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My husband who puts his hands on me...
So my husband and i have had so many problems last year....infidelities, anger, insecurities, unsolved problems, stress etc...and i can see it taking its toll on his part of the marriage.
I still struggle as well, we both are. But despite all our problems we are still trying very hard for the marriage because our feelings for each other are still going strong. So everyday we are fine with each other, we do talk about our problems sometimes but when we get in a fight, he cant seem to control his anger....
There were several times last year where hed leave me with a ugly bruise or two on my arm or marks on my wrists from being grabbed....i never thought id be in this sort of situation but at the same time i didnt find it too serious. I got more accustomed to it.
Lately its been getting worse & i believe the entire time i knew how worse it would most likely get was just being in denial. Hes choked me once before, and again just last night which was the worse of the two...everything has been leaving me so confused about my feelings towards him & he says hes not proud of himself for it. Hes told me that i should leave the house for a little while because he doesnt want to hurt me in any physical way anymore than he has, but i have problems with staying with other people, my friends & family are nowhere near where we live.
At the same time i dont even think this is too serious right now, i actually think that its probably my fault because of how angery he is & all the things he was made to put up with. He says he cant control it, am i just being blind?
How can i deal with this while not leaving for a while? Or deal with it at all....?? Please help i dont know what to make of this...
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Abuse is never your fault.
You need to get away from him. He's got anger management issues. The good side is, that he seems to recognize this and wants to fix it.
The bad side is you need to be away from him at least until its fixed.
Do not let yourself be harmed. Its not your fault that someone can't control themselves and their anger, and its not your job to put up with it.
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If he has done this more than once he is not going to change hun. Maybe counsling. Anger managment classes. Help him that way. But in my opinion I think its time to seperate. Maybe some time down the road things will change but I do not for see it. You need to help you self. What if you had children or do you? Seeing him put your hands on you teaches them its okay thats how it is supose to be. I was in a situation my ex choked me cheated on me all the time smoked marijuana in the house while my son was there drank. shot animals in front of my son. I finally got brave enough to leave with the help of my friends and family do what is best.
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If he can't control it, then who can?
He's a ticking time bomb and either he'd better get his butt out of the house or you'd better get yours out. You don't think it's too serious right now? When does it become serious? When your in the hospital with brain damage? Get real and stop playing head games.
The man has psychological issues that you can't solve and neither can he. He needs professional help before he kills someone, like you.
Love has nothing to do with this. This type of "love" is perverse and dangerous. Self preservation is the main goal here.
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I cannot stress to you how serious this is. I know you obviously love your husband and i'm sure he loves you, but he does have a problem. It may have started out just a grab that was a little too hard but it is way more serious now.
I also know it is hard for you because you don't have anyone to support you who lives close to you and you feel like you have no where to go but you are in danger. Your husband may not mean to hurt you but he has seriosus anger issues that at anytime could escalate and you uld be seriosuly hurt. Some people develop these issues and even he knows that he may hurt you badly because he told you himself. He needs to work out his issues and you need to look out for yourself.
You need to tell a close friend or family member and go stay with him for a while while you too figure this out from a distance, your husband is right. It is in no way your fault. Just because a couple fights does not give him the right to hurt you physically in any way. So please i know it will be hard but you need to find some place to go. If you love your husband you will do this because if he does end up hurting you he will probably not be ale to live with himself and he may not be able to stop himself in the moment.
If you have anyyyyy questions or concerns at alll message me :/ I hope I helped!
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You are being blind, and what is worse, so is he.
You are being blind to the depth of your husbands problems...
He says he is not proud of himself? Not good enough.
He should be completely ashamed, cowed and disgusted with himself. 'Not proud' is not nearly good enough, it shows that he doesn't grasp the seriousness of what he has done.
Also, he CAN help himself. That is a disgusting cop out of a lie. He wasn't brainwashed, or controlled by some alien brain bug. Adults can always control their behavior. They can choose not to drink, or not to yell, they can choose to go into another room or walk away from a fight when they get to angry. Again, this is evidence he doesn't grasp his own behavior and refuses take responsibly for it.
And the evidence that YOU are being blind: You actually are beginning to think you deserve this?
Insane. No one deserves to be physically assaulted in their own home. If people deserved it sometimes, it would only be a crime 'sometimes'. It's not, it's a crime all the time. Even the most bitchy, monstrous person, doesn't deserve to live in fear for their physical safety at home. That is never okay, it is never justified.
I think one of you probably should leave, and you both should seeking counseling while you are apart. Asking for a break is the only sensible thing your husband has done so far. It's the only thing that comes close to him recognizing the seriousness of what he has done.
If that means one of your has to move into a motel, fine. If that means you need to wait it out for a few weeks before you can arrange for some time off to go home to your family, fine. But start making a plan now where you two are physically separated, and insist on counseling. If he wont go, fine, go yourself.
This is extremely serious, and it's going to damage you in ways you can't even imagine yet. Get out, get some distance, and make your decisions about how to move forward from a safe vantage point. You are thinking clearly from the middle of this mess.
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