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18 year age difference, but is he the one??
So there's this guy. I'm a 14 year old girl right now, going on 15, and he's 33, going on 34. I'm very mature for my age, mentally and physically, so naturally, I tend to like older men. Well, when I met him, I thought he was a really nice guy. We hung out, and in the course of a year, I began developing feelings for him. We hang out a lot. I've known his parents since I was small, and he comes from a very nice family. I kept having dreams of him, and cannot stop thinking of him, so soon I was going crazy. Just a week ago, I couldn't take it anymore so I nearly exploded with emotions, and blabbed out that I liked him. He took it very well, and I was surprised because he said that right now he likes me as a friend, but if I was 18 or 19, he would seriously like me as a girlfriend. He explained that obviously he cannot say he liked me back considering I'm only 15, but he would wait and see if I still had these feelings in a year, and he'd keep checking up on me and when I hit 18 or 19 he said that we'd definitely talk. I really like him, and I feel that he likes me back. He's very sweet, kind, a great listener, and fun to be around. I'm just a bit worried, because of the age difference, if it ever did work out, I'd probably lose him and be widowed. If you truly love someone, I've heard these marriages work. Can I get past the age difference if I truly love him?
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Yes, you can. When you're in love, age -is- just a number.
But.. you're young, and you will change as you get older, especially from 14 to 18. All I can tell you is to keep an open mind and heart. Date other boys your age or maybe a little older/younger. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket.
And no, it would not be illegal for you to date him. It would be illegal to have any form of sexual contact with him until you reach the age of consent in your state (which is not usually 18, as most will lead you to believe). That does include kissing.
Wishing you the best,
Lily
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At the moment, dont worry yourself about marriage and such. That's in the future, and if you spend all your time thinking about it, you wont notice everything that's going on around you now.
I understand the age difference, I'm in the same situation with a guy 16 years older than me, so I know what you're dealing with, except I'm older than you. IF you truly love him, you can get past the age difference. Nothing will matter, not even age. However, he's right, see if you feel the same way in a year or two. Seeing as he's a nice, decent guy, he won't let anything happen until you're 18, which is appropriate, so in the mean time, see if you like anyone else as much as him.
As he said, he'll be there when you turn 18, so just enjoy today. Also, don't let people tell you that the age difference is a reason it wont work out because my father is 22 years older than my mother and they've been together my whole life and before that. Ofcourse, not all relationships work out, but it doesn't mean that it will or wont for you.
You'll get past this.
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Hookay.
18 years is not a good idea. Not at all, especially not before you're in your 30s.
A man at 33 should have his own life. He should have a career, real life worries and is looking for a serious adult level relationship.
A kind of relationship you won't be mature enough to provide for about a decade.
You aren't that mature for your age. Not at all. Thats not an insult, you're fairly normal, but a mature 14 year old would recognize that a 33 year old man isn't someone to be interested for, especially isn't someone to wait for. You're flattered, because you have a crush and the crush didn't shut you down.
Sure, its nice to think that you could be mature enough at 14 or even 18 to be with a guy who's going to be close to 40 by that time. Its also denial.
Girls mature faster than guys in the first years of puberty, guys mature faster after puberty. In other words, at 14 you probably would be alright dating someone who's 16, or even 17. By the time you're 18 or 19, guys your age will have caught up somewhat and by the time you're in your early 20s guys your age will be about where you are maturity wise.
Age is not just a number. Age is a representation of experience, even an immature 33 year old (and a 33 year old would have to be immature to be falling for any girl who isn't at least part way through college and supporting herself) has more life experience and different priorities than a girl your age now or when you're 18-19.
Worse, theres something you haven't thought of.
Lets say that this guy has some issues. At 14 these issues don't matter in the slightest. You're young, all you need is someone who returns feelings to you and who is capable of not acting like an asshole.
At 18, they'll matter a bit more. You'll have grown up a good bit by then. He's 33, he'll be 37, but he's done growing to a large degree. So you've changed, and he hasn't.
By 22, you'll be a completely different person again than you were at 18. And he'll be the same guy, a little older.
You are not capable of finding "the one" right now. Not at 14. The most mature 14 year old is still less mature than a below average 20 year old. The most mature 18 year old is still less mature than a below average 25 year old. And you're shooting for 37 when you're 18?
It won't work. Unless the two of you are broken and delusional, it won't ever work. Consider him a friend and date people who are in the same stage of life as you. While you're in school, you should be dating people who are also still in school (and by still in school, that includes being normal school aged)
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Honestly, this is wrong. You are UNDERAGE. You're under 18. He's over 18. THIS IS ILLEGAL.
Stay away from this man, as much as you think you love him. He could go to jail for even being in a relationship with you. Not to mention you would both suffer huge embarrassment.
Get out of this situation; I urge you.
--Jack
(17/m)
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You are 14 years old...This guy is 33... and if you two were to have a relationship I can promise you this guy is going to find himself in a jail cell faster than he can blink. Once you hit 18, You are free to date whoever you want as you will be classified as an adult. Right now, You need to forget about him as this situation seems to lead to nothing but BIG trouble. Anyone who has sex with a minor who is over the age of 18 is normally called a pedophile...and sex with a minor whether you agree to it or not is statutory rape. In my opinion this guy might seem like a dream guy for you but honey he is sick to even be thinking or looking at you in that way. You are still young yes, you might state that you are at a mature level for your age but enjoy life as you only get to be a teenager once in your life. Don't let him take advantage of you. Try to move on and stay away from him this is not a good situation to get yourself into. I agree with everyone eles below me, The fact that this guy is putting things in your head is an alarm. Trust me, This is only a crush and there will be soooo many guys out there for you I very much advice you too look for guys in your age range. If you are worried than I suggest you follow that and stay away from him. Who knows what his intentions are this guy is a creep.
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This is a very dangerous situation.
The fact that you like this man, and hanging out with him regularly is bad. The fact that he put ideas about a future relationship into your head is bad. I think you should really, really quit while you're ahead.
This is going to get nothing but the both of you in trouble - more-so him though. This is illegal beyond belief, and you really should end this whole friendship. This guy is creepy, desperate and probably will turn out to be the opposite of what you thought.
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You're 14 and you have a crush. You will have many crushed throughout your life. This guy shouldn't be hanging out with you for any serious length of time. He is WAAAAY too old for you.
Get over him and move on. My guess is, he's being kind, knowing that you are a child and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings because he has been there and done that and knows how these crushes can be.
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Nevermind about your marriage working out, this is ILLEGAL.
It was completely inappropriate of this man to put these ideas in your head. I would advise you to keep your distance, as the fact that a 33-year-old man would even suggest being interested in someone your age should set alarm bells ringing.
Furthermore, it might also be a good idea to tell your parents what has been going on. I know you think he is amazing and have strong feelings for him but you need to understand that this is dangerous.
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