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sister issues
For as long as I can remember, my currently 19 year-old sister, isn't having the best life right now. I'll refer to her as Lexi In 2003 Lexi dropped out of her senior year in high school about 4 months before graduation. She claims it was because she hated that school, and hated everyone in it. I mean, she's not really the preppy, Barbie Girl type. She did get her G.E.D. after dropping out of high school, though. She went to the 2nd semester of college. Our whole family was overjoyed and really thought that Lexi could make something of herself, finally. I mean, she is really, really smart and an extremely good drawer.
But then she ended up skipping her classes to sleep in, and the night before college finals in spring, she drunk so much alcohol that she passed out and was under severe conditions and had to be hospitalized. She didn't even call our parents, because she knew that she'd be in trouble for underage drinking at that tim (age 18) and she had missed finals. She went to court and pleaded guilty, and was fined. But our family left that in the past and forgave her.
Lexi's back home now, and I pray every night that she goes back to college, or at least gets a job. She always promises our mom to get a job and never does, claiming that "nothing motivates her to do anything." Usually she appears in a pretty good mood, but once every month my parents and her will have a nasty fight. I'm not saying physically. These fights involve swearing, screaming, yelling, shouting, and insulting. Then the next day it's almost as if nothing happened, but my parents and Lexi won't talk to each other. My mother cries her eyes out, and I can't blame her, because she went through several hours of pain and labor to bring Lexi into the world, wanting , and my sister does nothing but smoke and swear at her. She and my parents eventually make up, and then it will be another fight.
Lexi is in financial trouble too (I'm not saying what), and won't return tax collectors' calls. She is too lazy to get a job, all she does is eat, sleep, and smoke, and go out with friends. I really want Lexi to get a job and stop smoking. I really want her to have a better life and go back to college. I really want my parents and her to not fight. I can't control any of this, because she is 6 years older than me (I'm 13) and I can't tell her what to think. Lexi refuses to go to a counselor, and no one can change her mind. Sometimes I even cry myself to sleep because I'm only 13 and I'm already going through emotional pain. I really need help, and I would appreciate anyone's sincere input on this.
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i have an olde sister too. try to get out of the house till the time you can. distract yourself with after school activites. i cant say itll take the problems but just try them to see if it works.
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First, I would like to say that I was about to write the last two words of my response when something happened and I lost everything I had typed. I will try to re-create it.
Now, I obviously can't tell you what to do, this is a hard situation and needs professional help for you, your sister, and your parents.
But I will tell you about my personal experiences.
I am 21. I have a 32 year old brother. I always looked up to him when I was younger, he did, after all, teach me about the joy of video games. But I am disgusted with his actions lately. He has a wife and a kid, yet he lives in the same junky house as a bachelor would. He has the ability to get out to somewhere better, but he is simply too lazy. My neice does not have a clean space to sleep, she is only 3 and the first time she got to sleep in her own bed was when she finally got the urge to clean her room herself. He sits around playing video games all day and ignores his daughter. She is bored, she is started to act out just to get attention. I love her to death and she is the sweetest girl ever, but he is turning her into a spoiled brat. His wife tries so hard, she is going through school to become a nurse, but has lately been failing tests. He does not help her, he does not give her emotional support, he doesn't clean the house a bit for her to feel better and have a place to study... He plays his video games.
The worst part of the situation is the emotional stress he is putting on my mother. He blames her for everything bad in his life. He is always putting her down, and she is always coming to me, her youngest daughter to have a shoulder to cry on. My mother has always tried her very hardest to give her children and good life, but he cannot appreciate any of it. He is miserable, so he has to make everyone else miserable. I hate him for this. I want to go to him and tell him what he is doing to us, I want to tell him to grow up and stop being so immature. I can't stand seeing the pain in my mother's eyes because her son acts like he hates her. Why does he have to do this?
I should not have to do that, I shouldn't have to tell my 32 year old brother that he's being immature, I'm only 21 and should be partying and studying and working on my degree instead of worrying about my mother's sanity.
You should not have to worry about your sister either. You are 13, you should be having fun and being a kid. You shouldn't have to put up with this pain that you go through. You need to do what I have not been able to do... you need to talk to your older sibling and tell her how terrible she is being. She needs to know what pain she is putting everyone through. I am guessing she does not see it, she doens't think for an instant that anyone else is in pain... she only see's her pain. She needs to know that it isn't just her.
Now on to my other brother. He is 27. He has been an addict for as long as I can remember. My mother has constantly taken him in, let him sleep on the couch and get anything he wants. He is her baby, and she wants to protect him. She finally realized that the best protection for him was some responsabiliy. He didn't need to get handed everything for just sitting there, he needed to earn everything.
Your parents need to realize that your sister is never going to change, because she does not have to. She can live on your parents couch, eating when she wants, sleeping when she wants, and going with friends whenever she wants... she can do this for as long as they will let her. She won't get up and get a job, because she doesn't have to. She won't go back to school, because she doesn't ahve to. She has a comfortable house with enough food to sustain her forever.
She needs to go out into reality for a while. Your parents neeed to show her that not everything is free.
You need to talk to your family. I doubt your parents know what your going through, I also doubt your sister knows what your going through. Maybe if your sister, and your entire family knows just what it's doing... then they will realize that professional help is the only way to get out of this. Not just your sister, but your family, need to go to a counselor. It needs to be a family effort.
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well this is a very complicated problem...there is rilly nothing tht u can do to help her besides pray because ure prayers will always be answered (not always the way tht u want them to)...but just pray and be as nice as u can to her and everything else will takes its place in her life!
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If she's the oldest child in the family that's most likely the problem. As the oldest sibling sometimes you feel like the younger siblings get more attention and get farther in life, but she needs to have better morals. For you it's ok to feel what ur feeling, but ur sister needs to be prepared for the worst. Most times parents will kick their children out of the house at an age like that becuz she's really old enough to survive on her own and she most likely could find a job that doesn't require full education for now. I mean, she could go and pick up a job at a local mall or fast food joint.
Smoking is another huge money crisis that will overwhelm her so it's best to make sure that she stops smoking by using the patch, or gum. She should try picking up another better habit like chewing gum or even a hobby in her spare time. Its best to stay out of her business as much as possible becuz as a smoker she may become grumpier and moodier than usual. Just continue to pray for her and help ur parents out by doing a couple of extra things for them that will help them feel better about the whole situation. It's really a great thing that u're doing for her, it shows that u really care about her, but just remember to not follow in her foot steps. It's best to make ur own way instead of following hers. Good luck and remember, God's always with u.
xoxo Question Candace oxox
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Well, the whole situation sucks - for everyone in your family. Unfortunately, you're right in saying there's nothing you can really do. You can't make her get a job or pay her bills, but there ARE some things you CAN do.
Like writing Lexi a letter letting her know how much you care about her; letting you know you'll support her any way you can.
Lexi sounds unhappy, but she doesn't sound extremely different from other college age people - many, many people have a hard time settling into school and work. I think the best thing that can happen is your parents using tough love - letting Lexi fend for herself. Once she realizes things aren't fun and games, and that her parents won't bail her out, she'll be forced to do some hard thinking and planning for her future.
In the meantime, try to stay out of the arguments. When Lexi is on the phone with your parents, go to your room and listen to a favourite CD. Ask your parents to not put you in the middle. None of this is your fault, and while you are suffering a bit, it should not be dominating your life.
Finally - learn from Lexi. Don't fall into the same traps she has. Plan for your future and make the best of yourself.
Good luck.
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I am sorry that you are thrown into the middle of a situation like this. It is a burden that you should not have to deal with. Your sister's issues are not ones that you can fix, nor should you feel obligated to do so. If anything, use her as an example of what not to do in life.
It sounds like your sister needs a kick in the head - councelling or even medicated if she is clinically depressed (which is possible given what you've described). I know you said she won't go, but it might be a matter of it being forced upon her. She needs to learn to be responsible, as she clearly is not in any form or manner. Perhaps group sessions with her and your parents would be helpful? Either way, that also costs more money.
As far as your age difference and not being able to tell your sister what you think - I think you should rethink that... (lots of thinking there ;) )
Don't be afraid to tell your sister what you feel, what you think. If you think she's a pathetic waste of a person and that you can no longer look up to her, etc etc etc - then do so. Maybe criticism coming from her little sister would sink into her thick skull... maybe you really do have more influence than you give yourself credit for. It can't hurt, in a sense... sure, your sister could get all pissed off and swear at you, but you already know she has issues regarding that, and if you prepare yourself for her to be rude like that, then you should be able to confront her. Or if you want to do it, see if your parents won't back you up.
But no matter what, you've now seen what horrible decisions can lead to, and you can learn from your sister - not by example, but by now knowing how NOT to live your life.
No matter what, good luck, and I hope things work out for you, if not also for your sister.
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