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odd one out...
16/f
Basically every girl in my grade including my best friends have had sex they also have boyfriends. I am really independent and mature for my age and dont feel the need for a boyfriend whatsoever. However I do want one as of right now but I am really picky. I'm not going to date someone who I dont even like but I do realize that the perfect guy isnt going to fall into my lap. But anyway I do sort of feel like the odd one out since im a virgin compared to everyone else. My bestfriends always have their boyfriends and have sex. On one hand I am perfectly fine with waiting for the right one but on the other hand I do feel left out. I dont know...any advice or personal experience is greatly apprpeciated :)
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Everything you stated here describes me.
My main group of friends have been having sex since our freshman year of high school and one before them. They've all been with their current boyfriends for almost 2 years and seem to be in these magical never ending relationships, while I've been in two crappy relationships. It's hard being the only one without a boyfriend and being the only virgin. There's a lot of pressure spoken and and unspoken.
But I've come to realize a couple of things.
One, doing anything because of peer pressure is a dangerous formula. You have to really separate what you REALLY want from what you feel like you should want or what other people want.
Two, it's a great thing to be independent. It's not a good thing to be too dependent on a man for happiness or anything else. Unfortunately, I think some of my friends would be lost without their boyfriends, which to me is sad for people so young.
Three, you meet a lot more people when you're single. My friends with boyfriends seems to only hang out with their boyfriends sometimes. You drive people away that way. It's really annoying trying to talk to a couple that never separates from each other and the conversation between the three of you turns into a conversation between just the two of them.
Four, (and i just have to add this one, sorry) sex is a risk, especially at so young. You're more likely to regret it and more likely to be hurt by your partner. I don't need to mention the other risks, I'm sure.
I'm sure there are plenty more things to note on this as well, but this is my blurb. Power to the independent teenage girl!
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I, too, was the odd one out I waited till I got married a couple of years ago. I have to tell you that waiting for the right one was the best thing that I could have ever done. I am not asking you to wait till marriage just wait for the right guy. There is no rush to lose your virginity. I know that it can be "uncool" to be a virgin but when I was I was proud of it because it said that I respected myself. Yeah, it was hard staying a virgin but it was my choice not because I was ugly or unpopular. Just think, there are a lot of guys who fantasize about virgins and girls who wish they had their virginities back.
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You said that you are really picky. I personally think that is a great thing! cause i'm the same way. all my friends would have boyfriends and just date boys just so they could "fit in" And just like you, for my age i was a lot more mature and didn't see a point to this. You just don't want to settle for anyone just to say you have a boyfriend.
You just have to realize that you are not alone whatsoever. yes, in your group you might feel a little out of the loop but your time will come when you find the right guy. your only 16 years old you have your whole life in front of you. and believe me, you will meet sooo many people in the next few years. In the meantime, just have fun and don't get down on not having a boyfriend. you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and that is something great to have at your age!! hope this helped :)
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First off, you're far from alone.
Within your group, its possible that alot of your friends, most of them, have had sex. Its not anything like universal at 16. About half of high school graduates are virgins on average, varies with area and demographic of course.
Part of dating is learning to form relationships with people. I understand independent very well, but everyone needs people and if nothing else its never a bad idea to go out, meet new people, and learn to like them.
If you don't feel a need for love, don't seek it. But in my experience independence makes great camouflage for insecurity, don't cross the line into pushing people away to protect yourself.
Don't jump out there and go "look for a boyfriend", but lovers don't usually walk in off the street and tap you on the shoulder saying "I'm here!".
To give you a good metaphor, dating is like trying on clothes. You've got to see how someone fits before you commit to them, which is what dating is meant to do. If you don't date, you'll have no clue what works with you and what doesn't when it comes to relationships, and you'll have no experience dealing with the problems and complications they can bring to your life.
This is something thats mostly lost on girls your age, and is the reason why your friends all have boyfriends and have sex. Its not that they're really ready for any of this, its a status symbol. You have someone, you're cool.
When adults think like this, it leads to divorce pretty quickly.
Try people on. Talk to guys, flirt with them, go on dates, get the hang of the non sexual parts of a relationship. Spend time with someone and get to know them, let them get to know you. A large part of being with someone is trust, and as an independent person thats going to be something that takes time and getting used to.
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Your time will come when you will find the right boy but until then i think you should live your life and enjoy it while your still young you will always have many chances for relationships seeing as there's tons of boys out there it's better to be different you don't want to be like everyone elese i'm a virgin too sex is good but there's chances of becoming pregnant and caring for a child is a huge responsiblity once you feel ready to date you should go for it(:
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yea that is exactly how it was for me all my life until this year. My group of friends were the ones with the boyfriends. I literally was the only one. Sometimes I got made fun of because I had hardly any experience. It bothered me, especially because on the weekends when my friends would all be out with their boyfriends and i would be home alone. I didn't want a boyfriend for sexual reason either, I was very comfortable waiting until the right guy. But I did eventually realize I was being too picky when it came to guys. I had been alone so long I had an image of the perfect man in my head...that no one could live up too. But eventually I decided to go with the flow, and date this one guy who i wasn't all that crazy about. But...eventually I really started to like him, and now I love him and am soo glad i took a chance on the guy who wasn't perfect. I don't know if that your problem but don't be afraid to take a chance. Be patient your time will come, I promise. Don't worry about sex or gaining experience. Once you find that guy it will be okay if you don't know how to do everything, he won't mind. Trust me.
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Please don't have sex unless you are ready. With sex and oral sex you can get STIs. Okay, you already know that right Lol. Um. You know what.. Don't do it because everyone else is doing it. Do you really think they are ready? No! They are doing it because other people are doing it. Don't be a followers. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin until you are ready. It's personal and your body take care if it. Maybe the perfect guy wont fall into your lap right now but maybe later. And if you are good with waiting for mr.right or until you are completely sure then got for it. You will feel Odd because everyone is following everyone that's normal. Of course you want a boyfriend what girl doesn't want one. Someone to run to and cuddle with :). I am sure you are a beautiful girl :) and there is someone there for you but don't rush it. Waiting can be the best thing to do. I might be a bit confusing I am new at this :) but I hope this helps somewhat :) ♥good luck. let me know okay :) . hehe
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