A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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I have a boyfriend who asked me if I wanted to experience a mènage à trois when we go to my friend's party in two weeks. I know it is sexy because we were talking about having sex at her house so I told him "yeah baby!" when I texted him back. I figured I would find out what it was when we were having sex but today he texted me and asked me to "pick the trois" and I have no clue what to do!
What are we going to be doing and what am I suppose to pick!?!
I am to embarrassed to ask anyone I know! (link)
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He just asked you to have a threesome and then told you to pick the girl the two of you are going to have sex with.
I'm guessing from your question that he isn't really joking. If he is, now you know what it means. If he isn't he just treated you like an ignorant slut.
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Our school's sadie hawkins dance is coming up and I got asked. I don't want to just say "yes." I want to do something fun or different because this girl is really special and I want her to remember me in a special way even after the dance.
Any ideas? ladies what would you think was wonderful and leave you thinking happy thoughts about a guy if he did when you asked him to sadies?
Thank you and I promise to rate everybody! (link)
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You're way over-thinking this.
Lets say you do something ridiculous and over the top. You're not likely to do ridiculous and over the top all that often, its not like its anyone's normal modus operandi. So you take a shot, maybe she's thrilled and maybe you just made a complete ass of yourself, and then you're seemingly alot more normal after that.
Or, you do consistent small things. Bring her a rose when you say yes, randomly bring her flowers, notes, whatever.
Smaller more regular bits of attention work alot better than going overboard. You've already gotten asked, she likes you. Being ridiculous doesn't say you like her, it says you're trying to impress her. She's already impressed, if you want to make her feel special take her to the dance and get to know her.
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I am lesbian and I've only had intercourse with a girl. Does that mean I'm a virgin? Today someone asked me if I was a virgin and I said "no" but really I don't know. Opinionated answers are fine with me. Just curious. Also when I have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, we make it special. It's affectionate and we do it because we are in love. This is just so complex to get my mind around. Some define virginity as a penis going into a vagina, but isn't other forms of sex included for virginity? If people have oral sex and they never had a penis, are they a virgin? What defines sex? (link)
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You've had sex. Of course you're not a virgin. Virginity, while often in heterosexual context is slaved to a physical condition (hymen intact), is really more of a reference to someone being innocent when it comes to sex and intimacy.
You've gotten laid. This isn't really that hard.
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i'm a girl and some guys i've been out with said i'm more of a teas than a flirt, but most of my guy-friends and best friends say that i just flirt alot. I don't think i'm a flirt or a teas, i'm just an outgoing person. I truely don't know the diffrence between the two, i thought they were the same. i asked some one befor but i couldn't get a stright answer. What's worse a flirt or a teas?
(link)
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Tease is spelled with an e at the end. Difference is not diffrence. And a tease is worse. Flirting is harmless, teasing is leading someone on.
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Okay, so recently to sum my story up short, My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5years. In the past I have caught him maybe 2yrs ago lying about girls he had slept with and he put it all out on the table who and what he lied about. 2 years later here we are he lied to me again saying he was going to sleep Friday night because he had to "work" saturday morning an I didn't trust him at all because his whole story about working had been changing, because he lives out of town also! He just recently moved away as well, so he said basically he couldn't come into town because he had to work. I trusted that he said he had to work even though things were sketchy! SO I called his friend later that night he picked up the phone an hungup an I heard music playing , eventually Travis called an chewed me out saying he was sleeping an stop calling him. I just so happened to check his account and see he was lying and at a nude bar? I kept thinking why would he lie, I caughthim an drove all the way to south carolina to fix things with him NOTE:i didnt do anything wrong, I think any female would have done the same an checked up on their bf of 5 YEARS. So he is wanting to break up because I went on his online banking and he foundout tuesday I tried logging in again and he changed his password so I couldn't go on an I assumed maybe he was hiding stuff and questioned him about it? I wrote him a long email saying if he wanted closure I will give it to him an called him that night to talk, this time he wasnt yelling at me on the phone he listened an just commented saying I dont trust him an never did, an that's why he did it an tried to get away with it because he knew I wouldn't approve of him going out like he did. Well needless to say we ended the convo on good terms he said he would call me and hasn't called yet, it's been about a day now! SO I want to know am I wrong? What can I do to fix it? I told him I would go to counseling to do whatever it took to make it work an would trust him but at the same time he has to gain that back from me? I don't know what more to do I have talked to al kinds of people at work, managers everything and have no clue what to do?? ANY advice would be appreciated , Thank you SO much! (link)
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You said he lives in another city. I doubt you're seeing each other multiple times a week if thats true.
Online, distance, whatever. Its all interchangeable. You talked about e-mail instead of phone calls. Regardless, unless you gave me bad information, what I said is true.
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to Invade Iraq?
There's so much evidence. It is really pissing me off.. how the government is getting away with this. Why did we go to war with Iraq? to steal their oil? like all those people they are killing.. you cannot fight a "war on terror". you cant fight against people's emotions. if you want people to start liking america you think fighting a war with them, killing their people and destroying their land is going to make them love us? bloody idiots. it will only make more people want to join those groups that want to attack America. its okay for people to have a religion as long as they are tolerant of the other beliefs people have.. the whole Taliban and Al Qaeda thing isnt the first time people had extreme beliefs they want to enforce on others. America is guilty of that themselves anyways. And when I say America, I'm referring to the government and whoever decides these matters. Like just because a country doesn't believe in capitalism and democracy, we should punish them! like cuba! because what america says is the only right thing in this world! bullllllllll shiiiiit. Why are things so difficult.. why do we have democrats and republicans? maybe we need philosophers to be in office. i mean it was philosophers who like made those early Patriots want to rebel against british rule back in the revolutionary war. now its republican this, democrat that. why do people have to put themselves in these little boxes like that? why cant people just all talk together about whats the best thing for the country and the world.. but no they get corrupted and are greedy. america talks about how corrupt other governments are when we are very corrupt ourselves. im sick of the hypocrises. why cant people man up. Im hoping Obama and the administration can just get the job done. Like there are some people who hate obama and want all these bad things to happen to him. like hello what the hell, that is just anti american. because if our president and the administration effs up, then WE pay the price!!! who wants that? so everyone better be hoping obama is good.. and yeah i think its sad there are some republicans who just want him to fail like that and then claim they are super american and everything. like same with bush.. like i think he was one of our worst presidents but while he was president i was still hoping he'd do good, despite what happened in the past. Honestly, I wish I could be a president so I could set things straight. But I wasnt born in America (UK. i live in America now though cause my parents moved my family here) and there's too much.. petty things that get in the way. But yeah, that ends my rant. (link)
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Matt, did you really just say that?
Why haven't we had whistle blowing on our black ops? Why don't we know what the CIA is up to?
I'm not saying that there is conclusive proof out there that the government was behind it. But to say that its not possible is the height of idiocy. Our government is opaque, not transparent.
If it did happen, we'd get about as much information about it as we have at this point. And I wish I could find the two videos I've seen.
One is live news footage from outside the pentagon. The damage done before anyone on the scene was NOT in line with what would have been done by the kind of plane they claimed at the speed it would have been going. If the Pentagon had actually been hit by a plane, we would have lost at least a fifth of the building from jet fuel fires alone. Not blasted a ragged hole in the side consistent with a small missile hit.
There are photos of the inside showing offices with little to no burn damage, and we're supposed to believe that a plane that had taken off less than an hour before crashed there? Bullshit.
Also, I've seen a video of the tower collapse. I understand the physics involved, but the video clearly shows a plume of smoke about 10 stories down from the mass of shit from the collapsing floors.
The exact kind of plume of smoke you see when a base charge detonates during a controlled demolition.
No one can prove what happened with any certainty, and alot of the evidence has been suppressed or ignored. If nothing else, Bush was handed paperwork on 9/11 that said that they believed that there might be an attack that day, which he ignored.
Our government was likely not "behind" 9/11. Terrorists are very real, and Bin Ladens group is very real and so is their hatred for us (after we created their organization in the first place some years ago). But our government definitely stepped aside and let it happen. We've got enough information to know that.
They did it at Pearl Harbor too. We knew an attack was coming, pulled every air craft carrier we had out of the area, and kept the entire base at minimal readiness for an attack. Essentially, the base was left wide open so that we had our excuse to join the war.
9/11 is no different.
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I'm a 21 year old female and my husband and i got married a little while ago a year to be exact. i keep track of the money and were doing well so i asked if we could try for a baby. he said one day but i can't stop thinking about it. i see babies everywhere what can i do to convince him to have a child now?
artlover89 (link)
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Don't.
My wife is your age and I'm a bit older. She feels exactly like you and I feel exactly like your husband.
Don't.
We're not at a stable enough point to have a kid so I have that argument on my side, but the truth is that I am not ready to be a father, to be that 24/7 role model. I'm not ready to stop living like a college student, get a mortgage, and act like full adults. I still like to go out with friends and act like an immature irresponsible 18 year old.
Get a pet. Get a hobby. Do something that takes your mind off it whenever you can. You do not want to convince him to have a kid, you want him to be ready.
Trust me when I say, if he's not ready, he won't budge. One person being ready to be a parent isn't enough. Talk to him and ask him what he thinks, try to figure him out. Don't try to convince him. You'll only set him further in stone in his answer.
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So my husband and i have had so many problems last year....infidelities, anger, insecurities, unsolved problems, stress etc...and i can see it taking its toll on his part of the marriage.
I still struggle as well, we both are. But despite all our problems we are still trying very hard for the marriage because our feelings for each other are still going strong. So everyday we are fine with each other, we do talk about our problems sometimes but when we get in a fight, he cant seem to control his anger....
There were several times last year where hed leave me with a ugly bruise or two on my arm or marks on my wrists from being grabbed....i never thought id be in this sort of situation but at the same time i didnt find it too serious. I got more accustomed to it.
Lately its been getting worse & i believe the entire time i knew how worse it would most likely get was just being in denial. Hes choked me once before, and again just last night which was the worse of the two...everything has been leaving me so confused about my feelings towards him & he says hes not proud of himself for it. Hes told me that i should leave the house for a little while because he doesnt want to hurt me in any physical way anymore than he has, but i have problems with staying with other people, my friends & family are nowhere near where we live.
At the same time i dont even think this is too serious right now, i actually think that its probably my fault because of how angery he is & all the things he was made to put up with. He says he cant control it, am i just being blind?
How can i deal with this while not leaving for a while? Or deal with it at all....?? Please help i dont know what to make of this...
(link)
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Abuse is never your fault.
You need to get away from him. He's got anger management issues. The good side is, that he seems to recognize this and wants to fix it.
The bad side is you need to be away from him at least until its fixed.
Do not let yourself be harmed. Its not your fault that someone can't control themselves and their anger, and its not your job to put up with it.
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Hi I just had a quick question.
I have a Windows Vista, 2.66ghz dual core laptop with 4 GB of RAM, and a 400GB hard drive.
My hard disk space is almost full. I was wondering does it really make a difference,in regards to my computers performance, if I free up space in my hard drive? And if so how much of it should I keep free?
Thanks for the help. (link)
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One gigabyte generally.
The computer has whats called a "paging file". This is space reserved from the hard drive which the computer uses similarly to ram, so that you can free up the actual active memory spaces.
Ever minimized something for a long time, maybe played a game or watched a movie, and then pulled it back up and it takes a while? Thats because it was on your hard drive to free up ram space.
1 Gig is usually plenty, that gives you alot of space on your hard drive for the computer to use if you've got alot of stuff open.
Also, defragmenting your hard drive lowers read times, so do that every three or four months. Its in system tools in accessories usually.
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14/female
my best friend is going to have a baby and she is 13, she didn't mean to get pregnant but she did. she told me that she doesn't want to be a mother, and she isn't ready for this baby. Her boyfriend is 15 and he doesn't know what to do, she is living with him and his parents.and she doesn't believe in abortion. I want to know what are the chances of her having a miscarriage, will her age affect the her or/and the baby's health? or if anyone has had a teen pregency or knows someone who had...any information or advice will help thanks! (link)
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Echoing the below. Adoption.
There are quite literally millions of couples in the world who are infertile for some reason, and cannot have kids. These people have the money to raise a child and the love to give, and they are in a place in their adult lives where they can set the right example for a child.
Adoption is a way for your friend to give her child to someone who can take care of it when she cant. Its a way to give an amazing gift to people who cannot have a child themselves.
In a situation like this where abortion isn't possible, adoption obviously is. It is possible for her to go in, have a C section, wake up, and leave the hospital. The adoptive parents take over from there and take the kid home, which is the easiest way for someone like her to do it. She won't ever have to see the kid and can just let him/her go to a loving family.
Good for the kid, good for your friend, and best of all most of the time adoptive parents have the means and willingness to help with or take care of medical bills and such.
I know someone who went this route, it really is the best way for someone who knows they aren't ready to parent. 9 months and a scar later, and your life can go somewhat back to normal with the peace of mind that you know you did the right thing.
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http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=575882 (link)
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Ok, I do remember it all now.
Like I said before, this is really hard to give advice on, because it seems alot like a situation that everyone should just want to try to forget ever happened.
But.
Someday he will have kids, or be around kids. What if he does something to them, and gets away with it? What if everyone believes him because they stick with the "he's a good guy, he could never do this to anyone!" line that you're telling yourself constantly?
Thats my perspective. I can't make these decisions for you, but were I you I'd have told your mother. Same sex parents always have an easier time understanding what their kids might specifically be feeling at the moment and getting whats going on with you. But I'm not you, and I get your hesitation.
I just...
No one deserves to have what happened to you, or to be put in your situation now. But no one is so good a person that they deserve to get away with it.
You can put it forward as I have. You want to make sure that someone besides you knew what he was capable of, so that if history repeats itself he can't hide behind "I'd never do anything like that". Someone will know he has.
I know you love him, but he did something terrible, and you are too far buried in denial to know if he could do it again.
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Hey... Yeah, this is kind've hard to talk about right now. But I know what you're saying. My problem is, Obviously, I grew up with my brother. and I don't want to admit that he can do this kind of thing. I dont' want to hurt him, because he is a good guy and I hat thinking about "What he's capable of", because "he would never do that to anyone". I don't know why I'm having these repetitive thoughts defending his innocence... and I live in this tiny town where everybody knows everybody and therapists... I'm not sure they exist here, lol. Yeah... telling my parents... I really don't know... and my biggest thing is, in my head it happened like 10 years ago, an I don't want to bother people with it, becuase it happened so long ago and nobody really cares... And just out of curiousity, what kind of trouble do you think it would cause in the future? Anyway, I'd love to talk more but I'm really short on time, Thank you so much for all of your help. (link)
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It's been a while, send your question again with a link to the original so I can catch myself back up.
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Hi i'm 19 and I was having sex and then all of a sudden I got a terrible pain and it just wouldn't go away it felt like something was trying to tear my lower abdomen area apart. It was so bad that I almost threw up and I couldn't move for like a half hour. Over time i felt better. But it was so painful and it scared me a little bit. Do you know what it could possibly be?
Thank You! (link)
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It says you're 15 in your about the questioner.
And to answer your question, its highly likely you got poked in the cervix.
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Hello there
Well my husband and i have been married a little over a year now. I'm not on any form of birth control and when we have sex we dont ever use condoms and he never pulls out. It has been this way the whole marriage. Well I'm concerned that I havnt gotten pregnant yet. I visited the gyn late last year and tested me for a buncha things (including any stds) Well she says everything is fine with me, nothing wrong. My period has always been irregular so idk, could this possibly be a cause? I've always thought i prolly needed to do some special stuff just to get pregnant.
If we're not able to concieve naturally i dont even know how id feel about it. My husband has also questioned the fact that maybe he doesnt produce enough sperm or something but idk.
Anybody recommend anything??
If anyone has any info on this please let me know.
We def see children in our future & it would be devastating if we found out we couldnt...
(link)
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Peeps gave you some good advice. That said, no protection and no conception for a full year with regular intercourse is the definition of an infertile couple. While I wouldn't suggest going and getting fertility treatments, you SHOULD go see a doctor and have both of you checked out.
Drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc can lower sperm count and make conception difficult, but even under the worst conditions you should still be able to conceive after a year of trying. Its doctor time, plain and simple.
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i smoke a lot, like once a day at least. weed brownies barely work on me or take a while. y is this?
does it have to do with my digestive system?
the same batch work for my friends so is it possiable for me to just wait it out and itll work? (link)
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If they don't work you used crappy weed or you made them wrong. And no, I'm not handing out instructions.
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Hello im 19 and my boyfriend who is 21 wants to join the army/military. Not full blown army but like working with computers and such. He asked me what i thought yesterday and it was kind of a shock. He said him and one of his friends were talking about joining and he convinced him to go. He basically is just waiting my "approval" but i want him to do what makes him happy. He said after he goes for basic training he will only have to leave one weekend out of the month for like 2 years. Im not really sure how anything works. He just brought this upon me yesterday. The only downfall is that he will be gone for 10 months touring afghanistan or something. We've been together for about 2 years now and 10 months is a long time and i dont think we can go without seeing each other that long. He is basically only going into the army for the money. We are very serious and he said when he comes back he'll have money so we can plan a wedding and maybe some other big stuff. If he goes i dont know how im going to cope with him being gone we see each other every day! Any ideas or suggestions? I do rate!
-Thanks (link)
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Loveisforever is a child. Literally, absolutely zero awareness of the real world, innocent perspective of a child.
The cold hard facts are that there is virtually no chance of your relationship surviving this. You will be an army wife, you will be sitting there waiting for him as he is overseas and he will not come back the same person. You will miss each other and then things will be awkward as hell when you return, they won't fit right because you'll both have become different people away from each other.
I would tell anyone that love at 19 is not worth tying yourself to someone permanently. You are different people than you were two years ago, you'll be different people in another two, and different again two years after that. And he'll be gone, so instead of getting used to each other you'll just meet after not seeing each other for forever and wonder why things don't work.
If he comes back at all. He can think what he wants, when he's overseas he's going to be digging ditches and dodging roadside bombs. A close friend's husband went to Afghanistan and was back inside two months because of one of those road side bombs. Thats reality, thats what you're getting yourself into.
My advice is to break up. Move on with your life. Work on yourself, get a little education, find your own direction in life. If when he gets out you're both available and interested, then you are. Chances are you'll end it and after a year won't really miss him all that much. That is also reality.
Part of being an adult is knowing when to let go. You shouldn't try to talk him out of it if he wants it. You also should not stay in for the long haul. You're 19, you're too young to be waiting for someone else. Get out, do your own thing, make your own life. Find someone to fit into your own life rather than trying to cornhole yourself into someone else's.
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18/f. I just had sex for the first time with my boyfriend of 4 months. And he knows this, but when I was younger, I was raped. Several times. By my older brother. and that's caused havoc with my love life, like you wouldn't even know. I just shut down for no apparent reason, I just get really scared and I don't know how to deal with it and it's so frustrating. and It hasn't been that huge of a problem, I'm fine with everything, we can have sex and I'm fine, but when we hit third base, I just can't do it. I can't give him head, I go into a nervous break down and I can't bring myself to do it. and yesterday he tried eatting me out, and I was okay at first, but just looking down and seeing him sent me into this horrible flashback and I can't let him do it. It just freaks me out too bad. I don't think this is normal, but does anybody else have anything like this? How do I make it go away? I want to be intimate with my boyfriend, and this is severally barring it. Thanks so much...
Sincerally, 3rd base horror (link)
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This is really hard to know what to advise on.
I can repeat the therapist advice. If nothing else, go tell your parents that you want to speak to one, and don't tell them why. Tell them that its important, but you cannot talk to them about what you need to get out, and you want them to help you find someone you can talk to.
I also want you to think about this. As painful as it is for you. This is eating you up inside, and while I can tell that you're good at putting it on hold and ignoring it most of the time, you might down the road not be as OK about it.
Again, therapy. None of us are professionals and your problems are convoluted and complex, and the choices you face to deal with this can have some far reaching repercussions for you and for others.
If nothing else, there's a part of me that wants to tell you to tell your parents. I know you want to spare them, spare yourself, even spare your brother, but on the other hand right now only two people know what your brother can do.
If there's one high statistic among rapists, its repeat offenders. I feel like someone other than you should know what he's capable of, if only because you should never put yourself (as a victim) in the position of being the only one who knows that he has an opportunity to do it to someone else and thus being the only person who can act to stop him.
Think about it, if you like send me a personal question with your thoughts.
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ok so i have a bf that im soo inlove with.weve made a plan for ourselves that we want to get married in 3 years once iv graduated and worked alittle etc.
2days ago i told my parents about my bf.at the time my parents were both good with everything and happy for me.my dad (bless him) even called my bf just to say hi and stuff.now everythings changing.my dad hasnt said much but my mother is driving my crazy!shes trying to talk me out of being with him because shes scared hes going to control me and shell never see me again after we get married etc.shes asking me all these questions about him and when i sy "i dont know"she makes it as if i dont know him well enough etc.i know i should just bring him home and introduce him properly but i cant with the wway my mother is reacting im scared my bf is going to get scared and leave.i dont know what to say to my mother.shes really pissing my off!my bf has anger issues and gets angry quickly.hes never been angry with me yet but she thinks hes going to get angry at me and hit me or soemthing.she thinks hes not going to be good to me.i dont know what to do or what to say because im angry at her for telling my brother about my bf when i told her not to tell anyone because i wnate dto tell him myself when i was ready now my brother is angry because i didnt tell him and kept it from him.
i dont know what to do or say..its driving me further and further away from my mother.sorry but right now i cant stand her.
i need major advice before i say soemthing ill regret!
thank youu (link)
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You're going to have to introduce them sometime. Its not exactly an emergency situation unless you're living at home, I'd say talk with your mother and tell her that you're grown enough to date whom you choose and that she's going to have to respect that. If you were 15, it would be a bit different, but you're in college, you can date whom you choose.
Your dating life is not their business, and its not your job to tell them any more about it than you wish to. Getting engaged or married is about the only exception there, you should tell your family that, but you don't need to tell them "hey, I've been dating this guy for four months and things are getting serious"
You need to assert yourself. You're 20, its time to tell your mother that you are an adult and will act like one with regards to your privacy and personal life, and that if she is going to get angry at you for telling her things that you are only going to tell her less, and there's nothing she can do about it.
I will, however, give you a warning in turn. Anger issues will out. If you haven't had a fight, you will, and he will at some point lose it around you. You both need to be prepared for that, because fights happen. No two people have ever or will ever be perfect matches with no gaps, flaws, or differing opinions about life and how you live it. Bridging these gaps is the biggest part of what being with someone is, and if you two haven't left the honeymoon phase yet, don't think its going to last forever.
[Edit]
I wanted to specify something.
Your boyfriend will hopefully be trying to make a favorable impression. Thats how he's supposed to act. That said, parents seldom act the way they're supposed to act, they forget the concepts like "our kids are growing up" and "our daughter needs to learn to make her own decisions and mistakes" and will try to control or comment on your life based on what they value in life and disregard what you value.
This is entirely common, and its not your job to be an emotional punching bag because your mother is a control freak. If that is the situation, put a stop to it.
Do the best you can for a favorable impression, but don't take your mother's shit because she wants to see you married to a guy she thinks is right for you and is willing to be a dick to get what she wants.
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16/f
Basically every girl in my grade including my best friends have had sex they also have boyfriends. I am really independent and mature for my age and dont feel the need for a boyfriend whatsoever. However I do want one as of right now but I am really picky. I'm not going to date someone who I dont even like but I do realize that the perfect guy isnt going to fall into my lap. But anyway I do sort of feel like the odd one out since im a virgin compared to everyone else. My bestfriends always have their boyfriends and have sex. On one hand I am perfectly fine with waiting for the right one but on the other hand I do feel left out. I dont know...any advice or personal experience is greatly apprpeciated :) (link)
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First off, you're far from alone.
Within your group, its possible that alot of your friends, most of them, have had sex. Its not anything like universal at 16. About half of high school graduates are virgins on average, varies with area and demographic of course.
Part of dating is learning to form relationships with people. I understand independent very well, but everyone needs people and if nothing else its never a bad idea to go out, meet new people, and learn to like them.
If you don't feel a need for love, don't seek it. But in my experience independence makes great camouflage for insecurity, don't cross the line into pushing people away to protect yourself.
Don't jump out there and go "look for a boyfriend", but lovers don't usually walk in off the street and tap you on the shoulder saying "I'm here!".
To give you a good metaphor, dating is like trying on clothes. You've got to see how someone fits before you commit to them, which is what dating is meant to do. If you don't date, you'll have no clue what works with you and what doesn't when it comes to relationships, and you'll have no experience dealing with the problems and complications they can bring to your life.
This is something thats mostly lost on girls your age, and is the reason why your friends all have boyfriends and have sex. Its not that they're really ready for any of this, its a status symbol. You have someone, you're cool.
When adults think like this, it leads to divorce pretty quickly.
Try people on. Talk to guys, flirt with them, go on dates, get the hang of the non sexual parts of a relationship. Spend time with someone and get to know them, let them get to know you. A large part of being with someone is trust, and as an independent person thats going to be something that takes time and getting used to.
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Okay well me and my boyfriend just made a year on december 4th . And we haven't been a going out anywhere since the summer . And brought me perfume on our anniversary but before that he hasn't got me anything since september .we haven't been going 2 the movies or out to eat or anything . I just been goin to his house to chilll. Do you think im being a little to greedy of wanting things . I mean cuz I dnt mind going to his house but I like to do other things besides cuddling up and watchin t.v at his house I think im worth more then that . I feel there is other ways to show that you love someone.so I just want to know am I being greedy . Or should I tell him he needs to make some changes if he wants us to last any longer (link)
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Yes. You are being greedy.
The first time I read your question, it seemed pretty innocuous. Then I caught "he hasn't gotten me anything since september" and "I think I'm worth more than that"
Yes, you are greedy. More, you've got a ridiculous preconception that your boyfriend should be paying for your time, and he's probably sick of that attitude.
I'm married. My marriage to my wife is build on the foundation of "we want to do X together". And while there's an element of just wanting to do things with your boyfriend in your quesiton, there's an overbearing amount of "my boyfriend should be treating me like a queen" which is a 12 year old's mentality about relationships.
You gave Rahzie a 3. The truth hurts, doesn't it?
You need to change far more than he does. He just needs to get off his ass and be made aware of the fact that you want more than just couch surfing all the time. You need to change your perspective up so you're not all "my man needs to spend more time, money, and attention on me or he's going to see that I'm worth more than that when I leave"
Some guys are stupid enough to spend money on you to keep you around. They're paying for sex when they do that, so if you want to keep "thinking you're worth more than that" past high school you'd better get used to putting out or dating losers who use money to counter the fact that they have nothing else to offer the opposite sex.
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