I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172984
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I am so sexually confused! One second I'm bi and another I'm
gay! I am 14yr.s old a freshmen, confused on what my sexuality is. People says I'm gay, but I still think girls are cute, but I would
rather go with a boy. So what am I!?! Need answers... (link)
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Why worry so much about labels?
When it comes down to it, you aren't going to fall in love with another label. You're going to date someone who makes you laugh, lets you cry, and that you are attracted to in every way.
Whether that person has a vagina or a penis is immaterial.
I do understand that it's important to feel like you need a label, so I'd say this: we are conditioned from birth to date people of the opposite gender. That means you have been told a million subtle ways that you should be with a girl.
Many people initially come out as bisexual because they mistakenly think they still have feelings for the opposite gender, when in fact it's just a sort of cultural conditioning. The older you get and the more experiences you have, the better you'll understand your sexuality.
In the meantime, try to relax about it a little. Think about which label feels best to you right now - if you have to have a label, better to pick it yourself than let others do it for you. Saying you are one or the other right now doesn't mean you are locked into that category for life - sexuality is confusing and develops over the course of growing up; you'll find your place where you feel most comfortable and happy in time.
Good luck.
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okay i have this problem. i dated this boy and then he was 2 timing me then he dumped the other girl and i forgave him and i still went out with him then he asked her out again while we were going out and he told me! he was like im going back out with ********* :) i was like :0 so i wouldnt talk to him when he would try to talk to me. well hes still going out with the girl but i seem to still like him! i mean i know what he did to me was wrong but i still like him :( how can i get him to like me more than her??? please help! i rate! (link)
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Someone should like you because you ARE you - not because you had to change pieces of who you are or exaggerate things you are not. All that sort of fake stuff melts away eventually, and you're left with a partner who is upset that you have 'changed.'
You want someone to like you for you.
This is not that guy. He not only doesn't like you enough to be exclusive with you, but he has a total lack of respect for you. While this is his problem, you have made it yours. Taking someone back after they've cheated on you is like giving them permission to cheat in the future - after all, they know you'll forgive and forget. You can't win.
It's not all bad news, though. You've found out this guy is insensitive, doesn't care about you, and is a cheater. Lucky escape for you!
It'll take time for your feelings to subside, but in the meantime ask yourself if they are really feelings for HIM, or feelings about being in a relationship. If you treat yourself with respect and liking, sooner or later a fabulous guy will come along....and you won't have to try to impress him or win him over. He'll be amazed by wonderful you, and that's that.
Good luck.
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For as long as I can remember, my currently 19 year-old sister, isn't having the best life right now. I'll refer to her as Lexi In 2003 Lexi dropped out of her senior year in high school about 4 months before graduation. She claims it was because she hated that school, and hated everyone in it. I mean, she's not really the preppy, Barbie Girl type. She did get her G.E.D. after dropping out of high school, though. She went to the 2nd semester of college. Our whole family was overjoyed and really thought that Lexi could make something of herself, finally. I mean, she is really, really smart and an extremely good drawer.
But then she ended up skipping her classes to sleep in, and the night before college finals in spring, she drunk so much alcohol that she passed out and was under severe conditions and had to be hospitalized. She didn't even call our parents, because she knew that she'd be in trouble for underage drinking at that tim (age 18) and she had missed finals. She went to court and pleaded guilty, and was fined. But our family left that in the past and forgave her.
Lexi's back home now, and I pray every night that she goes back to college, or at least gets a job. She always promises our mom to get a job and never does, claiming that "nothing motivates her to do anything." Usually she appears in a pretty good mood, but once every month my parents and her will have a nasty fight. I'm not saying physically. These fights involve swearing, screaming, yelling, shouting, and insulting. Then the next day it's almost as if nothing happened, but my parents and Lexi won't talk to each other. My mother cries her eyes out, and I can't blame her, because she went through several hours of pain and labor to bring Lexi into the world, wanting , and my sister does nothing but smoke and swear at her. She and my parents eventually make up, and then it will be another fight.
Lexi is in financial trouble too (I'm not saying what), and won't return tax collectors' calls. She is too lazy to get a job, all she does is eat, sleep, and smoke, and go out with friends. I really want Lexi to get a job and stop smoking. I really want her to have a better life and go back to college. I really want my parents and her to not fight. I can't control any of this, because she is 6 years older than me (I'm 13) and I can't tell her what to think. Lexi refuses to go to a counselor, and no one can change her mind. Sometimes I even cry myself to sleep because I'm only 13 and I'm already going through emotional pain. I really need help, and I would appreciate anyone's sincere input on this. (link)
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Well, the whole situation sucks - for everyone in your family. Unfortunately, you're right in saying there's nothing you can really do. You can't make her get a job or pay her bills, but there ARE some things you CAN do.
Like writing Lexi a letter letting her know how much you care about her; letting you know you'll support her any way you can.
Lexi sounds unhappy, but she doesn't sound extremely different from other college age people - many, many people have a hard time settling into school and work. I think the best thing that can happen is your parents using tough love - letting Lexi fend for herself. Once she realizes things aren't fun and games, and that her parents won't bail her out, she'll be forced to do some hard thinking and planning for her future.
In the meantime, try to stay out of the arguments. When Lexi is on the phone with your parents, go to your room and listen to a favourite CD. Ask your parents to not put you in the middle. None of this is your fault, and while you are suffering a bit, it should not be dominating your life.
Finally - learn from Lexi. Don't fall into the same traps she has. Plan for your future and make the best of yourself.
Good luck.
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I am 23 and have an awsome girlfriend, We have great sex but some times I don't really feel like having sex I don't get it? She is the most beautiful girl in the world very sexy and yet sometimes I just can't get in the mood it's not an erection problem it's just a mood problem. (link)
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You're totally normal. Nobody is always in the mood, for a varity of reasons including: medication, being tired, feeling unconnected from your partner, to just plain not feeling like it.
It's nothing to worry about; let your girlfriend know it has absolutely nothing to do with her. Chances are she'll understand - women aren't always in the mood, either.
Let her know when you'd rather cuddle or just hang out, and enjoy that time together. It can be a nice way to spend time together getting to know each other better. And as you've said, when you both want sex it's great.
So relax. You have nothing to be worried about.
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when me and my bf both lived in tx we would go to eachothers houses well his parents were really protective of him like we couldnt be under the covers even if we were just hanging out with friends or just out talking to his parents and when he would come to my house my parents could really care less we could be laying on the couch with the covers over us that just didnt care but now that we have both moved when i go visit him his parents and they dont care what we do but my parents are always coming in and telling us to leave the door open so they can walk by and check up on us what the deal? should i tell my parents to back off or just listen to them and do as they say. (link)
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I don't know what's going on. Perhaps your parents are realizing your relationship is serious if you live far away and are still dating; like most parents, they probably want to protect you from making mistakes.
If this sudden switch of their attitude bothers you, I'd recommend asking them about it. Telling them to back off would only start a fight and make things worse for yourself. Ask them why they have started checking up on you. Let them know you are well informed and not making any stupid choices.
Basically, it's a 'their house, their rules' situation. You will ultimately need to do what they are saying, but if you are willing to have open, mature conversations with them life might be made easier for everyone.
Good luck.
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the first time i got fingered i started bleeding i mean i wasent poreing out blood but still what happened? did he pop my cherry? (link)
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What remained of your hymen could have broken (ie your cherry 'popped'), his fingernail could have scratched you, etc. It's nothing to worry about unless it continues to bleed or causes you pain.
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15/F/F
okay so i was going out with this guy and he was a year older then me and we live in the same neighborhood but go to diff schools and we were sooo perfect for each other...but then he cheated on me soo i broke up with him even tho i liked himmm sooooo much and he still liked me a lot to ..((he didnt wanna break up i did ))soo then after we broke up he tryed to ask me out again but i said no cause it would be way to weird so we stoped talking and now about 2 months later he likes me again and today he said he wnats to tlak to me about sumthing and i havent talked to him in like 1 or 2 months soo im guessing he likes me again soo what should i do bacuse i still really like him but all my friends will get mad at me that i took him back i dont know what to do ..help ..thanks6 (link)
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Your friends would be angry because they care about you. I mean, let's look at the facts.
Aside from wondering if this guy would ever cheat on you again, you can't erase that he already did. He did not care about you or respect you enough to be faithful to you. Is someone who does not truly care about you really your idea of 'perfect'? I would think not, since you dumped him.
You made the right choice. Of course as time dulls the hurt and you start to miss him you'll think about taking him back - but just because you're thinking about it doesn't mean it's a good idea.
It would be like saying, 'Yes, I'm totally okay with you cheating on me.' Because if someone cheats on you and you take them back, that is EXACTLY what you have said. It's a lose-lose situation.
I suggest you cut your losses, spend some time with your perceptive and supportive friends, and then make yourself available for a more mature, committed guy.
Good luck.
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My friend died her hair BLACK see i think it looks good but she doesn't..so does neone know how to get hair dye outta hair like..everyday home uses and stuff..like someone told us dishsoap..that didnt work to well but if neone knows then ples give me advice to help my friend thanx (link)
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Was it a permanent dye? Even if it was, time will generally start to fade it.
If she can't stand the wait, then my advice is to buy another dye - close to her original colour - and dye her hair again.
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i moved in june to the west side of canada, and in september one of my freinds died from cancer i wans't able to go to his funeral but i still miss him, and now i jsut found out another one of my firnds has cancer in the same place that my freind that died did, what can i do to get my mind off of this (link)
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I think this is like any other situation - the more you try to avoid thinking about it, the more it'll crop up in your thoughts. So think about it. Give yourself time to grieve.
Call your friend, ask how he/she is doing, offer your support. Write them out a nice card every week.
By allowing yourself to experience what you are feeling, it'll help you move on. You can also write in journals, talk to someone about it, paint pictures, take pictures, anything that expresses your emotions.
Good luck.
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Hey ..
I was just wondering..
does anyone have any ideas on places my boyfriend and I can go to just hang out? We just like to hang out and spend time together....I'm 15 by the way. Also..what are some good jobs to get at this age? I heard Culver's hires at this age, but I'm not positive. Does anyone know of any work places to help earn money towards college? Thanks so much!:) (link)
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Hanging out places: local parks (except that's probably better in summer!), his house, your house, parties, mutual friends' houses, join an extracurricular thing together, etc.
At 15, you can work anywhere once you get a work permit. These are issued by your high school, and basically outline the hours per week you are allowed to work - when I was in high school, it was 15 hours per week.
You aren't limited in where you can work. Some ideas: a fast food place, a library, a video store, a vetrinary assistant, etc. If you have any ideas about possible future careers, it might be interesting to see if you can get a job in a related field - you'll obviously be starting at the very bottom, but at least you can get a chance to observe and see if it's a field you really are interested in.
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A boy I met on a bus asked me out the day after we met. A few days later he asked me to marry him. He was saying some very inappropriate things to me (about his penis’ size). He then proceeded to break up with me saying, “I need to be with someone near me so that I can walk down the hall holding hands.” You see he lives in Vermont and I live in Massachusetts. About a month later, today, he asked me out again. He also asked me to tell my parents even though he knows that they are against me dating yet although I am 17 and in my junior year at high school. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused please help me. (link)
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The very fact that you titled this question 'inappropriate boyfriend' shows that you already know what the problem is. You need to honestly look into your heart and head and see whether you like him or not.
If he dumped you once for living far away, he'll dump you again. He might really, really like you, but that doesn't change the fact that long distance relationships don't seem to work for him.
As far as your parents, well, that's probably something that you should work out BEFORE a boyfriend appears on the scene. You need to have a serious, mature talk with your parents - letting them know that though it may be difficult for them to accept, you are growing up. What will they do when you go away to college? They can't control you then.
It's in everyone's best interests for you all to sort out something everyone is comfortable with - for example, you're allowed to date as long as you are always home on time. Let your parents know that you want their input and advice, but only if they can be supportive and offer you ways to HELP you grow up, not stop you.
Good luck with them - and with sorting out whether you want to date this guy or not. It's important to only date people you REALLY want to date; dating someone just because they asked is a recipe for a crappy relationship.
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I think I have the discharge stuff; I noticed I had like a yellowish white-ish stripe thing in my underwear. Is that discharge? And if it is, how long is it probably untill I get my period? help!
-confused- (link)
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Yes, it's discharge. And as long as it doesn't smell bad, it's normal discharge. This is typically a sign that your body is getting ready to start having periods, though once you DO start having periods the discharge will not stop. It's there for life.
As you get older, you'll see that the discharge has patterns - looking slighty different when you are ovulating (able to get pregnant) than right before your period.
I can't say when your period will come. For some people, that's quite a while after they start having discharge, but others get their periods soon after. It's a good idea to start carrying a pad around with you.
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Well this is a record 2 problems from me in one night...
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months. I'm 16, he's 18. We are having sex. Mom knows, but hates the fact and thinks he wouldn't stay with me if I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore, and I'm DYING to prove her wrong.
But the thing is, I don't really want to stop the sex because quite honestly, I like it. lol. Obviously he does, too, but I know he'd stay with me even if I did say I wanted to stop. Our relationship is based on pure love, not lust. (not to mention the fact that we're engaged. Mom doesn't know that, though. She won't know for about 3 or 4 years.) Mom doesn't believe he'd stay with me. I'm dying to prove her wrong, but that involves sacrifice on my part.
If I actually wanted to test him, I'd have to lie to him, and I don't want to lie to him...
What should I do? Should I test him and prove mom wrong, or just leave it alone? (link)
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First of all, why is what your mom said bothering you so much? If it wasn't true, why would you have this huge desire to prove her wrong? Is it possible you are having some teeny tiny doubts?
Your mom is not in your relationship. She does not define how either of you feel, though she has had a lot more experience in this area. It's important for you to do what is right for YOU, not what is right for your mother.
If you are making choices in your relationship based on your mother's input, then it's not a very mature relationship. I understand mothers can drive us crazy (boy, do I!!), but it's time to start realizing that in another few years you'll be on your own.
You'll have to rely on your own good judgement, your common sense, your gut feelings. Why not start doing that now? If you doubt your boyfriend would stay with you without the sex, then stop having sex and see. If you are fully confident he'd stay with you anyway, then keep having sex.
Good luck.
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i have had my period 4 a awhile and i have basketball it is 4 days a week and i dont want to wear a pad cause i dont really lyk them it feels lyk a diper and ya i odnt lyk it wut shoudl i do and how can i ask my mom!
i dont no wut to do (link)
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First of all, what sort of pads are you wearing? Pads come in many shapes and sizes these days, and some are so thin you can't even tell you are wearing them.
I'd go to the store and pick out a brand that looks right for you. Even if your flow is heavy, you can get a lighter pad and just change it more often. Get something that says 'Ultra-Thin.' It's no good letting your mom buy pads for you - her body is different, and she is more used to the sensation of wearing pads than you. It's a combination of time (getting used to them) and searching around for that perfect pad.
If, after searching, you don't find one, then why not consider tampons? You'll need to buy ones specially designed for teens - mini tampons. Make sure they have a rounded head and are made of a smooth material. Then read the information inside the package and start trying to figure them out. I will say that it can take quite a few tries before you get the hang of it, so it's not a bad idea to have a pad you like anyway...even if you really want to make the switch to tampons.
Let me know if you need help knowing how to insert a tampon. I'm a pro explaining that stuff - and mainly because so many people are confused about it! You aren't alone.
Good luck.
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umm yeah..i think i might be a lesbian/bisexual..how would i definitely know?? if it helps im 14/f (link)
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Well, there's no way I can tell you to be sure. I'm a lesbian, but at 19 I was sitll unsure whether I was lesbian or bisexual..or what. I think it's easy to get hung up on labels because it makes it easier to get on in the world.
I think the pressure to self-identify can be terrific. I suppose just think about who you are attracted to; if it's predominantly other females, then I'd say you were a lesbian.
While genuine bisexuality does exist, it's also important to realize that society conditions you to expect to be with a man. I know many, many gay people who first thought they were bisexual. We all changed our minds and so can you!
Sexuality is excited and confusing; it's important first and foremost to just be comfortable with who you are. The labels will (or won't) come from that; you'll be fine.
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I've been with this guy for 3 years and were really close and I am ready to have sex. So is he. My parents know what we are planning on doing and they don't really care. We are going to use a condom and everything, I just wanted to know if it hurts or what it feels like. Also do u think I'm too young? 13/f. (link)
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Yes, I think you are way too young. Why? The younger you have sex, the higher your chances of developing cervical cancer. You'll also have to make an appointment with a gyno and plan on having pelvic exams every year; you'll also need birth control in addition to a condom. Your age might cause problems with certain forms of birth control.
What else? The stress of wondering if you are pregnant is huge; it doesn't matter if you are the most careful person in the world, you'll still be counting the days until your period comes. And due to your age, your period might not be regular yet which will only add to the stress.
Sex also complicates relationships. Some of that is due to the stress of pregnancy worries, some due to the overwhelming bit of being so committed to someone at so young an age.
Basically, it's totally up to you. Just think realistically about all the possible complications and try to plan ahead. Sex will hurt the first few times you have sex, for example, so make sure you feel completely ready and possibly have lubrication on hand. Make sure your boyfriend has practiced and knows how to put a condom on.
Be aware that what you expect out of sex and what it will be like at first are two different things.
Finally, I can pretty much offer you an ironclad guarantee that you will not be with this boy forever. If you are someone who only wants to have sex with the person they will marry, don't do it.
Your personality isn't even fully formed until your mid-twenties, so it's impossible to know who you will end up with, let alone who you will become, at your age.
Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but you asked.:) Good luck with everything.
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What age do you consider to be old enough to have a baby. Not like.. "when you feel you are ready" or anything like that.. i mean like.. 16.. 20..
how old do you think someone should be before they have a baby? (link)
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I think there need to be a few things in place: preferably a long lasting, stable partnership, a state of financial comfort, owning a home, careers well in place, etc.
The age of child bearing is getting later and later; many families do not start until the parents are in their early thirties. Your ovaries will still be there in ten years, but the potential and opportunities you have now will not be.
You have to make sure you can be completely selfless; once you consider having a baby, you are not the most important person in your life anymore.
I think the earliest a person should plan for a baby is their late twenties.
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I luve my boyfriend Jason and I know he is the one for me we have been together for 1 year and 2 months and we have been talking about having sex but my parents are very strict and I can't talk to them about it so I need some help pleaze help luve ya! (link)
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I don't know what you specifically need help with, but I can offer some things for you to think about and research more carefully:
1. The younger you start having sex, the higher your chances of developing cervical cancer.
2. You will need to protect yourself against disease AND pregnancy; this means planning ahead and usually using two forms of birth control. You will need to make an appointment with a gyno to receive birth control. Once you begin having sex, you'll need a PAP smear and gyno appointment every year.
3. Teen relationships usually do not last; if you want sex to be with the person you intend to marry or be with for a long time, don't do it. Unless you feel absolutely comfortable in every way, don't do it.
4. Sex will change the dynamics of a relationship, and not always for the best. Many teen relationships fall apart because of the pressures of sex - pregnancy worries can be unbelieveably consuming and terrifying.
5. The first few times you have sex will probably be uncomfortable or hurt. Make sure to have lubrication on hand and take your time.
6. Maybe find another adult to talk to? Your parents might not like the idea of you growing up, so find someone who is okay and realistic about your stage of life.
7. Use your head as well as your heart, and you can't go wrong. Be honest about your expectations and desires; trust yourself.
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I have a (suposivly common) Problem with my ovaries in which pin head size cysts on them cause irregular periods. I havent gotten my period in nearly 6 months. I had several MRI's done, and i saw a OB/GYN. Next week, I am going to a specialist at the hospital to consult about the problem, but I'm scared that they will give me an exam, and if they do, they will find out that I am no longer a virgin like my mom thinks! I'm incredibly scared, especially because my mom would killll mee if she found out. I regularly engage in sexual intercourse, and I'm afriad that if she knows, my trust will be ruined, and all hell wil break loose. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated. (link)
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First of all, your doctor will not tell you mother anything. Your doctor will probably not even be able to tell if you are virgin, but it is very important that you let him or her know the truth.
Their job is not to judge you, but to make the best diagnosis and provide care depending on your medical history, which includes sexual activity.
So. Be honest with the doctor, who will not tell you mother about sex, and then pay attention to the medical side of things. You are within your rights to ask your doctor what information will or will not be provided to your mother.
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How do you take a pregnancy test like at home? No im not pregnant im just wondering. (link)
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Pregnancy tests come with much better directions than I could offer, but it's pretty simple. You usually pee on a stick, wait two minutes, and then see what the stick says.
Some test may have a one line 'no', two lines 'yes', while others simply remain blank if you are not pregnant and form a pink circle if you are.
Each test has different symbols, so it's best to make sure you absolutely know what your particular test means. Otherwise you could think you are pregnant, and not be.
Tests can be a bit pricy, so it's best to make sure you take it when appropriate. Again, the label will specify when it can be taken and be effective; for some, it's as soon as you miss a period, while other require you to wait two weeks.
Basically, find a drugstore without many customers and spend some time reading the back of boxes. Pick the test that seems best for you, then read the intstructions carefully once you open it. Tests can be wrong, if you have missed a period and the test says you are not pregnant, wait a week and take it again.
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