A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Ok, I couldn't find a legit category for this question so bear with me. Recently my father decided to move to Tennessee and I would truly love to go with him. Here's the struggle I have been dealing with: I am currently in College at Le Cordon Bleu Culinary and have 5 more months of school to go. If I up and leave to TN I lose 40,000 and a degree. If I stay here I get the degree but chance losing another dream of mine, becoming a Law Enforcement officer in TN. They are leaving August 15th and I either move with them and have a place to live that's cheaper and in a more affordable state OR I stay here and live with my fiancee in her parents basement until I finish my degree. I have no idea what to do and I could really use some friendly advice. Please don't tell me to get my own place, I am trying. I need advice that will be helpful to the situation directly. Thank you in advance. (link)
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::Edit::
That was mature
::/edit::
Act like an adult and finish your commitments. I can't believe you're even asking this question.
How is 5 months going to make the difference bewteen being a cop or not? Don't be stupid.
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Im 18/f and my boyfriend is 21/m we have been dating for about 6 months are up until recently it never hurt when we had sex. I've been noticing if we have sex more than like twice a day its like a burning sensation and i tense up and we have to stop because it hurts so bad. This has never happened before. Is it possible that each time we have sex he's tearing something? The burning sensation is like at the bottom of the "hole" is there something wrong with me? Why all of a sudden is it happening now? Hes not very big either, so i have no idea what it could be :( (We were both tested and clean)
Thanks a bunch
I rate high! (link)
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I'm throwing my support onto the "buy a bottle of astroglide and see if that helps" bandwagon.
My girl has similar problems, too much in a short period of time abrades her skin and makes her sensitive, sometimes to the point that we can't have sex for a day or two while she heals.
Its not that uncommon. Lube helps us, foreplay helps as well.
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hi, 17/m.
Is fox owned by the democrats or something? Because a lot of fox cartoons (family guy, american dad, the simpsons) make republicans look bad, and the democrats look good. E.g. when it was the election in the simpsons, Homer votes for Obama, but the vote gets processed for Mcain. Then when he points it out, he gets sucked up by the voting machine, and it tries to kill him?
Ive noticed this quite a bit, and was just wondering as it would help me with a project im doing in college. Thanks. (link)
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It says 14 in your about the questioner, you say you're 17, and you're in college.
Confusing, to say the least.
The company isn't "owned by democrats" but the writers definitely have those leanings.
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I recently had sex with the guy I've been dating for a while, and I'm not a virgin and have had a few sexual partners. It was the first time we had sex though and it hurt terribly. I was cringing and tensing up and it was just a painful experience. He said I seemed really tight and I'm starting to think it's because I have not had sex in more than a year. What could be the problem? Could it be that I was not turned on enough to relax and enjoy it? (21/F) (link)
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More foreplay, take things slower, and try some lube.
Its likely that he's a bit thicker than usual. If thats the case, he's going to stretch you out a bit. Alot of foreplay to get you worked up will do wonders, it relaxes your muscles in the right areas and gets you wet enough that the friction shouldn't be a problem. If the pain feels like rubbing as opposed to stretching, use a little drop of lube to help things out.
Not having sex for a year definitely could have you at your tightest. Regular sex should help out with that, just remember to not skip straight to the action because it can hurt you alot more
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So here goes...
I asked a guy out and he said no because he had a girlfriend, and he said he would hit me up when he was single, so he did thatt and we hung outt....long story short...we hung outt for a lil bit and he suggested sex, and I said no for an hour and a half, and then we had sexx. now I don't know what to doo...should I leave it alone until he talkes to me...and do guys lose respect for a girl after he sleeps with him....or whatt? Whats your take on itttt!?!? (link)
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I doubt he had respect for you in the first place, sweetheart.
You should have kicked him out when he tried asking for more than ten minutes straight, much less an hour and a half.
Guys work by logic, and logic creates efficiency. Logically, if you can get laid with little to no effort (and asking for an hour and a half definitely counts as little to no effort) then they will, and if getting laid requires that little effort they will not put in more than is required.
When guys are adult men, this can and does often change, some guys are capable of sleeping with a girl quickly and then turning it into a relationship. This usually happens when you go out on a date or two and sleep together quickly while still going through the dating process.
It does not happen, ever, when a guy has a girlfriend and asks you for sex.
It should be noted, teenaged boys very, very often do not have the maturity to see past possible sex to anything more, or don't have the maturity to give a shit if there is something more.
There will more than likely never, ever come a time where sleeping with someone generates a relationship. If it happens, you won't have been able to predict it, it will be a shot of pure coincidence and nothing more. You can't sleep with someone without having dated them and know for sure they'll want you for more than sex when you wake up in the morning.
Or, as the old cliche goes, the three biggest lies men tell are "No, you don't look fat", "The check is in the mail" and "Ill still love you in the morning"
I'm sorry you got quite literally fucked over. Learn from it. Guys, especially guys who want to sleep with a 14 year old, will not go any further for sex than they have to.
Requiring more means that alot of guys will lose interest. Be prepared for that, teenagers are the most stupid people on the face of the planet as a single social group. Thanks to the current generation of parents, kids are being exposed to sex younger and younger and not being taught how to deal with or understand what they're seeing. Teens think that by imitating adults and having sex and that because they have the physical ability to have sex that they're adults and they can handle it.
You just got your first lesson disproving that bullshit. Look at this guy. He's got a girlfriend, but he just asked for sex constantly and you gave it up.
Sex and relationships aren't supposed to work like that, but at 14 you don't know that. You hadn't been taught the question you're asking now. And honestly, you shouldn't have to be learning that guys who sleep with you when they aren't dating you and haven't even expressed a desire to do so don't actually give a shit about you at your age.
The world is fucked that you were put in that situation, but now that your parents have fallen down on the job and you've gotten screwed over, its time for some self learning and self education.
Do not have sex with a guy who you are not actively dating. Do not have sex with a guy before you've been dating him for a few months absolute bare minimum. You've already entered the world of sex, now its time to learn to control yourself.
You should need to see interest in you. How do you tell?
Does the guy pay attention to and remember what you say? Does the guy ask you questions about yourself or do nothing but talk about himself? Does the guy bring up sex every time you're around each other or will he respect when you tell him "now isn't the time" and drop the subject for a while?
Pay attention to what a guy does. This guy sent you an hour and a half of signals that he wanted nothing from you but sex. When a guy blatantly asks you to have sex or do anything sexual the way this guy did, thats all he wants and thats all he thinks of you as.
If a guy is that stupid and immature, he does not deserve your attentions much less actually getting laid. Guys will do what they have to to get laid. If you require that a guy be your boyfriend, require that he treat you well, you will eventually find a guy who is willing to step up to the challenge.
Do not let a guy get under your clothes unless you're in a relationship. Don't let yourself get drunk and use that as an excuse. Get used to masturbating so that you don't go insane with sexual desire.
Last warning.
You're 14. There is a strong possibility that a guy who is mature enough is going to be hard to find. You've just seen, guys will even get a girlfriend, and cheat if they get the slightest opportunity.
This isn't normal adult behavior. This is a stupid childish boy who has no self control who will jump on any opportunity he gets to get laid. But from everything I've read, this attitude isn't as uncommon as it should be.
All you can do is have your standards and refuse to compromise on them, but right now I'd focus on school and let a guy seek you out. If you go looking, the ones who are going to be waiting to jump on a girl who wants a boyfriend probably aren't going to be the ones you want to date.
The next time a guy "asks you for sex for an hour and a half", leave the room or make him leave. Period. Its incredibly disrespectful, he's treating you like a toy, like a piece of meat and nothing more.
You obviously don't like that, so don't ever settle for it again. If a guy does what this guy did he is proving his worthlessness. He deserves your contempt, you shouldn't be giving in you should be laughing at how pathetic he is that he sits there and asks and asks and asks.
If you find yourself wanting to say no because you think you like the guy, slap yourself. You should never, EVER, have sex with a guy because you like him and you want him to like you back. You should make him establish like, and even love, by virtue of being a good boyfriend and respecting you as a person.
If a guy doesn't measure up to that, kick him to the curb.
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does anyone how to cook americana diner fries?? what is the secret to the crispy outer coating?
sample pic: (not americana)
http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/4840/img0061egk.jpg
is it cornstarch?? (link)
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If you're frying them, keep them in the fridge or even the freezer until the moment you drop them in the pot. Fry them at a bit higher temperature so that they cook quickly.
That should help them crisp up. If you're using regular potatoes, cut them about 4 hours before you plan to cook them and put them in a bowl in the freezer.
Also, cutting thinner helps. If you cut huge steak fries, they aren't going to crisp up the way they will if you have some fries that are like a quarter inch thick.
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hey, i am sixteen and i have dated a guy for 1 year and i absolutley love him..we did so much fun stuff together and we would mail eachother letters and pictures and everything else.. i broke up with him a few weeks ago.. and i realize i love him.. i can't get him off of my mind.. he is all i think about.. and now my best freind is gonna go out with him.. i was so pissed off at her.. she wonders why i am so mad and tells me to get over it.. i still love him.. we were suppose to get back together, but she came along and she ruined it all..she told me it was an accident and she dindt mean it, bullshit.. he told me he still loved me too... then i asked him if he wanted to go back out and he said fuck no.. then he called me a physcho bitch only b/c i was upset that they were gonna go out..i mean a few weeks ago he loved me.. i never felt like this before in a relationship.. we were commited to eachother.. and some best friend she is huh? what am i suppose to do? WE BROKE UP BECAUSE..i only broke up with him b/c he gave me lots of attitude, and he hung out with his freinds more then he did with me.. i felt like i was a nobody. we barely ever saw eachother and he called me like only like once every 2 weeks..and i got sick of it...but now i regret doing it..b/c i love him.. :-( now him and my best freind are gonna hit it off,i just feel so bad and upset and depressed... i never knew how much i really liked him.. he told me later in the future we would work it out.. but i don't see that happening.. well thanks alot... hope you can help me!!!!! jennifer, upset in pa (link)
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You love him because you like the idea of love, not because you have any idea what it is or what it feels like. Nothing about your question sounds like a decent or healthy relationship, but you just love him.
No, you don't. You love affection. You love the feeling that someone wants you. You love not being alone.
None of those are good reasons to date someone. Actually, they go pretty much in the opposite direction. If you date someone because you just need to date anyone, rather than dating someone because you're compatible and theres a decent bond there, you end up in situations like this where the guy got dumped and jumped at the first opportunity to get away from you.
He told you you'll work it out in the future, but right now he's going to fuck your best friend.
And you love him. Douchebag that he apparently is, you love him.
Thats fucking stupid sweetheart.
You are better off without this guy, and you'll be better off if you get over this and move on. It won't be easy, but in retrospect I doubt you'll regret the decision you made, regardless of how alone you feel right now.
You weren't committed to each other, because he wasn't and isn't committed to you. And sure, he's hoping that if things don't work well with your friend that he can fall back on you.
Is that what you want to be? The fallback?
There is nothing you should do to get back together with him, and if he does come back you'd be a fool to take him. He's not worthwhile.
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So there's this guy. I'm a 14 year old girl right now, going on 15, and he's 33, going on 34. I'm very mature for my age, mentally and physically, so naturally, I tend to like older men. Well, when I met him, I thought he was a really nice guy. We hung out, and in the course of a year, I began developing feelings for him. We hang out a lot. I've known his parents since I was small, and he comes from a very nice family. I kept having dreams of him, and cannot stop thinking of him, so soon I was going crazy. Just a week ago, I couldn't take it anymore so I nearly exploded with emotions, and blabbed out that I liked him. He took it very well, and I was surprised because he said that right now he likes me as a friend, but if I was 18 or 19, he would seriously like me as a girlfriend. He explained that obviously he cannot say he liked me back considering I'm only 15, but he would wait and see if I still had these feelings in a year, and he'd keep checking up on me and when I hit 18 or 19 he said that we'd definitely talk. I really like him, and I feel that he likes me back. He's very sweet, kind, a great listener, and fun to be around. I'm just a bit worried, because of the age difference, if it ever did work out, I'd probably lose him and be widowed. If you truly love someone, I've heard these marriages work. Can I get past the age difference if I truly love him? (link)
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Hookay.
18 years is not a good idea. Not at all, especially not before you're in your 30s.
A man at 33 should have his own life. He should have a career, real life worries and is looking for a serious adult level relationship.
A kind of relationship you won't be mature enough to provide for about a decade.
You aren't that mature for your age. Not at all. Thats not an insult, you're fairly normal, but a mature 14 year old would recognize that a 33 year old man isn't someone to be interested for, especially isn't someone to wait for. You're flattered, because you have a crush and the crush didn't shut you down.
Sure, its nice to think that you could be mature enough at 14 or even 18 to be with a guy who's going to be close to 40 by that time. Its also denial.
Girls mature faster than guys in the first years of puberty, guys mature faster after puberty. In other words, at 14 you probably would be alright dating someone who's 16, or even 17. By the time you're 18 or 19, guys your age will have caught up somewhat and by the time you're in your early 20s guys your age will be about where you are maturity wise.
Age is not just a number. Age is a representation of experience, even an immature 33 year old (and a 33 year old would have to be immature to be falling for any girl who isn't at least part way through college and supporting herself) has more life experience and different priorities than a girl your age now or when you're 18-19.
Worse, theres something you haven't thought of.
Lets say that this guy has some issues. At 14 these issues don't matter in the slightest. You're young, all you need is someone who returns feelings to you and who is capable of not acting like an asshole.
At 18, they'll matter a bit more. You'll have grown up a good bit by then. He's 33, he'll be 37, but he's done growing to a large degree. So you've changed, and he hasn't.
By 22, you'll be a completely different person again than you were at 18. And he'll be the same guy, a little older.
You are not capable of finding "the one" right now. Not at 14. The most mature 14 year old is still less mature than a below average 20 year old. The most mature 18 year old is still less mature than a below average 25 year old. And you're shooting for 37 when you're 18?
It won't work. Unless the two of you are broken and delusional, it won't ever work. Consider him a friend and date people who are in the same stage of life as you. While you're in school, you should be dating people who are also still in school (and by still in school, that includes being normal school aged)
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So I give my boyfriend of 5 months handjobs every once in awhile, we're definately serious but I prefer giving BJ's more. He has cummed in my hand once but I feel as though it takes him awhile to do so. And the time he 'came' on my hands, i was making out with him at the same time. Does making out help get him more excited and enjoy the HJ more? He always pleasures me and I want to make sure I am doing it good in return. thanks :) (link)
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Why are you asking us?
Ask him. We don't know what he likes.
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My name is Cathy and Im 15. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and we have had sex more times then I can count, but I wont give him head. I tried to give him head but I had to take it out. It made me scared or grossed out I dont know. I feel like Im just not that sexy if all I do is put out. I dont know weither I should just suck it up and give him head and just let the inner pornstar out or if I should just relax and keep doing what Im doing. (link)
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I'd write out a detailed post, but sadly I just can't justify helping a 15 year old over her fear of head.
E-mail me in 3 years, I'll give you some decent advice.
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I am a 19 year old female and my friend is also 19 and female. My friend has been in a relationship with a guy for over a year now. In the beginning of the relationship her boyfriend hit her. She was going to leave him then but he promised to change and to never hit her again. He stopped hitting her but he is verbally abusive. He tells her she is worthless. Besides that he gets jealous easily. He got mad at her because she was spending too much time hanging out with me. The day before his birthday she went to eat lunch with my family and me and to hang out at the campground my parents stay most weekends. She had a great time but because she was there for over an hour he told her not to bother seeing him on his birthday and she could take whatever she got him and shove it up somewhere (some inappropriate place). He kept sending her text messages and voicemails saying how mean and messed she is for not hanging out with him before his birthday (She had plans with him for the next two days). He said that it was her fault and this was his worst birthday ever. Not too long after he said that, he said he was sorry but he loves her so much and he was hurt because she doesn't care about him as much. That is his game, make her feel bad and then make her feel loved, and then bad all over again. He does it all the time to her. I told her he was a jerk and she could do so much better and since then, he told her that she cannot talk to me again. I am worried about her I don't know what to do. He hit her in the past and I think he’s not far from doing it again. He tried to break her car window because she wouldn’t let him in, because he was scarring her. Is there anything I can or should do? (link)
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Tell her family.
Its not even the abuse that scares me about what you just described, its the manipulation. You picked up on it and detailed it out yourself, I can see why this situation is eating at you.
Tell her family to start with. Tell them everything you just told us.
Then sit down. Make a list like the above of every instance you can think of of this behavior. Every time you hear of something new, add it to the list. Be detailed about the behaviors and interactions.
Show her this list. Show her the evidence you can gather, consider holding a family intervention.
One thing you might want to consider. There are people who specialize in abused women's shelters, in helping girls like her in relationships like this one. Find one close to you, get a few close friends who will back you up, and take her to one of these places alone. Speak to a counselor there and show this counselor your list of observations.
You might want to talk to the place first, go find a counselor you like, talk to him or her and set up an appointment for when you'll show up, and arm a counselor with things to say.
He is dangerous. Even if he has control of his anger, he is dangerous because the kind of manipulation he does is intentional and that makes this ten kinds more fucked up than it already was.
People who act like he does get off on the control. They throw tantrums because they revel in the effect their tantrums have, that behavior this easy and this natural to them gets them exactly what they want.
Get her family involved if you can, hell get your family involved if this is a long time friend who your parents know. Get her somewhere with a professional who knows how to handle these things, whether you take her to a shelter or have a therapist who specializes in this area come to someones house for an intervention.
One last thing. I mentioned the shelter for a good reason. I had a friend who was being abused, and it was contact with other abuse victims that snapped her out of the cycle. She sat down in the waiting room (we kidnapped her as I described) and talked with one of the women who'd been there a long while (we arranged everything ahead of time so that the most experienced volunteer was on hand) and when the two women told different stories that made them feel the same, what was happening in her life finally hit her. And being around someone else who was able to break the cycle and yet remind her so much of what she'd been through made it seem alot easier to her for her to break her own cycle.
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i'm trying to find new and exciting things to do with my girlfriend but i'm debating on some things. i want her to piss on me. should i let her? (link)
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Things like this should be decided and researched at your own discretion. When venturing into the realm of kinky sex, its not a topic you just bust out on a site read by 13 year olds.
Figure it out for yourself. In the meantime, this question needs to be deleted.
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Hello im 18/f and my bf is 21/m sorry this is kinda long but i rate high :) so i work with my boyfriend and we have been together for about 10 months and we really do love each other! But there are only a couple things i dont like at all that he does for example he smokes alot of weed. Like in the beginning of our relationship we talked about it and he said he'd cut down and he said he only did it once a week. Now after all this time of dating hes starting to admit that hes doing it more and more and i told him i was like i thought we had an agreement. And hes like well thats who i am and hes not going to change. I dont want to lose him but i really dont want to deal with all that. Like after i leave his house he'll tell me im going to go smoke now. It just makes me mad. And i know he really does love me and i dont want to make him mad by keep pushing him to stop. Thats one situation and the next is i trust him 100% and theres a girl we work with shes the same age as him and has her own apartment and such. I know he would never cheat on me i just always have the what ifs in my head. He's a big jokester at work and will trip people and just be goofy, especially with the girls but thats just how he is and tonight he told me he was going to her house with a couple of the people that he closed with and i know they're probably going to smoke weed. I just am worried he might do something when hes high. I hope not but i guess im paranoid. I mean she is pretty she has her own apartment and him and a couple guys are going over there tonight. Ughh i just dont know what to do about any of this. and i dont really want to talk to him about going to her house because he told me his friend just broke up with his girlfriend because he would go to other girls houses. Then my boyfriend casually brought that up to me that he hopes i never do that. I just dont know what to do. Somebody please help :( Thanks! (link)
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Melody is an idiot, ninjaneer's spot on, and I don't even know what to say about the first post.
Your boyfriend has the right to a social life, and to be honest he has the right to smoke weed without hearing from anyone about it unless its actually affecting his life in a negative way.
Thats my personal opinion, and I will admit I'm incredibly biased (member of a number of legalization groups) and the fact is that weed isn't half as harmful as alcohol is.
Also, weed isn't going to make him do something he otherwise wouldn't. It doesn't sound like he's planning to cheat on you, it sounds like he just has a life outside of you. But if he were to make that choice, weed would not be to blame. It is not possible to black yourself out and remove all ability to make judgements with pot the way it is with alcohol.
(Note: I don't think there are excuses for cheating, but it is a medical fact that alcohol can impair judgment to the point that judgment isn't there)
What if's are your problem, not his. That too, is my personal opinion. I am not someone who tolerates jealousy because I am not someone who does anything to provoke it. My girlfriend has a few jealous tendencies and she handles them because even if she doesn't always feel like she can trust me (because of trust issues) she knows deep down that I'm completely trustworthy.
My answer comes from that bias, because you haven't given us reasons for mistrust other than your dislike of him smoking weed and your worries that are caused by trust issues rather than by evidence.
If you don't have a good reason for not trusting him, then make trust your default setting and logic your way out of jealousy or worry. Its not his job to bear that burden for you or to change what should be perfectly acceptable behavior because you just can't deal with it.
If you can't, then its time for both of you to move on. That goes for both the trust and the weed thing.
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my boyfriend and i have been together on and off for about a year. we are together now. he is 21 and i am 19. i know it doesnt seen like much difference but to him it does. he sees me in his future and i see him in mine. we love each other as well. the only problem is that we dont really have anything in common. that is a problem for him. he likes sports and i kinda dont know what i like! but i go to his games, watch sports with him as much as i can. he does things for me too. but he asked me yesterday, 3 years down the road and we are married what will we talk about? that is his concern, that we have nothing in common and we wont have anything to talk about...(one of his concerns) so i guess i just want to know if we arent right for each other or what. thank you. (link)
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You find things in common.
Go to a museum. See which areas might interest the both of you. Watch movies and TV shows together, see which interests the both of you.
It sounds like the problem here is more that neither of you has that much of a life, and of the two of you your boyfriend is doing better.
Figure out what you like. You're 19 years old and he's 21. Both of you still have years of growing up and changing to do.
Instead of sitting around wondering if this is right and if you're compatible, you should be out there trying to FIND new compatibilties.
How much sense does it make to look at the few things you each have in your daily lives and then say "well, theres nothing in the world we have in common!"?
Bullshit. You haven't tried everything together yet. Go out and have a friggin life already.
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Alright so me and this girl are together but not dating and shes a very shy girl which means its hard to start doing stuff with her. Im not all in it for the sex but it would be nice to have and get us a lot closer. What can I invite her to do where I can be alone with her long enough to start doing sexual things with her? and how should start? I know making out leads to other shit but like shes so shy and its hard to even kiss her except when I say bye to her so what do I do? also I just want to know what I can invite her to do with me besides watching a movie where we can be alone together please help!! (link)
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You need to grow up and learn that sex isn't something everyone hands out on a silver platter.
This is why girls your age date guys in college. Nothing like a guy who brings out the "boy" in boyfriend.
Its time to grow up, boy. Your goals are at odds with whats best for you. You're so busy scrambling around trying to get laid that you miss the point of what sex is.
You know how I can tell you're mentally still a child?
Your post has nothing about what the girl is like except that shes shy. It has nothing about what she wants, whats on her mind, its just "how can I lure her in"
Which is the funniest part. Children are not attractive, and having the perspective of "I just want sex, I want any sex, I want it now" and treating a girl like an object the way you seem to be doing makes you incredibly unattractive.
You want to get laid? Ask her about herself. Talk to her. Date her. Invest yourself in more than just sex.
If getting laid is your number one priority when you deal with women, one of two things will happen.
a) You'll have a terribly unsatisfying sex life predicated on getting girls intoxicated and getting laid in a way that stands a good chance of landing you in a rape trial down the road. You will feel like a worthless creep who no one wants. You'll pretty much be one too.
b) You will remain a virgin forever.
When all you really care about is sex (which its apparent is the case with you) girls can tell. When you glaze over while she's talking, when you never ask her about herself, when every single time you're with her includes an attempt at sex, you are transparent.
When she knows she doesn't want it and you make it apparent that you do, constantly, you are transparent.
And when you're a few years older than 17, dating girls who aren't so young and stupid that they think that you represent the dating world and that they have to endure the shit you throw their way won't happen. You will become the laughing stock because all of these girls are ready, willing, and eager to have sex, and none of them are having it with you.
That, and if I can smell the desperation over the internet I wonder what the girls who meet you think. Desperation is a stinky cologne.
I'm now going to let you in on the end all be all secret of getting laid and being happy with the results.
Here is is.
[Drumroll]
Self improvement. Immature children who don't want to grow up will continue using alcohol and lies to get with chicks well into and even past their college years. I lived with one, he slept with one or two new women a week.
You might be thinking "wow, he was successful!"
Sadly, no, not really. You see, everything was an act. He pretended to give a shit, he sat there one night with a girl and did homework with her, then bitched about it to me for an hour after she left. They slept together the next night, and she never spoke to him again.
Can he fool and lie well enough to get past a girl's defenses quickly? Yeah, with the right kind of girls (the generally stupid, drunk, blonde kind) he could score regularly.
Even these stupid, drunk, blonde girls sobered up in the morning, saw him for the worthless shit he actually was, and walked.
I want you to imagine how lonely this guy is on a daily basis. His friends hang around him for the parties, except one who hangs around him for the same reasons Robin hangs out with Batman. And women avoid him like the plauge.
When he goes to bed at night, feeling alone and pissed off at life, theres no one there to talk to.
When he wakes up in the morning, theres no one looking forward to seeing him.
While he goes through his day, he knows he is going to come home to a house where no one gives a shit what he's been through.
If you spend your time trying to get better at getting laid, you will either fail and not get laid or end up like my room mate.
If you want to portray yourself as worth getting laid when you aren't, you eventually get to learn that looking in the mirror sucks when you realize that you're nowhere near as cool as you can make someone think long enough to fuck you.
Self improvement, on the other hand, does it all.
You become confident. Girls love confidence. You become a more decent guy than you were before. Well, thats a plus. You create attributes about yourself that you look for in others, allowing stronger bonding on more levels between you and others. You draw people in who desire to be around you. This includes women.
I don't know if you can grasp this, but in the real world women want to have sex too, but they are generally pickier (the decent ones, anyway). Lying won't intrinsically make you one of the people these girls want to sleep with. Self improvement will.
And personally speaking, there is nothing like waking up the next morning next to a girl who's thrilled to find herself lying next to me.
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Hello. I am a female and I'm 14. I met my boyfriend a year ago but we have been dating for 4 months. We recently started having sex--we love each other. We do it because we love each other not for pleasure. Well anyway, we had sex a couple days ago. This is what my question is about: He ejaculated in a condom, waited a litte while, cleaned his penis off with soap and water, and tried sex without a condom. BUT he did not ejaculate without the condom. In fact, I only let him in there for about 15-20 seconds. I was wondering what you thought the chances of me getting pregnant from that are. I finished my period about a week ago, maybe a little more. So, I shouldnt be ovulating for about 5 days to a week. IF there was any sperm, it would have died in me,right? i heard that they cant last more than 5 days inside the vagina. Also, my boyfriend says soap kills sperm. He is sure I am not pregnant-I'm just worried! Help! (link)
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Contrary to the below, penis in vagina does not in itself create a pregnancy.
Is it possible? Yes. He had an orgasm, the sperm was in contact with his skin, and you can't guarantee that the soap got every single sperm off.
Is the chance incredibly small? Yes. As you stated, you haven't ovulated yet. Your exposure to sperm was possible but unlikely. Its entirely possible that you aren't the least bit pregnant. The chances are probably like one in ten thousand that you are. A chance, but still a small one.
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18/f.
my boyfriend is a somewhat famous singer, & we have been dating for a while now. i'm on tour with him right now & i keep getting really jealous, because all these girls throw themselves at him & he like kisses their hands & cheeks, and i know he doesn't actually like them, but you never.. some of the girls are so pretty, & you never what could happen, when my back is turned. Also, i kind of did something really bad. well i was really jealous because he kissed this girl on the cheek & then she grabbed his dick & i was like freaking out on the side of the stage. & so, i got really mad and i stormed off & his best friend was back in the tour bus, so.. me & h is best friend kind of had sex. & his best friend said he doesn't want to tell him, but i feel guiltly, but i don't want to tell him either, because it might ruin our relationship. he told me this was his first honest relationship in a long time, because he has gotten lied to alot in the past. we have been dating since last november. & i love him soooo much, but i just don't know if i can deal with all the jealousy and stuff. & he just recently signed a really big record deal soo.. another good reason not to break up with him. i love him with all my heart, & i know i made a mistake.
what should i do?
i can't break up with him. (link)
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Hitler the Goat is the answer I like the most by far. Everything in it is true.
You should leave him. I doubt you will, you sound far too selfish for that, but you should.
The bottom line, is that he endures groping as part of his job, and you are a leech who likes dating someone famous and cheated because she's a spoiled brat.
Everyone here is right, you don't deserve him.
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My boyfriend and I are pretty serious, and I am fully aware that he really wants to have sex. It would be both our first times, but when is the time your least likely to have sex? He'd obviously wear a condom and he said he'd 'pull out' before he 'came' but I just still feel so paranoid, I want to do it but I'm nervous about getting pregnant. I just want to know when the time is that you can least likely get pregnant like in the 28 day cycle. (link)
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Get on birth control. Google planned parenthood and visit the closest one if you have to, getting an appointment with a gyno is a must once you're sexually active, they can proscribe it as well.
Take that step, if you're adult enough to have sex you're adult enough to find your way to a gyno.
Next, visit CVS. On the condom asile is VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive film. Follow the instructions, its a spermicide thats quoted as effective as a condom if thats the only method of contraception. Used with a condom its a second line of defense.
Get some lube and condoms while you're there. Look for a water based lube that isn't KY, lube is always a handy thing to have around, just in case. VCF can absorb some of your moisture, so a little dab of astroglide can sort it out.
Last, if you want to plan it cycle wise, you're least fertile in the days after your period ends. Those first seven days you're fairly unlikely to end up pregnant.
But to give you an idea. Sperm can live for a few hours in the vagina, a day or two in the uterus, and as much as five to seven days in the fallopian tubes. You're in direct danger a week after your period ends or less. Most girls ovulate somewhere around 11-14 days after their period ends, so that tells you the times when you're actively fertile, just remember that theres alot of variance. People have gotten pregnant during their periods before, always safety first.
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16/f
I apologize in advance if I sound really naïve for asking this
Have any of you ever just made out with a friend but then simply continued your friendship afterwards? Can you explain to me how such a thing could happen? Like, I can kind of get how it would start if the mood and setting were right, but then what about after you were done? Wouldn't there be a sense of awkwardness between you two, or an unanswered question of a possible relationship? It just seems like it would be really awkward after that.
You see, the whole idea of just making out with a friend and then going on with the friendship completely baffles me. I've always thought that making out was something special that should only happen between people in a relationship...I mean, I understand the idea of a hookup, but isn't that usually not between people who are considerably good friends?
The reason that I ask is that there is one particular guy friend that I have in mind that I know made out with one of my friends a month or two ago and they didn't even know each other that well [not as close as me and him]. That's what kind of got me thinking. We might be hanging out soon and I don't actually like him like a crush but there's some interest and I could do with a nice snog because I kind of miss it. I just don't want it to be weird between us afterwards because he's a really fun guy and I don't want us to not be friends after it because I feel weird. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of making out with him, I'm just uncomfortable with what might happen later. Any advice?
P.S. Sorry for the length (link)
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No.
Its a terrible idea.
Making out is going to make a guy want more in some way. If he wants to date you (entirely possible, guys make close friends with girls they want to get with all the time) then this will be leading him on.
If he doesn't want to date you, he's going to want and probably somewhat expect this opportunity to lead into sex.
If you just start making out with him without it being discussed first things are probably going to get awkward. If you walk up to a good friend and ask him "hey, I miss making out, can we just make out for a while? Keep your hands off my tits" I doubt its going to go over very well either.
Unless you a) Want to sleep with him b) want to date him, leave it alone and go without.
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im 16 and my bf and are thinking about having sex
both our first time im nervous i hear it can hurt a lot a friend told me it doesnt hurt as much if the guy has a small penis is that true? my boyfiends penis is about average. (link)
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Don't focus on the pain. Its coming, and theres not really a good way to know how bad its going to be. It might be nothing, it might be pretty bad, but it WILL be over at some point.
A visit to CVS is in order. You want three things.
- Condoms
- Lube (Anything that isn't KY and says "water based" on the label)
- VCF - Vaginal contraceptive film. Small spermicidal contraceptive. Read the instructions, its pretty simple. In case of a condom break, this is a second line of defense. Its quoted at eighty something percent effective in blocking what otherwise would have been a pregnancy.
Get on birth control if you aren't already. If you are adult enough to be sexually active you're adult enough to take responsibility and find a way to get into a gyno's office.
Beyond that, keep one thing in mind. Sex is a skill, and you love this guy. Who better to figure things out with? If you're going to make this choice for yourself do it with that frame of mind. You're sharing something with someone you care about. Keep it in mind when one of you elbows the other in the face, or someone smacks their head into a wall because they weren't paying attention. Then take a few advil, laugh and get back to it.
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