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I'm Questioning My Sexuality
I'm a thirteen-year-old girl. In elementary school, I was mostly attracted to guys. I sometimes had crushes on girls, too -- but I always tried to ignore the feeling.
It got even worse in seventh grade, when I had a major crush on a female teacher. I couldn't always concentrate on my work because I was staring at her and thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her. I soon decided to accept the fact that I saw girls in the same way I saw guys.
I've identified as bisexual for a while now. I recently started dating a girl who also identifies as bisexual. I have dated a couple guys in the past, but I was never really happy with them. Having a girlfriend now makes me realize how much I love being with a girl.
It's been a while since I was actually attracted to a guy. Now it seems like I'm only interested in girls. And when I think about it, I feel like I would only be truly happy with a girl.
I'm completely aware that I'm still thirteen and that I might be a little young to be worrying about this. But I really wish I knew why I feel this way. Why is it that I was mostly attracted to guys in elementary school but am now hardly attracted to them at all?
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Well obviously in elementary school, you weren't going through puberty. So you weren't dealing with all the hormones that go with it. Which could explain a lot.
Anyways, a lot of people say that it could end up changing or you might just plainly like girls. I think you should just go with the flow. The labels is just to explain to other people how you feel, so if you feel like you still have an attraction to boys then you can label yourself as bisexual but if you really only like girls, then there you go. But I'd just go with it. Then of course, you're only 13 and maybe you just haven't met any guys you're attracted to.
So you'll just have to give it time.
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Some people think sexuality is fluid. That it changes for people over time, or at least that it can, though it doesn't always happen.
Personally I think you just haven't met any guys your age or near your age who you find attractive. At 13 you're expressing yourself more coherently than plenty of college age women do. I had to go back and check to make sure, you didn't miss a single apostrophe. Kinda rare on the internet, especially in the "still live with my parents and it's not weird" age bracket.
Don't worry about it. You feel this way because you have a girlfriend and you really like her. It's pretty normal to find your attraction to other people drop off significantly when you're in love with someone. And also maybe because the more intelligent you are the less likely you generally are to find guys under the age of 18 attractive.
Lots of teen guys these days seem to be entitled bratty assholes. There were plenty when I was that age, I'm not sure if the numbers have gone up or if they're just more omnipresent because of social media. Either way, there's plenty to go around and you might well find yourself more attracted to guys later in life when we grow up and some of us turn into decent people.
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TO start with in elementary school you were not going through puberty. You did not have all the hormones raging through you that you have as a 13 year old. Also in elementary school sex and sexuality was not a big part of your life as it is today.
Now as for sexuality, bisexuality, lesbian and heterosexuality. Whichever one you turn out to be is the one you were born to be. You do not secede to be a lesbian or to be bisexual or even be heterosexual. This is all decided and placed in your DNA long before you entered this world.
Now at 13 it is possible, make that very possible that you are, as many do, experimenting with your sexuality. All teenagers do and for many their first sexual experience is with a same sex partner. It is usually in the form of titillation and mutual masturbation for both boys and girls. This does not make anyone a lesbian or gay or bisexual.
In fact given your age I would suggest you forget about labels altogether. Sometimes putting a label on something is helpful and even good. At your age to put a label on your sexuality can be harmful.
There is nothing wrong with being bisexual or a lesbian or transgender for that matter. The problem comes in on how others view the label. Young people your age in school do not do well with labels. Gender identification in school is you're either straight or gay and if you're gay they will be against you and hurt you on many ways.
Plus the fact is at 13 I truly feel you have not really identified your true sexuality. When you do you will know. You will not right and say that you're still attract to on sex or that you are attracted to both sexes.
So do yourself a favor and tell you friend to do the same. Ditch the labels for know. You two can still make out with each other just be cautious. Doing so is not a bad thing as it releases the pent up sexual energy you have and negates the need to masturbate or find a male sex partner which at your age is wrong.
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In elementary schools, its a lot harder for girls to explore their feelings for other girls, if there even are any feelings. I'm bisexual, as well, and I didn't start liking girls until I was in high school. Now that you're actually around a girl more, you have more to compare to. If you know you're happier around a woman than a man, don't worry about it. Don't question it. Just revel in the fact that you can identify what you like and you're able to accept it. Some people live their entire lives in denial, regret, and fear of their sexuality. I know its confusing, but we just roll with it. Its not as weird as it may seem.
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I think you're just trying to figure yourself out. You are so young haven't lived a long life you will change 20 times before you're an adult; your feelings for intimacy, your clothing style, the foods you enjoy, your type of friends. You are human and have time and room to experiment. Just be careful and honest with yourself. You may very well just be experimenting and enjoying it. When I was about 15 i really had a huge crush on a girl although I always loved guys. i wrote her a letter telling her how I felt and she shared it with the whole school it seemed and I went to private Christian school. It was awful. She politely said she wasn't a lesbian but do you know several years later she was involved with a girl. Both of us are now married with children living straight life's. i'm still attracted to women but could never be in a relationship with one. I need a strong man to care for me. I just couldn't be with a woman in that way. So just take your time, have fun and see where it leads you. You have all the time in the world.
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