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unsure love
I have a boyfriend, and we're both only 15, but he seriously wants to get married. The problem is, he's a deep dark kind of person (a "bad boy" if you will), and I'm more on the friendly happy side. Not to the extreme, but I don't beat up someone if they offend me like he does. Also, our beliefs clash really bad. He says he'll take on my beliefs for me, but thats probably a bad idea. I love him, but I don't have even similar goals for the future as he does, and I've told him that. He kind of blows it off and thinks I'll be the one who changes. What should I do?
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He has no idea what he's talking about.
I can think of only two reasons you're asking this question.
1) He's trying to get laid
2) He's more than just a little crazy.
Ok, or 3) Both
You feel uneasy because, even at 15, your subconscious is telling you you would be absolutely effing stupid to go through with this.
Your boyfriend is an immature child. Guys don't grow up as quickly as girls do
Now that thats out of the way, its time to sit up and pay attention. This guy is your first lesson.
Often times, we meet people who are capable of putting up enough of a good face to get someone (that they want to date) to like them. There isn't anything particularly special about these people, except for the fact that they're generally worthless and can pretend otherwise with some degree of skill.
You have made the mistake of investing your emotions in a childish 15 year old who's stupid enough to think he's hot shit. Continuing to date him will reinforce his ideas about how much he is hot shit. Validation removes the need for self growth, and he will, as long as you date him, remain a stupid asshole of a 15 year old who think's he's hot shit.
This guy does not respect you as a person. You are a goal. You are not whoever you are, you are just "his girlfriend"
Guys who think like this give no credence to girls who occupy the spot of "his girlfriend". He doesn't think of you as a person so much as he does a pet whom he hopes to sleep with at some point.
Thats why he's dismissive.
In the future (when you've come to terms with how worthless this guy is) you need to take longer to let yourself fall "in love" with someone. I know that I'm a bit different than most, I seek concrete reasons to love someone before I commit to emotion, but going a bit more in that direction wouldn't hurt you.
Add this guy to the category of "things you don't like in guys" and look for someone who doesn't seem like him, try them out.
::Edit::
Also, I am completely against marriage before the early twenties (at the absolute earliest)
You are, at 15, not the same person you were when you were 10. You are not remotely the same person, you don't see the world the same way, your opinions, likes, dislikes, all of it has probably undergone some significant changes.
Imagine in another 5 years. You won't be the same person yet again.
At any point in your life, there are people who are compatible with you. Given time, mutual growth and maturation, the same might not be true of these people later on, or earlier in life. A guy you date when you're both 15 will be a completely different person at 20. You will be too. Theres no way in hell you can predict if you two will be compatible down the road.
Do you know why marriage is generally illegal under 18 without guardian's consent? Because kids are fucking stupid sometimes. When you're a teenager, you're going through alot of emotions for the first time. First sexual desire, first time you seriously consider marrying a specific person, hell in sexually active teens the baby bug is relatively common.
You aren't feeling these things because you're meant to act on them, you're feeling them because your body and mind are getting themselves used to these adult emotions and desires. You're preparing yourself for the future, when you are capable of acting like an adult in regards to these desires.
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I'm not against getting married at your age, so please do not take it that way, however, I can't say I recommend it because you just pointed out all the reasons.
You truly have nothing in common, you're very very different and your beliefs are not similar and it sounds like you would be making a big mistake if you were to get married.
I think you should think it over and maybe consider breaking up with him, or at least tell him you aren't going to get married, or anytime soon because it seems that you two would end up being in heartache if you were to get married. I think you might just be too good for him on this one, my friend.
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okay for a start, you're only 15 so you can't get married anyway. i think you should tell him to cool it a bit and just have some fun! i meanyou're only in high school right? you say you love him but in my opinion you can't really truly love someone until you've seen the world and experienced every feeling there is to feel. neither of you should change, you are who you are. so to sum that up... tell him to stop thinking about the future and focus on the present. go out and have a laugh!
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