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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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The little girl will be 6 in July
When that young, its best to ask what they like to do, favorite pastimes and let her experience that together with you. for example, watching her favorite cartoon together. If she's a Disney movie fanatic, get the latest one and watch together. Introduce her to games you played when her age. If she can't ride a bike, but wants to learn, Maybe Dad can by one and you help with training. If a special occasion is coming up, have her help making cookies if you cook or bake or be willing to learn so you can teach her too. Its a good thing to learn as people need to eat and restaurant or fast food isn't always the healthiest. Start small if you have to with easy stuff. Provide a sheet or blanket with some chairs grouped together for a (tent) of sorts My sister had lots of boys who would make piles with living room furniture placed upside down as they got older and could manage that together so just stick with chairs. If she likes coloring, let her have color books and crayons. I have a granddaughter that age and she also likes those temporary tattoos because Daddy has a few and it makes her feel special. Stickers are a big hit. I found refrigerator alphabet magnets at Walmart to give the granddaughter so she can practice forming words including her name. My granddaughter likes hot wheel cars, to play with, not into collecting. But since that is normally what boys like, don't worry. Boys can like some typically girl toys and girls can like toys a boy would play with. I loved being told stories when young and I couldn't read well yet. I preferred ones Mom made up or told without a book. So no worry if there are no kid books in the house. But if she visits regularly, a small stash of toys may need to be bought for her to entertain herself with on times she is visiting.
I see my gynecologist once or twice a year since I had my daughter. I've been negative for all the routine swab tests like gonorrhea or chlamydia. last year in February I got a new primary care doctor and had to do blood work. I've never been tested for this because apparently doctors don't check for it unless you ask? so I got tested for hsv 1 and 2. 1 came back negative which is oral herpes. I tested positive for hsv2 which means genital. I have only had 1 sexual partner and I've never had a single symptom. The only thing I can think of is sometimes odor but usually only when I'm active and get sweaty a lot. my results were like 10.4 so on labcorp it says it's very hard to be inaccurate. Its been a year and I still feel like falling apart. I haven't gotten a second opinion because I'm scared. Are there actual chances to have this be wrong?
I am a person who tested positive and yet I had no symptoms. After a divorce, I starting dating but when a relationship ended, I asked to be tested and one time it came back positive. I think just knowing about it made me nervous. I let people know before even going on a date in case things would lead that far. I got one guy who said it didnt matter to him as he tested positive and had never had a break out ever. Here's where I will mention something I learned. A person can have the herpes virus in their body but never break out because they do not stress about anything. The virus usually rests at the bottom, the root of nerves and only rises to the surface when the person is distressed. I had plenty of that with my ex in the form of verbal abuse and later, moving, new jobs and then dating again. My new husband I met in online dating said he too had herpes, but # 1 only, the oral kind. He has never gotten the genital one from me and I have never got the oral one from him. reason is that we are very in tune to how our bodies feel, symptoms for when getting sick and so on. I will tell him when it feels like I might have an outbreak in a couple days. I notice most when wiping after urinating and wiping. The wiping makes some of the skin down there feel sore like I got an abrasion. If you have ever barely scraped knees or elbows before, that is what it feels like when the virus is traveling up to rest on the surface of your skin. It is invisible at the point and this is the point at which a partner can catch the virus because I can guarantee with the pain an outbreak causes that nobody is going to want to have sex. It is even difficult and uncomfortable to sit in a chair. As for time frame, I found out my diagnosis in 2008. Met my future husband in 2009. We ended up living in our vehicle, a van and that is stressful so around 2 yrs later I had first one and about 6 months later, another and thats when I learned about that subtle warning that an outbreak would occur. I can't say that you will feel something, it may be just me but it is true that you are more susceptible if you worry alot or are depressed often or undergoing stress. Just let future partners know and find out how well they know their bodies, particularly if they will feel different right before an outbreak. There are actually dating sites online for people with herpes. I will say that thinking its no problem if you already have it, to have a partner who has it, may be a bit reckless. I myself in wiping in streaks rather than just dabbing when I first felt the abrasion feeling at the exact site of my first outbreak means that I can actually give myself a new outbreak site. The virus pops up in same site where the virus 1st made contact. So I have another site closer to the anus, since I wipe from front to back as females should do to avoid UTI's. In wiping back when I didn't yet know that the virus can be sitting invisible on my skin before the outbreak, meant it was too easy for me to wipe the actual virus when going to bathroom so now I know to dab only at the skin to dry it which you'd do anyways once outbreak is there cus its to painful to do anything other than just dab at yourself. So if its so easy to reinfect yourself at another site, then the same goes for a partner who is a carrier of herpes but has no idea when the virus is traveling about the nerve to rest on the skin. Condoms do little to protect because the outbreaks most often are anywhere on the skin not covered by the condom. So unless a guy has it on his penis, which I haven't heard of anyone I knew with herpes having that issue, it is most often caught from skin contact with a partner. the virus is not in the semen so it can be caught if partner has virus. Funny thing though is that this means a person can pass the virus on, even if the virus sitting on your skin, never goes on to the point of break out but quietly goes back down to lay dormant a while again at the bottom of the nerve. This is why there are a very great number of people who have herpes, because tho they can pass it on, they have never had an outbreak and people assume that if you've never had an outbreak, that you are not a carrier of the virus.
I a 34 year old female with no kids of my own and never been married. I will have been dating this awesome guy for 6 months on April 27th that I am am in love with . His daughter from a previous marriage who lives in California to Georgia where we live for a visit for the whole summer in July. I am concerned she won't like me . I am really excited about meeting her , but I also nervous because I've never been around any kids besides family and don't want to do or say the wrong thing to make the 6 year old not like me . He wanted me to go Disney world with them for her birthday,but I politely declined because I feel like that should be a trip with just her and her dad and I don't want to intrude to early in the relationship. I was wondering if I did the right thing or was that the wrong move ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks .
You didn't mention her age but I am assuming she is school aged. If younger it would be more of a challenge for you to feel comfortable. Kids like to mimick adults. So if you have some hobbies that you can introduce her to, that might make for a good start. Lets say you like making jewelry. Show her how if simple enough, maybe she can make matching friendship bracelets for her and friend.
Then a precaution. You may want to wait on marriage if it comes to that until you know how life would be with his daughter with you around regardless if just for summer visits or if it may change to year around. If she's never been to Georgia,then taking her to see local sightseeing places might be a good activity. If any situations arise where the kid seeks advice herself, be bold and share, and this way you will see whether this boyfriend will share her with you and trust what you have to say or how you handle things with her. Some divorced parents do not like to share their child with anyone new, only the other birth parent and may become very angry,especially if it concerns trying to enforce the rules by at least reminding the child and if time outs are warranted, then a parent can become angry and territorial. that is enough to break up a dating relationship or a second marriage. Since the daughter has never met you yet,all you have to do is place yourself in her shoes to know you made the best decision to decline. It doesn't mean you don't have to celebrate her Birthday in any way at all, just give a wrapped gift when they come back. I know if I had one parent taking me to Disney or any other special place for a Birthday, it would reel awkward to be myself, let loose and enjoy myself. If I had to interact with someone I don't know yet, I would probably ignore the person and get called out for being unfriendly.It's a different story if she has had at least one full summer to get to know you, to go as a family. Iam sure the boyfriend doesn't want to be parted from you for the time he will be away at Disney Land. Then again, it's possible he only invited you and said he really wanted you to go only to not anger you by leaving you out. Maybe he really did want just father daughter time. If he protests, you can always explain that she needs to have met you before and begun a relationship with you before you go along on a big venture like this so in a year or two you'd be glad to go, that's if all works out well.
Invisalign costs the same as braces which is 5,100. I think I need braces, but ortho strongly recommends Invisalign. Does anyone have any experience? Which is the best?
I don't have the same experience, but I go to the web to research. My search was Can a person have crowns and wear braces. Apparently that is a very popular question since I got lots of hits. So I read a few and am posting one link for you.
https://www.kingorthodontics.com/blog/can-i-wear-braces-when-i-have-crowns/
The place posting their answer is in Pittsburgh but I was just posting for the information for you to read.
And the answer is yes you can wear braces. And it didn't look like there was any advantage to getting invisalign instead. If your Dr. is pushing the idea of Invisalign, there may be a chance that he/she doesn't have experience with doing braces for those with crowns. You might want to do what I did, check the net because it looks like as long as a Dr. knows how to monitor you in braces, there shouldn't be any issues. So copy and put some of the answers you find on line, onto your phone, send it or show it to your orthodontist and ask why he is strongly recommending invisalign. Ask if he/she has any experience with doing braces for people with crowns or bridges. If he/she does not, either go with the Invisalign or talk to insurance and find another Dr. with more experience.
So my niece is 21 and is getting a divorce and I am 33 never been married so I don't know if this ok or not . She wants me to go the club with her next weekend,but I am in a steady relationship with someone we have been dating for almost 5 months . I really don't want my niece at a club by herself ,but my niece is in a different town than my boyfriend. I am supposed to bending the with her. Do I need to tell my boyfriend about my plans and see if he is ok it because I know my niece will go by herself if I don't go with her . Please help !
The fact you even asked if this is ok means that there is something you feel about it. Would you feel guilty going? Would you feel bad about dancing with any guy who asked? I really think your boyfriend would need to know especially if you are feeling its so important. I know if it were me, I would feel worried about a family member, already divorced/ or planning to, at such a young age and already going into an environment where she'd be hit on by many men.
If this was the only time she ever went somewhere where she could get herself into trouble, then I would ask my husband if he would go with me so we could keep watch over her. I already know what my husband would say and most likely any male who isn't as emotionally motivated. Men tend to look at logic and the logistics are that she will go to a club more than once and maybe single meet up groups, or bars to pick up a guy. So my husband and your boyfriend would say something along the lines of, we could go just this once but that doesn't really help because she could go to a bar when we haven't been told. She may in the end resent us for following her around acting like her personal bodyguards. If she hasn't learned a thing from the marriage to someone it did'nt work out with, then she will not be ready for a few years to fend for herself but is old enough to make some good decisions. Unfortunately most people aren't mature enough at her age, me included...as I married at age 20 or truthfully a month before I turned 20. I did not know any better ahead of time and the man I thought was a safe bet as a church goer, ended up verbally abusive. So its not that I am against people marrying young, its just that our brain is still playing catch up in getting to full maturity when our bodies were mature long ago. Scientists say the brain is on average done growing at 25. Even then, we may not make the best decisions for ourselves. If she is going to make a bad decision and thats why you want to go, then forget it because she is going to go out and go looking for a new guy, whether you are there or not. If she simply wants the company, you tell her you will ask your boyfriend and if he doesn't want to go along or she doesn't want him along even if he's willing, then to count you both out and at that point, she could simply ask a girlfriend who is single to go out with her to the club.
I am 33 years old and have always wanted to get married and I currently have been dating this wonderful guy for almost 5 months and I totally in love him and want to marry him one day ,but the thing that is getting in the way is everyone keeps telling me we should just live together because if we get married I will lose my disability check and insurance , I just don't feel right about doing that for one I am a Christian and it is against both of our religious beliefs to do so and for another I feel like that's cheating the government. I just wouldn't be able to afford my medicine and my medicine is over $4,000 and I just don't know what to do please give my advice any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Despite the fact many people have told you that you would lose disability, it is best to check with Social Security as these people may have varying circumstances that change the situation. I have read on line that if the husband is employed, then it depends on what he earns and some of his earnings would be considered yours and your disability if we're talking of SSI payments, would likely be less. If your medication is truly $4,000 a month, there is no way any man could pay for that and still have money to pay for rent, food, car care, cell phone and so on, unless he was a multi millionaire or billionaire.So the wisest thing to do is call or walk in and ask. You would like to marry but you have not been asked to marry. So at this point, you can only say that you are dating and you are wondering what happens to your disability provision if by chance you ever do marry. That is what you can ask and have the amount of his pay to provide along with any proof of what medicines cost, etc.
If you would lose part or all of benefits, then you have no choice but to only date for the rest of your life. I do know of several Christian couples who consider themselves married, a few had ceremonys but the info was never given to the state/government. The commitment is there and the couples consider themselves to be husband and wife. So living together then is normal. THe government dings even the elderly who are widowed and remarry. I know of a couple like that who just turned 90 and are married 2 1/2 years. And when elderly and on Soc. Sec. there is way less income. The amount I get for hubby and self is a bit below average but not enough to find a place to live so we live out of our van. Government in my opinion should get taxes to take care of things like fixing roads, and anything else taxes usually cover. However our government keeps changing the rules of what a person owes depending on the situation. Laws keep going back and forth, something is banned, then not, then yet again, you get the picture. Some of it is wasted spending on their part so if they think they need more money coming in, they simply are unfair and taxing the poor, the handicapped, the elderly depending on their marital status. Its no wonder that some people, Christians or not never get legally married. Legal means law says its okay to do. I know Jesus told his disciples they needed to pay their taxes and provision was made by the money in a fishs mouth. I feel if Jesus were in human form on earth, he would still say we should pay our taxes but I also feel he would have something to say about the uniform taxing of all, including those who can't pay.
Hello everyone, I accidently came across this website and found a section where I can ask questions. I noticed that alot of these questions date back to as far as 2006. Its 2023 now and I was wondering if people are still active. I feel really young too because of how old this website is but that's not rly a surprise I'm only 14.
The site is still valid. However over time, things change, people come and go. At this point, I feel there may be only a handful of us answering questions all the time. There are others who get on every once in a while to answer one rare time. So if you have a question and just about whether this site is still valid, go ahead and post. Those of us still active will do our best to give some advice.
Dated my co-worker in secret for the past 3 years. She never wanted to come out for fear of repercussions at work. We talked about a future together and I fell hard. Now she broke it off and wants space. I am in love and want some advice on dealing with it since I see her every day at work.
Knowing how she feels is going to be an unknown so you can only act on what is right for you. Since dating coworkers is not okay, to address the issue with her at work would mean having to possibly tell the truth of dating 3 years. The only thing I see you can do is finding a way to conceal your feelings and working the job anyways, or slowly start to search around for another place to work.
I have no advice on how to Make her change her mind. A person has no control that can make another person love them or even just like them. Everyone was given a free will and there is nothing you can do to change hers. If she will not give you a chance to talk and see if any issues can be ironed out at least away from work, then you have no options but the two I mentioned. Perhaps she has chickened out and now after 3 yrs fears getting found out. Knowing a friend working elsewhere who was caught could be the issue. The battle is always in our minds. I have no idea why she would change after 3 years. But keep this in mind. If a couple were meant to be together, besides love and sex, they need to be able to be best friends. And I will state that a true best friend is someone you can confide in and talk about anything that lays heavy on your heart, without fear of being ridiculed, ignored, etc.
So if she can not or you can not have that heart to heart talk and find out what the issue is and be willing to work through it, then one or both of you are not ready to be in relationship together., I know that sounds harsh and judgemental but my spouse is first my best friend and we can talk about anything with both being supportive of the other. I know its possible and also know from a past marriage where we were never best friends, that it does not work. I wish you well. If you are open to it, pray and ask for help, to know whether she really is the one, and if not, for the feelings you have to eventually in time, fade away. It would be like a spouse grieving the death of their partner before able to move on.
Am I a slut ? I am 16 and have never had any sexual experiences. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. Today I met up with a guy friend of mine, we know each other since we were babies. Anyway we kinda confessed to each other a while ago but nothing happened. Today I went to his house and we were alone, after chilling on his couch for a bit we started to get a bit touchy and in the end he fingered me. I was raised very strictly where I am not allowed a boyfriend until I’m 25 or so. We haven’t even kissed yet so I feel like a slut since I haven’t even had my first kiss yet but now my first sexual interaction. We aren’t even together. Please help me out here maybe with some reassurance. I feel very guilty :(
I once was at a potluck with a friend so I didn't know the others but the topic everyone was discussing was their first time with sex. Without fail, all those who had their first sexual type of encounter all had bad memories of it. What I have learned myself is that having sex with someone who truly loves you, is quite a different experience from a first encounter. We usually don't know enough, but are curious and go for it with the first person willing to do it with us. None of the people disappointed with their first sex experience seemed to have it affect them today. Looking back, yeah, they don't like the memory and some wish it hadn't happened that way. It is too easy for young females to be pressured into having sex or are too scared to say no, stop or thats enough. When I say sex, I mean the fingering, oral sex, anal sex, and of course penis in vagina sex. You do not mention the last. But if you did and were too embarrassed to share that much, then girl, tomorrow go to local pharmacy and ask for the day after pill. It has a lot more of what the daily pill has but all in one pill to prevent a pregnancy but it is time sensitive and must be taken very soon.
You know now too late why parents don't want teens at a home without parents there to chaperone or even if just visiting in the bedroom the door must remain open. You already know how easy it is to get carried away and go too far. Even when dating, it is best as a teen to go with other couples together. You may have people find out and call you names including slut but a one time experience doesn't make you so. In life, what counts is not having a mistake or bad experience due to a choice of ours but learning from it. If you feel you have learned something, then you are just like everyone else.
This young man was same as most others his age, curious about sex and desperate to experience it at any cost, not caring anything about the girl or if she enjoys it, whether she gets pregnant or not, and willing to say anything to get some. Most younger females will beleive a guy when he says he loves her or any other promises he makes regarding dating, love, sex. Words are cheap dear, too easy to say. And him just saying it doesn't make it true. What does make it true is your waiting and watching him closely to see how he treats you consistently. The key word here is consistent. I learned that after a bad marriage and finding a good man. He followed what he said with action. But usually, he proved he was a gentleman and that he cared alot about me and finally that he loved me by how he treated me. The last guy, I listened to his words only and those were empty because I was verbally abused the whole time I was married. So now I am happy, with a good man but I met some doozies along the way and from just meeting face to face for coffee for a first meet was usually the only way I went about it. A few got past that first meet and we went on a date. But a good thing to know is that it is worth waiting for a person to show their true colors. I know maybe that sounds hard to do but its worth it and saves you from bad experiences, unmemorable ones or the kind you are embarrassed about. Everyone likes to put their best foot forward when dating or even trying to get a girl to trust them enough for some form of sex. We all tend to do this at some point or another. But pretending to be someone we are not, takes so much personal energy that eventually a person can no longer keep up the pretense and they slip up, happened with me a few times while searching for a guy after my divorce. So going slow and waiting are best til you can be sure of someone, even someone you think you know already kind of well. I say this from experience with my ex, that the person he shows to others socially and at work is quite different from the man he was behind closed doors with me. So you may think you really knew his character but apparently you didn't. A gentleman wouldn't treat any woman that way. He would not have gone ahead and fingered you. If lets say, you came after him, a gentleman would have tried to get you to think if this is really what you want. A gentleman waits for sex, no matter how much he wants it. So now I will share a bit of my second husband. When we met, we talked by phone for a week before I went to his place and met his daughter as well. He never tried to kiss me, even when we were alone. I realized I would have to reach out and kiss him first which I did because at that point I had seen how consistent he was to what he said he was about as a person, he treated me well and did not push me. He is no slack lover, cus once he knew I was ready, and loved him, I got the kisses and a whole lot more. He is never greedy, always wanting to make sure I am pleased and have an orgasm before he does. Basically, when two people are in love and their top priority in sex is wanting to please their partner first and both are doing that, then both will enjoy the sex immensely. If you ever have any other questions about dating, or want to run by me what a guy says or how he treats you, I am more than willing to share what I think.
As for the waiting til 25. Well, thats a long time but there is a good side to it. Scientists have studied the brain of teens and found that the part involved in making good decisions, the frontal lobe, is not fully developed yet and long after the body has matured, the brain is finally mature at the average of age 25. The parents may change their minds and allow earlier because after all, you are an adult at 18, just a young adult incapable of good decisions yet. That is why your peers with same age range can't help you. It takes trusted adults you can bounce your ideas off of, parents, maybe an aunt or grandma or a friends mom who really seems to care about you, a teacher...you get the idea. If you realize now that you had this experience because your decision making ability is hindered by an immature frontal lobe, then I hope you consider sharing all details with an adult you trust in the future. If you had told such a person that you might go to a guys home when his family wasn't there, just to hang out, and that it is okay cus you've known him since you were babies, you may have heard that it is not a good idea under those conditions. If you know that a guy has parents that don't give a crap what he does and he has no rules to follow, that also is a bad situation to place yourself in. I hope this helps you with the future.
Hello! So I'm a 7th grader, and I'm kind of a very flamboyant, non-sporty kid, even though I demonstrate being athletically pretty good. I recently went to a hockey game for our hs and I decided that I really want to play hockey. It seems to me to be a sport that I think fits perfectly within my inteserest, but I sort of have an issue; I've literally never played hockey. Apart from helping my sister with field hockey, and the occasional floor hockey for PE, I know nothing about hockey. I feel like because of my age, it's a difficult point to jump in, as many people my age are advanced. So, I guess really, all I'm asking is, how do you think I should start?
Sounds like you need to speak with a hockey coach. If you do not know who that is in your school, you can ask at the school office who is the coach and why you want to talk to him/her. Only that coach can know best if there is a league for late starters and training, or if you can be taught and run through some tests to see what natural skill you might have. The longer you wait to find out, the harder it will be. It would be the same if a guy was engaged but didn't know how to dance for the dance with his wife at a reception. He knows he can't dance, had never tried and feels he has two left feet. So if he feels it might be too late to learn now in time for his wedding, he will not be dancing at his wedding. But if he takes the chance to ask around of professionals who can teach dancing, he could give it a try. He may never be a star dancer but able to do well enough to impress his bride with his effort at the wedding.
I'm in tenth grade and happen to take school very seriously. Unfortunately, the same can't always be said for some of my friends and boyfriend. It seems like they're always nagging me to come hang out w/ them when they know I have a lot of studying and/or homework to do.
To get around this problem, I've started asking my parents to ground me whenever I have a lot of work to do and everyone insists on blowing up my phone. That way, I have an air-tight excuse for not being able to hang out. I usually owe them some favor afterwards, usually an extra chore or two, for enforcing these groundings, but I don't mind. It's worth the tradeoff, IMO.
My sister thinks I'm a total weirdo and dishonest for doing this. Personally, I don't see the big deal. It helps me to get things done. And while I'm technically lying, I would say it's a white lie. Still, I would like a second opinion just in case.
Its great you have this opportunity to learn one aspect in relationships and how to handle a tough one. You can't avoid learning this because such situations will keep coming, even in adult life until you learn. So standing up to your decision when everyone else would rather not study is a valid enough thing to stand up for. Your friends may be great friends otherwise, but for the flaw of caring more about having their own brand of fun instead of applying themselves in school. Do not let them hold you back or drag you down.
There is a story told by people who have gone crabbing. There is no worry that crabs will claw their way out of the bucket they were put in right after capture because all the other crabs will grab the one trying to crawl out and pull it back in. This is a true occurrence in nature.
You have to put your mark down, state your boundaries and let your friends know you prefer to study instead. Partying can happen after you graduate. I know it's hard to do because its scary, there is a fear and usually it has to do with losing all ones friends and being all alone with no one and or getting teased by them or the whole school. Once they are adults and lack an education or degree, they will be the ones who wish they had been more like you. But thats for you to decide, if you are ready to try to be strong and not use your parents as a handy excuse that would be good, to learn how to stand with your convictions even if its not popular. But you will have to learn how to do this at some point in life. Better now than later when you have more commitments, a job, car, a home, children who look up to you to copy you.
Hi everyone,
I hope whoever is reading this has the patience and understanding that I am looking for, it makes me a little uncomfortable to write here and look for advice from strangers, but I need to vent to people who might not be judgmental to my given situation.
Me and my Fiancé have been engaged for two years, we are both 29 years old and were supposed to get married in the summer, next June. My brother lives in the U.S and both me and my Fiance are live in a different country.
My two sisters, who live with him in the U.S, called me about a month ago saying he has passed away in his sleep. Of course, this was such a big shock to everyone and even to my Fiance, because he was his good friend even after the relationship between them went long distance. It is a tragedy and we are going through a lot of grief and agony and sadness. Nothing will ever be the same and my entire family is hurt and lost and are feeling many different emotions.
My part of the family has always had a very difficult time reuniting since all my siblings live in U.S and I am living here with my mom. So me and my mom are always going back and fourth and sometimes it is difficult for my siblings to do the same due to work and responsibilities that they have. The biggest problem with our wedding was that my brother kept talking about how he wasn't sure he was gonna make it because he had a lot of things to take care of in terms of work, etc.
The big issue now is that my mom doesn't want to leave my sisters alone in the U.S and wants to live with them for the time being, until they get a job and a nice home for them to live with, she also has to go back for medical reasons since she has a lot of health issues. Which means that I would be staying here in this country alone.
Me and my Fiance have decided to get legally married (for religious reasons) and move into our home until we can celebrate later with the people that we love (A year from now. I figured I should postpone the wedding till next year in respect to my brother and me and my family's feelings towards the loss. ) We know that right now, it is not the time to party and throw a wedding, and no one wants to. Of course it breaks my heart that my brother isn't here and that even when we decide to do something in the future, he wont be here. But I also have a lot of disappointment to how all of this ended up happening.
Obviously, like any woman, I was dying to be a bride, I had all these plans of how my wedding would be, and I feel so hurt and disappointed that nothing went as planned. I know this is life, but what I mean is that I am worried that we will get married, live together, and lose all the essence of me becoming a 'bride' in the future. I am not trying to be some brat, I swear. This is just how I feel and the reason why I decided to write this is to be FREE of any judgement. I cant talk to anyone about this matter because it comes off as selfish. I lost my brother too, and it pains me, but I also lost the happiness that goes with getting married the way that I envisioned and had a picture of in my head.
The legal marriage will continue, and my Fiance is super supportive, he wants to be there for me, wants me to lean on him while I grieve, and is doing everything to show me that he is THERE and I love that so much! I just have terrible anxiety that I wont ever be a bride, will never have a wedding, and will never be able to have that in my life. Growing up, I never went to college on campus or did many things that a lot of people experienced. Getting married is a big milestone for me. I think for anyone.
Do you think that if we get married, move in, it will lose the essence of us doing a wedding later?
Do you think that it makes a difference at all?
He told me that him and his family want to see us get married and have a wedding, but that they all understand that now it is not the time and respect that and actually don't want that now either. He is being supportive and everything, I just don't want the day to come when him, or any of my family members, tell me "Why are you even making a wedding, aren't you already married?" it may just be my paranoid, anxious self. I have terrible anxiety and worry too much. I just need your opinions and some reassurance.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!
As I began reading what you wrote, the answer alreay came to me and then I read you had figured out the same... to get legally married so you can live together, then have the wedding later in a year. So I agree with that. Lets take the focus off of you to get perspective. All around the world, during the height of the pandemic, there were no weddings, no funerals, no family gatherings for holidays, no graduations and so on. These are important celebrations that could not happen because of something else that happened. It is a big let down to not have been able to have joyous celebration. I believe waiting is a very good idea. All your family, and your fiancee are grieving and won't be ready to experience joy at a wedding in a hand ful of months, so waiting for the celebration is the best thing. It can be a respect issue but for more than just your brother but for all the family who are allowed time to grieve. I know everyone grieves or goes through the grieving process in different ways and different times. So if by a year from now, there is still one family member who has not moved on and is still grieving, I would go ahead with having a celebration and that one person or two, can attend but don't expect them to be their cheeriest self. Many people the world over had to come up with alternate way to celebrate, or cancel or postpone events during the last couple of years. So for example, how does one go back in time to when a loved one died from covid. Capturing the emotions and exactly how one felt is hard and best to not focus on. The best any person could do was wait until it was safe to have any gathering again and then, not have a funeral service with a casket, but have some kind of remembrance celebration of the lost ones life, with people sharing their favorite memories of the one who passed on, some singing, maybe weave in whatever your religious customs are, I had a table with lots of show and tell memorabilia of my dad when he passed on and of course food is a must for a celebration. You can still enjoy a celebration and that is what you tell anyone who asks why do so after already being married. If they don't understand, that is for them to deal with. Don't let anyone take away your joy when the day you have waited for arrives and yes, even wearing a wedding dress if you still wish or if you decide to do something different like traditional garb of wedding for your country, or something white but shorter. Yes, its no longer celebrating two people becoming one couple, but you can still do whatever you like. I do not know what country you are in. But I have read of weddings in history not being what we have today. For example, there were no white wedding gowns and veils, only wearing ones best dress or if rich enough, a new dress. But white wedding dressing and tuxes for men were not the normal way to go about it. Not until the queen of England at the time decided to wear a white wedding dress. At first only the rich followed and did the same. There was no such thing as bridesmaids and grooms men at first. People back then were very superstitious and thought perhaps bad spirits would attack a newly married couple or even right in the ceremony. So the tradition of having other couples in the wedding party who were dressed up fancy, was thought to confuse bad spirits who now would not have any idea which couple was the one getting married. Also, there was a time when there was no such thing as a wedding. People simply agreed to live as man and wife for a year and upon the anniversary of that agreement, either agreed to try a new year or perhaps get married before a priest or whatever the religious leader was called. These are all parts of a wedding celebration today but back in time, there really was no such thing... kind of where you are currently in your situation. People of today have forgotton what a wedding really used to be like, not as fancy as what people have today.
My suggestions: I read somewhere about a wedding where one of the parents had passed on so a large framed photo was made of them and took up a chair where family would sit for the wedding. It's not your brother in body form but a way to honor and remember. Perhaps he will be able to watch the ceremony, and this way he will know he has been remembered at this special time. I wish you the very best hon.
33 female
I having been dating this guy for almost 3 months and valentines day is coming up . I already got him a cd of his favorite band korn. I want to getchim something else . Am I to old to be making gifts . I was wanting to make him something. What are your thoughts . I am on disability and money is tight but I still want to get him some thing he will love . Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
If you want to make something yourself, then how about taking some time to wander the aisles of a local craft store. If he has a favorite something that you can't find decorating the front of a tee to buy for him, and if craft store has an iron on that would work, buy a plain tee and put the iron on , on the tee. There are also great ideas for jewelry, with colored leather strips that are thin enough to look great as necklace or bracelet. If he has a favorite cartoon character or lets say he is into trains, then find a pendant at craft store, get a packet of O rings to hang it found the leather. I have a daughter who likes Octopus so I found an Octopus pendant, already had a collection of the material to string beads on and clasps and such. Got some small shells with hole drilled in it and strung those, alternating with blue beads that had golden colored paint splattered on. Ready to put it in the mail tomorrow. It doesn't take much time and men will wear jewelry, just as long as its not too girly looking so leather band with a pendant is easy. I must make a comment on age limit to crafting things. I don't know where you got that impression, but there is no age specification to people making gifts. So whether a toddler or the elderly, anyone who isn't afraid to try, can do any kind of craft. For some, craftiness is used even in Cake decorating, gardening, and other various things. Lastly, you have heard of hand made ticket books with tickets for something he can redeem when he wants. Ideas are: ticket for a foot massage, back rub, 100 kisses in a row, one place or all over. LOL Going to a movie that he wants to see but you dont, get the picture? Stuff like that.
So I have a childhood friend say her name is Becky,and we use to play together. Now we have common friends. When we ask her if she wants to come for a walk or for a outing, most of the time she says no.We do ask her if she wants to go with us but now we have heard saying her no so many times that we also have stopped asking her always. I can understand she might have issues so i never argued with her. My other friends and her had a Fallout earlier as well but things were going okay now. Resently we made a plan to go out, we were total 6 people and one more who couldn't make it.
So the organizer of the plan in middle had a fallout due to family issue and plan was cancelled but then he again said it was okay but due to that my other friend made other plans and was not able to make it on time. With all this going on i wasn't really in the mood to go on. I asked the organizer did he really wanted to do. And he said no, he was doing it for us, even after arguing with his family. So i just cancelled from my end and he also cancelled after that. So now that would be jist of the scene. After this Becky said not to involve her in any of the plans, as it seemed to her that we were doing it purposely.
So i tried apologizing to her personally, and also justifying from my end why i cancelled out. Her reply came after a day saying that
"when she cancels it is usually at the earlier stage when we plan, not after all plan is made. And it is not like you always go out with all of them, sometimes 3 of you also go out alone and again she repeated not to involve her in any plans here after"
I am not sure how to reply to her now.
I have a childhood friend I no longer keep in touch with, other than occasional hello's on Facebook. It is a part of life. As we grow and change our views, beliefs, morals even, we may find we are no longer interested or on the same 'wave length' as the friend we had grown up with. This happens often with HS friends, who by end of college and marrying and starting a family, there is so much change that one or the other doesn't want to be in touch anymore. There is a reason for that saying, "Birds of a feather, flock together." So if you are no longer 'of a feather' meaning to me that you are no longer finding you have anything in common with or have your own unmentioned personal reasons, then such a person won't want to 'flock together' or get together with former friends. So if your Becky has wishes to be left alone, honor her wishes and no longer ask her to get together. She may have changed enough that she doesn't feel she has anything in common with her old friends, which is the exact reason I am no longer in much contact with my old best friend of childhood. You should not have to reply anything to Becky as she has stated her wishes. About the only thing you could do is one last message to her that you will honor her wishes and no longer make contact. If she changes her mind at any point, she will have to reach out and let you and the common friends know that she has had a change of mind and would like to get together. It might be wise to keep her last message if a written one in text, in case she all of a sudden complains that no one is inviting her to anything anymore and then remind her with her text to you. If not in text, you may want to text her and say that you are willing to honor her wishes and then type in her exact words. If she ever does complain, you can send it to her and remind her that if she has changed her mind, that all she has to do is say so.
33 female
My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over 2 months and I want to have sex ,but my boyfriend wants to make sure I am ready and not rushing into anything. My question is How do you know when your ready?
One part of being ready is being old enough and mature enough to handle things like using birth control, checking to see if either of you has the herpes virus. The only way to know for sure if a person has it, is to request from Dr. to check for it, rather than wait to see if one of you gets an outbreak. I mention this since I ended up with it. It can remain dormant in your body and only shows up when there is stress in your life.
I assume there is a sexual chemistry between you two, and you don't need to have sex to know you feel it. Also, are you okay with sex for sake of the fun of it only, or to find out if he's a considerate lover, or you see it as meaning he is serious about you to the point of possible marriage? There is plenty of sex outside of a committed relationship. Just be sure that what you view it as and what he views it as is the same thing. Some men will date cyclically until they get sex and then once tired of the person move on to someone else. If you feel you can handle the risk of this happening, you're ready.
Ask yourself if you have a want to have sex with him. I mean, really drawn to it, imagining it, rea
lly craving it, then you need to check it out to see if its something you want regularly.
Often, a really good man will wait for the woman to be ready, that means wanting to have sex with j
him. My 2nd husband was like that, waiting for me to make the first move. I could tell in other ways that he was really into me and males are not into women they are not attracted to or want to have sex with. So perhaps, do as I did, and make the first move and touches, rubbing, kissing and if he still holds back, let him know in words that you want sex.
I recently got a promotion at my work - was very excited for it as it involved my leading more higher end projects and taking own higher level individual work as well. Ever since the promotion however, all the other staff members in my department have said they want in on more of the higher level things too and have started collecting + hoarding orders to themselves (all store orders are placed in an area that everyone can access at all times, there’s no assigning of orders, it’s just who grabs what.)
The people who work the morning shift with me arrive earlier than me now, distribute the orders they want amongst themselves and then when I come in to the start of the shift, I am left what are the “lower level” orders and the things they just don’t want to do. I’ve had several discussions with my boss who’s had meetings with them individually about how we need to try and keep workload equal and only grab an order or two at a time but the cycle just keeps continuing. One coworker will walk over to the other and hand them some orders one on one as well.
I had no work to do for 40 min a few weeks ago and asked coworkers if they needed help to which I was told no they’re good; when I walked by, I saw the one person had six orders to themselves. I got frustrated and then said if this is going to keep continuing this way, I’m going to just start going up to peoples tables and start taking orders for myself. Which probably wasn’t the best thing to say, but I’ve been saying nothing at all - it’s a very small work area so you have to be careful of how much “drama” you wanna stir up.
I know it may not be the actual case cause everyone of course has their own perspective, but I have not found me to be conflictive with anyone or a bad coworker to garner any of this. Especially since the promotion; I got some feedback with the store front people that I listen to them and they feel heard with their ideas. When people ask for a product to help their workload or something new they’d like to use, I try to get it for them if I’m able. It’s just the people who work the same area as me are giving me a little pushback.
My boss is the type of person that at the end of the day, as long as the work gets done, he doesn’t care who does it. Which from his business perspective I completely understand but for me as team leader, I feel like I’m now being led by everyone else. I guess I’m just asking for any tips/advice if there even is any? I’m not sure if there’s any other tactics on how to distribute orders or just how to keep order in general?
Sounds like the solution is a new rule at work. Only the boss or manager can distribute the work.
However by your simple description, it sounds like the boss is one who would rather not be involved with all the details himself. If so, then perhaps you can talk to him about delegating you as the one to distribute the work evenly and fairly.
I used to be a route manager for a carpet cleaning company. We a certain number of guys who cleaned. I had to distribute the written up orders so that each guy had equal value for the day and also didn't have to drive too far for next job of the day. One day, I couldn't keep it all in close proximity so each guy would have to drive all over the place. At end of day, each guy brought in their paperwork and picked up their routes for the next day. Since I am female, I think that some of the guys thought they could do better but only one was vocal and took actions. He came in and looked at his route. Then the others for area/location of each job. Then he told me that was not a good plan. I watched as he began to move the job forms around until all the ones were located in the same area. There was no rule in place that the cleaners couldn't mess with the assigned routes and jobs for the following day, but it was assumed that a route manager would make fair route choices. So I let him move the orders around and heard him say he would do a particular route where instead of smaller clean jobs like two rooms or a sofa, his location wise would give one cleaner a massive amount of money while all the other cleaners went to each location for small stuff. I told him that yes it made sense location wise for the jobs of the day but he had not looked at the amount of each job, and since they all earned their portion of money for the jobs of the day, it would not be fair to the others. So with him watching, I moved them back to be fair and then told him he could choose a set of jobs he would do for tomorrow.
I told that story so you could know this sort of thing happens everywhere. First you need a boss who is willing to have your back and enforce what decisions you make. And there has to be a rule, and in this case, an unwritten rule is the same as no rule so its everyone to themselves. If you are in a position over them now, then it doesn't look good if you are doing no work, even though at no fault of your own. If you came in earlier than them to take your pick, you'd just be falling into their scheme, bending down to working at their level which sounds like it every man or woman for themselves without a care what happens to another other worker. Workers will go as their leader is going. So whoever has the right to hire or fire them would also be the one to make the rules. If that person doesn't want the job of delegating out the work fairly, then such a boss should delegate that to someone in a position below him but above the average workers. I am retired now but in my life, I have worked several jobs and just laughed at how they told someone they were promoted and came up with a new fancy title, but that only. Nothing in writing about the job duties, nothing said to other workers about needing to do as this person says. It could be, someone else wants the position you have, or several others do so they all are grabbing work and leaving nothing or scraps for you. If you studied books about how to be a successful team leader, you'd have to have the authority to follow through on the incentives given to workers. I am guessing you only have the title of team leader but no authority. Such authority is given by your boss or the owner. So perhaps having a talk with your boss about the situation is very much needed. After some time after all, with things going as it is, it may look like you are slacking and a boss can come up with a reason to lay you off because of that, for that reason or making up another as I have seen done over and over. If things do not change with your boss which I feel is the majority of the problem here, then you may have to start putting out feelers and slowly looking for something better for a job. Since the pandemic, many people have decided after a break from work with having to stay home during lockdown, that it is possible to find better work elsewhere, a better boss, a job where your contribution is valued highly. Now that things are more back to normal health wise, it isn't changing peoples minds. If they are not happy at work, people are still taking other jobs and getting more pay plus a better management. This of course leaves lots of the lower pay jobs or the companies badly run, in need of workers and finding no one. You don't want to find a job like that or even that as a second job but to find one where you are valued as an employee. I used to work also in a claims dept for a large moving company. The clients were either military which as the biggest or commercial claims being anything none military. My boss had a small private company, eventually his wife retired as she had health problems and we became the claim dept of a large moving co. Five people to handle military claims. His wife and he were the ones to do the others but since she was now gone, he needed someone to be his right hand man, err woman. He was finally able to handle taking a vacation day or sick day without worry, because I was there to handle any of the calls he got back for things that could not wait. He thanked each one of us personally at the end of the day for having come in. Two of us, myself included, were moms with kids in grade school. We would have to stay home if our young kids, too young to be home alone, were ill. So he let her and I bring the sick child in, where they slept all day under our desks, so we could still do our work. After all, this was sick enough to sleep it off, situations. But I know other people would not allow such a thing. He cared about each employee, and what was going one that might make it impossible to be in for work. There are all kinds of bosses or business owners. So its not just the company or the title you are given, but how good of a boss you will have. Unfortunately it isn't something you can know ahead of time when applying. So try talking with your boss, something about caring that you can take the load off his shoulders and get the work distributed fairly. You believe you should still be doing as much as anyone else but it is now looking as if you do very little work since everyone else is coming in earlier to grab work orders and leaving little to none for you. So you ask if he would like to help you come up with a solution, a new rule that makes it part of the job description that all team leaders now have authority to distribute the work fairly, so all are kept busy, not one hogging all the work but unable to get it all done without cutting corners and doing shoddy work to finish in time. You would be glad to do this but only if it was now a rule and put into job description so you truly legally have that authority. That way, he doesn't have to police all his employees, just have leaders with the authority to do so. I hope I understood this correctly. If not, write again and give new information or detail so I can better know what the issue really is. Wishing you the best, Dragonfly
I want to be acquainted with attractive females so badly but the ones I interact with Mostly thanks to my job or other activities tend to be unattractive or old and that makes me angry. For example, in my college classes, even though there ar lots of attractive girls on campus, in my classes the girls are pretty much always unattractive/ugly. At my tennis classes, sometimes we might get an attractive female for a session or two but most of the time it is ugly/unattractive women, and at my job at a store the female employees are unattractive and most of the customers are older including old women
What is attractive and unattractive to any person variss depending on that persons personal likes. I don't know you so I can't know what your scale of 1 to 10 is with 10 being best. I don't know but there is a chance that the same holds true for you no matter where you go and would probably be the same at any college you chose to step onto. This would mean that the image of what a eye catching female is may be currently tied to what advertisers put out as the image women should strive for. Unfortunately, most of what people have been brainwashed by media today as being the perfect looking woman, is fake. I watched a youtube video of a model who was already cute and watching her digital photo being messed with, changing her curves and face eyes, hair into what they want to show. The finished product does not look like the gal at all but many people believe that is what they must strive for. Starting with paintings way back, portraits too, painters got to show people in their paintings nude sometimes and instead of painting people as they wished a person could look, that never occurred to them. Nudes were painted looking as real people do. Media hasa dictated what people believe as beauty but that has continued to change during my life time and just before I was born. Marilyn Monroe was the original look that media used to portray as what every woman should look like. Men growing up then, say the big boned curvy look and thought that was beautiful brcsuse that was the image pushed by media. When I was a kid, I remember the look that took over as the most pretty was the sitck figure look or Twiggy look as it was sometimes called by the model named Twiggy. No curves, just long skinny limbs and a petite skeletal base. Both of these looks are totally unachievable for women as much of it is to do with their skeletal structure.
I recommend you watch Tootsie, an older movie with Dustin Hoffman or do the search for an interview with Dustin regarding that role. He played an actor who couldn't land a job cus the agencies were looking for a female. So his friends helped dress him up to look like a female. In his interview he said he wasn't happy with the finished image and asked the workers if they could make him look any better as a female and they said no. That based on what they had to work with, this was the best it was going to get. Dustin had a revelation that brought him to tears. He recalled all the women he had ever met that he thought didn't look pretty enough and realized that they were doing the best with what they had and yet plenty of men just skipped over them due to their looks not being 'Attractive' enough. He realized he had done that very same thing. He said, who knows how many wonderful women he missed out on just because he valued them only for what they looked like on the outside. Saying you feel angry is a strong word. Women tend to not want to be around a man with an anger problem. I am wondering if you really meant you feel frustrated. Either way, I have one more thing to mention. How you feel about yourself, or even another person can be picked up on, like something invisible such as radio waves. The attitude of a people speaks louder than anything. Heres how I learned that. Years ago, I went to a nudist event with hubby. We didn't know but a few people. I saw one woman who was sitting all alone and she was obese. I am a female and straight but I usually will talk to just about anybody, no matter what they look like but something about her made me not want to talk to her. Later I passed a good sized crowd but couldn't tell what they were looking at. I am short so I forced myself to the front and there sat another obese woman but the vibes coming off of her were positive, she felt comfortable in the body she had and that didn't stop her personality from shining through. THe crowd was men and women and everyone was being entertained by her sense of humor. As I watched, I found I wasn't focusing on her weight but focusing on her face as she spoke. I thought she actually had pretty eyes and cute lips as well as her hair. Why would I feel differently about the looks of this obese woman versus the first one? It was all in the vibes they sent out. People may not realize it but they can send off vibes that make them less approachable. I warn you to be sure you are not doing something like this, with your frustrations coming off you as vibes because that can also become a problem. At some point, if something isn't working, then it is time for something new or a new way of looking at something. I have heard it said this way, If it isn't working, but you continue to do the same stuff hoping that it will change, thats the definition of stupid. Humans are so easily trapped into that and I have too for a short while before I come to my senses. I know we don't purposely do the same things believing that next time will get the results we want. What you need to figure out is what has you seeing pretty much all women as unattractive. Apparently, the line of thoughts isn't helping. If it were me in your position, I'd want to try even analyzing myself to rule out that there aren't other possible reasons. Only then could you safely say that there are no attractive women at your college. Another thing to do is watch women who have boyfriends. Do all those women look unattractive too? If you see them all as very attractive, there may be a bit of not trusting yourself to find the right person, or not wanting to do the work yourself to check them out and so if another man finds a lady acceptable, then they are acceptable to you. If you find the females who are dating and have a boyfriend to be unattractive, then either all the males on campus are willing to date ugly women or the problem lies with you. It may help to see a counselor for a while to see if this issue can be fixed. I wish you the best!
My crush has rejected me but we are still great friends. He says he relationships are too much work and he wouldn't want a girlfriend but he keeps giving me signs that he likes me, like he will annoy me when I am not talking to him or let me hug him once in while(which he doesn't allow anyone to) or just tease me sometimes. I don't know what impression should I take from this, does he like me or not? my age is 15(girl) and he is 15 too
I see that you are both 15. At that age, yeah ... its true that a relationship such as a dating one with a boyfriend and a girlfriend is too much work for a boy because first off, there is no experience in relationships. He will need the next 10 years if not 15 to feel ready to have such a relationship. However, that is a long time for a male to be mature enough to know how to treat a female right and want to share his life with her and find he can't imagine a life without her in it. To be honest, plenty of females are not ready at those ages either for the same reasons. The only difference is that she is wanting to give relationships a try. Sure there were guys I may have liked at that age, but back then, It was as if I was taking inventory of what I liked and did not like in a male and did so by simply observing how guys treated their girlfriends, even theirs wives since I studied guys of all ages, mine up to way older men. As you get older, that list of what you like will change and become more precise. For now, the best thing is staying friends, hanging out as friends, no romance. Its very important to experience friendship with guys because that is also a key ingredient to a healthy relationship or marriage as an adult. Unfortunately, grown ups forget the friendship part and go for someone their sexual equal. So those relationships work only the short time they are having sex. The rest of the time, they fight like cats and dogs cus they are not friends. On the other hand, there are people who are best of friends with their partner and they assume that means they are a good choice for a long term partner or spouse, but they lack the chemistry for being sex partners. Maybe it felt exciting in the beginning cus sex was something new but the excitement of something new doesn't last forever and goes away after a short while, maybe even a few months. So they are in a relationship where they treat each other great as friends but neither one makes the other happy in sex. So one or both start having affairs but stay together cus they are best friends.
Those are problems that can come about as an adult if you don't slow down and enjoy what is okay at this age. He may not be able to explain what he is feeling as good as I can but it sure sounds like he wants to be just friends with you, but I would have to say, not a friend like an aquaintence but like a close friend, because he is willing to hug. If he felt you were happy to settle for being just friends, he may feel comfortable being friends and hanging out with you more.
For the future, to find out if a man has the same romantic feelings for you that you have, and you both are already good friends, you can always ask, "I just had a thought. I was wondering since we do so well as friends, if we'd do just as well as more than friends. What do you think?" Asking his opinion is crucial. He won't feel put on the spot and say either that he thinks its a great idea if he does feel the same or will say, no, I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. Enjoy your friendship and keep a list of what you observe and what you find you like in males. Then look for the guy who has those qualities instead of trying to change a guy to become what you want. My ex tried to change me into what he wanted, and I did not appreciate that. We are now long divorced. We were not only not good as lovers but also not best of friends. I didn't know anything and thought the excitement I felt from his attention meant we were meant for each other. I learned the hard way. Some of us have to learn that way, others can learn by the mistakes of others. I hope that will be your story.
Hello. I live in the U.S. with my bf. We're both in our 20s. He has a decent paying job, but we're definitely not rich and rent is very expensive where we live. The problem is that my bf's parents live in a third-world country and they expect him to send money home every week. We used to do it, but we recently had a baby and money is very tight now. We haven't sent them money in a few weeks, and his mother is really angry about this. We decided that I would stop working for a year or so to take care of the baby, but now his mother says I'm the reason why he can't send money anymore. She is really upset and she's blaming me for everything. Also, the other day his sister made a comment saying that my bf shouldn't spend all his money on me because I can always get up and leave. She said I'm not family. I was really hurt by that because I always got along with her and I thought we were pretty close. I'll also add that my bf is the youngest of 5 siblings who are also here in the U.S., so he shouldn't be the ONLY one sending money. The final straw was when his mother called and cursed me out, and then she told him he needs to leave me. He defended me and got into a big argument with her, and they haven't spoken since. I know that things are hard back home, but we have a child that we have to support now. Why are they so angry? I told them we would try to send money when I go back to work, but they want it now. At this point I'm wondering if I'm getting in the way of him and his family. Should we send money knowing that we're going to suffer financially if we do? Or is it ok for him not to have a relationship with his family? I don't know what the solution is
This sounds familier in a way, not for me but my mom. She was from Germany and through letters, met my dad in Canada and from there they moved to the states around the time I was born. I remember her relatives assuming that because she lived in the U.S. that she was rich, all her relatives except her mom believed this. Her mom, my grandma came to visit every summer so she got a good feel for what it is like here. In some places in the world, there is no such thing as plumbing so the fact we have plumbing may make us look rich. However, we have to pay for those utilities, they don't have to pay for plumbing. Any country in the world has the cost for the privileges such as running water, heat in winter and air conditioning in summer and so on. For people who have never had that, its like an Alien trying to explain to us what life is like on their planet, thats how foreign it is to people living in 3rd world countries. I don't think they will ever understand. I do know that what is a little money here is a big deal to people in 3rd world living conditions. You mention other siblings also in US but your husband is, or was the only one sending money. Do his siblings get harassed for not sending money? He might try to talk to them. Perhaps some of them sent a one time chunk of cash when they had extra. Do you know if any of them have ever had to deal with this kind of treatment from family back home whether they give or not? Do his siblings know what the parents are doing and how mad they are. What was given as a gift has spoiled them and they see it as their right to recieve now.
Another time that family acts out of line with family is when there is a death in the family and the person chosen to execute the wishes and split the money and items according to the loved ones will, is a time this happens too. I was executer for my mother. When she died, I had sisters and brother in law fighting for more money with crazy ideas of why more is due to them rather than being split evenly as Mom wanted. When it involves money, the worst in people can come out. All my relatives are okay now, long after the fact but it was Hell for me while happening. I can't say whether in your case, the relatives will come around. So taking care of the parents would be best split 5 ways. Sounds like there is a need to do some in depth talking with his siblings and see if they are willing to all split the cost of what he was sending, each covering an equal amount. So if 100. dollars is a big deal to the parents, then each sibling could put in $20. and 5 times that amount is 100. Twenty would not be as big a hard ship. See if that can be worked out. Otherwise, it is important to take care of your financial needs first and if you only have 10 dollars to send, then do so. If thats not good enough for them and siblings won't help, then your husband will have to decide whether he is willing to live with the consequences if any, of shutting off the family back home. What I don't see is why if 5 family members live in US, why the parents wouldn't emigrate to the US. I suppose there is more family there, brothers and sisters but they too could try to come here. It is not fair of them to expect a handout thinking you are rich enough to do so. However they have nothing to compare cost of living there with here. If you couldn't pay your bills, you risk ending up homeless and would be in same situation almost as the family back home. So you unfortunately must take care of yourselves first.
I recently adopted a blind dog and he poops in different spots all over the small back yard I have. I would like him to do it one area. Is it possible to teach him?
I have heard of this once but couldnt tell you how it was accomplished. In this story, the owners built a wire kennel in their side yard and every time the dog had to go, took the dog to the wired in enclosure. It would have to be some corner you could permanently put some kind of marker for the boundaries, maybe something found in a gardening center. Once the dog got used to going in the designated area being led there by the owner, the dog developed the habit of going there itself and viola! no more poop all over the yard so you have to look where you step. I haven't had a dog in years and cant remember where I heard it but know its possible. Maybe something similar can be found in a pet training book. Just look for chapter on training a dog to use the same place each time, and if it doesn't have that, keep looking til you find it.