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Am i being to demanding?
Hello im 18/f and my bf is 21/m sorry this is kinda long but i rate high :) so i work with my boyfriend and we have been together for about 10 months and we really do love each other! But there are only a couple things i dont like at all that he does for example he smokes alot of weed. Like in the beginning of our relationship we talked about it and he said he'd cut down and he said he only did it once a week. Now after all this time of dating hes starting to admit that hes doing it more and more and i told him i was like i thought we had an agreement. And hes like well thats who i am and hes not going to change. I dont want to lose him but i really dont want to deal with all that. Like after i leave his house he'll tell me im going to go smoke now. It just makes me mad. And i know he really does love me and i dont want to make him mad by keep pushing him to stop. Thats one situation and the next is i trust him 100% and theres a girl we work with shes the same age as him and has her own apartment and such. I know he would never cheat on me i just always have the what ifs in my head. He's a big jokester at work and will trip people and just be goofy, especially with the girls but thats just how he is and tonight he told me he was going to her house with a couple of the people that he closed with and i know they're probably going to smoke weed. I just am worried he might do something when hes high. I hope not but i guess im paranoid. I mean she is pretty she has her own apartment and him and a couple guys are going over there tonight. Ughh i just dont know what to do about any of this. and i dont really want to talk to him about going to her house because he told me his friend just broke up with his girlfriend because he would go to other girls houses. Then my boyfriend casually brought that up to me that he hopes i never do that. I just dont know what to do. Somebody please help :( Thanks!
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well yeah Melody is an idiot. I think you should let him smoke as much weed as he wants though. I personally smoke daily and I know that when your high its nothing like being drunk. You can control your actions 100%. (and I smoke good shit) If hes not smoking around you then just let the poor guy be. It might hurt, but thats who he is. If its a huge problem for you then sit him down and tell him that its either you or weed. But being a guy I know hell either give in and get made fun of by the guys (which is no fun and it shows that he loves you but also he might be considered a bitch) but let him do what he wants with that girl, If he cheats then dump him. Hes no good if he cheats alright? But definetly tell him what is on your mind!!! I hope my advice helped and good luck :)
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Melody is an idiot, ninjaneer's spot on, and I don't even know what to say about the first post.
Your boyfriend has the right to a social life, and to be honest he has the right to smoke weed without hearing from anyone about it unless its actually affecting his life in a negative way.
Thats my personal opinion, and I will admit I'm incredibly biased (member of a number of legalization groups) and the fact is that weed isn't half as harmful as alcohol is.
Also, weed isn't going to make him do something he otherwise wouldn't. It doesn't sound like he's planning to cheat on you, it sounds like he just has a life outside of you. But if he were to make that choice, weed would not be to blame. It is not possible to black yourself out and remove all ability to make judgements with pot the way it is with alcohol.
(Note: I don't think there are excuses for cheating, but it is a medical fact that alcohol can impair judgment to the point that judgment isn't there)
What if's are your problem, not his. That too, is my personal opinion. I am not someone who tolerates jealousy because I am not someone who does anything to provoke it. My girlfriend has a few jealous tendencies and she handles them because even if she doesn't always feel like she can trust me (because of trust issues) she knows deep down that I'm completely trustworthy.
My answer comes from that bias, because you haven't given us reasons for mistrust other than your dislike of him smoking weed and your worries that are caused by trust issues rather than by evidence.
If you don't have a good reason for not trusting him, then make trust your default setting and logic your way out of jealousy or worry. Its not his job to bear that burden for you or to change what should be perfectly acceptable behavior because you just can't deal with it.
If you can't, then its time for both of you to move on. That goes for both the trust and the weed thing.
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With the weed, have you actually explained to him why it's a big deal? Or have you thought about why it's a big deal to you? Maybe he just thinks you're trying to control him. For instance, I'm on my fiance's back about smoking weed because it could lose him his job with the army. If you haven't given him another reason other than "I don't like it when you do it", then he's going to rebel. Men are like children that way :P. If you can come up with a good reason why it hurts you when he smokes weed, tell him. Otherwise, you're going to have to keep that to yourself.
Personally, I think that it's not a big deal for your guy to have a social life outside your relationship, whether that is with girls or with guys. My fiance is free to go to other girls' houses if he wants to. Most of my friends are guys, and I'll spend time alone with them at my house. He trusts me.
If you don't trust him to do that and not do anything stupid, then there is an issue. There is a real problem with your relationship if you cannot trust him enough to be out of your sight with another girl.
You have to calm down a little bit. You not trusting him will hurt things in the long run. Think of a time when you've been accused of something you didn't do. Hurts, doesn't it? I don't know about you, but when someone does that to me, it makes me want to do the thing I've been accused of, because there's no point in being punished for something I haven't done!
By controlling what your boyfriend does more, he's going to push more. The more you rein him in, the more he's going to run when he can.
My advice is to ease up on the poor guy. Relax, and stop thinking the worst of him. Let him have fun without worrying "Oh, what will SHE think?". Let him know what some rough boundaries are (i.e. no sexual stuff with other women, or keep weed smoking to a minimum) for your comfort. Then let him go. Chances are, he'll prove that he's worthy of your trust. If he isn't, then dump him, because nobody needs a guy who lies to them.
My fiance is in the military. He goes off for months at a time. He's told me the stories about married men screwing around like crazy when they're away from their wives. I know I can trust him, though, so I don't worry about him being away from me. I know he's a good guy and will do the right thing, even when he's propositioned by a stripper (LOL!)
You're young. This relationship doesn't have to be forever. If he's not the person that you want him to be, let him go and find the person that you want. There's no forcing someone into a different mold. If you can't accept his differences, then it won't be a happy relationship.
Harsh, but true.
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It's pretty messed up that he is going to another girl's apartment. If my boyfriend told me he was going to some other girl's house, I would tell him to find another girlfriend. That's no joke. He has a girlfriend, and when you are in a relationship there are certain things you just can't do. If he really wants to go, maybe ask if you can come with him. If he says no, then ask what he's going to do that he doesn't want you there for. In a relationship you have to hold your own. You can't roll over and play dead just because you want to avoid confrontation. There are just some things that aren't okay, and obviously you are worried about him going over there. Trust your gut. There is something not right about that.
As for the smoking weed, you can't make him stop. If that is something he wants to do, unfortuantely he's going to do it regardless of what you say. If you don't want to break up over his smoking pot, then don't. If that is a part of who he is, then you can't change it. You need to learn to either break up over it or hold your tongue. The best advice I can give you is to pick your battles. Smoking pot isn't worth fighting over, but him going to a girl's apartment to do it is.
Good luck!
EDIT: "WittyUsernameHere" and "Billywhoever" ragging on my advice doesn't make yours any better. Just because my opinion isn't the same as yours, doesn't make it bad advice, nor does it make me an idiot. Just throwing that out there :)
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wow that's tough!
if i were you i'd break up with him.
you can find waaaay better than that.
i know everyone always says that but it's true.
if you do don't say it's because he's going ot a girl's house.
say it's because he does weed.
tell him you can't geal with it anymore.
i hope i helped!(:
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