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relationships
my boyfriend and i have been together on and off for about a year. we are together now. he is 21 and i am 19. i know it doesnt seen like much difference but to him it does. he sees me in his future and i see him in mine. we love each other as well. the only problem is that we dont really have anything in common. that is a problem for him. he likes sports and i kinda dont know what i like! but i go to his games, watch sports with him as much as i can. he does things for me too. but he asked me yesterday, 3 years down the road and we are married what will we talk about? that is his concern, that we have nothing in common and we wont have anything to talk about...(one of his concerns) so i guess i just want to know if we arent right for each other or what. thank you.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, many many couples who are together and get married do not have much in common. It comes down to commonality OR chemistry. Do you guys have chemistry together? Is the spark there? If it is, than having things in common doesn't matter much. You both do things the other doesn't have much interest in, which shows compromise, which is great for a healthy relationship. You guys seem to talk about the future ALOT, why don't you relax and enjoy the present? Society makes us think that we have to have dozens of things in common with our partner to be happy, but opposites DO attract. My parents who have been together for almost 30 years have about, 2 things in common and they still love eachother and the spark? It's still there. You guys need to just have fun in the present and go with the flow.. you want to be together, than be together. Don't worry about "down the line.." right now.. that'll come and you'll deal with it when it comes. You guys will find things to talk about, especially if you both are in love.. it just works out when chemistry is involved.
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My boyfriend and I have entirely different 'hobbies'. You don't have to have things like that in common in order to have a relationship. Afterall, opposites attract.
What have you talked about over the past year?
Having nothing in common is different to having different interests. If you cannot find anything to talk about, then you could just be incompatible.
Try doing new things together like taking a class, visiting an art gallery etc. Find things you both enjoy together and see how it goes. If you still find that you have nothing to talk about, then perhaps you aren't right for each other, as you asked.
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You find things in common.
Go to a museum. See which areas might interest the both of you. Watch movies and TV shows together, see which interests the both of you.
It sounds like the problem here is more that neither of you has that much of a life, and of the two of you your boyfriend is doing better.
Figure out what you like. You're 19 years old and he's 21. Both of you still have years of growing up and changing to do.
Instead of sitting around wondering if this is right and if you're compatible, you should be out there trying to FIND new compatibilties.
How much sense does it make to look at the few things you each have in your daily lives and then say "well, theres nothing in the world we have in common!"?
Bullshit. You haven't tried everything together yet. Go out and have a friggin life already.
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He should relax. It sounds like you two are doing pretty good. You're committed to eachother enough to try to enjoy your individual interests. One of the best things about a relationship is discovering new things together. So you may not like sports and he may not like your music. Two years from now the two of you may be very involved in ballroom dancing together. Some of the best couples are the ones who are always teaching eachother something new.
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If you don't think you'll have anything to talk about, that's kind of a boring marriage.
I must ask, what do you talk about now? Maybe you could keep talking about that? Or find new things to talk about; anything, really.
My parents always say that they wouldn't have gotten married if they didn't have anything to talk about. They are constantly talking, and I can tell that's an important part of their marriage: communication.
--Jack
(17/m)
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