I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173023
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OKay...i am 15....I had my first period in Nov of 2004....and i started my period yesterday...this has never happend to me before...but...When i go pee...i bleed too....why is that???? like...i bleed more than i pee...and the blood is all gooey and chunky...i hope non of u think im weird...im just really nervous...because this has never happend to me before..
thanks girls (link)
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Your body has muscle in the vagina, and when you are sitting down all day, they sort of clench naturally. This is how tampons are held in - by these muscles.
When you pee, your body relaxes. You also might be sort of pushing while you pee, and those muscles you use to push will also push your period out. The blood is gooey and chunky because it's not just blood, it's the lining of your uterous (where a fertilized egg would implant if you were pregnant).
It's all normal and natural.
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Im 17 and this is really embarassing but, I havent had my period yet. I feel ashamed and worried that something is wrong ! Im a virgin, if that matters that much. Im so worried & i feel bad because I tell my friends I have it, and I even use pads hoping it will come. Whats wrong with me? I need to know what to do! (link)
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Chances are nothing is wrong, but you're going to want to head over to your doctor's. Generally, if people haven't started their periods by about 16, they need to be checked out to make sure everything is okay.
Only a doctor can tell you how developed your body is and when you can expect your period - so make an appointment. This is a common occurance, so there's no need to feel embarassed when talking to a doctor.
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what is a dildo? (link)
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A dildo is a specially made sex toy. Many people think it looks like a penis, but in reality it can be bumpy, textured, smooth, hard, semi-soft, etc. It's used for masturbation or inserting into a partner's vagina or anus. Dildos can be most any length or thickness.
A dildo has no batteries or vibrating associated with it. Vibrators can be shaped the same as dildos (think of a sort of straight banana), but they also vibrate (hence the name!). Some vibrators are tiny and only for use on the clitoris.
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hi - iv got 2 questions 2 ask you
My question is really weird because i don't really feel anything at all. im usually an all out there person who's kind of a *nice* drama queen ( i overact and exagerate but im not bitchy) . anyways , i used to go crazy for this guy - whenever he called , or i saw him or he was online . but now i dont feel anything at all when those things would happen now. i feel like the fire inside me just got extinguished.
My sex life is non existen since im a virgin. im o-kay with tht but everytime i masturbate i don't feel excited either. im afraid i won't feel anything when i first have sex. is it possible to never have an orgasm?
Thanks tons! (link)
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Well, the first part of your question is probably easier to answer than your second - I would guess that you just don't like this guy anymore. It's normal to feel extremely into someone and then not really care either way. This is the nature of attraction - you can't help who your heart does (or doesn't!) like.
As for the next part, don't masturbate unless you feel excited. If you're masturbating just to kill time, because you're bored, or because you're in the habit it's not going to help you feel more excitement. Wait until you feel you really WANT to masturbate, and then go for it.
Did you used to feel excited, and then stop? If that's the case, then do two things: don't masturbate unless you're excited, and try new things - new rhythms, etc. If you've never felt excited while masturbating, those rules still apply. Your body might not have developed to the point of allowing you to feel truly sexually excited yet, or perhaps your fears about nor orgasming are impacting on your ability to feel relaxed and sensual.
If you wait to have sex until you are truly ready for it, then chances are you will definitely feel something. It might not be all roses and hearts like in the movies, but something will be there. While some women may never orgasm, that's not a common thing at all.
I tend to think that it will happen for you - you've just got to masturbate when you feel the need to, and just enjoy the sensation without having any expectation of orgasm. Eventually you'll find a way of touching yourself that you most enjoy (most women enjoy clitoral stimulation instead of actually entering the vagina), and you'll be relaxed enough to go with the flow.
Best of luck.
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OK i'm 13 and live in a place that has a very large gay community. My family has many gay friends and I am surrounded by people that support things like this. Anyways a couple of days ago I started to think about kissing a girl. (I just had this "feeling" almost like how i feel when I think about haveing my first kiss) just any girl and it didn't seem gross to me or anything. It's not like I have an attraction to any girl at school, but could I be bisexual? Or is it just me? Also how do you think it could change my relationship with a guy? PLEASE help, I'm so damn confused!!!!
(link)
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Well, you don't have to have an attraction to ANYONE in order to be straight, bisexual, or gay. As you probably know, lesbians aren't automatically attracted to every woman they see. That's fine and natural.
It's also okay to be thinking about kissing girls. Yes, it means you might be bisexual or a lesbian. As to how that affects relationships with guys, that's up to you.
The majority of bisexual people are just like anyone else - they fall in love with someone and make a committment to them. It doesn't matter whether that person is male or female. In this way, whoever you were with would get all of you - but it would still be important to let them know you were bisexual. After all, you want to be with someone who likes you for who you are.
Some bisexual people do choose to date more than one person at the same time. Some people feel they are not satisfied by only one gender - just like some straight people are not satisfied to be with only one person. That's totally up to you, the individual.
At the end of the day it's about what makes you feel happiest. It can be frustrating to not fully understand your sexuality, but all that ultimately matters is that you find someone to like who likes you back. That could be a boy or girl, and either is fine.
Take some time to think about people as individuals rather than as male or female, and see where your heart and mind lead you. Best of luck.
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Ok so here's the deal... everytime my boyfriend fingers me it makes me have to go pee even if I went right before that! does anybody know why?!? (link)
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This is normal, and it's because your G spot is probably being touched. The G spot is tucked inside your vagina - if your boyfriend (or you) puts a finger inside yourself and makes a 'come hither' motion repeatedly, this will stimulate your G spot.
It's common to feel you need to pee; if you choose to go with the feeling (because relax - you WILL NOT pee), many women say that G spot stimulation increases their orgasm. If you find the sensation uncomfortable, then you'll want to experiment to find other positions which are better suited for your body.
Best of luck.
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what exactly is a orgasm?and how do you get one? (link)
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During sexual activity of any type, a person's body will usually begin to feel more and more tense/excited. There is a feeling of working 'towards' something, and that something is orgasm.
It's different for every type of person - how they get orgasms, when, how often - and that makes it hard to explain. Generally, it's a very pleasureable moment...but it's not all there is. Many people think of sex as just leading to an orgasm, but foreplay (before sexual activity really starts to happen), touching, orgasm, and the afterglow are all equally important.
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i just moved to another country and i don;t know anyone in my new school. noone wants to talk to me and im always sitting by myself. please don't tell me to be positive or tht i should take the first step and talk to them because i already have and it didn't work!please help me!! life really sucks right now
thanks anyways (link)
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Another country as in...one that speaks English, or not? If not, then there are bound to be small pockets of Americans around, including schools for American kids/teens, etc.
If you ARE in a place that speaks English, then my advice is pretty much the same as it would be if you moved anywhere. It is very hard to meet people, but it's possible. The first step is identifying what sort of people you want to meet, and then figuring out how to do it.
Join a club that you're interested in - most schools have them. Sports, drama, debate, travel, backpacking - anything that you really enjoy. This makes it easier to meet people as you're only trying to get to know 20 people instead of 200. Plus, you're with a group of people who share one interest with you...which means chances are you've got other stuff in common.
Not having friends can be a draining, depressing state to be in - but it won't last. Be honest about your feelings. Sometimes people just need to get used to a face before they want to get to know the person behind it. Best of luck.....if you join a club and only find one good friend, then you've succeeded. At the very least, you'll be out of the house and doing something you enjoy.
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My best friends brother likes me and i told him I would give him blow job and now Im not really sure if I want to? please help me decide if i should or not
I wasnt sure what to put this under
(link)
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You don't have to do anything sexual with someone because they like you. Sexual activities need to be a mutual thing - both people need to actively want to participate (always safely!).
You also don't need to give a blow job to someone, even if you've already told them you would. It is your right to change your mind - people do it all the time. If you aren't sure, it's probably not a good idea to go through with this. You could end up regreting it and feeling badly about yourself.
So follow your deepest heart and then stick up for it. It's okay to say no.
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o-k
i dont usually make sense and im not so sure i will this time either.
i really like this guy wau back in 9th grade and he asked me out and then stuff happend and we stopped seeing each other. since tht day i have been continously dropping hints and on his last day of school i straight out told him tht i still like him. he went to a local university and i continued school but last month me and my mother unexpectedly had to move out of the country and i couldn't really meet him although i told him tht i was leaving. apparently , because it was all of a sudden he thought i was coming back ( or whatever) since i had my board exams coming up in a few months. now tht im hear in another country he seems so much nicer and he says a lot of stuff he never said when i was ther ( all these convo's would take place on the convo since over sea's calling rates are sky high) i kinda lied and told him tht i would be coming over for the summer and tht somehow appeased him but i cant go back there till like winter time or the summer of 2006 because i have to do a lot of catch up courses. if i dont see him online for 2 days or if he doesn't send me a line ,i start to get all nervous and uneasy for some reason. when he's mad at me i love him like hell but when he's not it's like its no big deal. i dont know what my problem is exactly but could u help me? what should i do?
luv
Lin (link)
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Honestly? I think you might want to evaluate leaving all of this behind and starting over fresh. Liking someone during dramatic periods and not calm ones can mean you like the excitement of a relationship, not necessariy the actual person you're involved with.
Also, when the two of you were in the same country, it doesn't sound like made much of an effort...or even returned your feelings at all. I think there's a lot of game playing happening on both sides, and that's not fair to either of you.
You deserve a person who will be honest and open with you - and who you won't feel the need to lie to. You deserve a person you can love even at their most boring. Mainly, though, people deserve to have people they can see at least occasionally. What you have now is sort of a vague, complicated relationship - that is not strong enough to survive being apart for a year.
You are better off trying to work through your emotions and spending some time with local people you enjoy. Staying attached to an unhealthy relationship is a surefire recipe for longterm unhappiness. Best of luck.
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I`m pregnate and i`m not gonna say my age due to how much you all will critisize me.im 2 1/2 months in and valentines day is coming up.. and i`m completely absolutely in love with my baby's dad..one problem is he's not so into me...he is but not as much...at all. I told him i was going to get him something for the day coming up and he said-"no..i`ll feel bad 'cause i`m not getting you anything." we don't go out or anything but I have real feelings for him. He has about 5 other girls that are getting him things to..he said he just doesn't spend money on girls...i don't want anything in return..I just want him to know I care...is that the right thing to do? Or should I do what most my friends day and not get him anything..and try avoiding him for a while until he comes to me?? That's hard..because i know how he is..he says.."I`m not going to chase after a girl..if they dont want me then fine thats them." And trust me, if I don't talk to him..some other girls will..even if i DO have his baby *yes,he knows* ..help help help! please! (link)
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Truthfully? It doesn't sound as if you have any sort of chance to make this work longterm. Now, that's not because of who you are. You sound caring and willing to make things work - but that doesn't mean your baby's dad feels the same way.
It's a matter of respect. If he won't buy you a valentine's gift, even when he knows you want to buy one, if he's accepting gifts from other girls, if he would just let you walk out of his life without putting up a fight - he does not respect you are care about you.
I'm not trying to sound harsh, just realistic. It's unfortunate that you've gotten pregnant by a guy like this, but that doesn't mean you can't give your baby all the love and time it deserves. It just might not be with the two of you in a relationship as its parents.
Even without the relationship working, though, it's important that he is there for the child. Money should be contributed - by him or his parents - and he should be more than willing to spend time caring for the baby once it is born. He doesn't have to love you to love his child.
I hope things work out well for you. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy, and good luck finding a guy who will treat you the way any human deserves to be treated. You don't have to settle for a guy who doesn't care.
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(13/f/canada)
okay, so a friend of mine set me up with her cousin. He's really nice an we like each other. But he lives in Ottawa and I live in Toronto. I have never even seen him before, just talked to him on the phone. My mom gave in and I am going to Ottawa to see him with my friend on Easter. I really like him but I'm I don't know about the long distance thing.
I like him alot, but do you think it's a good idea? (link)
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My geography isn't the greatest, so I'm not sure how far your two cities are from each other. I will say that long distance relationships are tough, even for the most committed couple. They generally work best when the couple knew each other beforehand, and then they had to separate for a given amount of time.
I truthfully think dating someone far away, without the chance to see them often, isn't a recipe for a very good relationship. It's important to spend time in the same city/room/place as the other person; it's the only way to truly get to know the other person and build a relationship.
Obviously, this is all up to you. Maybe you'll meet this guy and decide that it's a worthwhile relationship. Just be aware of all the possible obstacles and how you will overcome them - like not seeing each other, seeing other people and possibly wanting to date them, and being committed to someone you really don't know all that well.
I think that relationships are about getting to know yourself and another person better, and it's always easiest to do that when you can see each other face-to-face. Otherwise, heartache and frustration can set in.
Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you!
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(15/f)
how can i like.. "come out of the closet" to 4 of my best friends.. i tell them EVERYTHING and i just hate hiding from them. they know i'm in a relationship, they just don't know its with another chick. please help. (link)
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Tell them what you said in your question - that you really care about them and tell them everything, and so you hated hiding this.
Your sexuality is a normal part of who you are, and any halfway intelligent friends will understand and support that fact. You can always point out that you haven't changed.
Coming out can be hard, but it's also very liberating. Best of luck.
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Things with me and my boyfriend have just been fucking pointless for a while now. He left for the army and I'm away at school. We can't physically be together until Christmas and we can basically only communicate through letters.
Plus, I basically feel no attraction to him anymore. He's too naive for me and he thinks that we're going to get married and all of this other stuff that I don't have planned at all -- does he listen to me? Hell no!
So basically I need to figure out what to tell this guy. He thinks I'm his only reason to live. And that's a pretty scary responsibility to have. (link)
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Before you do anything, think about your feelings. Is the lack of attraction due to not seeing him? If so, is it worth it to you to keep waiting?
And if he listened, would you want to be with him? How hard have you tried to explain your side of things to him?
I agree that it sounds like you are ready to end things with him, but you'll want to be careful. If he's away in the Army and thinks you are his only reason for living, you'll want to break it to him very gently. Perhaps you can wait until you are on the phone or next see him, or write him a honest, open letter.
It's not fair to either of you for you to stay in a relationship where you aren't happy. At the end of the day, we're each responsible for our own happiness. We just need to make sure we're careful of other people's feelings when we make tough choices.
Best of luck.
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I am an 18 female and I find myself being attracted to other girls bodies. Not that i want to go and mess around with them, but i just enjoy looking at beautiful girls. Like most other girls, i don't have a problem kissing other girls and whatnot its really not a big deal depending on who it is. But I'm not sure if just because i'm a girl and i see a beautiful girl if the reason i am attracted is because i want to look like that or if it is because i could be bi? I've never messed around with another girl other then kissing, and i don't really see it happening but its not totally ruled out. Does this mean I am bi? please help (link)
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Being attracted to other girls, feeling that kissing them is natural, and not ruling out the possiblity of being with them does mean that you are probably bisexual.
Girls do look at other girls' bodies - it's part of our culture. Women like to compare how they look to other women. However, when straight women compare themselves to other women they do not experience feelings of attraction.
If you feel a physical attraction to other women, then you could be bisexual or lesbian. Either is fine and completely normal. It's good to keep your mind and heart open and just see what happens.
Best of luck.
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I am a recovering, 47 year old, alcoholic who's only been sober for 1 year. In the past year I have made alot of changes in my life. I have always known, but could not accept, that I am a lesbian. So my whole life I have lived a lie. That was the reason for my drinking. Now that I am sober, I have come to the conclusion that in order to stay sober, I have to accept this about myself and be honest with myself and those around me.
My question is, I am attracted to my best friend
(girlfriend that is). Should I tell her? She knows about my problem and has been there to support me all through it. My other problem is that she is straight. I am afraid to lose her friendship but lately it is all I can think of.
Can you help me? (link)
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Well, I'd think carefully before telling your friend. Spend some time sorting out your feelings. It's wonderful that you've realized you are a lesbian and are working to accept that, and it could be best to do so without the extra complications of a relationship.
You also might want to evaluate WHY you are having these feelings toward your friend. If you're only just coming out and understanding your sexuality, it can be a natural response to have feelings toward a safe and supportive person. You know her well - she's your best friend - and you know she has stood by you in the past.
These feelings of closeness, and knowing her so well already, can lead to deeper feelings when you are in periods of uncertainty. Take some time to see if you are attracted to her for who she really is, or for your own needs. Either is fine, but it's best to understand where your feelings are coming from.
If you decide they are valid, then you need to think about how and when to tell her. If you know for sure that she's straight, then you'll want to consider what sharing this will do to your friendship. A good first step is to tell your friend that you are a lesbian - that gives her time to accept your sexuality and get used to the idea. It might be too much to come out to her AND tell her you like her - ease her into it.
At the end of the day, it's up to you whether you tell her or not. But spending your time being attracted to someone who is not attracted to you is a great way to keep yourself from getting hurt by taking an emotional risk. Find someone you can like who will like you back. You deserve that.
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Um ok im 13 in the 7th grade and i have a few friends that are bi and no one looks at em differently only some ignorant people. and often not even knowin it i find myself loking at pretty girls and at times i have wondered what it would be like to be doin things with a girl like i do with a guy....does this mean im bi? (link)
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Sure, you could be bisexual or a lesbian. or you could just be a curious straight girl.
Whatever feelings you are having towards people of the same or opposite sex - it's normal. Your sexuality is a unique and wonderful thing, and if you realize you are bi/lesbian, more power to you. A lot of people go through life hiding who they really are, but the sooner you start to wonder about yourself and what you want from life, the sooner you start living.
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OK so I'm 13 and I think I sweat too much. Sometimes in the middle of the day there are big sweat stains under my arm, and it's always in my arm pit. I use antipersprent ever day... when ever I take a shower and everything. But sometimes I still sweat, now I wear shirts that don't show the sweat or wear sweaters all the time. I really hate it. Please help.
~K (link)
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Okay. Have you tried different deoderants? Some are made especially for teens, which means they are prepared to deal with the extra hormones which are making your body a little crazy. Some are made specially for people who sweat a lot - you aren't alone. I'd go to the store, read some labels, and pick a new deoderant. I'd wait at least two weeks before deciding whether it does or does not work.
Another handy thing to do is buy some baby powder. After you apply your deoderant in the morning, lightly sprinkle some baby powder over both your armpits. This really helps soak up extra sweat and keep your shirts sweat-free. This will probably last you for an entire day, but if you find it wearing out, you can always buy a mini-sized bottle of powder and reapply it in the afternoon.
Hope this helps!
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I'm 12, and I haven't gotten my period yet. I have pubic hair, and big boobs. And discharge. When do you think it will come? Thanks! (link)
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Unfortunately, I can't give you a date and time. What I CAN say is that it sounds as if your body is getting ready to start your period. Boobs, pubic hair, and discharge usually arrive before your period does - this can happen a couple of years before you get your period, or only a couple of months before. It's really up to each individual.
It's normal to have not started at age 12 - there's nothing to worry about. As for more signs your period is coming, you could notice that you are more irritible than usual, or you could get mild cramps in your lower tummy or back. Aside from those things, eating healthily and staying fit are ways to ensure your body will keep developing right on track.
Sorry I can't be more specific, but based on your age and development I would guess you'd get your period within the next year or so.
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ok there is this guy he is my friend and he won't stop touching me or saying all this sexual stuff. He's really making me mad i don't know how to tell him because he's my friend, plz help. (link)
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Just because he's your friend does not give him the right to make you feel uncomfortable. If he was/is a real friend, he'll be open to you letting him know how you feel.
It's best to be upfront and honest - tell him specifically the behaviours you don't like, what you expect from a male friend, and that you would like to continue being his friend if he stops treating you this way.
A real friend does not treat us ways we do not want to be treated, especially if we tell them to stop. Friendship is about respect and communication.
Stand up for yourself!
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