about

< I am a Christian and I am a mother >
Hello all. I am a 36 year old married mother of three boys. I have my degree in Forensic psychology and business management- human resources, I work in social services while juggling my three children and a marriage. When I originally joined this community I was excited to get back into what I love and that is helping people through listening, understanding, and guidance. However I quickly found that through my desire to help others, others are helping me. I have found my advice column beyond rewarding. I have found myself getting extremely passionate about each and every question that I read and respond to. The more the questions the greater the connection I have found between people of all walks of life, ages groups, races, gender, and religion. What I have found to be our greatest bind is love. Love for others and the love of being loved.

advice

Sorry for the length. So I'm 21/f and since I met my boyfriend three years ago we've formed our own little group with the two of us and three other guys around the same age. There was no conflict, good times and my boyfriend and I would always talk about how we had a great group of friends. About a year ago one of the guys had entered a relationship with a girl that was already dating someone else (she cheated on her, now, ex with our friend). At first the rest of the group was very skeptical but our friend seemed happy so we welcomed her into the group. As time went on we noticed that she was extremely insecure, she lies constantly about things that just don't matter, she is a constant flirt with the rest of the guys, and whenever her and our friend would argue, as most couples do, she would blast him on Facebook spreading their business to her friends and family. Not only that but apparently I'm a threat to the girl, as I'm not allowed to laugh at anything her boyfriend says, be alone with him, or even like the same things. At first i thought maybe it was the fact that i miss being the only girl but the guys including my boyfriend say that she's crazy but they don't want to hurt the guy's feelings by saying they don't like his girlfriend. What should we do? Thanks for any advice.

I agree with Razhie's advice especially when allowing another guy to approach the situation. However if you all get together collectively and discuss the problem and how to calmly rectify the situation ahead of time rather than just blowing up one day I'm sure that will work out better.It reminds me of two episodes of Friends. The first when Ross wanted to marry a girl who wanted Rachel out of the picture. Eventually the girl was gone and the group friendship remained. The second episode was when no one liked Phoebe's overly excited boyfriend. She was made at first when the group told her they didn't like her but eventually he was gone and the group friendship remained. I think you might just wait this one out. Keep your distance and your friend should eventually admit that the girl is nothing but drama. I can totally feel you on this. Your friend probably wants so much to be in a relationship he's willing to put up with the lies and annoyance. It will get old soon enough. If you want to use your friendship to your advantage invite an even hotter friendly girl on your group outings. Maybe this weird girl will be bothered and jealous enough to move on. But I am concerned when you say she lies all the time for no reason. These people tend to have other issues so be weary of that. You would hate to find out the hard way that she is even crazier than you all thought.

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So I met a guy and we've been talking a lot recently and he seems almost perfect to me with so many qualities that I haven't seen in other guys. the thing is, he just got out of a relationship and of course, now's not the time to push anything for him. And I'm not 100% sure I want to be in a relationship now either. But what scares me is that, he's asked me, jokingly to help him find himself a new girl and I've told him, let me know who and I'll make the arrangements (in a playful way). Of course I don't ever want him to tell me he likes someone. But I suspect that maybe he might. Or maybe I'm overthinking. He's 23 and I'm 21. (nothing wrong with age, there) But the girl I think he might like, she's 19 and really pretty and is a lot like me, in terms of personality, etc (to him) I believe she's more attractive than me, so that's where I lose my confidence. He asked me one day, what I thought of her and I could just say that she's okay and is nice. He went on to tell me a story about her dad not liking him but now he does...idk? But I never got to fully ask him if he does like her but I'm afraid to because if the answer is yes, I'll be devastated. I'm sure this guy will be a guy my whole family will love. That's what makes him even more better than the rest. He's also very talented and educated. Beyond me. But that's what I adore. I know he's very busy in his life right now where his talents are concerned but I feel like, if he really wanted to be with someone, he can.
I guess I'm saying, I want him to not like anyone else, only me but I don't want us to be together right now. Is that normal? How do I get myself to stop overthinking? Sorry if my message is all over the place but I'm frustrated, as you can probably tell.

I think you should be that great best friend who he confides in for now. It sounds like he's interested in the other girl but if anything ever becomes of it as his best friend who he tells his feelings to it will be you he runs back to everytime. I can see the other girl being a rebound if anything at all when when you are both ready to settle down I bet it will work out perfectly between the two of you. As you said you're not really ready for a relationship so just be a good CLOSE friend. Get the inside scoop on everything. Just be there for him. You can totally work this in your favor. When a guy is ready to settle he wants that good girl who was there for him through everything and never judged him. Not the girl he argued with and had issues with family and friends with. As for her looks. They last for only so long.

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Me and my neighbor started talking again like 3 weeks ago but we only talked like 3 times and then i went to his youth group and he totally ignored me. Should i message him on Facebook or should i just keep ignoring him like he is ignoring me? I was told to just send him "." and say it was on accident. Should i do that? o.O Also i like him and ive known him for about 8 years and we used to be best friends!

Okay, some background information? When he ignores you does he go out of his way to ignore you? Is he talking with other girls or just seem to not even notice you? If he is going out of his way it's because he wants you to say something first he's kinda shy. If he is talking to other girls he is probably trying to make you jealous in which case I would move on. Who needs the games. If he is just totally not interested doing his own thing avoiding you he's not interested and you should move on as well. Don't play games though like the accidental message. It's a waste of time. I think I would tell him exactly how I felt and what I want out of the relationship. If he wants the same then great if not then move on. Trust me this time next year it'll be someone new no matter how you slice it. Your're too young to get tied down to any commitment. You need to experience life different friends personalities and see what matters to you most. Years down the line if it were meant to be you will end up together but you will both change so much from now until then.

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Hey, i have a pet dog, she is really cool, the best pet ever, and she is so cool, but she just started losing hair in a few spots, like by her tail and butt, i dont know what it is, help.

It could be feas which is causing her to bite at her tail and butt. I've seen that several times in dogs. Try some good flea medication and see if that makes a difference.

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All this week (It's Thursday now), I've had nonstop vaginal discharge. I recently turned 13. In the beginning, it was a regular brown but now it's dark brown and kind of red... It won't stop and I'm just really scared and don't know what to do. I've been putting toilet paper THERE and it's really red and brown the next time I check. What should I do? My mom knows about it and she said it might be that I'm getting my first period, but... Should it be this bad?

Also, when will it stop?

Everyone's body is different. It can very well be your period and normal. I've had dark colored periods many times. You should go to the doctor for a check up anyway regardless but don't worry about it I really believe this is totally normal. Sometimes it will be bright red other times dark as brown sometimes heavy and sometimes light. Women's bodies are weird that way. Relax, make a doctors appointment and go on with your usual activities.

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I am getting married next month, One of my biggest concerns to the wedding are guest possibly showing up empty handed. My fiance has invited a lot of work friends which is fine but many of them are in their early 20's.

I have a friend of mine also whom complains often about how she is broke. My friend was firmerly in the bridal party as a bridesmaid but told me she couldn't afford a dress. I was fine with this, I told her she can come as a guest. Niw lately she has been talking about getting a tattoo and how ahe will be left with little to money after. Which raises my concerns to whether she plans on bringing anything. I don't want to sound greedy but my fiance and I are relying on the gift money for our honeymoon...

How do I deal with this?

-Stressed Bride and Groom

Getting married is not about getting gifts. Sure it's nice but come on now. If you get something be grateful if not then you won't be surprised. I'm not sure if you have sent out the invites or gift registry yet but if not but on there that cash gifts are appreciated. As far as your tattoo friend you have more than a gift giving issue. How Selfish of her. If she is your friend she should know how important this day is and put off the freaking tattoo and buy that dress. I would question the friendship all together. TATTOO!!!! Thats some kind of friend right there.

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I am 16 years old and there are four residents in this house ; myself , my cousin , my sister and my grandmother , who is our guardian .
She has a job and works almost every day . Me my sis and my cousin are very mutch under weight . our bones are very visible . we get no allowance at all . the only thing we do receive , if we are lucky , is pocket change . our fridge is almost empty completely . i Dont understand . if she has a job and get paid , why are we starving . i got so used to being starving all the time . my cousin used to 'steal' food or money from my grandmother . i would do the same . i mean , hes only human and hes hungry .
we all go to sleep with empty bellies . my digestive system even slowed down . idk what to do .
i dont want to call the cops or anything but i will if i have to .
not only is lack of food a problem , but we barley have clothes -_- .
im tired of going through this . my hair falls out a little , too .
then she has the audacity to eat in her room by herself . are u kidding me . this is why i have an attitude . if she did her job than i wouldn't be this way . i cant even think straight .
everytime i get up , i fall right back down . i feel weak and brittle like a twig . i cant fit ANY of the clothes that i DO have , wich isnt even much by the way .
every month a check of $125 comes for me , and i dont get anything from her . i only have one pair of shoes and there is not even something as simple as milk or eggs in the fridge .
where does all this money go ? what is she hiding ?

You should apply for food stamps. I'm not sure how old your grandmother is or her mental state. Is she bitter that she has to take care of you? There are so many unanswered questions here. But you have to do what is best. If everything you say is true you really may need to contact children services. Perhaps your grandmother just needs extra assistance they could provide or sadly you may just need another guardian. Luckily you are 16 you can work if you must and soon you will be an adult. Do what your gut tells you too. I know you love your grandmother but some people just are fit to care for children or simply come to a stage in their life where children aren't their priority.

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I need any topic

creation verses evolution
vegetarian verses meat eaters
online education vs in class room education
spanking from parents vs non spankers
legalization of weed vs not
boarder patrol citizenship

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I just started on birth control, its is like my 3rd day, is smoking weed/tobacco bad while I am on it? Will it affect me in any way?

Try smoking through a vaporizer. They are so much better and you get more for your money. Blunt shells and papers are not so good but weed in itself I don't really see an issue.

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20/f

Okay so I started waiting tables about a year ago. At first, I loved it. Not only was I making crazy amounts of money, but I actually enjoyed my job. Now it seems as if I'm burnt out on it. I hate waking up each day to go to work and I can't even enjoy my days off because I know I'll have to go back soon. I've tried taking vacations, but that just makes me hate it even more. I feel stuck because I HAVE to make that kind of money in order to afford rent and other bills. I'm still in school so I'm not really qualified for jobs that make above minimum wage. As far as I can see, serving is as good as it gets for me. But I'm miserable. It's not that I'm lazy.. I just hate doing the same thing a hundred times a day. And I'm even GREAT at my job. I just hate it and I've honestly contemplated running away but then I realize I don't have the money! What other kinds of jobs are available, or what can I do to make myself happier with where I'm at?

You need something to look froward to. Save up for a great over-seas trip or find another job altogether. Sounds like burn out which is normal. Maybe it's time to just move on. See what else is out there for you that you may enjoy.If you don't have children this is the perfect opportunity to even apply out of state. Travel see what else is out there. Don't become depressed and find yourself miserable 10 years from now doing the same thing. It may be just as simple as changing your job burnt doing the same thing, Like a change in scenario you Know? I think you'll be fine just try out new adventures and avenues in your life while you can.

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months now,and I recently found out that I was pregnant.
I don't feel that it is right for me to keep as I still have alot to do with my life. I am 24 and he is 25.
He on the other hand thinks we can work things through and he says he will take care of me and the baby.
My problem is,he is always so busy with and he sometimes doesn't keep in touch unless I do.I look at things now,three weeks into my pregnancy and I really don't believe how he behaves now will be any different to when I am 9 months pregnant.I love him and I want to one day have children with him,just not this one. Maybe when we are married and he will feel the full extent of this responsibility. Right now I feel like he doesn't feel it and that he has his priorities focussed on work stuff. Mind you,I wrote here because even sitting him down to have this talk has been hard and I didn't wanna do it over the phone nor talk to someone who will just judge me.
Help Me.

an abortion or adoption is a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life full of regret and what its. i promise you despite your relationship with the father once your baby is here there will be no wishing your child away. Real mother's love unconditionally and will give their child the world with no second thought. i certainly would not let the attitude and priorities of someone else decide rather i bring life into this world. this will be your child you can raise love and will love you back more than life itself. The deed is done and I'd hate for you to live in regret.

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Instead of being scared or anything I can't help but feel a little excited maybe is the word about my mom being in jail. Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months (not very long) and is not going away from forever or for years and years.
Also the fact having her gone for six months will give more freedom. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it

well then, just go visit her. She needs you and you know that. enjoy the time away as you clearly are and perhaps you will be happier when she returns. Believe me she is not happy in the least. But don't let this freedom cause you to get into trouble. Learn from her mistakes. And go visit her.

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I am a 38 year old black female. I am dating a 55 year old white guy. He is in a loveless marriage. He says that he is afraid of his wife but wants to leave. He says that he loves me and wants to give me a baby. He lives in a different city and wants me to move there by getting an apartment near by. We have never been intimate besides discussing intimacy on the phone. I really don't know what do. I really love him but am concerned if he is really going to leave his wife. I don't want to be a single parent. I really want children. He said that if I get pregnant, he will marry me. Should I wait for him?

Aren't you better than being the other women? He needs to end his marriage before moving on with you. Chances are he is not going to leave her and you will be stuck raising your child alone. not to mention long distance relationship. Yes is exciting and wonderful now but things change drastically once you are together day in and day out. As a 38 year old woman you know this isn't right. you've heard dr. Phil say i'm sure "If he does it with you he'll do it to you'. you are headed down a terrible road. move on to someone who is available single and someone you have spent a lot of time with getting to know his family and friends which will tell a lot about him. You know this isn't right. You have got to know it in your heart it's time to move on. Now if he divorces his wife and you all begin dating for some time that is a whole other ball game but while he is married he is dead wrong and you are wrong for interfering in his marriage. Lastly he'll be nearly 80 when the children are off to college. Think about it . . . You are worth so much more.

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I have a frickin' complex because of how my sister always manages to be the center of my dad's and his side of the family's attention. It's like they do their best to make me feel ignored and never shut up about her.

Saturday is my birthday and my dad wants my grandmother and probably my cousins to be there. I don't because it's the one day of the year when I'm the center of attention and can make my family do what I want, but not if they're there. They'll all be more interested in my sister and they'll probably try to change our plans. For example, my cousin will surely want to change the restaurant we're going to eat at from my favorite place to whatever rat hole she likes. They probably won't want to go to the movie I want to see after dinner and will take up so much of our time that we can't see it either.

I know this sounds mean, but I don't want them at my birthday. I don't want to spend my birthday with people with people who don't care about me and like it when I feel left out or unloved. Is this bad?

look, it's time you stood up to everyone. Tell them you are a person with feelings as well and your opinions and feelings, likes and dislikes matter as much as any one else including your sister. I would let them invite whom every they wish. You plan your party and stick to it. It's YOUR day! If they don't like it they can leave- win/win situation. perhaps they see you as a passive person who has no opinions and looks for others to make your decisions. I don't know, but if you don't say something it will only get worse and eat at you until you explode and lose it completely. You definitely need to have a conversation with your dad about who he treats you better than your sister. This just isn't right. He may just not realize it. He might have more in common with her who knows. But tell him how you feel sooner than later.

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My dad us to say this when he was aggravated;
"I SWANEE"! What does this refer too?

It's a slang word used a lot with a particular group of people down south meaning "I swear". Like when you're pissed off.

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I'm a thirteen-year-old girl. In elementary school, I was mostly attracted to guys. I sometimes had crushes on girls, too -- but I always tried to ignore the feeling.

It got even worse in seventh grade, when I had a major crush on a female teacher. I couldn't always concentrate on my work because I was staring at her and thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her. I soon decided to accept the fact that I saw girls in the same way I saw guys.

I've identified as bisexual for a while now. I recently started dating a girl who also identifies as bisexual. I have dated a couple guys in the past, but I was never really happy with them. Having a girlfriend now makes me realize how much I love being with a girl.

It's been a while since I was actually attracted to a guy. Now it seems like I'm only interested in girls. And when I think about it, I feel like I would only be truly happy with a girl.

I'm completely aware that I'm still thirteen and that I might be a little young to be worrying about this. But I really wish I knew why I feel this way. Why is it that I was mostly attracted to guys in elementary school but am now hardly attracted to them at all?

I think you're just trying to figure yourself out. You are so young haven't lived a long life you will change 20 times before you're an adult; your feelings for intimacy, your clothing style, the foods you enjoy, your type of friends. You are human and have time and room to experiment. Just be careful and honest with yourself. You may very well just be experimenting and enjoying it. When I was about 15 i really had a huge crush on a girl although I always loved guys. i wrote her a letter telling her how I felt and she shared it with the whole school it seemed and I went to private Christian school. It was awful. She politely said she wasn't a lesbian but do you know several years later she was involved with a girl. Both of us are now married with children living straight life's. i'm still attracted to women but could never be in a relationship with one. I need a strong man to care for me. I just couldn't be with a woman in that way. So just take your time, have fun and see where it leads you. You have all the time in the world.

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my mother is going to jail for six months for forgery related charges. I am handling the situation fine because she will be back and her visit to jail might make her go easier on me now. Even though it is only six months, My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be interesting and an "educational experience" (What does that mean? Please give your opinion on that)




also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she is a criminal, her telling what to do might be hypocritical




I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have?

I think if you want to maintain a relationship with her afterwards it would be a good idea to see her. She doesn't have much behind those walls. Even a letter would mean the world to her. Seeing you may remind her of what she is really missing by the actions she has taken and hopefully will not do again.

However, if you can not handle this you don't have to go. You are a person and your feelings matter too. As far as listening to her and her being a mother when she is out is resonable. She has life lesson she can teach you and if she isn't telling you to act in illegal ways and if she loves you I'm sure she will only parent you in a positive manner. I am concerned however about what led to these forgery charges. Generally people living day to day don't just commit forgery there is usually something behind her actions much more severe. You may want to ask your father what else is going on. I have found people who forge are in desperate situations from some sort of addiction gambling, drinking drugs etc. I just hope this is not the case.I wish you the best. You deserve better but we are all human and make mistakes that sometimes affect others.

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I have a boyfriend now but before I had him I talked to another guy. I liked that guy a lot but I let him down, lied to him, and said no to going out with him. Now he has a girlfriend. I really like him still and can't get him off of my mind. I'm hurt with thinking about how things with me and him ended. I can't stop blaming myself because it was my fault! He won't talk to me anymore and I just can't go on living like this with so much regret. I miss him and want him back. What should I do? Sorry this is so confusing I don't know how to put it into words...

Most likely you only want him because he has moved on and is not interested in you. It's time you accept the fact that it is over. Your feelings, time and emotions you are putting into this failed relationship is exactly what you are doing to your current boyfriend. Once again you are disrespecting another guy. You are so worried about someone who doesn't care about you that you are mistreating the guy who you are involved with. In a few months you'll be crying over how you treated your current boyfriend. This seems like a cycle for you. You want what you dont have and take for granted what you do have. If you continue you on this path you'll never be happy and you'll just walk over everyone who cares about you. Try thinking about others and worrying less about yourself.

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Basically a teacher left my school at the end of the year and I was very upset because I was really close to him. It'd taken me a while but I'd finally come round to the idea of him not being there - although I still miss him a lot.

Anyway, then I went into school yesterday for exam results and he was there (he'd driven 7 hours from his new house). I kind of knew he'd be there and I'd been looking forward to seeing him but it still surprised me to actually see him again. I didn't speak to him an awful lot (not like we normally do anyway) then said goodbye and left.

This event has left me really upset and I'm missing him even more now - When he left at the end of the year I'd said a nice goodbye and ended things well but yesterday really messed things up and it was awkward. Also, I guess now I know that I really won't ever see him again... and a wave of realisation has hit me - he's out of my life now.

I don't know what to do to in order to feel better. :(

You'll be fine. It's a part of life. People enter your life for a season and then it's over. This is just the beginning of many people entering and leaving your life. You need to realize this is just one part of it. If your life is so dramatically affected by the absence of your teacher then you probably have other issues going on in your life that need to be addressed. He's not your best friend, he's not a relative or a boyfriend so I'm very confused why such strong emotions over someone who is most likely not giving you a second thought. Find someone and/or something else to occupy your time. The world is much greater than this one teacher.

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Hi everybody I have two questions. First I want to get a tattoo on the side of my forearm ...I'm not sure what of... But I was thinking my first and middle name. So my first question is... Is it weird to get your own name tattooed to yourself? I feel like it is a little odd but I'm just wondering if it actually is. And my second question right now I am hairdressing but want to go to college to be a cosmotology teacher... Or a therapist... Or maybe an FBI agent.. I am obviously very in decisive but would a tattoo that couldn't be easily hidden like on my forearm stop me from pursuing a job I may want? Or do employers look more past tattoos now? Thank you!

If you don't even know what you want then you really shouldn't be getting a tattoo at this time. Getting your own name is so over done and not original at all. You need to wait until you have lived awhile. Tattoos should be an expression of who you are, they should tell a story not simply be a stamp of your name of all things. Wait until you find an amazing artist, save up the money and have something very specific and important. You want a piece of art a portrait that tells an important and unique story. Now is NOT the time for you. As for jobs they can hinder and I doubt the FBI will want someone with their name on their arm. They want people that don't have identifying marks.

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