I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173011
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I broke up with my boyfriend Saturday. I thought I only liked him as a friend, but now that I am without him, I realise I really miss him and like him. I think since we barely hang out, I started liking him less. He cried when we broke up. I hope he doesn't hate me. I am going to talk to him tomorrow if I see him before he goes to practice. I want to go back out with him. I was PMSing, so I guess that screwed up with my emotions. What should I say to him to clear this all up and so we can get back together? I'm really bad at doing this, but I want this to work out. Help..can you give me an example on what to say? (link)
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Before you say anything to him, I'd really analyze your emotions. Whatever made you break up with him (and PMS doesn't make you do things you don't want to do) will still be there.
Often after a break-up (even good, healthy break-ups that we WANTED), emotions will go crazy. Even if you dumped him, chances are you are feeling vulnerable, lonely, and remembering only the good times. So think carefully before you get back with him - it's only fair to yourself AND to him to make sure of what you want.
You'll also want to think about why you broke up. If it was because you weren't spending enough time together, are you sure you'll be able to see each other more often if you date again?
If you've searched your heart AND mind and decide you do want him back, then be honest. Say that you think you made a mistake, but that the lack of time spent together made you question the relationship. Say you still like him, but only want to be involved if you can both make your relationship a priority.
Good luck.
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16/f/Ca
I'm going to be a Senior next year, which means I need to start thinking about colleges, majors and such. Even though I've only done 1 play in my life, I was in show choir for one year, and when I was little I was always in chorus in church musicals, I really want to study theatre. When I was little I hated performing, but as I got older, I've just been more interested in the whole acting thing. I've taken an acting class (for television, not for theatre) and even though it was two hours of notes and some acting, I LOVED it. I loved learning the techniques and its something I'm interested in. I'm a shy person when you first get to know me. The second day of class we had to cry in front of the class and I was able to do it, and I loved it. That was probably one of the best moments of my life. The whole class was silent (I was the youngest one. Second to the youngest, was probably a 20 year old), watching me and when I was done, the teacher said I was the best one.
The problem is, is that I'm never in the school plays, or musicals (even though i was in show choir--singing and dancing--musicals aren't my thing, I'm more into acting) because the director picks and already has his favorites and he is so wierd in a freaky way... Anyways, even though I LOVE acting, going to movie sets (I was an extra in a movie) I haven't used my talent at all except for the little things I listed above. If I want to major in theatre, is it bad that I haven't done much yet? If I study it in college, I know that I'll most likely be very active in it (I'm a good liar--which is like acting...so I kind of have a little natural talent). I mainly want to do television/commercial. I've been to plays as well as numerous of movie/tv sets and I think I would love commercial acting better. Is it something I should go for? (link)
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If you want to study theatre, then do it. I'd play up what you HAVE done on yor college applications - and I'd start looking into colleges now. Find colleges with strong drama programmes, arrange visits to see their campus, talk to students about the opportunities to use your skills there, etc.
You'll be submitting applications in the fall of yor senior year, so you want to have done as much research before then as possible.
If you're going to a liberal arts college, then if you decide acting isn't for you it's fairly easy to switch to another major. Maybe speak to a guidance counselor about your options?
Good luck.
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is it just plain wrong for a 15 year old straight male to babysit? (link)
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Nope. If you like babysitting, then why not do it?
To each their own.
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I'm 13..5'4-5'5 118 pounds.. am I to fat? (link)
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You're not too fat at all. In fact, using a BMI (body mass index) calculator - which sort of defines how healthy a weight is - you're at the very bottom of a normal, healthy weight.
I think the main thing to remember about our bodies is that eating in a smart way, exercising, and being comfortable with ourselves means that we're doing okay. You're obviously doing something right to be at such a healthy weight, but maybe I'd think about why you are worried about your weight.
There is a tremendous pressure in our society to be incredibly skinny, but I'd like to point out that being stick thin does not make you more loveable, smart, or fabulous. You're those things already.
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friday im spossed to go to this boys house, i never did anything before (sexually) and i dont know if its scary or..gross or, can you mess up doing anything? ..i guess i want to no what its like b4 it happens lol.. (link)
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Sexual experimentation is a confusing and exciting place - and anything new has the potential to be scary.
If you want to be as calm and happy about it as possible, you need to figure out where you stand regarding sex: Do you want to have sex before marriage? Only with people you love? What do you think about oral sex? Are you prepared to visit a gyno to obtain condoms, birth control pills, etc?
Even if some of these issues might not affect you for awhile, it's a good idea to start thinking about them now - that way you won't find yourself in an awkward or embarassing situation. You need to decide what you are comfortable with, and then stick to that with any guy you are seeing.
So, that covers the scary. As for the gross? If you find an activity gross, don't do it. It's that simple. You might not be ready for it, or you might genuinely not enjoy it...everybody likes/dislikes different things.
And messing up? Anything new means you can make mistakes, but I wouldn't say you could mess up. As long as you know what you want and how to protect yourself, you'll be fine.
Good luck.
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Alright, my girlfriend just ended her period and we were thinking of sex. I tried to get a condom but with no luck. Now I checked up on it and people say after a period, there is no egg. So I thought, even without a condom, if we had sex and I,"Pulled out early." If there is a chance of pregnancy. (link)
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1. There is always a chance of a female getting pregnant during sex.
2. Precum, which would be leaking from your penis before you pulled out, contains sperm. It can also transmit STIs.
3. Condoms are available at any local pharmacy, some school nurses might give them away for free, Planned Parenthood (again...free), local health clinics, etc.
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hi i'm 13 and not sexually active. the end of september 2004 i got my period for the first time and it went for two weeks. it's december and i haven't had my period since. i'm really freeked out and i don't know what to do. i'd tell my mom but we aren't that close when it come to that stuff.
please please ansure quickly! thank you (link)
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You're fine. Periods are confusing things, especially at first. Some girls will get them and they'll be regular from the very start, but most will notice a lot of irregularity. This means you might get your period every other month, or you might get it in September....and not get it again until April.
It can stop and start, and this is due to your body readjusting itself to all the hormones flooding your system. Chances are things are fine, but a quick chat with a family doctor might put your mind to rest.
Another good idea is to buy a pocket calender and keep track of your period on there - circle the days you have it, and write on it which days you gets cramps, feel moody, etc. This can help make sense of your period and will eventually be a good way to keep track of it. Right now, there's no telling when it may come again, so make sure you've always got a pad/tampon in your bag.
In the meantime, try not to worry. If your period hasn't shown up by, say, February, I would definitely see a doctor just to make sure things are okay.
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im 16 and i havent had a period since febuary this year..i dont know why when i was three months late i took a pregnancy test but it was negative..at the same time i lost my virginaty when i got drunk could that be the reaosn why?i dont want to go to the docters cos my mum wll find out she a frend of the docter,i cant tell school cos my mum will find out.i dont want to tell my mum coz she wud be so hurt that i hadnt told her...plese reply quick.. (link)
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Pregnancy tests aren't always accurate. I'd take another one - and whether it comes out positive or negative, you will need to see a doctor. If you're pregnant, you will need to talk to a professional to figure out what to do next. If you aren't pregnant, you still need to ask a doctor where your period is. If you've always been regular and suddenly it's stopped, something medical is going on and needs to be checked out.
Regarding your doctor telling your mother? That shouldn't be happening - call your doctor's office and ask about their policies regarding confidentiality. Don't give your name; just give your age and ask what rights you have. You can always call Planned Parenthood and make an appointment - that's a confidential, safe, and accurate organization that can help you out.
If you visit PP and are not pregnant, then I would let your mom know that your period hasn't been coming. This way, she doesn't need to feel left out; tell her you think something is wrong and go see your regular doctor.
Putting this off won't make things easier - it'll only get harder to keep this from your mother, and if you ARE pregnant (or have a medical condition related to your stopped period) you'll need professional attention as soon as possible.
Make some phone calls, ask about your rights regarding confidentiality, and then visit Planned Parenthood.
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My husband and I were talking the other day and he said that if he died he would not want a funeral. I was shocked. Of course he should have a funeral, it's a great way for family and friends to say goodbye. I feel it is more for the family of the deceased anyway. He disagrees, and is shocked that I would not respect his wishes. Who is right here? And if he did die, what are we as a family suppose to do? I would like the love and support of my faamily. (link)
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Why not try to strike up a compromise? If your husband doesn't want a funeral, he might be more open to a remembrance celebration at your home, a few words spoken at a funeral home, etc.
If you explain the reasons you would want to have your family around you at this point (and I think it's important to remember they would be anyway - you would need support far beyond the actual day of a funeral) and let your husband know that you would feel comforted with some sort of service, perhaps he would be more open.
I think the suggestion of having people over to your house is wonderful, as it gives you much support and a chance for everyone to remember him together. Then you could have close family members accompany you to the cemetary; in this way, both you AND your husband can be respected.
Finally - make sure you're spending time enjoying each other while you're both alive!
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hi! i am 16 years old and semi-sexually active.
i am going over my friend's house this weekend and i know we will be up to some things my mom would be ashamed of me for--but hey, i'm 16; it's what i am supposed to be doing. anyway, we've talked about what we will be doing becuase i want to make sure we're on the same page. i know he is going to go down on me, but i've never had that done before and i am afraid it smells funny. i know everyone thinks their own vagina smells funny, but i just don't want him to come up for air and have this dusgusted look on his face! i would be mortified! also, i have my period now, but it should be over by friday-- just in time! will it still smell all "period-y" when i show up on saturday? hmph. i'm a little nervous. any calming advice? (link)
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If you are washing yourself with a non-scented soap (like Johnson's Baby Soap) daily, then you should be fine. This does not mean shoving copious amounts of soap into your vagina, but gently washing the area surrounding it. This sort of basic hygiene will ensure you won't have any embarassing build-up of discharge, which can cause odours. (Dabs of a light perfume behind your knees can be nice, too.)
If your period is still trickling away on Friday, then yeah, it might still be period-y. Unfortunately, there is no solution to this - though I will say that contrary to popular belief, many people are perfectly okay with engaging in sexual actitivies during their (or their partner's) period. It really just comes down to what you both feel comfortable with.
Every woman's vagina isn't smell-free, however. But 'smells' aren't always bad things. Depending on your general health, your diet, and your unique body, your natural lubrication could be a range of flavours - from nothing, to 'rain', to something more sweet/flavourful. EVERY WOMAN experiences this, and a guy really needs to be okay with it.
But relax. It's not usually off-putting to guys at all, and many really enjoy smelling/tasting their partner's vagina. Basically, if you're both on the same page and excited, anything and everything will be perfectly fun/fine.
Remember to use basic safe sex precautions - if your friend has any cold sores, open cuts in his mouth, etc (or if you have had previous sexual experience with other people and are not sure of your STD status), it's worth using a dental dam. You can slice a condom in half and spread if over your vagina - looks funny, but can protect you both from the transmission of disease.
Basically, your first time receiving oral sex is likely to be awkward or strange feeling at points. Regarding smell/taste, you should be absolutely fine - and the fact that you can openly talk about your sexual plans/needs/expectations with your partner is a really good sign.
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This is for the girls.. okay.. well i'm on Ortho tricyclen Lo.. and if any of you are i have a question!!.. okay well when will i start my period.. will i start it on my normal day.. or when i start taking the inactive pills? Thanks! (link)
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Once you've been on Ortho for a few months, your body will develop a new rhythm. Depending on whether you were a 'Sunday starter' or a 'Day One starter' with your pill, it might take time for your body to adjust.
Generally, your period should come within the first few days of taking the inactive pills.
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So, i've been thinking about but not really knowing if... I mean it's not that I want to commit suicide... I guess i'm just depressed and no I don't want to go on medication cause it's not like my brain is screwed up... it's just that I dunno I feel ugly I feel bad and whenever I tell anyone it doesn't seem to be relevant to them... and yes I know by posting this there will be people (stupid) saying that "YA U SHOULD U WORTHLESS PEICE OF ****" and I really don't care cause I probably should... I know that you guys probably don't care whether I live or not cause I mean it'll just mean one less mouth to feed and one more room to fill...
Basically the reason why I am depressed is that cause I'm gay and i've told people but not everyone... and I just want to have someone to be able to love me back and someone to be able to cuddle with on winter's cold... I've tried online chatting (no not AIM) but actual sites that are serious and no respons... I guess it's cause I'm ugly... but I just feel... *sigh* (link)
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Being gay can really affect your moods; it does not make you crazy. I think the best options could be speaking to a health professional - depression is depression no matter what causes it. I'd also look into local support for gay young people.
PFLAG is everywhere and will have excellent resources; they should be able to hook you up with local high school, community, or support groups. This is a great way to be around other gay people who will love and accept you for who you are; this could help build your self esteem and is also a really positive way to meet others who you might want to develop a friendship or relationship with.
Being single can make anyone feel bad. Being gay can make it doubly hard, as it often seems there is less of a chance to find someone. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU - it's about your surroundings. Good for you for coming out. You are fine and perfect and loveable just as you are.
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Can birth control give you really really bad mood swings? I started on Ortho tricyclen about three months ago (I'm 19), and recently I've been having really bad mood swings. Could birth control be causing that? Or could it just be outside stress? (which I do have a lot of right now) Any help will be appreciated...I'll rate a 5! (link)
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Yup. Birth control pills can and will affect your moods. I'd speak to your doctor - if you've been on Ortho for a few months, you just might need to give your body more time to relax. I'd say this could definitely be the case if you have a lot of stress in your life right now - there's no way to tell if the pill or the stress is the culprit for your mood swings.
Another option is called the 'mini pill,' which serves the exact same function, but uses less hormones in the process. This can often be milder on your body.
Speak to your gyno and see what s/he suggests, but be aware there are a plethora of birth control options for you to choose from.
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hello, are you a virgin? because you certainly know a lot about sex.
btw, you give extremely good advice. you would be a perfect moderator 2. (link)
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Thanks very much; I enjoy trying to give people as much info as possible about situations...such as sex. (Or tampons. I love tampon advice!)
I don't want to discuss my sex life here, but I will say that I make every effort to ensure that any information I give is correct and up-to-date.
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ok, i know this guy from jr high and we never really talked then because we're both über shy but this year (1st year of high school) we started talking because we have a lot of classes together and exchanged email addresses and we've become really good friends.
however i think i might be falling in love with him which is awkward because he's kind of having a rough time right now. (i.e. parents divorcing, just got dumped by his gf who used to be my best friend, etc, etc)
i don't want to ruin our friendship by saying anything to him and i think it's important that he have someone to trust and talk to right now, but i really want something to happen between us. should i tell him i like him or wait or not tell him or what??? (link)
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This could sound lame, but I really think these sort of situations develop the best when they happen naturally. Maybe you'll be talking with him one day and a moment will come when you realize you should tell him. That could happen tomorrow or in three months.
It's a hard thing to plan, though I would definitely be careful. If he's just getting out of a relationship, you don't want to be a rebound - and with his parents getting a divorce, he's in a really fragile emotional place right now.
I think I'd wait and just keep being his friend (and relationships which start as friendships are often the best kind!), which is what he needs most. If you have any doubts about how you feel about him, I would wait before saying something - better for you both if you are certain how you feel. Finally, I'd wait until the timing felt right. Hopefully your feelings will be returned, and you'll also have a really strong foundation with him because of the trust you already share.
Best of luck.
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i;ve tried useing a tampon but it hurts wen i try to put it in!!i dunno if im doing it right! Please help!!! (link)
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Okay. Here are some tips:
1. Buy the smallest tampons you can find - either mini ones, or ones especially designed for teenagers. Make sure they are plastic and have curved tips.
2. If you can, buy K-Y Jelly. This is a water based lubricant that can help a tampon slip in a little easier. Also, if you feel pain while pushing the tampon in, stop. Push more gently, or try a different angle.
3. Next...you see how there are two parts to the tampon? The top part which holds the cotton, and the bottom part which plunges into the top? You'll want to hold the tampon at the bottom of the part holding the cotton. When you insert the tampon (aiming at your lower back - it's a slight angle), put it in until your fingers holding the applicator bump into your vagina, and THEN push in the plunger. This makes sure it is inserted fully and, once inside, you should not be able to feel it.
If you are having pain inserting it, I would think it's caused by not putting it in quite the right place (try with a finger first), pushing it in at the wrong angle, or just being new to tampons. They're awkward, but they're sort of like riding a bike. For awhile, you'll have a nervous, fumbling time trying to use them - but one day you'll just get the hang of it. It just takes time.
Good luck.
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Thanks for the advice, that was excellent. But I think my problem is that I am not too great at building relationships and friendships, which is where my reputation for more crazy friend chick comes from. Also no-one has ever asked me out, so I have never refused or openly said I don't want one. The lads I have my eye on are my friends, which is partly the problem. Firstly we have a naturally teasing relationship, i.e. taking the mick at every oppurtunity. That's just the sort of person I am, I do it with my mates and family too. The second thing might be that I have these thick framed wide red glasses which I really like but don't want to change. Well, I would prefer slightly thinner black frames but I can't afford them. And I am also seem as a bit of a goth, which means I am a rock chick but they are too dim to understand. The main lad I fancy is this really quiet rock kid, but I've only spoken to him once briefly. He sits near me in 2 classes, but both are in front of mates and there is nowhere else I would see him. What can I do? Sorry to load all this on you at want, but this advicenator is realy great. Thank you so much :) (link)
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Okay - I think it works in your favour that the main guy you like is someone you don't know well. if he was, and you had that friendly/mocking/fun sort of relationship...then you might be stuck in a certain box in his mind.
But if you haven't really talked? You're in a prime position to ask him out. Maybe get to class early, or leave late - or arrange to be walking in/out at the same time as him? Strike up a conversation, or ask if he'd want to meet up sometime. If you approach him, then you don't have to worry about him approaching you.
I do understand that it's scary to ask people out, but I also see that unless you do it, you might just always be everyone's really cool friend - and never anyone's girlfriend. I'd ask out Quiet Boy, see what happens, and go from there. And the other guys that are your friends? Is there one of them you fancy that you'd feel comfortable talking to about this?
Not specifically about you and him, but in a more general way. Like, 'I feel like everyone just sees me as a friend and would never ask me out. Do you think that's accurate?' Maybe these guys are just meant to be your friends and that's it...or maybe they just need to know that you're open to taking things to the next level.
I will say that dating people you were close friends with is the most terrifying thing to start, but the MOST gratifying relationship you can imagine.
And honestly? I think your glasses sound funky, I like how open you are, and I really think it's just a matter of time before someone notices you in a way which is definitely not the way they would notice a friend.
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Well heres the thing at school i am not popular and im not dorky either im right in te middle. but see i dress preppy to get the popular kids to like me but yet i wanna be diffrent. like a part of me wants me to dress a little bit punkish.and i could pull that off. iwant to be punk but the more i think of it i still wanna be popular but i never will be. theres this guy i like andi kno w he likes punk girls but i dont want people at school calling me a poser and my friend is a cheer leader and i dont want her to not like me cus im a punk. what shud i do? (link)
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Reread your question. You have to dress a certain way so a boy will like you, but that'll make one of your friends stop liking you. You're all confused, and I'm not surprised.
There's a quote which says, 'The truth is easy to remember.' What it means? You should dress in the way that makes you feel most like yourself, whoever that may be. Then all you have to remember is who you are, instead of who everyone else wants you to be.
And people at school? Do you really want friends just on the basis of how you dress?
Dress can help you meet people, but it can be a bad experience if you're not careful. If people like you for your clothes (and it seems it's not really working so far...), they don't like you for you. If you dress to be yourself, and are comfortable and happy being yourself, you'll end up attracting people.
People like being around people who like themselves. So, figure out what makes YOU happiest - nobody else - and go for it.
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Can I ask u a question like this? Hmm...
Anywho, I am a very much me person. I've always been a bit different and rarely on purpose, I am naturally a bit hairy, bit of a geek, I'm prepared to be quite sociable but rarely get asked, and would love a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend to fit in neccessarily, but to be mymate and to make out with. I've only had 1 boyf who was like 3 years younger than me on holiday. I'm not exactly willing to change who I am but I really would love a boyfriend, and I kinda have my eye on a few lads.
However I think I am seen as the crazy smart chick who would never be girlfriend material. What advice do you have?
Thanks, Sarah (link)
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I think you should wait until you can be known as the crazy smart chick who has a boyfriend who adores her.
You're right in not wanting to change; any guy you attract as a result of acting differently is not a guy who likes the real you.
The solution? Well, what about those guys you are interested in - are you their friend? Have you never spoken to them?
I'll say the same thing I would say to anyone...it's about having confidence in who you are (and it seems you do), approaching people, and building friendships/relationships with like-minded people. Strike up a conversation with a guy and see where it leads - why do you think you have the reputation of not being girlfriend material? If there are specific things which lead people to believe that (you never accepting dates, you openly saying you don't want a boyfriend), then you can work on that. If none of those things are happening, it might just be in your head.
For all you know, a guy has his eye on YOU because he likes smart, quirky people (and we really are the best sort of people!!). As time goes on and your world expands, you'll natually end up around people who are like you, whether this happens at university or in whatever job you choose. In the meantime, maybe start making an effort. If you want to be sociable but are not asked, then do the asking. Put yourself out there a bit.
With no risk, there is no payoff. You can do this; share your shiny, wonderful, weird self with other people.
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I have filled out my college applications and I was wondering besides my application and the essay what else am I supposed to send it. I signed all the papers do they can get my transcripts. Another thing can I send in the applications in plain envlopes or do I have to use the ones they send me?
thanx for the help (link)
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Before you sent anything, I would reread all the fine print. Does your college require a portfolio, an example of your work, or anything extra? If not, you're probably good to go. Make sure your application is neat and legible - no cross outs, bad spelling, etc.
Check with your high school guidance counselor about the transcripts; most colleges will request them directly from the high school, so you don't have to worry about that.
Finally, always use the envelope they send you. It shows you pay attention to detail and can follow intructions.
And....good luck at getting into the perfect place for you!
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