunday we were suppost to go to dinner at the first resturant we ever went to together, his idea. 7 o'clock rolls around and still no word. At 8, after three failed phone calls, I got a lil pissy. Then my friend Elizabeth texted me saying "Hey girl. Just saw Paul!" I responded asking if she was at the place of his employment. She said that no she was driving towards it and he was in the car next to her. Needless to say thats when I got ticked and called up the college boys. Yesterday when I talked to Paul he said that they had asked him to switch shifts and he had agreed because they were going to pay him time and a half to work outside of his availability. He also said he texted me, and tried to call me leaving a voicemail. Neither of which I ever recieved, my phone can be a bit unreliable so I do believe his story. But I think its a tad ridiculous to blow me off for work twice in one weekend. Maybe I'm being just a bit overly sensative, but I feel neglected.
And on the issue of him cheating. He doesn't have it in him. He lost his virginity at 14 and had sexual relations on a constant level from that time till when we started dating me. We've been together almost one year and I'm still a virgin. He respects my decision, and doesn't push or complain. This weekend was the only time I haven't know where he's been or who he's been with, not in a controlling way, but we do talk quite alot. I know he's never cheated and never will. Thats not what I'm worried about. Plus I expect him to be around alot of boys and I also know he's not gay by the way he reacts to me.We may not have sex, but I'm not excactly prude. (Tmi?) He also doesn't agree in the saying that "Its no gay if theres no eye-contact," so as far as cheating goes I believe I'm in the clear.
Anyways, he said that he feels like I'm too hard on him. That me being upset with him about our lack of time and what happened this weekend is unreasonable. That I should realize they're not his choices, and that he's also got to study for finals.
I don't know what to think. Am I a controlling snide witch or what?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, a sidenote. Your boyfriend can quit before he takes his oath. I believe that you can ditch out any time before you take the oath to serve, which happens at boot camp. I'm not entirely sure about all of this, but I know that I had a friend who signed up for the Marines and called and changed his mind the day he was supposed to be on a bus for Boot Camp.
I don't know the exact conditions or what the exact point of no return is. A lawyer probably would, or would know where to get the information, so you might want to call one and ask.
As to the rest... Well let me go read it.
Alright.
Priorities are important. But they are also used as scapegoats for resentment. His priorities do not match yours. Its not that one of you is right and one of you is wrong, its just that you both want different things and hold different things to different standards.
I won't argue with you over the cheating thing. I'll just say that he'll be under alot of pressure to cheat, if for no other reason than most of the other guys on ship will and will respond negatively to a guy who, as they see it, throws their infidelity in their faces with his "Its not OK" attitude.
The fact that you aren't a virgin just means he's patient. Sorry, I'm a guy, I know how we work. Its not a bad thing, but its also not a sign of a guy caring excessively. Its a mark of self control rather than intentions.
I think your spiteful reaction was pretty shitty. His behavior doesn't justify yours, and while he definitely doesn't seem to be prioritizing you enough that doesn't justify malicious action.
My personal opinion is that this guy isn't going to make you happy. You don't want to dedicate your life to an enlisted 18 year old idiot who's incapable of respecting a simple desire for time. Whether he's just a doormat who can't say no or actively avoiding you, he's still placing other things above you on the priority list. To a point that he's ignoring your needs.
The sooner you get out, the better off you'll be. Theres plenty of guys more compatible with you out there. Plenty enough that you really shouldn't be that serious about a guy who isn't.
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