Belladonna's advice column

askBelladonna

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: i'm a guy and was wondering something. as the question implys, i would like to know whether most people put feelings or morality first, and why. my example is pre-marital sex. there must be at least 20 questions on that topic before this one...some say 'do it if you feel ready' while others say 'no because you'll regret it and it's not meant to be that way'. both seem good reasons for or against it. is it both? should you really put your feelings and that of another first, or should you stick to your moral values, reguardless of what others or society has to say about pre-marital sex. thanks, will rate.

This is a difficult one. I believe in abstinence.. that is waiting until I'm married. I don't believe in it for religious reasons, simply my own reasons. I wish to wait because to me when you lose your virgnity, you lose a part of yourself by giving yourself to someone. For me, I would prefer to give it to my husband rather than someone I may not end up with. Once you lose your virgnity, you can never get it back. It's much more worth it if it's meaningful.

I do however believe people should make up their own mind. Its THEIR lives.. and they are the ones who will have to deal with the consequences of their actions. That's why I don't think people should get their morals from religion. Religion to me tells people what to do and instills fear and guilt in people as a form of control. And a lot of what religious leaders tell people to do isn't listed in the bible. I feel that if people want to live a moral life (in religious terms) they should live according to the bible rather than SOMEONES interpretation of it. I'm referring to all those Chastity books peope write and stuff.. those're ridiculous.

I don't preach abstinence to people, however, I do feel people should wait until they're at least 18 to make an important decision about losing their virginity. A lot of people lose it at a young age these days by simply following their hormones. They don't listen to their conscience, they just want a "release" of sexual tension.. lol. Most of these people end up regretting losing it this way.

Anyway, my point is people should stick to THEIR conscience. If it feels right to them, then they should do it. If there's any doubt, then they shouldn't. It's true, morality is relative...

Q: Alright here is the story. I broke up with my boyfriend about 3 days ago because it didn`t feel right and I kinda wanted to explore with other guys. The problem is I still like my now ex alot and I dont want him to get with another girl! I Don`t know if I should go back out with him or just explore or what to do at all! Any ideas?
I rate well

If I were you, I'd give it time. You broke up with him only 3 days ago, of course some feelings are still going to be there. You wouldn't have broke it off with him unless it didn't feel right to you at the time. If you got back together with him.. do you think you'd feel any different? Chances are, it'd be the same. I'd give it a little more time first to decide what you really want. If in a few weeks you still feel the same then tell him how you feel and take it from there. But I think you'll find that in time you won't feel the same way. Perhaps exploring with other guys might do you well for now.

Good luck.

Q: My boyfriend, of almost 2years, just broke up with me. I am going out tonight with my best girl Kate, and we are going bowling. Is that a good Idea?

What should I do to keep my mind off of it? And what shouldn't I do?

x0-
Kelsssss
(K2204)

Oh jeez, I'm so sorry. Breakups are ALWAYS hard. =/ Yeah, going out with your friend will get your mind off it. Try and keep yourself busy, or else you'll find yourself thinking about him. Avoid listening to sad love songs or watching romance movies. Go out and watch a comedy with a whole bunch of mates or something to cheer yourself up. And don't go anywhere that you guys used to go. It's going to be hard, but you CAN get through this. Also, if you find yourself thinking about him.. do this method I learned in psychology. It may sound funny, but it really works. Visualize a paper bag in your head, put everything thats worrying you in it, seal it, then immediately put your thoughts to something else. This especially helps at nighttime if you can't sleep because of what's on your mind.

All the best.

Q: I'm a wreck. I'm not going to hide it. I try to act like I'm over my ex boyfriend but I'm not. We had a long distance relationship. he seemed so perfect, hes different. At least i thought he was. Until I found out he had just been temporarily using me until someone better came along. Well someone better did come along and he had to break up with by saying "I'm sorry but I need physical affection. And I can't get it from you." Is he sugguesting that he broke up with me because I'm not a slut?! It also doesnt help that his girlfriend thinks were best friends. I need help, people say I should block him but I can't because he needs to know how I feel and I'm not sure I'm getting the message to him but I'm afraid to talk to him.

Sorry it was so long. :-(

-

Wow, I totally know how you feel. The same happened to me with a guy I was going out with long distance. It was all great for a while and then as soon as some girl came along he left me. I tried to justify his actions by saying "he's a guy.. obviously he'd rather someone he can have in the flesh rather than someone he can only see via text" But then I came to realize there was no justification for it. Anyway, sorry to turn this around to myself. Basically, he broke up with you because he wasn't willing to put any effort into the relationship and try and withstand the distance. Long distance relationships are hard, especially since there is no physical affection. But if you truly love a person, this wouldn't matter to you. I'm sorry to break this to you, but obviously the relationship didn't mean anything to him. He's a jerk and you shouldn't bother with him at all. It may seem difficult to block him, but why should you chase after him? Pretend you don't care. He WANTS to see a reaction from you. He wants to think you're after him. Don't grant him that. Be strong and show that you are better than him. You can do better than him.

All the best. ^_~

Q: I answered the one question about the christians trying to convert everyone and read "I'm Catholic, but there's a lot about my faith I disagree with..." and i agree with you. but anyway, I have to write this paper for my religion class (all girls catholic high school. can you say kill me now?) about my beliefs and such. my teacher isn't open minded and she keeps pushing all this on me. what would you do: make up a bunch of stuff that you are taught to believe and get an A or give 'em a little boot in the butt?? (not a lot, i'd get kicked out.) thanks!

Notice the paper is about what YOUR beliefs are, not necessarily CATHOLIC beliefs. So if they say anything you can say "Well, you did ask me for MY beliefs"
Catholic schools need to be more accepting and tolerant of different beliefs. I think that you should definitley say what YOU feel and give reasons as to why. You don't have to attack Catholic point of view, just state yours and why. Why should you lie about your beliefs to them?! I doubt you'll get into trouble and if you do just explain that there's a lot you don't understand and that you want things clarified. It's not illegal to question things. Trust me, you won't get kicked out. They can't kick you out for giving your opinion.

I went to a Catholic school as well. I was brainwashed for a while since I was so young, and didn't know any differently. The older I got though the more I started to question my faith. There's a lot that didn't make sense, and a lot that seed to contradict a lot of what the Bible said. Right now I guess I consider myself just a Christian without a religion. ;)

Anyway, good luck with it.

Q: I was looking through a few questions on religion (Not a darn clue why, I just was) and I was reading a question about a girl who wanted to become Buddist.

An answer she recieved made me a little upset. This person that answered kept saying how she was choosing the wrong religion and that being Buddist is wrong.

I've noticed things like this before, strong Christians (yes, it is mostly Christians) criticizing other religions. They will rant on and on about how it's the wrong religion.

What is so wrong with believing in Buddah? Why do you have to criticize people who do not believe in God? We have the right to choose our religion and the right to choose no religion at all.

Why do you believe that your religion is the only "right" religion? This has been bothering me for a while.

I really don't want any Christians on this site to feel that I am directing this ONLY at you. But what I've seen on this site about 90% of the people criticizing people for their religion are strong Christians. So, I'm just basing my question on the majority.

I'm sorry if this question has offended anyone.

You are absolutely right. I'm Catholic, but there's a lot about my faith I disagree with.. so I don't go around trying to force it onto others. Nobody has the right to do that. I don't feel it is the "right" religion. I don't feel any religion is 'right' I feel faith is far more imporant than religion (yes, there's a different between believing in God and practicing religion) but I still won't push that onto others. A lot of my friends are atheists and they're good people. I don't hold people's beliefs against them.

It annoys me how a lot of Christians are intolerant to other people's religions and beliefs, yet the bible teaches tolerance. Many Christians don't embody true biblical values, which in essence, makes them hypocritical. I'm not saying this is the case for ALL, but a lot that I've come across. A lot of them aren't really in touch with their faith, which is sad. I guess when you've been raised with religion you blindly follow it and think it is the right one, and reject any others. Most religious people came from religious families, so they don't know much else. Still not an excuse though.

I find buddhism a very interesting religion. It concentrates mostly on "how to be a good person" rather than "what you can/can't do" which most religions concentrate on. So I have absolutely no problems with it.

Q: Firstly, I'm a freshman in college right now. Right before school ended this past year, a 20 yr old guy started leaving me messages on myspace. He's a US marine, and he was in Iraq at the time. He said he was from my hometown, and was feeling lonely, just wanted to get to know some new people from the area. So I messaged back and forth for a while. Then we started IMing each other. And right before I left for school, he started calling on the phone. He came home on leave the day I left for school. We had made plans to get together while he was home; he even agreed to drive an hour to see me at school. When it came time for him to come visit the first time, he said sry, I have something to do tomorrow, and since I"m representing the Marines, I wanna look and feel my best, so I"m not gonna come see you (he wouldn't have gotten home till like 2 am) - so that's totally acceptable. He called the next day saying he felt so bad, was I mad at him? don't be mad blahblahblah...but I was fine with that. The next weekend, he was supposed to come up again, it was the day before he was gonna be deployed to OKinawa. He was getting a hotel room with some buddies to party it up before he went back, and said I could join them. I said I really didn't feel comfortable going off campus to a hotel room with a bunch of guys I've really never met before. He said that was understandable, so he'd just come to my dorm and chill for a while, and then I could decide if I wanted to go offcampus with him or not. He said he would call when he got in the area. But he never called. As soon as he got to OKinawa, he called and said he was so sorry, he had flight problems, don't be mad at him, his life has been really stressful, and he can understand why I would be frustrated, but don't be mad at him. I told him I wasn't, and it was all good. He keeps leaving me messages on AIM at night while I"m sleeping (14 hr time difference) and he just called again a coupel nights ago, but other than that, I really haven't talked to him in over a month. He said he's coming home for Christmas (I will be home from school as well) and he wants to get together then. Should I give him the chance after he totally blew me off last time? He really seemed eager to meet me, both last time he was home, and talking about CHristmas, so I can't believe he just didn't feel like it. My mom says maybe he got scared, but I can't imagine what he would have to be scared of...? PLease help, thanks
--18 yr old college freshman (female)

Hi there,

It's true, he could've been scared. Meeting someone off the internet IS a big deal, what with all the stories you hear these days. He may've been nervous about what you would think of him.

But he did let you down, and hardly DESERVES another chance. It's natural to be nervous, but it's another thing to completely disappoint someone. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he DOES want to meet you, and is not just playing you around, so that's why I think you should give him ONE more chance, and that's it. If he lets you down again, forget about him. One time is forgiveable, twice is not. Let him know that this is the last time you're going to give him the opportunity to meet, and if he doesn't turn up, tell him that he shouldn't bother contacting you anymore.

You were probably expecting me to say "oh no, meeting someone off the internet can be dangerous!!!1" But I've done it myself, and thus can't be one to talk. Of course, make sure this guy IS genuine. And when you do eventually meet, make sure it's somewhere where people are around. Like, if he asks you to come meet him at his hotel room again, DON'T. This is pretty suss and you never know what could happen. Make him come meet you somewhere like a mall or something. But you seem smart enough, and don't need me telling you this.
Anywho, good luck and let me know how the meeting goes. =)

Q: I really need someones opinion cos i cant figure this out. me and my guyfriend talk more everyday and now we're pretty close and i know i like him more than a friend. But i dont know if he likes me that way. He makes fun of me a lot and says hes kidding when i get annoyed. and he doesnt make fun of other girls that hes friends with. and he stares at me ALL THE TIME. what should i do? It seems like he likes me sometimes but i dont want to do anything that would ruin our friendship especially if he doesn't really like me.
thanx soo muchh

You need to make a choice here. You can either do your best to get over him and keep him as a friend, or you could ask him whether he likes you. It may/may not ruin your friendship. You can never tell with these things. But if he's a true friend he won't let that make things awkward between you. These things happen all the time- friends fall for each other and sometimes they don't realize that they both liked each other until it's too late. Don't miss your chance.

If you do decide to go for it, to make sure, you could joke around with him and say "everyone keeps asking if we're a couple, how funny is that?!" and see how he responds. Alternatively, you get a third party to suss him out. Are you friendly with any of his guy friends? If you can trust them enough, tell them how you feel about the guy and ask them for advice. Other people seem to be able to pick up on these things really easily. Often they see things we don't, because they see them in a neutral light.

Good luck. ^_~

Q: What does Dolce vita mean? What does dolce mean?

The Sweet Life.

Q: I'm in the mood to read some good books. Does anybody have any recommendations (preferably from young adult or if not from there than not too boring and old lady like). Thanks!

The Shining - Stephen King. He's a great suspense (and fantasy) author. Anything by him is good.

I'd check out some Nicholas Sparks books as well. Especially recommended A Walk to Remember and the Notebook. They're both tearjerker romance stories.

Borrowed Light by Anna Fienberg is a great one. Her writing style is very eloquent, and it's full of many insightful passages. Looking for Alibrandi by Melina Marchetta is a great one for teens. It's studied in a lot of schools, but don't let that put you off as it's a wonderful book. Borrowed Light and Looking for Alibrandi may be difficult to find though as they're Aussie books.

Oh, and you MUST read The Virgin suicides by Jefferey Eugenides. A book will NEVER affect you as much as this one.

Happy reading! Drop one in my inbox if you ever get around to reading them and tell me what you think.

Q: Hey all, I'm working as a waitress and often times I get soooo tired because I normally dont get off work untill about one in the morning. Anyways, I was wondering if there were any types of things I can take or do to boost my energy?? I havnt drinkin' any carbonated beverages for over 2 years, so those drinks are out, and when I take caffine pills, or energy pills, they make me sick. Its so anoying!!! Anyways, this is an easy five question and any help would be great!! Thanks

A few tips for boosting your energy:

1. Take a walk or get some form of activity during your lunch break. Even a 15-minute walk can greatly enhance your energy level.

2. Drink more water. Dehydration can often leave you feeling sluggish.

3. Choose lunch options wisely. High-fat or high-carbohydrate meals may leave you feeling sleepy.

4. Grab an afternoon snack. Low blood sugar can often contribute to lack of energy and difficulty concentrating. Choose a snack that's not high in sugar.

5. Take a quick nap before work. A brief 15- to 20-minute catnap can be time well spent.

6. Go outdoors. A few minutes of fresh air and natural light can work wonders.

7. Spray a rejuvenating aromatherapy mist on your face or in your room. There are many kinds of sprays with fragrances like rosemary or cinnamon clove that smell and feel invigorating.

8. Caffeine drinks work wonders. I know you said you don't drink them anymore, but really, they are the best solution of all. Red Bull keeps you awake for up to 7 hours.

Hope I helped.

Q: Here goes:
I'm 17 now but when I was in the 8th Grade (last year of Junior High) I was considered a "geek". I was bookworm. Overweight and quiet. There was this pretty popular boy in my class who used to make fun of me all the time. He really made my life hell. After about two months, he started acting different around me. Sometimes he'd be really mean and then sometimes he'd be super nice (like random acts of kindness) and the one day after school, him and his female friend were talking in an almost empty classroom while I was trying to finish up some math. She asked him a question with my name in it and my ears perked up and then she called me and she said "--- likes you" and I made a face at him because I thought he was an ass at the time. Anyway, I think I hurt him a bit. He told me he hated me a few weeks after that incident.
A few months passed and we entered high school and I started liking him (he was still pretty popular but I was still a geek) but I figured I only liked him because he used to like me and I thought I'd get over it.
That year he told my friend that I was a geek.
During high school I’ve grown to love him more. I'm not a geek and I've lost a lot of weight (although I'm still a few pounds up). People who used to know me consider me considerably ‘cooler’. I'm sort of what you would call semi-popular but I'm not sure if I still measure up.
I don't know if he likes me too. My friends aren’t sure either. They say that over the span of the past three years, he stares at me sometimes when I'm not looking and –I- catch him looking too (except I'm not sure if he was looking first or just kept looking at me because –I- look at him). He does stuff sometimes like get really fidgety if he's walking in front of me or put the volume up in his car if he's near me. Just basic stuff.
I'm wondering is there an indication that he likes me at all and this could work or is he still mad at me and just looks because he's trying to prove something to himself and/or me?

Hey there,

I know that this is an easy thing to say, and a much harder thing to do, but you're going to have to talk to him. He obviously is too proud to approach you, and nothing is going to happen until you two are on speaking terms again. You could alternatively get your friends to do it, but it's probably better that you do it. If face to face is too difficult for you, then get his email address. I think you should apologize for the way you acted in Year 8 because he was obviously very hurt by this. I can understand why you didn't believe him.. after the way he had treated you and all, but in a way he "Redeemed" himself by trying to be nice to you and showing you he liked you. It's up to you now to make the move. You don't have to tell him you like him straight away, in fact, he might confess it himself. I'd say he definitley did like you, but cared wayyy too much about high school heirachies and his reputation (and the fact you weren't as popular as him) Saying this, I'd like to clarify I believe it's ridiculous to care about how popular someone is. But I'm just trying to see things from his perspective here. Whether he likes you now I'm a bit uncertain about, it sounds to me like he tries to get your attention, but I could be wrong. You need to become friends again or things will never progress between you two. Hopefully he can leave the past in the past and you two can finally get together rejecting any highschool class distinctions. :P

Good luck! If you need anymore help, feel free to IM me or drop one in my inbox. and let me know how it goes.

Q: your ugly

Oh well.

Q: I'm a republican, and every single one of my friends are democrats. If they insult the president (Even though they know that I'm republican) then it's okay, but if I say any republican views they all look at me like I'm a bad person. What should I do? I'm not the kind of person to just sit back in any type of debate but I can't help but feel like my opinion doesn't matter just because it's not a democratic one.

I'll be frank with you: having right-wing ideals doesn't sit well with some people because they have the wrong idea about it. This is no excuse for your friends behaviour - I'm just saying they probably associate you being a republican with the stereotype. It's a shame they can't be more open-minded and more respecting of your opinions as you seem to be of theirs. Debating is healthy, but they obviously can't seem to do it maturely. Perhaps discussing politics with them is not a good idea.

A lot of people these days are against Bush just because they think it's cool to bash him. Many teenagers hate him, yet can't give a reason why. Few teenagers can really say they have an understanding of politics and how it all works. =/ If you want to be devious, you could challenge their point of view and see what their reasoning is.

Q: ok so theres this guy. lets say his name is Ryan. Well i met Ryan about 5 months ago, at the mall. you know how it is; you see a hott guy at the mall, and you just wanna stalk him. So i decided to make an effort to go and talk to him, and i did. i ended up getting his sn and phonenumber. he told me thing. SWEET things. i really liked it. i like the way he made me feel. and i like HIM a lot too. i really wanted to be with him. he gave me hints that he really wanted to be with me. but he never asked me out. and i remember that one day in specific, he told me he wanted to be with me. 2 days later, he asked out one of my best friends; lets call her Tori. Me and tori lost touch after that. we always had this weird vibe everytime we looked at eachother. i wasnt mad. but i was dissapointed in myself for beliving him. they eventually broke up, but it seemed like they were going out forever. they went out for 5 months in specific. They still remained friends, and flirted with eachother now and then. well anyways, this previous summer, Tori called me one day because she was bored. and we ended up going to the mall. after that day, we hung out everyday for the rest of the summer. and we're best friends again. Ryan claimed that he still like Tori sometimes. but 2 weeks ago, i was at a football game with my Tori and my other friend ashley. and Ryan was there. so we introduced ashley to ryan, and she started liking him, and he starting liking her too. and today, i was on the phone with ashley, but i put her on hold for a sec and i totally forgot about her. so when i got back on, ashley didnt answer, but ray did and he told me that ashley got bored so she called him. me and ray ended up talking for a longggg time about stuff, and ray kept asking me if i liked him as more than a friend. and he told me that he liked me, and that i was way prettier than ashley. and ashley got mad. so about an hour later, ashley called ray again, and asked him if he liked me. turns out that his exact words were "idk, i mean shes cool and everything but i dont know yet." and he told her that he liked her. i hate it. but im falling for him again. i just LOVE the way he makes me feel. and i wanna be with him. but i cant help myself. im trying to build a brick around my heart, but im too easy. PLEASE HELP??

I'm sorry to say this, but he is nothing but a jerk, and a player.

He may be really sweet to your face, but then he turns around and goes out with your friend. What kind of person does that to someone they like? Notice how he told you to your face he liked you and then said otherwise behind your back.

He seems to have a real problem with commitment, and an obvious disregard for other peoples feelings. He's playing you AND Ashley around, and so I wouldn't fall into his trap again. I'd cut off contact with him for a while and see what happens. If he genuinely likes you, he will chase you. But if he doesn't, really, forget about him. You will only end up getting hurt. Cut your losses and move onto someone else.

Q: any1 know how to take of acrlyric nails easily?>????i mean their reealy stuck on there i cant pop them off it feels like my real nail is going to pull off

Buy: Fingr's 30 Second Artificial Nail Remover or Fingr's Magic 12 Second Remover. You shuld be able to buy them at a drugstore. Alternatively, you can soak them in acetone for 5 - 10 minutes.

Q: Why do females regret losing their virginty when they did? What's the average age that a female loses her virginity? There is no way to get over losing your virginity is there? What if u only did it one time, then u wait like 20 years will it be tight again?

I think many females lose their virginity for one of 3 reasons:
1) They feel they should because everyone has. In a group of friends, for example, everyone has lost it and so a girl thinks she must lose it too. They try and see it as something they have to do to fit in with their peers.

2) They get drunk at a party and lose it. Now, this is not a matter of choice, and the girl didn't have control over this situation. This is probably one of the most common ways teenagers lose their virginity.

3) They are blinded by what they think is "love" and want to please their boyfriend. In a way they feel they have to because they think their boyfriend will dump them for someone else if they don't put out.

I'm not saying this is the case for all of them. Many females don't regret losing their virginity at all. Anyway, I reckon the way to determine if you're ready to lose it is to think ahead to the future and how you'll feel in the distant future afterwards. If you think youll feel the same as you do now, then you're ready, but if you think you'll feel even one ounce of regret then you're not. It's good to pay attention to your conscience.

Q: Lately I have been having thoughts of suicide. Like I used to have it once a month or once every two months, but now it's almost everyday. I even think about how I would do it, how it would feel, what I would say in my suicide note(I have even written one out), I think how my funeral would be and all, I like thinking about it. It gives me a thrill. I know this sounds sick and weird, but it's how I feel. Then there is another part of me that wants to live, that's trying so hard to fight back, but this other side of me is taking over so fast and Im afraid it will lead me somewhere I dont really want to do. I am seeing a therapist now, have told her everything, but Im just so scared it could be any day now. Just tonight my boyfriend was over and while he lay sleeping on the couch I got up and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of pills, I think I would have done it but then I thought about him and reached into the drawer and cut myself to relieve myself from the anxiety and tension. After I cut I didn't want to commit suicide anymore and I felt better. Could someone try to explain what they thin kI might have? I am so depressed and so scared.

It is very possible you have depression and will need drugs to treat it. Going to a therapist can be helpful, but if it's clinical depression there isn't a lot they can do to help as they can't prescribe drugs. Anti-depressants may be the thing for you right now, so I recommend seeing a psychiatrist. You didn't specify what is going on in your life that is making your suicidal, but whatever it is, think to yourself: will it really matter in a months time? in a years time? The answer is no. No problem is permanent and can't be remedied. You may be unable to see this in a depressed state of mind, but please trust me, whatever is going on right now will not last.
But since it seems you DON'T want to throw your life away, and you feel you have much to live for, it seems like what you have is definitley an illness. This doesn't necessary have to be triggered by anything - sometimes it can just be in your genes that your body has a chemical imbalance and thus you don't have the right levels of serotonin (happy chemicals :P) I don't know what your case is though.

Q: on my internet exporer I have all those annoying Google toolbars, yahoo toolbars, aol toolbars, and I dont want them. I only want whats on the orinial Intnert explorer so how do I get rid of those toolbars? thanks

http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file_description/0,fid,22262,00.asp

Or alternatively go to control panel > add remove programs, and then search down the list for the tool bars which should be listed on there.

Q: I just wondered this.

I answer questions, and its getting interesting. The people who generally need answers the most are the immature ones. But when you give them an honest answer, they reject it, and rate you a 1.

Example is this question, asked by a stupid little girl in the pinnacle of her selfish years. She wants to know what she should do because she wants to hook up with a boy who has a girlfriend

http://advicenators.com/qview.php?q=376325 Thats the URL. Feel free to respond to it.

I couldnt care less about my rating, but its the response the rating means that kinda bugs. Dismissed out of hand because my response didnt tell her its ok to fuck up what might be a genuinely good relationship because she wants to hook up with the guy.

To all of you girls in similar situations, Dont be a slut. Its not flattering.

That happens too often with me. I don't feel I should sugarcoat things just because it's what people want to hear, and thus I get a low rating. If people want to blind themselves, and think that everything is going to go going their way, they need a wake up call. The world is a shit place, it doesn't help pretending it isn't.