I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173010
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
well.. last week i went to a party and this wicked hot was comming onto me. and practically the whole party we talked, and by the end of the night we ended up making out. and he thought i was kool and got my number. i got his sn and he said for me to i/m him. so hes usually online with an away message up. and when he does come bak and i i/m him he puts up an away and then never responds bak! im gettin so confused, cause i thought we had sumthing and i wanted to hang out with him again. idk if i should just wait ? help me! thanx babe
(link)
|
Well, this is hard. You don't know whether the guy is just really busy, or whether he's avoiding you.
I think the best thing to do is just be upfront - not demanding or pushy, just honest and real. You can msg him (because, after all, he WILL eventually get his msgs when he's not 'away' anymore) and say something like, 'Hey, I really had fun with you the other night. Are you interested in talking more, or maybe hanging out sometime?'
I'd leave it at that and see what happens. If there's no response, then try one more time. 'I sent you a msg about how much fun I had meeting you. I'm going to just assume you're really busy and don't have time to hang out more unless you msg me back.'
At that point, the ball is in his court. You don't want to look needy, and you also don't want to waste a ton of time pursuing a guy that isn't interested. He could just be shy, though, and maybe a direct msg about the situation is just what he needs.
Good luck.
|
ok i need ur help on something my boyfriend asked me to marry him and im only 17 bout to be 18 an im a girl but i like him and all and im preg. with his baby i just dont know what to do because if i do my dad isn't going to want anything to do with me anymore and if i dont then my dad will still alow me to be in my family but my dad doesn't like him and i dont know why not he is a sweet heart and i love him with all of my heart and everytime i go out with someone my dad never likes them and i dont see why not because he hasn't even got to meet my boyfriend yet he has meet him once and that is to only say hi but please i dont know what to do can you please help me out a little i would really appriciate that
Tosha (link)
|
You need to erase your father and your pregnancy out of the situation. If it were just you, just Tosha, would you want to marry this boy? Are you genuinely ready for marriage?
I realize a baby and your existing relationship with your parents complicates things, but at the end of the day it IS as simple as figuring out what you really want and doing it. This isn't about your father's life, this is about yours.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? What can you do to make sure you reach those goals?
Striving to be the truest to yourself - and not crumbling under pressures like this - is the only right, honest thing you can do.
|
|
i dont wanna care what ppl think of me and what they will say about me but i dont know how to get over that feeling. if i have more confidence then people will think im cool and hang out with me. im not in public school but i have a youth group thing i go to and only like 2 ppl hang out with me. i wanna hang out with the "cool" kids, but they are all outgoing and not shy at all and stuff....how can i get like that??? (link)
|
There are a few things you can do, depending on the sort of person you are.
1) Think about one of these kids you admire the most, and then try to say specifically what characteristics you like. Pick two or three of these, and work on them. It's easier to change things about yourself if you have a clear idea of what you are trying to accomplish.
2) Think of yourself as an actress - and I do not mean you should be fake. Simply think of yourself as in a role...a slightly more outgoing you. You could be nervous on the inside, but make an effort to appear calm and cool on the outside.
3) Do something funky. Wear that shirt you bought because you loved it, but you've never worn it because it's a little too weird. Put crazy shoelaces in your shoes. These are little confidence boosters. You CAN be different and more outgoing, and people will most like react positively.
4) Make up a little mantra for yourself. It sounds all new age, but a few repetitions of something like 'I am confident and fun' can remind you that you're trying to get over your self-consciousness.
5) Finally, remember this isn't going to happen overnight. It'll be especially hard with people who already know you, as you fit into a certain personality slot in their minds, and it will take time to change their mind (and yours!)
Basically, you ARE cool and fun and together. You just need to believe it before other people will.
You can do this.
|
wat is eye candy?
i rate very high. (link)
| |
If you saw a very attractive person walking by, you might say they were eye candy. Why? Because they're a treat for your eyes.
|
|
Alright I'm a 17 year old male. I met this girl through a friend of a friend basically. At first it was rather awkward cause I'm a really shy person but she isnt. Then we got to know eachother rather well and became good friends. But I love this girl, shes so great. I've told her this and at first she started ignoring me. Then she was okay with it. She never said she loved me back. She just said it was okay If I loved her. So I started being more nice to her. I baught her lunch for a month,I pre-ordered the new Ev CD for her (she's a HUGE Ev fan), I gave her a necklace too... then she suddenly started ignoring me again. She won't even talk to me anymore. Some of her friends claim I freaked her out because I baught her stuff but... I was just being me. Being nice. I just wanted to see her happy. Anyhow, she's talking to me again but its not like before. It's only a hello here and there. So What do I do? (link)
|
What's happening? She's not interested in you as more than a friend, you are obviously interested in her, and she's not comfortable telling you openly how she feels.
As someone who used to be inept dealing with situations like this, I can tell you she'd be happiest if you stopped buying her stuff and just remained casually friendly.
I understand you are a nice person, and want to see her happy - but you're only making her feel awkward. My opinion? You seem like a genuinely caring guy...and I'm sure there's a girl out there worth your time and effort.
|
I have been dating my current boyfriend for one year this coming month. We are constantly talking about marriage, but we are light in the pocket book. I don't make a ton, and he has about $12,000 in debt. Not to mention that his idiot sister talked him into buying a new car that he couldn't begin to afford so tack $25,000 on to that. I am trying to scrimp like crazy.
We have dated off and on for many years, and I want to be with him no matter about the money thing. He isn't used to saving money; he has been spending for a long time. He is trying very hard to stay on a budget. And I am very proud of him. I have squirreled away a small amount o cash but less than 6 months salary. I have no outstanding debts. What more can I do to save money and still continue to be healthy?
(link)
|
You could ask your boyfriend to start saving money...or at least get rid of the debts he's got. The first step? Selling his new car and buying something more afforable. There are plenty of nice, new cars he could get for 10,000 less.
I think if you are putting away a chunk of money from each paycheck, you're acting in a financially healthy way. After all, you don't want to totally deny yourself while basically paying someone else's way.
I'd be very, very careful. People with spending habits take a long time to change - often suffering relapses along the way. If you were to marry your boyfriend, you could feasibly end up supporting his habits for the rest of your life.
I think everything has to be mutual - you BOTH need to be saving and planning for your future. Unfortunately, his debt is something that can't go away overnight. But with steady, careful budget planning, they WILL go away...and you'll save up money for a wedding.
Best of luck.
|
|
How long would you be willing to date someone before you either left or proposed marriage to them? You being a 30 something female he being a late 30 something male. (link)
|
A couple of years would seem about right, I would guess. Still, after you've been with someone for two years - why are your only options proposing or leaving them?
If you've been with someone for awhile, then these sorts of topics should have come up naturally - at least if it was a relationship that both people saw as going somewhere. Sitting down and having the 'us' discussion could save you a lot of time and heartbreak; just don't do it one month into the relationship!
Good luck.
|
Okay. This is what I go through, about once a month, sometimes more/less frequently. I start changing. I really don't know what it is, it's hard to explain. But I'll try.
It feels like my heart is becoming empty. Like I'm becoming hungry, or like I'm enraged, or like I'm in love (they all feel the same to me.) You know, that feeling. In my heart. It feels like something is trying to change me from the inside, like trying to change my personality. My personality is weird. I think differently. I have no mental problems. O__o;;
I'm thinking that maybe my way if thinking is correct and maybe....God....doesn't want me to know whatever it is I know. Anyway. Back to what happens. The first time it happened, at my friends house, I started getting the feeling and for some reason I knew what was happening almost immediately. I started crying and pounding my chest really hard and saying "Don't change....don't change...." And I was grabbing anything to pound my heart with, I almost went for the silverware ;_;
My friend was really concerned xD I don't think she had any clue what was happening.
The second time, just recently, this happened again, only it wasn't as strong. I have gotten rather good at fighting it. But then it felt like there was a pressure in my head...like something was gently squeezing it.
This isn't puberty. This is something weird happening to me and if it has happened to anyone else I would like to know. I would also like to add that I am not insane. This is a FEELING, not a twisted thought or action. My apologies for the length of this question. (link)
|
Are you female? A monthly change in your emotions/actions would indicate that this has something to do with your menstrual cycle. There is a disorder called PMDD, which is a like a severe PMS. Some of your symptoms seem to suggest you might want to look further into it, but on the whole I'd say you need to speak to a professional.
Start with your family doctor if you feel comfortable there. Mental health issues are fairly common, and most can be worked through/dealt with appropriately if they are diagnosed - the earlier the better. I'll also point out that mental health involves feelings and emotions; after all, that's what our brains inspire in us.
I'm thinking you are more likely to be having these problems as a result of hormonal issues (male or female), and I'd head over to a doctor's office as soon as possible. After all, if you've only experienced this a few times, you can't be sure if it will continue to escalte. Better to nip it in the bud, if possible.
Good luck.
|
|
I have extremley bad cramps... only the problem is i dont know how to swallow a pill. The advice I want is NOT how to swallow a pill but if you know of any really good chewable types of medicine to realive the pain (I'm 15 years old if that helps). Thanks! (link)
|
Your doctor might be able to prrscribe your painkillers in a dissolveable tab; your problem is common, and pharmaceutical companies are responding.
Other good relief:
Heating pads, regular exercise, hot baths, tea with evening primrose oil in it, etc.
Good luck.
|
|
Me and my boyfriend have had sex, and the last time we did he said that there felt like there was a little ball-like object as he tried to go in. and i felt there and it felt like a bump or something like that inside of my vagina, im worried about it because its never been there before,. what could it be? (link)
|
I don't know, and no one on this site will, either. If you're having sex, you should be having regular appointments with a gyno.
(If you haven't been, this is a great chance to start!)
Sexual health isn't something to mess around with. While this bump cold be nothing, it could also be a sign of a sexually transmitted disease. You need to be proactive about your health - your doctor will keep your issues confidential, and you won't be saying something s/he hasn't heard before.
You're the only person who can make sure you are respecting yourself enough to take care of your body and mind.
|
|
omg! my mom doesn't want me to be on advicenators without her permission. she thinks it's a freakin chatroom and made me take my picture out of my column! i hate her and she's pissing me off. she's making a big deal about nothing! what do i tell her? she made me take my picture out cause she thinks there's some 47 year old guy on this site who's gonna come stalk me. and i already told her it was mostly teenagers and lyk nobody over 25. like i'm so stupid as to go meet some person i dont know! what can i say to convince her to not be so unreasonable? agghhhhhhh! driving me craziii!!! (link)
|
I'm over 25.;)
What I would do? Give your mom the address to Advicenators and let her poke around.
Let her see your advice column. Let her ask a question and see what sort of responses she gets.
A lot of parents are concerned because they did not grow up with the Internet; all many know is what the media feeds to them - that 47 year old men want to attack their vulnerable daughters.
After your mom has looked around, tell her you'll remain anonymous - tell her you won't give your address, full name, or post a picture. People can't email you directly without going through the Advicenators site, so you're safe there as well.
Above all, I'd explain everything in a calm voice - if you start screaming or getting really upset, your mom could interpret that as her being right and your being upset about it.
Good luck.
|
|
how hard is to get pregnate at the age of 37? ia there any helpful method to make pregnancy happen? my husband and I want to have a baby and we are afraid because , as i said, I am 37 and he is 41. Thanks, ceci (link)
|
The basics: Chart your cycle, pinpoint your ovulation (by charting, taking your temp, taking ovulation tests, etc), and have sex frequently when you are most fertile.
I'd also recommend seeing a doctor. Because of your age, it is important that you get pregnant as quickly as possible - complications skyrocket after the age of 40 - and perhaps your doctor can offer methods to help increase your fertility.
Best of luck (and check out fertilityfriend.com for more info about charting your period)!
|
my mother 2 months ago got married, to a man she met over one of those dating websites, hes from england, and in the one week he came over to visit, they married. he left for a couple a weeks, and now he will be here till january. hes been here for 2 months so far, and hes annoying my mom, (me also) and he won't pull his weight, and hes not helping with bills or anything, so now my mom said if he doesn't bring in his money for a job he got then shes divorcing him in january. well with that now said how do i explain to my friends, that now i prolly wont be going to england, and that my mom is going to be divorcing the man that she recently married, and met over the internet... its put so much stress on me about my mom coming to talk to me about how she can't stand him, and my grades are slipping and shes mad about that, but she doesn't realize shes putting it on me... what do i do?
-sometimes im miserable, but thats so typical-
-but of all the things i am-
-i am beautiful- (link)
|
I wouldn't get into specifics with your friends until you know what's actually going to happen - after all, you don't want to keep telling them stuff that's wrong. I'd stick to general things...'We're not sure when or if we're moving,' etc.
As far as your mom goes, I would talk to her. Perhaps she doesn't realize how much pressure she's putting you under; you need to let her know that while you love her, you don't want to be the one to hear all about her relationship problems. Let her know you feel the situation is affecting your grades, and that you don't want to jeopordize your education.
Finally, is there someone at school who can offer you extra support? Perhaps a school counselor who can just let you vent for a few minutes each week? Can you arrange to go over to friends' houses after school and do your homework there? If so, you'll be able to study mom-free. Otherwise, you can always stay after school.
Obviously, the perfect solution is that your mom will magically let up her pressure on you, but she's human too. I think if you are open and honest with her things will improve; I also think you need to take responsibility for your grades and make arrangements for working at a friend's, library, or school.
Best of luck.
|
|
I lost my virginity in Feb after my 15 birthday. Since then my boyfriend and I have had sex atleast twice a week. He pulls out so we have never completely finished, and we have never had a pregnancy scare. Recently our sex has felt diffrent though. Like it has lost the unique, wild touch it once had. Could I be bored with sex? I get the same pleasure, but instead of feeling fulfilled afterwards I just feel-there. Can someone explain this to me? I'm so confused... (link)
|
Well, this happens. If you're having sex the same way every time with the same person, you will eventually lose the initial excitement. How to fix it?
First, make sure nothing else is going on with your relationship. Problems with sex can often indicate that there are bigger problems in the relationship. If you're both still as in love as ever, then I'd consider spicing things up. (I'll leave that to your imagination!)
Finally, I'd say that contraception is an issue - there was no need to mention it in this question, but you did. What to do? Well, once you start having sex, you'll need to see a gyno every year. Make that appointment now. You should be using two forms of birth control...for example, the pill to prevent pregnancy, and condoms to prevent disease/pregnany.
Withdrawl is not a method of birth control - precum can get you pregnant. You've been very, very lucky...but mathmatically, the more you have sex without using protection, the more likely you are to get pregnant.
Best of luck with everything.
|
|
there was this new girl who i thought was the coolest person ever. Me and her became really good friends... we shared a locker... well anyways then she got to become popular with one of my group of friends... who i was just getting to know. they began to like her more then they liked me. One day she comes up to me and says she isnt my friend anymore becuase i am to touchey feely! soon i lose like all the friends that she made for the same reason. How do i deal with this. They are all really nice to me and dont treat me like i am a horrible person but i dont get what i did wrong and how to deal with this. Alot of them are the sweetest people! Help me please. (link)
|
There are a few options to think about here:
1. Is it possible that girl wanted you out of her new circle of friends? Perhaps she wanted to prove to herself that her new friends liked her because of who she was, not merely because you introduced her to everyone else.
2. If you ARE a touchy-feely person, there's nothing wrong with that...as long as you know the people around you are okay with it. Not everyone feels comfortable having other people touch them, even if they are very close friends.
The final solution? I'd talk to your old friends, ask them why they've stopped being close to you, and hopefully be able to rebuild from there. If they're still treating you nicely, then that's a really good sign.
I'd also talk to them one-on-one, as you'll get more honest answers and be able to connect more fully with people.
|
|
Hi alisonmarie-- I have been with this man for 7 years--thought we would be a "forever" pair, but----I find he does not want to "do things" for me unless I preface or end the request with "please"--I don't feel the word "please" is necessary with each and everything I ask him to do. What do you think??--- (I'm an "old" woman of 58 years old) --Thanks for your insight------ (link)
|
First of all, what sort of things? If it's everyday general stuff (doing the dishes, taking out the trash, getting you a glass of water), then I think there's a fine balance. Manners are there for a reason, and saying 'please' and 'thank you' shows that you are appreciating the effort the other person makes.
Of course, demanding that you say 'please' all the time could indicate that your partner has some control issues - or perhaps he feels taken for granted.
I'd sit down with him and ask WHY he wants you to say 'please' all the time; a conversation should hopefully be able to provide some reasons, as well as giving you a chance to express your frustration. I'm thinking this sounds like a general difference of outlook on life, but that the two of you should be able to come to a compromise.
I'll also briefly point out that being very upset about something like this could point to bigger problems in a relationship - is it possible you're using this as an excuse to end the relationship? In this cases, I think it's always best to search your heart and mind, and then listen to them.
Talk with your partner, being honest and non-blaming, and see how he responds. Seven years is a sizeable chunk of time, and if you both really love each other, both of you will have to work to resolve this issue.
Best of luck.
|
I'm and 18 year old female,not a newbie to having sex, about 3 diff partners including my current boyfriend... thing is, whenever I have sex, no matter who it is or what position (guy or girl-I'm bi) I just get nothing from it. Not even the beginnings of an orgasm. I do okay on my own, I'm satisfied anyway, but when it comes to sex I have to fake it since I just can't get there. It feels good, and I enjoy the act just no climax ya?
Anything I can do about this? (link)
|
Yes - stop faking it. When you fake an orgasm, the message you are giving your partner is that they are doing everything exactly right...which obviously isn't true.
If you know what makes you feel good, for example through masturbation, then try to incorporate those motions/activities into your regular sex. Teach your partner what turns you on and how to touch you. If you can't speak up about your sexual needs, nobody else is going to do it for you.
I'll also point out that other ingrediants for pleasure are: trust, good communication, foreplay, a solid relationship, and a good working knowledge of your own body.
Good luck.
|
|
im dislexic and i have a spelling age of 10 and a reading age of 12.one of my closest friend is taking the mick constantly always makeing me feel thick.frist i shouted at her when sh did it,when that didnt werk i went to the head and she did a assembly on it,that hasnt werked.i know shes a mate and i dont want her to get in trouble but i cant go feeling like this.shall i go back to the head and ask her to have a werd or shall i just leave it?ive got exams comeing up and i dont want trouble because i need all the help i can get to pass them.waht can i do?any ideas? (link)
|
Aside from all your school issues (and your school should be providing you with extra support), I'd say this person isn't a real friend. I'd give her another chance - rather than yelling or telling other people how she upsets you, sit down with her in a quiet place.
Let her know how much it hurts you when she treats you this way; dyslexia does NOT mean you are dumb, and you can tell her that her comments not only hurt you, but they make her look uninformed. Tell her that you only want friends who treat you in the way everyone deserves to be treated, and then see what happens.
I hate to break it to you, but anyone who constantly makes fun of you is NOT a friend. You'd be better off finding people who understand that as humans, we each have things that make us unique.
|
Ok, me and my boyfriend had sex only twice this month, both times we used a condom and I'm not on the pill or anything. The condoms didnt break, rip or tear. But however, my period tomorrow will be a week late. I don't know if I'm just over reacting because we did have sex and I haven't gotten it yet. But theres no way poissible right if the condom didnt break for me to be pregnant is there? What should I do just siot around and wait for my period to come?
Thank you all sooo much (link)
|
There's always a chance you could be pregnant; for example, the condom could have had a tiny hole in it, precum could have entered your vagina before your boyfriend put the condom on, etc.
Still, stress can really mess with your period. I can't tell you to not worry, since of course you're going to worry, but I CAN say I'd wait another week. Stress or not, your period should arrive - if it doesn't after two weeks, then I would buy a home pregnancy test.
If those results come back negative and your period still doesn't come, you'll need to see a doctor. If the test is positive, you'll need to see a doctor.
I'll also point out that if there's a chance you're pregnant, there's also a chance you've contracted a sexually transmitted disease. My advice? Wait, hopefully your period will come, and then use TWO forms of birth control.
Good luck.
|
I'm a fifteen year old girl and I'm horrible at singing.
I don't think I have that horrible a voice...at least not when singing quietly to myself, or singing simple (really simple) songs like the songs you sing in chorus class or whatever...
But whenever I try to sing loudly, or sing a pop/rock/any song that isn't quiet and extremely simplified kind of song, I SUCK. That's all there is to it.
First of all, I can't even get my voice to get loud. Whenever I hear any female singer (take Michelle Branch, for example), and try to sing one of their songs, I just can't. My voice doesn't go as loud/high as them- hell, I can't even match their pitch, or get the notes right...
I play piano...and not to show off or anything I'm not excellent but I'm moderately good at playing the piano.
Does all this mean that I'm totally tone-deaf? Or just have a sucky voice? Or unused to singing pop songs? Or WHAT? It's getting to be a big problem because whenever I goto the Karaoke bar w/ my friends (it's really big here)- all of them are GREAT at singing. Seriously. Maybe it's because they've been practicing singing loudly and stuff since they were in elementary school.l..but I dunno they're really good. And I'm the only one that sucks...my voice gets all weird and high pitched, then really low...and UGH! I can't stand it! My friends are nice so they don't say anything...but I can tell by the look on their faces that they are experiencing PAIN. (lol) I really want to fix this situation any way I can..how? Thanks
Please, don't be prejudiced against me because of certain bands/singers I mentioned. The issue here isn't really music, it's the VOICE. Argh. Help.
P.S. I'm not in a position to take voice lessons; I'm already taking too many classes/lessons etc, and my mom is against voice lessons because she knows it isn't going to be like a career or anything...it's just for fun.
THANK YOU! (link)
|
All this means is that your voice isn't great at singing loudly, and that certain songs aren't the best for you. The fact that you recognize this (and are good at the piano!) would suggest you aren't tone deaf - if you WERE, you'd think you sounded great all the time.
My suggestion? Sing whatever flatters your voice the most. If your voice begins to sound weird, high-pitched, or crackly, then you are actually doing damage. There's nothing wrong with being a quieter singer, or someone who sounds best with simple songs.
The trick to this, like most anything in life, is to find out your particular talent and work to that. If you can't sing loudly, don't! Just make sure to really hold the microphone up to your mouth at karoke, and you get the best of both worlds - your voice sounding good, and the microphone making it loud. You'll also want to sing songs that you KNOW you can handle - you'll be better off doing really well at a simpler song than failing at a harder song.
Figure out what makes you sound best, and do it. There's no rule saying only loud pop singers can sound good.
Best of luck!
|
|