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I may be completely over-reacting, but I really need some advice on this;

I'm thirteen, and I started smoking a few months ago... at first it was only a fag or two when I was around friends, but now its almost like I need a few cigarettes to calm me down just so I can start studying... not just around my mates and stuff..

Problem is; I've started to get some pain in my chest, and I've let myself get into a panic by reading that section on a ciggie packet about health hazards over and over again...

and now I'm afraid I may be sick... like i said, I may be over reacting... but I'm panicky... I don't want to die, my parents are doctors!

I can't tell them, I'll get into so much trouble... and after they send me for a check up, and if the results turn up fine, then I'll want to smoke again- but they'll confiscate the pack from me... and I won't be able to... Honestly, I have so much going through my head right now, I CAN'T STOP SMOKING, BUT I CAN'T DIE EITHER??

What should I do?!

PS. Sorry for the lengthy question

OK when i was around your age i was in the same place as you..i tried a cigerette or two with my friends..then i found myself stealing some from my dad and sneaking in some smokes while i was walkng my dog at night..I almost got addicted..and looking back its scary..but i just stopped one day because i realized how dumb i was being plus i was so young.! I was so disgusted at myself..i didnt want to turn out a bad kid..and after thinking of all the consequenses..the health problems..what my PARENTS would say and how upset and disappointed they would be..i just stopped and im so happy i stopped.

i hope your lucky enough to be able to stop like i did..just stop..you can do it! dont wait or you will be too addicted

-melissa-

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My boyfriend and I broke up a little more than 2 months ago, and about a week ago he told me that he still loved me and could never bare to tell his mom we broke up because it would make it "real." I told him that i still love him too, and, even though we had gone back to being best friends after we broke up, now that we both admitted to still liking eachother we have barely talked or anything. I'm starting to worry our frienship is falling apart, which is more important to me than ANYTHING. Is there any way i could make a move to tell him we're still OK and nothing's changed, anything u guys think will help...or, more importantly, any reason this has happened?

You two not talking is probably because things are feeling a bit weird right now..kinda awkward right? A good move you can make to let him know its OK is to call him up and see if he wants to hang out..then just hang like your two best friends and nothing else..that is..if you want it that way..do you want to be more than friends with him or keep it friends?

well if it were me i would call to see if he wants to hang..i bet he would be releived because hes probably wondering whats going on also..so make the first move and ask if he wants to hang out

hope i helped..try it out ..if you want more help feel free to inbox me

-melissa-

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me and my friends grind at partys and we sandwhich is this normal like grinding with girls and im a girl alike if a bot asked me to dance and we started grinding i would keep on doing it me and my friends also sanwhich im not sure if this is normal we dont do anything gross if thats what you think because we dont we just grind and sandwhich please helpp

dont worry about it..me and my friend ashley grind butt to butt but trust me...we are both REALLY straight..so it doesnt mean we are gay or bi..its just all in good fun. keep partying it up :)
nobody probably thinks anything of it.. i agree with the person above me though,just watch that kind of stuff in front of relatives lol
-melissa-

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Ok... i see my boyfriend every day for at least 3 hours or so... well he works during the week...

is it weird that i miss him all day?

people tell me i'm too dependent on him but i just love him


and i miss him

Being that you see him all the time i think its a bit much to be missing him all day..I could understand if maybe you only saw him a couple times a week but you see him everyday which shouldnt leave you missing him that much when hes not there. I understand that you love him but you need to be able to enjoy time when hes not around..like by hangin with friends, going places, doing normal stuff and not constantly missing him like that..you sound like your a bit dependant on him..i mean the love thing is great and congrats on being in love :) ...but try to occupy yourself with activities and have fun when hes not there..you see him everyday..your lucky!

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Is it weird that he refuses to shoot his load in my mouth? He always squirms when he's abotu to cum so that i take my mouth of it

Maybe the guy doesnt know that you want him to shoot in your mouth...do you want him to? just tell him you want him to and i bet next time he will be happy to. if hes still weird about it..thats ok..its just his thing i guess.
so talk to him about it and see what he says
-melissa-

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Alright well I have this ex boyfriend that i was with for over a year...im only 15 right now so thats pretty long in my eyes. Well we fought alot and broke up but still remained kind of friends. Well we had plans last week that we were going to get back to gether, than friday i called him because he wanted to hang out that night and this girl answers his cell phone..then she was mean to me and he was like "I dont wanna talk to you right now" then saturday i called him and hes like "I really like this girl and I want to be with her". Ive never cried as hard in my life as I did this weekend..Now last night he calls me saying that shes missing something that he needs, and then he says that he misses me. IM so confused right now. I dont mind him being with some one else as long as hes happy but I think that girl is into him for all of the wrong reasons..because my ex is rich, really rich, his parents drive hummers and corvettes..he has a camero and all these different cars. I just dont want him to get hurt..ya know? but then again im hurting because i love him and hes a great person...ughhhh i dont know what to do...please help me!!!


I rate high im sorry for how long it is

ok, tell him to think about who he wants to be with..and when he decides tell him to call you. Let him know how you feel and how you want him to be happy, but you dont want him toying with you..like dont let this turn into one of those things where hes like "i dont know.." for a month. Have him come to a desision and stick with it. If he choses her..you have to let him find out for himself how shes using him for his wealth..i know its going to hurt to watch that happen..but you cant live his life for him..hopefully he will make the right choice and chose you though..

i hope i helped
-melissa-

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I know its always better to be yourself ive learned that. The problem is i dont know ho wot find out who I am and what to do when being myself.

to find l out who you really are..go with your opinions instead of going with other peoples opinions..after awhile you will know
where you like to shop, the styles you like
what you find funny and what you dont find funny
thee type of boys you like and dont like
the type of music you like
if you want to be weird..be weird! dont worry what others will think, because your just being you!

then when you hang out with friends and they might say "i really love this song.." and if you hate it..you say how you dont like it..and there you go, your being yourself! (sorry if that was a weak example lol)

i hope i helped..! :)

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I am 13 and I'm a female. A few of my guy friends seem to act real nice around me, but when they're around each other, they say bad things about me. I'd like to know if I can trust them.

I asked that question earlier and I forgot to mention that one guy is an ex-boyfriend, one likes me and I think the other likes me too. My ex and the guy who likes me are very good friends and the guy who likes me is good friends with the guy who I think likes me. I hope this will give me more help.

Well, i wouldnt be able to trust someone who was all nice around me ..then talked about me behind my back..if i knew that was going on i would be pretty mad and i would talk to them about it..i mean what kind of friendship is a frienship where your constantly talking behind someones back? So if it were me i would have trouble trusting them..it would have to be something they earned back slowly..and maybe i could start trusting them a little more as time went on.

hope this helped.
-melissa- :)

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I get choked up asking this, but I need answers. My mom and dad have been married for 2 years. But last night, I was over at my dad's best friend, Bobby's house. Then the doorbell rang so Bobby went to get it. It turned out to my dad barefoot and cying SO hard. My mom wasn't with him, so i was scared that something had happened to her. He kept yelling "That unfaithful bitch, that unfaithful bitch!"
Then my dad and Bobby went into a back room so I couldn't hear them talking. I'm really scared. My dad isn't talking to me, and he stays all cooped up in the house and doesn't go to work and he makes me cook all the meals. He hasn't stopped crying yet and I'm SO scared!He hasn't told me the problem adn i really want to know! What happened last night? Why is my dad so sad? Where's my mom? When will my dad get over this? PLEASE HELP! I'll rate 5's for great answers.

From what i gather it sounds like your mom cheated on your dad with someone, and it really shook your dad up. bad. Hes sad because the woman he loves cheated on him with someoen else, and i've never had that happened to me but it must be the most awful feeling in the world. Your mom might have left to stay with the person she cheated on, a relatives house, or a friends house. When will your dad get over this? well its going to take a lot of time..the woman he loves just cheated and left..thats a huge deal and its going to be very hard.

This is one of those "adult problems" that needs to be worked out between your parents..but if i were you i would first try and track down my mom:
-does she have a cell you can call?
-do you know the number to her friends house? she could be there
-try calling a relatives house..maybe her moms house

your dad is putting a lot on you, hes not handling this well at all..try and support him and comfort him the best to your ability..eventually he should calm down..but i think he needs to be alone also to let everything out..let him know your here to support him and talk to him and give him a hug.

try spending time with your friend to get your mind off of family problems because this must be really hard on you also.


im so sorry about everything your going through..stay strong and remember you can talk to family members, friends, etc about this ...talking helps ..it really does

i hope i helped you out a bit..please, inbox me if you have any more questions. im here for you

-melissa-

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Hey Everyone! Well recently I discovered that the guy I've been crushing on for a month doesn't like me, because of the 5 yr age difference we have. Every single time I start thinking about him (which is pretty often) I feel siick to my stomach with the knowledge of me not being able to have him. I need to find an alternative that can replace him> meaning whenever I think about hm, I can just do something else that will get my mind off of him> My ? is what should that alternative thing be?? I honestly think that I'm in love with this guy I'm never going to be able to have. I need a cure to get over him and find some1 else that I like better. Please help I'm desperate!

hhang out with friends as much as possible! they make you forget about everything and you just laugh and enjoy yourself! if you find yourself thinking about him call up some friends to hang out

also try:
-calling someone on the phone
-finding a good movie to watch and get into (just avoid the love movies)
-do an activity! this works well because your focusing on the activity..and it makes you feel good about yourself! swimming,hiking,playing your favorite sport, going for a walk,
-play video games..hang with siblings..
-clean
-go online and look at pictures of gorgous male models...lol
-garden
-cook

thats what i would do if i couldnt get the guy off my mind..i've had a few guys i couldnt get off my mind ..and after doing some of the things i told you and keeping busy..i thought of them less and the pain faded..so do those activities and when you go out with friends..keep your eyes open for a cute guy to spark a convo with..maybe exchange numbers ;)

hope i helped!
-meliss

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ok well..im 11 yeears old, and like.. im 115lb. and im 5'2 and i abouslty hate it. People say im fat, behind my back..and im always hungry ..and i try to eat healthy but i still gain weight ..help?

your only 11 dont worry! im 16 and looking back in my yearbook from 5th grade..i see we were all a lil chunky! as you get older you develop muscle, get taller, grow into your body more..some people stay a little chunky (like me) but i dont look as chunky as i did back then

ok 115 isnt that big at all..look at the obesity problem we have! screw what people think first of all..the real friends are the ones who arent shallow like that..and the ones who are shallow and make fun of you..forget them because you dont need them in your life either!

for now:
excersise more..join a team..join ballet..go biking,swimming,walking, jogging, jumprope.

watch how much junk you eat..dont overload.

drink water

you dont need to go on a hardcore diet because your only 11 and your still growing..but doing that stuff will help you get results..dont go nuts though and you will be fine!

i hope i helped you out

-melissa-

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sry for the length but i need help!

ok i like this guy we'll call him "joe" we me and joe talked in the past about going out and i screwed it up now i reallly like him but im afraid to tell him b/c im scared to death of rejection b/c i've never really had to deeal with it.. every guy i liked turned out to like me and tell me they liked me b4 i told them i liked them and they lasted for like 2 years all of them...

and Joe is one of my best friends and i like him so much im willing to risk our friendship to try this out but i talked to Joe about everything like boyz and he tells me about girls and well he likes like 4 girlz ... im just so confused...can any1 give me any advice??


again sry for the length
i'll rate high!!!

rejection is something we ALL have to deal with sometimes in life..its part of life. I say live with no regrets..dont let joe turn into one of those stories where he says 6 months later "wow, you liked me? i liked you too..its too bad we never got together" dont let that happen! go for it..! if you try and he doesnt feel the same way..at least you dont have to sit there wondering what could have been..that would drive you nuts, wouldnt it?

if your too scared to talk to him in person about being more than friends...email him..talk online to him about it..get a close friend to mention it..and if he tells your friend that no he doesnt like you...then he asks "why are you asking?" all your friend has to do is reply that she was looking for someone to hook you up with and she thought you would be a good choice..this way you dont get rejected by him in your face..things might go smoother that way

i hope i helped..best of luck!
inbox me if you have any more questions :)
-melissa-

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me and this guy almost went out about 7 months ago and i basically got myheart broken. then about 2 weeks ago he e-mailed me saying he was sorry for leading me on and stuff and he wants to prove to me that hes nicer then that. so i emailed him back bascially saying don't worry about it and he'll have to prove it to me. so he said he was going to camp for a week but then when he gets back we'll hang out for sure. well hes been back for 2 days now and he hasn't IMed me or anything and i sent him an email about this drink he told me about saying it was good and he was like haha yeah thats why i love it. so yeah, should i bring up that we should hang out? i'm nervous to IM him or bring it up, especially since he isn't too shy of a guy and i think he woulda brought it up if he wanted to. i leave on thursday and won't be back for 2 weeks so time is pretty limited. what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you dont hang out before thursday you know he will be on your mind the whole time and it will drive you nuts! so..today is sunday..wait until tomorro night and if he doesnt bring it up..ask if he wants to hang out sometime before thursday..if he blows you off forget him because you dont want him playing games with you like that. So definately try and hang out with him before thursday..if it doesnt work out dont worry ..at least you gave it a shot! if you ask to hang out and he gives lame excuses or seems like he doesnt wanna hang out..dont ask again until he asks to hang out.

thats what i would do..i hope i helped out a lil
inbox me if you have more questions!
-melissa- :)

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okay, i have a group of 4 friends that have a blast when we're all together. its me and another girl and 3 guys. Well i found out that 2 of the guys liked me.. and the thing is i like both of them too.. but i like one more.. but dont wanna hurt the other one. and so i tell them that i just want to be friends with all of them. and then i get a texted from the one i like more asking if i'd ever want to hold his hand, i told him i'd let him kno when the time comes. but ugh.. its so fustrating.. hope you can help!

honestly..this is something we can guide you with..but you need to think it through and come to a final desision : Do you want to date this boy or remain friends?

first..think of all the good stuff...being with the boy you like..all the good stuff about being in a relationship

now..think about the bad stuff..putting a friendship at risk is always a concern..awkwardness is usually a concern..the other boys feelings is also..but thats something he can get over..and he should be fine with just being your friend and enjoying your friendship


this is just me...but with me its hard for me to deny my feelings so i would probably go for it..im not saying this is the right choice or the wrong choice..its just what i would do based on me

make a list if you want..think it through for a little while..but once you come to your choice, make sure its your final choice because playing games with people and feelings isnt good..(im sure you know that)

well i hope i helped..good luck with everything!
-melissa-

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I'm in a lot of sports like softball, tennis, and I will be in cross country in August. I really want to lose weight. I try hard and I sweat a lot during sports, but I won't lose any weight! I try to eat healthy, but sometimes I just can't stay away from those sweets. Could you please give me some tips on how to lose weight and keep me away from those sweets?

P.S: You're my favortie columist, that's why I'm asking you!

aw thanks so much! honestly..im pretty overweight myself..but i will try to help you out the best i can

now when you say you cant stay away from those sweets does that mean you have some..or a lot? because with all this excersising it should be ok to have some sweets every now and then..try sneaking in a lil treat 1-3 times a week and when you have sweets..have some..and try to avoid second helpings..little things like leaving the whipped cream off of ice cream makes a difference

..staying under three would be great but everyone is human..eliminating sweets isnt the answer because *eventually* you will give in and indulge too much and give up (trust me i know because i have been down that road)

here are some websites you might find helpful

http://www.hateweight.com/weight_loss_tips.html

http://www.weightloss-tips.org/

http://www.fitwatch.com/free-weight-loss-tips.html


playing sports and keeping active is great..if your excersising and burning more calories than you eat..you will see results! dont go nuts though..take it slow

inbox me if you have any more questions!
-melissa-

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ok i know this is bad but i just told my dad to burn in hell and hes REALLY MAD what do i do

ok i've said dumb stuff like this..we all have to our parents..what you need to do is let him cool off...stay sepaerated from him for about a half hour..then after that try and talk to him..apologizing for what you did...hes very mad but he al;so must be reeally hurtt too : /
so try and talk things out..apologize..and hopefully things will be all good..just let him cool down for awhile
-meliss

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So, I went in for a second interview & the manager really liked me so I got hired for a job but no more than 30 seconds later I was fired due to the only time I could arrive for work is 45 minutes after my shift starts due to the time my school lets out & drive time to get there. I can't work on Thursdays & Fridays because of Cheerleading related things. He guarenteed me a job in January when football season is over. He told me to call him if anything changed. I was thinking of calling him because I figured I could make it about 30 minutes late instead of 45 also, I could work on weekends if I couldn't get weekday hours. Should I call?

i wouldnt call..because your boss is looking for someone who can be on time..sure everyone is late now and then but being 30 minutes late regularly is too much. during the school year i would like to get a job but with everything i have going on in school i cant..a job is a big commitment and being on time is a major thing

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Well let me start from the very begining. I have a sister who is older then me and she was very shy and didnt have alot of friends growing up especialy no guy friends! Well I am different and I have more guy friends then I do girls! My parents are really picky though and they dont want me to like hang out with guys especialy if its one on one. They say they cant trust me and that I wear to much make up. Well I dont wear to much and If I didnt wear makeup I wouldnt go out! because I am very self concious. Also I like guys and how the heck and I suposed to have a relationship if my parents wont let me! I mean im 14 Im going into highschool and obviously I want to date! I feel like sense my sister wasnt like me they are being way to hard on me! I mean all my friends get to hang out with guys even if parents arent home! I mean I know thats not acceptable and I wouldnt do that I always make sure parents will be there! but it seems like thats not good enough for my parents! PLEASE HELP ME! I DONT LIKE MY PARENTS THIS WAY!

i hear you completely. what you need to do is slowly earn your parents trust..i guess im pretty lucky because my parents seem to reeally trust me..and although i abuse it sometimes, im usually pretty good i guess.

well you need to take things slow.talk to your parents about how your your own person and your different from yuor sister...talk to them about how important trust is, especially within a family. talk to them and maybe they will see your side and let you go somewhere.
tell them:
WHO you will be with
WHAT you will be doing
WHEN your going/coming back
WHERE your going
WHY your going (optional i guess)

those questions make parents feel better because they know the plan..whats going on. do NOTHING to mess up your parents trust..like if your parents are supposed to pick you up at the movies and you didnt ask if you could walk to dunkin donuts for example...dont walk to dunkin donuts! that would suck if your parents caught you walking there in the dark...they would flip out especially since your just starting to earn their trust

eventually after going out for awhile with no incidents...you will (should) begin to see they arr becoming more relaxed and trusting with you.

if things dont improve go to dr phils website and try to find an article about paranoid parents and show it to them maybe...

try those thingds out..inbox me if they dont improve

-melissa-

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Since a year ago, I've always wanted to have lesbian sex. But, I don't know how to ask girls to "do it" with me! Please help!

I rate high ;o)

reality is, you have to be careful about who you ask..if you ask random gfirls your attracted to ..they can tell everyone that your a lesbian and although society is becoming more accepting of gays and lesbians...there are still a lot of assholes out there

so...dont ask random girls..ask a girl who yuo KNOW is bi or lesbian after hanging out with them

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Allright my friendboy Lynn kissed me in a hotel bed, but he has a girlfriend. I kissed him back but I don't know what I should do. So, what should I do?

confused_on_this

this is a danger zone my friend! lynn has a girlfriend.. this is not a good situation! you need to talk to him ..ask him whats going on and if he wants to be with you he needs to break it off with his gf because

1) helping someone cheat is just wrong, immagine if you were the girl..not knowing what was going on
2) its not fair to you! why should you have to keep things hush hush so nothing gets out..if it gets out the girl and her friends would be furrious and would want to possibly beat you up..
3) what makes you think if this guy chose you he wouldnt turn around on you and cheat on you with another girl? he cheated on his gf..so he could cheat again

if this was me i wouldnt take things any further unless he breaks up with his gf...and even if he did break up with her i would still have to think because this guy could do the same thing he did to his gf...cheat

i hope i helped..you have some thinking to do!
need anything else? inbox me :)
-melissa-

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