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becoming an "army wife"
Hello im 19 and my boyfriend who is 21 wants to join the army/military. Not full blown army but like working with computers and such. He asked me what i thought yesterday and it was kind of a shock. He said him and one of his friends were talking about joining and he convinced him to go. He basically is just waiting my "approval" but i want him to do what makes him happy. He said after he goes for basic training he will only have to leave one weekend out of the month for like 2 years. Im not really sure how anything works. He just brought this upon me yesterday. The only downfall is that he will be gone for 10 months touring afghanistan or something. We've been together for about 2 years now and 10 months is a long time and i dont think we can go without seeing each other that long. He is basically only going into the army for the money. We are very serious and he said when he comes back he'll have money so we can plan a wedding and maybe some other big stuff. If he goes i dont know how im going to cope with him being gone we see each other every day! Any ideas or suggestions? I do rate!
-Thanks
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honey,
he is doing this for your own good. he wants to be a better person and a great husband when you two get married. Being an army wife would be tough at first but you will get used to it after a while. the 10 months he leaves to Afghanistan will go by so quick.. if you really love him, which i can tell you do, please do not break up with him. soon or later you will get married and lived together where ever he gets station at. He needs all the support he can from you in order to be safe out there. No matter what people say about breaking up with him because he is leaving you for a period of time, i advise you to dont. i repeat time will FLY.
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It would be hard for sure, but many women do it and get along just fine. I have a friend who is an army wife. She told me there are groups for wives and girlfriends of men in the military. They sort of support one another & help each other deal with it all. Perhaps you can find out if there is such a group & check it out. I'm sure you could find someone to ask questions of who would be more helpful than we could ever be.
I think if it is something he wants to do, you have to let him do it. Its a very big life decision & one I don't feel one person should make for another. The decision needs to be his alone. You need to tell him that & support whatever decision he makes. You should not feel responsible for anything that happens after he signs those papers. It has to be him making that decision. That is my personal opinion.
If your love is strong it will survive whatever happens. I do think you need to BOTH realize that there is no such thing as just being in the army and working on computers. If he is in the army it is "full blown" these days. 10 months in Afghanistan will not be a walk in the park.
Best of luck to you both.
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I think you to have been together plenty long enough to be able to deal with some like this. Its tough but if you truely love him let him be adventures. and only being going that little bit of time is better then having to go to boot camp and schooling then move to a different location to be stationed. (although if he had to move you two being married would make it easier because you could move with him) I personally would want to get married before he left. him being gone and getting money could help you pay for your own place for the two of you when he comes home.
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First of all, I just want to say that WittyUsernameHere's answer is just as cynical and harsh as loveisforever's answer is unrealistic and overly romantic.
No one on this website is able to tell you if your relationship can handle this. We don't know anything about you, your boyfriend, or your relationship. WittyUsername is right in assuming you and your boyfriend are both going to change a lot over that ten months. You will both grow and change, and your boyfriend will see things you could only dream up in your nightmares. More than likely it will have a negative effect on him. Those are just the facts. That is just how it is. My step father was a soldier in Desert Storm, and that was almost twenty years ago. He has PTSD now, and it still effects him to this day.
We don't know if your relationship can handle that kind of stress. It will be more difficult than you can probably imagine right now. You shouldn't stop him from going if this is what he wants to do though. My advice is to take a break during that ten month period. That doesn't mean to break up or see other people, it just means you should take that time to focus on you. Work on going to school and focusing on your future and your friends. Is there something you have been wanting to try but have been afraid to pursue since you are in a long term relationship? If so, go for it now! Your boyfriend is doing what he thinks is best for him, and that means you can too. Take full advantage of the situation.
Support him. Support his decisions. Focus on yourself. And then worry about your relationship.
Good luck!! :)
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Well first off being a military wife or girlfriend is hard,if he feels that this is something that he needs to do the only thing you can do is be supportive in is journey and dreams.And i understand what you are going through my sister has been together with a marine and they were going through the same issues of not being able to see one another,it started out Rockie but it go easier they were still able to talk on the phone and they were able to do webcam back and forth.And when they did finally were able to see each other in person it was so much more special because they haven't seen one another in awhile.So see it can work,just back sure you are telling him that you understand that he is doing this to make your situation better and that you understand that.And how much you care for him.I hope this helped...
Thanks
Tim
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Loveisforever is a child. Literally, absolutely zero awareness of the real world, innocent perspective of a child.
The cold hard facts are that there is virtually no chance of your relationship surviving this. You will be an army wife, you will be sitting there waiting for him as he is overseas and he will not come back the same person. You will miss each other and then things will be awkward as hell when you return, they won't fit right because you'll both have become different people away from each other.
I would tell anyone that love at 19 is not worth tying yourself to someone permanently. You are different people than you were two years ago, you'll be different people in another two, and different again two years after that. And he'll be gone, so instead of getting used to each other you'll just meet after not seeing each other for forever and wonder why things don't work.
If he comes back at all. He can think what he wants, when he's overseas he's going to be digging ditches and dodging roadside bombs. A close friend's husband went to Afghanistan and was back inside two months because of one of those road side bombs. Thats reality, thats what you're getting yourself into.
My advice is to break up. Move on with your life. Work on yourself, get a little education, find your own direction in life. If when he gets out you're both available and interested, then you are. Chances are you'll end it and after a year won't really miss him all that much. That is also reality.
Part of being an adult is knowing when to let go. You shouldn't try to talk him out of it if he wants it. You also should not stay in for the long haul. You're 19, you're too young to be waiting for someone else. Get out, do your own thing, make your own life. Find someone to fit into your own life rather than trying to cornhole yourself into someone else's.
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You should let him do what makes him happy because it will make you happy in the long run. just let this be a test to see what happens, then imagine how great that feeling will be running up to him after not seeing him for so long. dont worry it will all turn out great. i hope that helps
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Just think that if he goes he'll be doing what he wants and it will be making him happy try and think positively thinking negatively will only make the sitaution worst and you'll make yourself feel worst
keep yourself busy don't sit around if you do you'll think about how much you miss him hang out with your friends and family to take your mind off what's happening normally when people go into the army they find some way to contact their loved ones
if they've got time think about all the good times you two have had together he won't be leaving you forever the best thing you do is be there for him and support him in his decision(:
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