Okay i am a 13/f and i want to have sex with my bf. We have known each other since pr-k. We have been dating for almost 3 months and things are getting to be really serious. i always told people i was going to stay a virgin until i get married but i dont think i can do it anymore. He worships the ground i walk on and he isnt like most 13 year old boys. He loves me for me and we have grown up togather so he knows everyhting i have been through. I want to have sex with him and he only wants to if i want to. i do but i dont want my parents not to trust me anymore i have told my mom about it and she said just to let her know. i did and she flipped so what do i do... Please help AND FAST!!
es answered Friday June 5 2009, 6:02 pm: REPLY TO FEEDBACK: Well there are many ways to express love without having sex, for instance if you want to experiment with hand jobs & stuff like that, it can get interesting. Do you have a store called Spencers by you? It basically has a bunch of 'toys' that you guys can use, and there's no age limit on buying their products. I'm sure if there's no Spencers, there's another store like it, just check your local mall. Besides that, you can text each other different sexual things, if you're into that kinda thing. It can be as intimate as you like.
If you have another question just leave it in my inbox, I hope it helps =]]
I understand you completely. But think about this before you have sex... Once you loose your virginity, it's gone forever. If this boy worships the ground you walk on, why not wait? what's the rush? if you know that the two of you are gonna be together for a long time, why start now? take your time!
Also, losing your virginity is what a lot of girls regret, and most of the time it's not because they did it with the wrong guy, it's because they did it at the WRONG TIME. they feel slutty and loose because they decided at an early age that they were going to have sex.
Anyway, as for your parents, they wont trust you if they find out. That's how parents are...there's really nothing you can do about that except wait, and not have sex. Your mom is right to flip out, you're young. So just give it some time. You've waited this long, it's not gonna hurt to wait a little longer. Just consider that. My best friend lost her virginity to the man she's been with for 10 years, and they're still together but she regrets having sex so young. She says she wasn't prepared even though she felt that she was.
NinjaNeer answered Friday June 5 2009, 2:57 pm: It's perfectly normal to want to have sex at this age. Your body's just waking up.
However, it doesn't mean that you should. Sex has a lot of responsibility and emotion tied to it. You may be physically ready to have sex, but not mentally.
At 3 months, you do not have a serious relationship. As an adult, at 3 months I just barely had a serious relationship with the man I am now engaged to. You may be "in love", but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's forever. Wait a few years, at least. If he hangs around that long without getting too antsy about the lack of sex, then he does care for sure.
You mention that you two grew up together. This might sound mean, but you still haven't grown up. If I had to write a list of all the differences between my 13 year old self and my 21 year old self, I'd run out of paper. You simply aren't fully materialized into your adult form. You don't know who you are yet. This is nothing against you in particular, just something common to all teenagers. You may think that this is what you want forever, but 2, 3, 5 years from now it may not be.
He doesn't only want to have sex if you want to. He wants to have sex. All teenage boys, regardless of how nice and ground-worshipping they are, are hormonal zombies. He's probably better than most, but chances are he hasn't really thought about the consequences.
Your mom is not being over-protective. She is being a mother. No parent wants to see their child lose their childhood so fast. There's no rush to grow up this quickly! You have years and years to do all this stuff, and it'll be so much sweeter when you finally do it because you waited. She recognizes that fact, and wants to protect you from making mistakes that you may regret later in life.
That being said... here are some things you need to do before going any further with this thought:
1) Play the "What If?" game with him. "What if I get pregnant?" "What if we aren't as close after?" "What if one of us has an STD?". You need to discuss all of this in intense detail. If you can't, or you can't agree on everything, or if you feel that you cannot handle the consequences, then you are not ready.
2) Birth Control: You need to both sit down and discuss what kind of birth control you are using. My suggestion: use at least 2 kinds, preferably 3. Condoms are a must to protect from STDs as well as pregnancy. Going on the pill or some other form of birth control will help increase your safety as well. Also, a spermicidal lubricant will add a little extra. Think that sounds overboard? How about being a 14 year old single mom. If you can't agree on the birth control to be used (i.e. he doesn't want to use condoms) or if you can't obtain at least two forms of birth control, then you are not ready.
3) Talk to your mom. She flipped, right? Talk to her about why. Find out what she thinks of all of this. Maybe she has some life experiences that can help you. My mom told me about her best friend who lost her virginity at age 10 and regretted it forever. You are young enough that your mother should have some real input into this decision. [ NinjaNeer's advice column | Ask NinjaNeer A Question ]
I'm not going to discount your feelings. Hell, most 13 year olds don't manage to find anything resembling adult love, and while you're young, I'm sure you're sincere.
Its hard to understand or even really want to consider alternative viewpoints when confronted with active sexual desires.
But I can give you a concrete reason for waiting.
Sex has the ability to take over a relationship. You get so caught up in how fun it is and how much you both want it, that you forget to do any of the other parts, like getting to know each other or getting used to each other. Sex is an important part of adult relationships, but its only a part.
When you're young, you don't have a ton of experience. You don't know what you want out of a guy, you don't know what you SHOULD want out of a guy, and you don't know anything about the guys you're dating, because you're just now learning something more real than what you watch on TV.
Right now, thats what your relationship is supposed to be about. Meeting guys and figuring out what you like and don't like about them. Learning how to deal with intimacy and trust with another person. Learning how to compromise with someone because you want to, even when its hard as hell.
These are the things that let you find someone later you can have lots of wonderful sex with. But sex isn't the point, its a way to bond, have fun, and make kids. The point is the companionship.
When young kids have sex, they miss the point. They date to find someone to sleep with, rather than dating for dating.
And while I don't doubt that you two want more than sex here, sex can still take over the relationship. Trust me, if you think you want it now, wait until you've had it. Its a can of worms you don't need to be dealing with right now. Wait, spend more time with this guy. Get to know him. I can't give you a right age, but I can tell you that you should not, at 13, have sex with someone you've been dating less than a year.
GapeM answered Friday June 5 2009, 8:59 am: My darling YOU ARE VERY YOUNG! Please don't rush in engaging yourself in such big steps of life. You are still going to meet with more guys in life and trust me when i tell you this, Charming one's. They will sweep you off your feet, and that is not love that you're feeling it is just a phase that you are going through.
christina answered Friday June 5 2009, 6:19 am: Just because you've been dating for 3 months doesn't mean things are serious. That's shit compared to other relationships. You're 13 years old. You shouldn't have a desire for sex at this age, and you REALLY need to wait until you're older before you jump into anything this serious. Sex is a serious ordeal which brings on serious consequences that a 13 year old cannot deal with.
Can you deal with a baby? Can you deal with an STD? Can you deal with AIDS? Oh, you can't? Exactly, then don't have sex.
Your mother flipped because you're out of your mind. She does not want her 13 year old having sex. When she told you to let her know, she probably didn't expect to hear the words "Mom, I'm ready to have sex," so soon. So, do not have sex. Wait until you're older because you're way too young. And you can wait, you're just choosing to grow up too fast because you think you're in love.
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