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I do best answering questions that are related to careers, marriage, children, dating and other interpersonal matters.

advice

23/f
I feel like everyone who is going to read this is going to think im stupid. I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now. I live in new england so we just had this huge snow storm. I was just at his house on sunday and i havent been there because he was working in the snow. I finally saw him today (thursday) and i went over to his house. I have a key to his place and i walked right in i noticed that there are two picture frames of us by his tv. I noticed they were gone, so i was upset. I noticed that there are pictures on his fridge and the one of us was taken down. I got upset and couldnt wait for him to get home and i texted him why did you take my pictures down? He responded with "i cleaned the tv stand lol" i looked for the picture frames and they were put away in a draw. I told him that my feelings were hurt and i am very stubborn so i was giving him attitude. He got so devisinve and bad saying your really going to get mad over a picture? and i felt guility and shut my mouth up. My feelings are hurt. i dont understand why he would do that. My only thought would be if a girl came over. We have been together for so long that everyone kind of knows that we are together. I am just confused because he was working for the past 4 days. I am trying not to be indenial but thats the only reason i can think of. Im just upset. Thank you for anyone who is reading this i just needed to vent to someone about it.

What you're experiencing is the very uncomfortable feeling that something just isn't right. I don't blame you for being hurt and agree that his explanation for taking your pictures down is very sketchy. However, if you were in a court of law, there's not sufficient evidence, at this point to convict him of anything.

I believe that a wise girl would not take any further action now but would keep her eyes and ears open for any signs that he's become a player.

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I got glasses today and I'm kinda scared to wear them. Not because of how I look (because I look fabulous) but because normally I see pretty well. I can see when we take note (even if I sit kinda far in the back. But something's that are REALLY small I can't see. In my opinion I don't think glasses are super necessary. And I don't want people to be like "you don't need glasses" "your faking it" "you see better than I do" because it's honestly not even to the point where I can't see what's in front of me like most of my friends. What should I do?

You should only wear glasses when they're needed. For example, when you're driving or engaged in any other activity that requires keenness of perception.

Other people's opinions about whether or not you need glasses is just that - their opinion and when they say something to you about it, just smile and change the subject.

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For the past two years I've been on 30mg of Adderall XR a day and it's made a lot of positive changes in my life. For some reason I'm starting to feel bad about being dependent on this substance. It's an addictive drug and I'm paranoid that it will harm my long-term health. I know I will have to be off of it eventually, so should I try to get off of it sooner than later? My concern is that the longer I stay on it, the more my whole life will depend on it. I'm scared that when I go off it my life will completely collapse and and it will force me to reset everything, including my personality.The medicine has helped me to be more in touch with my surroundings, which has given me life-changing social confidence. Since beginning adderall, I've been at a healthy weight whereas before I was overweight and I REALLY don't want to go back to that. When I have to miss a day, I feel depressed. PLEASE tell me this is a withdrawal symptom and not my natural state. Should I try to go off of it in two years when I'm no longer a student or now? In general what should I do??

I can't envision anyone staying on a powerful medication like this for an extended period. If you were my grandson, I'd like for you to be free of adderol XR as quickly as possible. However, I realize that this isn't easy. Not only can withdrawal be unpleasant but it could also be hard, even dangerous. This is a question that you must put to your physician but I hope that you'll be motivated to get off this drug.

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I enjoy going to massage parlors. Sometimes I get a 'happy ending' and sometimes I don't. Would this be considered cheating?

It's cheating when it’s sexual.

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So I am 17 my gf being 16 things are a little complex. So to cut the middle story out I am not gonna beat around the bush I want to take her virginity. I am a lesbian. She like the idea of sex and stuff it's just me penetrating her just turns her off. To answer questions. She is ready I am ready i am not used to dating virgins I have a strapon I wish to use with her it is named tiger she likes to give oral with tiger cause she knows I like it. Problems: she told me she rarely gets wet, we have done some things like dry hump I can come she has never came, what if she bleeds, what if she breaks up with me, where do I take her first time, what if I hurt her worse then normal, what is gonna happen,
Please help a baby lesbian out
No homophobia !!!!

Dear Baby lesbian,

If the act of your penetrating her turns her off, you should not attempt it if you value her companionship and the intimacy that you now enjoy. She will certainly resent your aggressiveness and in all probability will withdraw from you. Her virginity is hers to give as she pleases and not for anyone to take.

If the penetrating use of "tiger" is an important ingredient of your sexual expression, I would recommend that you pursue those potential partners who do not object to its use.

My advice would be for you to treat her in a patient, gentle, caring and loving way and wait for her to respond. In her own time and place she may give you more than you expect in return.

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So here's a few things I've noticed in the last semester of my college experience. I met this girl in my class and I never thought I would develop a crush on her. Let's call her person A. I first started talking to her when we did an activity in class when we lined up in alphabetical order. I was right behind her and we hit it off quite well, that same day I asked for her number. As the days went on, I thought she was cool and eventually we hung out for the first time. I admit that she is attractive and she's only the second girl I've ever liked. At the time, I was dating someone else, let's calm them person B. I have crushed on person B since I was 16 (I'm currently 18) and have always wanted even a small chance to date her. But while I hardly see person B anymore because of our grade difference, I grew closer to person A and eventually we became best friends. I never took a noticed into maybe I was in love with person A. That was until a friend of mine pointed out how whenever I'm with person A, I follow them like a puppy in love, my heart beat increases,I get nervous, and I smile so much more around her. I'm lead to believe this is the reason why my feelings for person B have completely fallen apart because I fell for someone else who I thought was attractive. And person B doesn't like the idea of me spending so much time with person A and has accused me of dating person A.
My question out of this; am I in love with person A? I think I am. It's been awhile now that I've had a crush on her and I always get 'butterflies in my stomach' when she's around me and I smile widely when I get a text from her. I still like person B, I do. But I don't think it's as much as I love person A now, especially if I have classes with person A. Person A is taken, that's why I don't make any advances towards her and I do not want to cause a strain in her relationship and ruin it for her.
Should I even tell her? I'm not sure, I was still questioning myself on whether or not if I should ever confess that I was in love with her.

Let's put you in the shoes of A's boyfriend. How would you feel if someone was making a move on your girlfriend? You could unnecessarily create a bitter enemy. There's no telling what he may do.

What about A, herself? If she's happy in her present relationship, she might react in an unfavorable manner to your attempt to insert yourself into her affections.

As to B, you would be wise to resolve the relationship with her, in your own mind and with her before you begin another relationship with someone else.

"Love without truth and honor is licentious in nature." - David W. Stevens.

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I am an 18 year old female interested in beginning some sort of relationship with my ex boyfriend's twin brother. My relationship with my ex boyfriend was fairly serious but we no longer speak and my feelings for him have subsided. However, I have recently become interested in his brother. I have also heard through the grapevine that his brother feels the same way towards me but is wary of the situation. How should I approach this?

"His Brother" has every reason to be wary. Should you two become an item, you may safely assume an immediate and prolonged reaction of drama and unpleasant noise from all those who orbit about the two of you.

Your choices are to plunge ahead and stoically accept the slings and arrows that will inevitably result or you can be smart and widen your view to include other potentially attractive candidates who don't carry this type of baggage with them.

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I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now and I think I am ready to actually do it with her she says she is ready but she always refuses I don't force her I love her very much I respect their I take care of her but as a person I believe it's Time, I im 16 and so is shewe are very mature so my question is how can I convince her to actually do it with her?

Don't do it son. There's nothing good that will come with pressuring her to have a sexual relation with you.

If you truly love her, you're main concern would be to provide for her best interests, safety and happiness.

While sex, under the proper circumstances, can be an expression of love, it's main purpose is to produce a baby and nothing short of abstinence can guarantee that a pregnancy doesn't result.

As you consider yourself mature for your age, I advise you to be a real man and wait until you're both truly ready.

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I met a guy online. We have been messaging each other for about 4 months. He wants to meet but I'm a little hesitant about it. Mostly due to safety reasons and his behavior. He always wants to rush things. On the dating site we met on, he gave me his number right away and guilt me into calling him by threatening not to speak with me again. I didn't call him until I felt ready, which was two weeks ago. Yesterday, I caught a bug was sleeping in bed for a day and a half. I checked my phone after I woke up and saw that he left me a bunch of text messages. I even missed his call. He really wants to met by next month.

meeting a person that you met on a dating site should only be done when you feel there's a possibility of furthering the relationship.

If you are concerned for your safety or his behavior gives you pause, it's: "Sorry Charlie, you're standing at the station tryin' to take what I ain't got to give. Oh and I'm so sorry Charlie, I've got my own life to live."

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Which gay church should I join?

If by "gay" you mean that you are a sexually active homosexual and you want to be recognized as such, your choices are limited to those churches that are LGBT affirming and that do not consider homosexuality to be a sin. Fortunately, for you, there are so many that I can't begin to list them here but I will mention a few: Affirming Pentecostal Church International, The Anthem Network, Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists, Ecumenical Catholic Church, Inclusive Orthodox Church, United Church of Christ and on and on.

If you are inclined to homosexuality but are celibate or don't wish to reveal your sexual orientation, you may attend any church that mirrors your religious beliefs.

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Should I join a gay church?

You should join a church that reflects your beliefs and values.

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Ok so me and my bf officially broke up on tuesday. We broke up because he said he wants to live a single life right now. I love him so much and i dont want to lose him. I knew we were going to break up along time ago but i just didnt want to accept it. He kept showing me signs like whenever i text or call him he sometimes takes along time to text or call me back. Sometime he just wont call me period. on tuesdat i told him that i still have feelings for him and i hope that we do get back together. He said he hope that we do get back together also. We never really had any problems in the relationship so i just dont know why he wanted to break up. His decision. I asked if when he'll want to pick up his items. He told me to hold on to them because he dont need them right now. I also told him to hold on to mine. That same tuesday he promised to also buy me a teddy bear when he gets paid. We go to the same college but i barely ever see him these days. Yesterday i saw his car around campus when i looked inside i noticed he was using my car seat cover that i gave him to keep. Idk why he's using it at all and i also noticed that now he's looking at my snapchats everyday. He never looked at then when we were together apart from the private snaps i used to send him. Its been three days now since we didnt talk. To me i was thinking maybe no contact for a while will make him really miss me and then he'll come back to me. Idk but im trying to use no contact right now for a while. I really love him and i never want to break up with him. Does it seem like he'll eventually come back? Opinions please. Thank you

Men bond with women who make them feel good. So, whatever you do, don't put any pressure on him. Spend your time becoming the woman that no man can ever leave; playful, lighthearted, patient, kind and compassionate.

Then, all you can do is sit back and wait for whatever happens. You can hope for the best but don't become too saddened if it doesn't work out the way you want. Believe me, if he isn't Mr. Right, you'll find the true Mr. Right soon enough.

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I am a girl in 8th grade and I currently go to a private catholic school. It is my first year at a private school because I've gone to public school all of my life but last year all of my friends turned on me so i decided to change schools. Now, its time to decide about highschool and I applied (and got accepted in) to a private catholic highschool which everyone who goes there says they love but I play hockey, field hockey, and lacrosse, and they only have lacrosse at the school and their sports aren't that good. But the public highschool in my town, which my siblings go to, is the best highschool for sports in the state. But if I go to that highschool I have to deal with all the people that turned on me last year and I dont know if I want to do that. Sports is a big part of my life and i dont know what to do. Please help. Also, most of my friends that i have met at my new school this year are going to the catholic school next year.

The best solution is to decide which environment will give you the best opportunities for finishing your high school education.

There's really no need to even consider the negative people at the public high school. The dynamics may have changed and if not you can deal with the situation as it presents itself.

Whatever you decide, proceed at full steam and try not to retreat from any problems that may arise.

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I recently started talking to my best friend again and I have been avoiding her. I have been scared to talk to her because we had a big fight over something ridiculous and I did not want to get into another one over the same topic. I felt comfortable with her the other day when I saw her and I felt happy again, just by seeing/talking to her even for a few minutes. But I was really mad at her for no reason during that same week. I really don't want my negativity to rub off on her and I don't want to get mad at her and then flat out take it out on her. I feel as if it's my impulse control disorder that makes me feel anger towards others and it prompts me to be mean to others (verbally,emotionally or mentally). I just want to be a good best friend for her. I want to be nice to her because she means the world to me. I want to let her know I care about her, even if she doesn't think so, but I really do. If anyone has advice on how to avoid taking out my anger on her, please, I would love to hear it! :) thank you!

The challenge is to strike the right balance in controlling our impulses. We all have had occasions where we behaved irresponsibly and hurt others by our sudden flashes of anger or other emotional expressions that we later regret. On the other hand, we don't want to be wrapped so tight that we can't express ourselves at all.

In your case, I believe that the problem is probably rooted in stress because of the cogent way that you've described your problem. The more stressed we become, the more likely we are to get out of control and snap angrily at others even when they don't deserve it.

The remedy is often found in relaxation and exercise techniques, checking our diet by removing caffeine containing beverages and perhaps getting a little more sleep. The Readers Digest has an excellent article which you may find helpful: http://www.rd.com/content/37-stress-management-tips/

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M 16
Hey,
I practice my innstruments for about 4 hrs. a day. My guitar for an hour, my bass for 2 and my key boards for an hr. Playing music is what I love to do more than anything, but I've noticed in the past month after I practice my wrist really hurt. I get like this peorcing pain in and my arms grow numb and weaker than normal. My freinds say I may need to cut back on my playing time alot. And mabey take a break. I really don't want to I love playing music more than anything in the world. Dose some one know any way to releive these symptoms. My wrists are still hurting and the last time I played was more than 3 hrs. ago.

As a musician myself, I know first hand that long training hours combined with the repetitive force or pressure on your wrist that your instruments require will lead to stress that in turn will makes you suffer wrist pain. This is usually a sign of weak wrists, so you should work on strengthening your wrists. However before you can do anything, rest, rest and then rest. You need to stop playing for some time, depending on the severity of your case. Give your wrist enough time to heal.

When your wrists are ready, get a very light dumbbell. I repeat, A VERY LIGHT dumbbell or use a book or perhaps a small rock. Then with your fretting hand while your palm is facing up, rest your elbow on your thighs for more convenience and start tilting your wrist so you would be lifting the weight up, then back to the middle position, than tilt more backward so that the weight is going lower this time. Do this in sets of 15, 3 sets in the morning and 3 sets in the night and rest for a minute between one set and the other. Tilting angles should be reasonable, if you start feeling pain at some point don't tilt any further.

Continue to exercise on a daily basis for many days to come, maybe everyday for the rest of your life if you want to. You can get back to practicing whenever you feel like the pain is gone but when you first get back to playing, go easy on your wrist.

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I finally passed the preassessment test and I am optimistic I will get call for an interview. What can I expect on interview day?

Walmart has a guide that may help you more than general suggestions that I could give: http://www.walmartapplication.info/walmart-interview/

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My crush, who is also a friend, asked me who I liked and I told him that it is him. Now he is ignoring me. It is really hurting me. Only twice has he fooled around with me (I think because he saw I was upset) but other than that he has said nothing and it has been two days. Why is that? What should I do? I am thinking of sending him a message asking if we can still be friends but my other friend says I should wait until after the weekend to see if his behavior changes. Should I send it today or follow her advice? I'm a high school female, just saying. I would also like some males to answer because they may know what is going on in his mind.

In this case, it's probably best to wait for his reaction which may take some time. In the meantime, continue to act exactly the same as you did before you revealed your heart.

High school boys are notoriously unpredictable. Most of them don't even know their own mind.

Be sweet! be kind but don't bring the subject up again. The ball's in his court now. Wait until he's willing to address the issue. I'm sure that your friendship is still intact.

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Hi Im a girl who's attracted to my boss. Im 22years old. I dont know if its crazy but I dont know if he's also attracted to me. Not to mention he's married.. He keep on staring of me. But I always break thr tension coz im too shy too look back. But I always saw him staring at me. One time I told my self not to look at him. But i cant coz he keep on wawalking in front of me. He still keep on staring at me. And then ine time his wife came at work. But I dont know why he have to look at me while he's with he's wife? Is he trying to check how am I going to react? But before then we used to talk. He's approaching me. But I dont really into talk. They told me that he might thought that I shut him down. Or what thats why he's not talking that much to me anymore he just keeping staring at me like im melting.. I just wanna ask is he attracted to me also even tho he's married? Or Im just assuming coz I like him..

Dear girl who's attracted to your boss,

Be smart! It's in your best interests to nip this in the bud because there's no chance whatsoever that anything good can ever coming from this.

If you enter into a relationship with him, the only thing you'll get is sex and only when it's convenient for him. It's really playing with fire. If his wife becomes suspicious, you'll be out on the street in a New York minute.

Don't learn the hard way that "The other woman" seldom wins and when they do, they soon realize that he's no prize.

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So I've been seeing a guy for a few months now. He's great and all but I feel like he's sending mixed messages. He says he cares about me, which I dont doubt. One minute he has strong feelings or me, then says he cares a lot for me. He says he's happy we are together then says he thinks we should be friends. He says he wants us to work out but then says he's not ready to commit. He says he wants to give me the attention and time I deserve but has to take care of stuff first and doesn't want to make me feel like second best. One minute he thinks its just the time (or lack there of) to spend togther then its he needs to take care of stuff first, then its he wants it to work again. I understand he isn't ready to commit and wants to better himself before he can provide a girl with what they deserve and has been hurt. But it seems he wants to be with me but doesn't. We broke up but were working on talking things out. But he wouldn't change his relationship status to single but made a comment about mine sating we were in a complicated relationship. Any ideas on what he's thinking? I ask him but he's all over the place



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what do I do when a person u meet online and made a mistake by sending them naked pictures and thereafter I choose not to anymore and the person exposes me and then contact my other friends online and ask do they know me and send naked pictures of me to them. what should I do and how should I stop this person

You certainly have a civil claim against them and potentially a criminal claim. Civilly, you would have claims of rights of publicity/privacy and multiple common law claims. Additionally, if they were attempting to blackmail you for more photos, this could be extortion and you should consider making a police report. It's not OK and you should not be exploited in this way.

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