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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Okay so I know this is going to sound like an odd relationship, but my bf and i dont keep secrets from eachother. At all. Well at least thats how he wanted it to be. He told me he never minds if i look at his phone, or if i ask him anything he will always tell me, and he wants me to do the same...and i have been doing that, i always let him look at my texts or sometimes he will on his own nd i dont mind.
Now, last Saturday we got into a fight, and on Sunday we were together becuz we went to lunch with his family. He was texting his friend, and I asked him what about? and he didnt answer so I looked at his phone but he had deleted the convo. So I asked him, hey soo what did you talk about and he said some bs answer that was random.
Later that evening, him, me and his friend and friends brother were all hanging out and my bf and his friends brother went to see his new apartment, while me and his friend stayed back to watch this show we both love. Now during this time, his friend says to me "heyy so how come you said that yesterday?" (referring to the fight i had with my bf) and I was like "What? He told you that?" and he says "Yeah look" and he shows me the whole convo he had deleted off his phone. My instincts were right, my bf had lied to me, because the text was saying all this stuff about me, not really bad stuff, but still it wasnt nice either. He was telling his friend how I was "bitching" and I "ruined his night" etc. If i had seen that earlier on his phone I wouldnt have gotten mad because its just how he feels about our fight and he was telling his friend, its fine. But what made me mad was that he LIED to me about it, something that hes always had this thing with honesty saying how oh, if you ever take your confidence away from me its going to be over because I never once gave you a reason to doubt me blah blah, and truth is he only did once, until now. (i found out about that too) so honestly i felt kinda like well you've lied twice already so i feel kinda betrayed u know?
So even tho i promised his friend i wouldnt say he showed me, I did bring it up to him. I said that why is it that you deleted the text today? What didnt you want me to see? and he says why are you so paranoid it wasnt even about u? thats when i got mad i was like hey i have reason to ask ok I saw the conversation. And i pretty much caught him in a lie, but in order to save his friend since i promised i said that he had shown me something on his phone and I accidentally saw the conversation. Now my bf has been "out of it" as he puts it, this whole week because he says he feels weird about sunday, like he cant believe i did that and looked thru his friends phone, etc etc and hes trying to make me feel guilty. Am I wrong here? And what can I say to him to make him realize hes the one that messed up without giving away the fact that his friend showed me their conversation?
(link)
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People need privacy. It's a normal aspect of human existence. In choosing to eliminate it in your relationship, you create issues. And honestly, if you wouldn't care I doubt he'd hide it. Guys don't lie about stuff like that for no reason, we're too lazy.
I don't think anyone is "wrong" here. I think your relationship ideals are way too invasive and unrealistic, and that requiring open access to each other's shit like text messaging is actually a sign of a complete lack of trust, rather than a strong trusting relationship.
I don't have access to my wife's e-mail. I don't go through her phone. I don't expect these things, it's not like I have a right to access all of that information.
Honestly, you should chill out, try to pretend this all never happened, and move on with your life.
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My uncle is really sick and his kidneys are failing him. He's had this kidney trouble for years now and he's been in and out of the hospital. He has not found a donor yet and has been waiting on the list for quite some time. I just found out that I'm a match for him. My mom doesn't want me to donate my kidney though because she says I'm way too young to be doing things like that and that I might end up regretting it later. I'm not sure what to do though. I don't want him to die because he's always been good to me. What should I do? What are the REAL pros & cons of doing this? Help? (link)
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You will not be able to drink, ever. You will have to be very careful about what you do in the future to not overstress your body. You won't be able to participate in any form of serious sports so far as I know. And a few thousand other small issues.
Donating a kidney is a serious decision, and honestly, your mother is right. It is a decision which can and will impact the entirety of the rest of your life in ways you haven't been around long enough to truly grasp. And as you'll have one kidney running double duty for decades before you'd be old enough to have to worry about similar such body issues, you could very well wind up in his shoes at his age when you could have been fine.
You could quite literally cut 10-20 years off of your life. You could also not cut any, but you asked for the pros and cons, and things like this are the risk you run.
This is a fucked up position to put you in, because you really don't have the judgment or experience to make a decision like this yet (not an insult, I'm 25 and this would be insanely difficult were I in your shoes) so you have to rely on others and then possibly shoulder the guilt for it yourself later.
But, in all honesty, there's a pretty large chance that you'd regret not having both your kidneys in 40 years far more than you'd regret having kept them. You know, when you get into the age where your kidneys might be at risk of having issues?
Your body gives you two which can function independently of each other for a reason. Back up. A kidney transplant at your age (which I'm betting is under 25) is kind of like choosing to walk on a tightrope without a safety net for the rest of your life.
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I like to take my little twin boys out once a month. We end up going through a drive-thru somewhere and getting lunch or dinner and heading down to the playground or park area for a couple of hours. We always have such a nice time but I have a problem when we first start the adventure at the drive-thru! As soon as we are in the line at the speaker post both of my boys start going crazy. They start yelling and screaming and trying to get out of their seats. They say all sorts of things from greeting the person taking my order over and over and OVER again to demanding ice cream, cookies, toys, and other treats. It's so embarrassing and I'm sure the order-takers probably think I can't control my own kids in a drive-thru line!
How can I help them control their excitment so that I don't have to be embarrassed and things will actually go smoothly for once? (link)
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You institute discipline, Christ.
Good behavior should always be a prerequesite to fun activities. Keep something bland and filling at home for emergency uses, and warn them the next time you go out that if they do not stay calm and control themselves that you'll go home and eat something boring.
When they act up, leave the drive through and go home. Cook whatever you had saved that's quick and easy for you and absolutely boring and normal for them. If they don't eat it, let them not eat it. Kids will get hungry enough to eat after a few hours.
You don't deny them food, but you don't let them dictate to you as a parent either. You set the terms and let them choose to make themselves suffer. If you don't waver, I guarantee the next time you tell them to be quiet, they will.
Children are smart. They can sniff out a weak will and willing indulgence like blood hounds. They will take every inch from you that you allow them to. Conversely, if they realize that there are no inches to be taken, they tend to fall a good bit more in line.
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I love my boyfriend. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The only reason why I'm contemplating breaking up with him is because I don't find myself sexually attracted to him.
I'm a very sexual person, and it's important to me... But am I being shallow? (link)
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You will not be happy in a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to.
I'm about to come off badly probably, but I'll give this a shot just the same.
Shallow is generally something unattractive people throw out because they feel entitled to love. Attraction is like magnetism. It's a force, not a decision.
A truly shallow person is someone who only cares about appearance. True shallowness almost always goes hand in hand with low IQ, people without the intelligence to recognize or value anything other than the surface they see before their eyes.
I am drawn to my wife. She can give me a look and it gets me going. We hang out naked on a very regular basis when alone together (we're kind of homebodies) and I check her out when she walks by constantly, even five years later. Moreover, she occupies a space entirely her own within my sexuality, there are times when I'm just horny, but there are times when I specifically want/need her.
Sexuality is important in a partner. A lack of it shows that there's a disconnect. This will only get worse, and the break up is going to suck because it's difficult to tell someone you aren't sexually attracted to them.
I never had to deal with a relationship, but there are a few girls in my life whom I love like sisters. That love honestly exists because I liked them tons as people but never found myself attracted in any serious way. Thankfully, for me I'm pretty sure that's always ended up mutual, so no hearts broken. Sucks that it's not that way for you, but you can't pick who you love and you can't pick who makes you tingle, and you can't change the fact that they aren't always a package deal.
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i'm no cheater. i love my boyfriend to death. but lately i've been tempted. this guy that i used to have a huge crush on told me that he has always wanted me and he wants to sleep with me.
he doesnt know i have a boyfriend, and for some reason i didnt tell him. i think it was because i just enjoyed the sound of him raving about how sexy i am, and it made me feel important. i know my boyfriend finds me sexy, but hes not so open about it, especially since we cant have sex in his house or mine.
i just feel really terrible because for the past 4 days, sleeping with this other guy has been haunting my mind. i want him so bad, but i dont want to cheat and i dont want to dumb my boyfriend, either. i cant seem to have the strength to delete him on FB and i still want to hear from him. but theres another problem, too...he's engaged to be married in a few months. and he has two children with his fiancee. they are both 18, i believe.
i guess what i'm asking here is how do i find the strength to still be loyal to the one i love, and get rid of the one i've been fantasizing about for 3 years? (link)
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Why in God's name are you this hung up on a guy who has two children at 18 with his same aged Fiance? That's a barrel full of Red-Neck sounding trash.
I don't get it. Maybe at 16 nothing matters except the appearance of being nice or cool, a little physical attractiveness, and the willingness to not give a fuck who you hurt to get your rocks off?
I don't remember girls swooning over assholes when I was in high school. What changed? I actually had to be nice to girls, and not be in relationships before they were up nights thinking about me.
How do you find the strength? You grow the hell up.
Have you considered what this guy thinks of you? I mean, really? Look at his behavior. He has two kids and is engaged, he's really damn young to be in that situation. Two kids under 20 is incredibly irresponsible to the point of outright stupidity. It shows he doesn't learn from his mistakes nor does he really take anything about adult responsibility seriously.
But worse, look at you. He wants to cheat on his fiance' with you (who he should love, if he's going to marry her, right?) because he's always wanted to fuck you.
So, how do you like being seen as a fucktoy? Ever heard of the Fleshlight? That's you in this situation. You are a fleshy hole for him to fuck, a soft wet orifice for him to get the satisfaction he probably isn't getting from his 18 year old fiance who almost certainly has to take the responsibility for his children (if their parents aren't just biting the bullet and doing it for him)
You are naive, and foolish. Your head is full of romance but the truth is that your interactions with him have all the mystique and romance of two dogs fucking in the mud.
If you're having problems with feeling sexy, then work on it with your boyfriend and leave the loser to his shitty life. Don't be that crappy person who fucks over those they care about for a brief moment of validation.
Trust me, when its over and you realize that you just cheated for crappy sex with some guy who was willing to stroke your ego to get his dick in you, you won't feel nearly so sexy, classy, or beautiful.
You'll feel like the used up trash he will toss you aside like.
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I recently saw my daughter left her email open when she left for school one morning. Obviously I looked at her emails and saw a boy's name that I did not recognize. I was excited, thinking she had gotten herself her very first boyfriend, and opened the email up to read for myself.
The boy is not from this town though. The boy is actually on the other side of the country. They, apparently, have been talking for a number of weeks, if not months, about all sorts of things. I don't know how they first came in contact with each other but there are lots of emails and they have been chatting on IM based on the email content.
I am worried because of internet preditors becoming more common now. The boy signs his emails with:
"
Luv ya,
[HisName]
"
I can't help but wonder if he had her into believing they are romantically involved or something. I'm worried she might be wanting to actually go and meet this guy! I want to keep her safe from these strangers but I don't want her to resent me for it right now. What steps should I take on stopping this behavior? I need her to know it is NOT OK for her to chat with strangers! How do I do this? (link)
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Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of people your daughter could talk to are not internet predators. More than likely, you have nothing to worry about.
If you confront her about it, it will go underground. She'll change her password, take more care to hide shit from you, and if she DID leave to go somewhere you'd never know it. Subtlty is the approach here. Prickle her with questions about guys in general. Ask her if she's interested in someone. Tell her that she sometimes has this look on her face that she's thinking about a guy (an easy lie that lets you give the impression you are just perceptive enough to notice, parental mystical authority is important)
Personally, from my perspective smart parenting begins with the resigned realization that your children do not have a right to privacy while they're in your house and under your roof.
Which means, you install the kind of software on the computer that companies use to track their employees. And you do it quietly. Most people would balk at this idea, but personally, to me its no different from the days when I was younger and I had to talk on the kitchen phone with my friends if I wanted to have an actual conversation. I didn't have a phone or internet in my room, and the internet then required a dial up connection which required a password I didn't have.
True, my parents were Catholic and deathly afraid of a 14 year old with access to porn of any kind, but while I don't think their reasons had any real merit besides moral imperialism, you've got a genuine concern.
Sometimes protecting your kids means watching them when they think they're on their own, giving them the freedom to make a few mistakes, and keeping a close enough eye on it that you can step in the moment things go too far.
I'm assuming she's 14 or older. If so, chatting with strangers is going to happen. It's the internet, everyone who isn't local is a stranger. What you need to try to focus on is the relationship aspect. Online relationships are terrible for youngsters for the simple reason that kids don't inherently get the concept that who someone says they are on AIM is not necessarily who they are in real life.
Not in a "could be a predator" sense, but in a "you cannot see a person and make your own judgements, and no one is going to tell someone they're interested in online all about their flaws, unless they're an idiot in the first place"
I've done distance, and not being around someone on a regular basis means that you can't get a true sense of their personality. She's likely taking this kid at face value, and the point is that it's not even like he has to purposefully lie, but everyone has their own weaknesses and blind spots, and you sure as hell aren't going to figure out where some random dude over the internet's blind spots and personality flaws are.
Keyloggers aren't all that expensive. It'll be a good investment for your peace of mind.
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I am caucasian/white and I really don't want to be any more. White is the worst "color" skin to be, in my opinion. Everybody thinks I'm racist because of MY skin color! It's annoying and I feel like I owe people of different races something simply because I'm not of their race! I know that sounds so messed up but it's so true.
I see it on TV a lot so I know I'm not the only white person like this either. I see all the time people saying, "If I was white you wouldn't be..." in situations that don't even make sense even. I never try to make somebody feel bad because of their race but I've been accused of it before at school.
I'm tired of my race. I want to be something different. I know Michael Jackson changed his racial skin color. Is it possible for a white person to become black, asian, or hispanic colored? Can I change my race or my skin color? What about other physical features like nose and eyes? Can a person get those facial features changed without surgery? (link)
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You are a victim of racism yourself, and of entitlement.
You are also a victim of idiotic children who will parrot anything they hear in the real world if they think it will give them some measure of social power. You're white, they've heard of shit like reparations and past racism, and they're shamelessly using it against you to subjugate you.
I want you to think very carefully about your opinions on who's racist when you're coming here asking for help changing your skin color after you've been made to be inferior by members of another race.
It's a common American Misconception that White people are the only Racists. In truth (and this is a statistical fact) there is more racism per capita in pretty much every other non white racial group in America.
Seriously. Black people hate white people but that's "not racist" because they feel entitled to hate based on the past.
Hispanics and Blacks generally see each other as the enemy in the adult world. I live in Texas, and I can tell you that living among this many Hispanic Americans, It's always someone of Hispanic descent that's the one to drop the N-bomb or to make a terrible assumption about another race. Because they aren't white and are a minority, they aren't in the spotlight, so they're often quite open in their beliefs and don't have the guilt aspects White people do to self correct because "thinking this way is wrong"
Asians to some degree or another, because of their general collectivist origins, see all races as some degree of outsiders.
Oh, and most Racial groups have vast segments of people who have serious issues with ideas like interracial marriage and relationships and such. There are tons of parents of every race who teach their children to date within their own skin color/culture/social group related to race.
Racism is everywhere, in every race. The people who are after you are being racist as well. The last thing the world needs is some white kid who wants to change his race because he's being singled out. Martin Luthor King Jr. would be ashamed of you.
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So I was wondering what the difference is between a relationship that works and one that doesn't? I think there are early signs to look out for but I'm not exactly sure what.
I have this guy friend. We're pretty close and we hang out often enough. Recently, I've started liking him. I'm not looking for anything beyond friendship--I mean, sure, it would be nice, but if it's not to happen, I'm fine with it. The thing is, our personality types are complete opposites--(in terms of Myers-Briggs) I'm ESFJ (Extravert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) and he's INTP (Introvert, Intuition *I think*, Thinking, Perceiving)--take from that what you wish. Also, based on FIRO-B (this other test which I don't really remember the details of), I express and want affection a lot and he wants affection a little, but his expression score was 0.
All those things aside, we get along really well. Time doesn't seem so long when we're together (forgive the cliche-sounding of it). When we talk, it just flows. I don't have to scramble for words when I'm with him. The most accurate way I can describe it is that being with him is so easy. I can be me without pretensions.
The thing that makes me hesitant (if something were to happen) is that I can get pretty emotional. I like telling stories and he listens but his reaction is sometimes a bit blah. I don't mind it, to be honest, but I'm wondering if it will bother me in the future--how he may not be responsive or whatever. In his MBTI (Myers-Briggs) profile, he's an extreme INTP while I'm floating. In fact, he told me one of my "redeeming qualities" (I asked him before what redeeming qualities I had) was that I was really logical for a girl.
I don't know. I guess I'm just wondering if it will work if something were to happen. I'm aware that my judgment is probably clouded because I like him and we're close friends and all, which is why I'm asking someone else. My friends are all supportive because they see how I'm so at ease with him and he somehow brings out the best in me. But well, my friends are really nice so if they have reservations, I'm not sure if they would express it.
Anyway, I'm sorry for my somewhat lengthy question. I hope you can shed some light on my "problem" of sorts, as, while not at a complete loss, I still am at a loss.
Thanks very much.
Oh, apparently I'm supposed to say my age and gender and stuff. I'm 19/f and I'm not from the USA, but I understand English pretty well. (link)
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Way, way over-thinking this.
I mean, Jesus, you're throwing all kinds of scores and acronyms at me.
All of that stuff is bullshit, by the way. None of those scores matter all that much. What really matters here is why.
A guy can be quiet and reserved for any number of reasons.
Example? He could be nervous, uncomfortable, or self conscious. He could be these things because he likes you alot, or because he doesn't like you at all. Obviously, depending on what the case is it affects your possibilities alot.
The truth under all of this is that without giving it a shot you'll never know. Every person is individual in their own weird little ways. You never know what might turn into an attractor or what might send you running the other way, just because of the particular way in which a person conducts themselves.
Personality tests are amusing diversions, but they're also greatly shaded by ego and perception. Relatively inaccurate in that they tell you you have x quantity of y characteristic but don't describe much of anything about what said characteristics actually mean in the real world or how it will affect their behavior and worldview.
Flirt and see how it goes. There really isn't any better advice than that. If he doesn't give you any hints, go blatant and ask him out.
It's either that or sit on your hands until someone more responsive piques your interest.
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So there's this girl.
She's smart/funny/pretty etc. etc. (read: I'm into her, a lot). She lives pretty far (a long plane ride) away, but that isn't really as big of a problem as it sounds because her job keeps her constantly on the road. I've met up with her a few times (every time she happened to roll through my city), and I keep in touch with her on AIM weekly, whenever she has a chance to get on.
The problem: She's famous. I use the word "famous" very loosely because it's not like she can't go out in public without being mobbed, but if I had to guess I'd say she gets recognized by at least one person around half the time she goes out. I know the obvious next step is to just ask her out on actual date it's just...
I don't know. I guess I'm asking you if you think it's worth pursuing, given the circumstances. I really don't want to lose her. I know you don't know me and you don't know her, so you can't tell me what's right for me. I'm just looking for some input. I also know it's not a very straight-forward question and I'll probably end up asking Rahzie/some other people too. I just wanted to get your opinion first.
Side note: I'm almost finished with school, so it's not like I can just pick up my life and run away with her if things work out. Not to mention, even if I wasn't in school I'm not sure I'd want to do that anyway. Writing this out it seems like there are so many hoops we'd have to jump through to make this work that I'm wondering if it's worth the trouble (and that's not necessarily a reflection of how committed I am/would be to her). (link)
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My perspective is that the answer is yes in regards to women unless you have an overriding reason to pick no.
You like her. Keep it up. Flirt, talk, feel her out. Don't come on strong with a "so I like you a ton and would like to formally date you" but definitely keep in touch and see her every chance you get.
When life clears up, keep going. "Not worth the trouble" is something I generally only apply to broken people who need to be fixed before they're sane enough to maintain a relationship. She's just distant.
My wife and I were distance for two years before we were able to move in together. Our lives weren't nearly as complicated as yours are at the moment, but again unless you've got someone else you think you might like more, what have you got to lose?
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There is this kid in my english class who is super sexy. He has a formspring and on it, it says he had sex with his girlfriend and he cheated on her. Now, they broke up but I think they're trying to work it out. In the meantime, though, he decided to flirt around, he is such a big flirt and seeming as I'm the only girl at my english table out of four people, he flirts a lot. He'll make jokes about our teacher to make me laugh and when I laugh, he'll look at me like he likes watching me smile. Or he'll flip the pages in my book to another story when I'm not looking just so I touch his hand or something. He'll also ask me to help him on things he doesn't understand and after quizzes he'll ask me what I put down for a question he doesn't get. He always starts conversation, I never start it first because I have the thought of him being a horrible player in my mind. What's funny to me is me, him, and his ex are all in the same engligh class, so don't you think he would be spending most of the time with her seeming as they're trying to work things out. I'll see him in the hallways and he'll look at me, smile, then wave and I just melt but I can't like him unless he proves he will have more respect for me. Anyways, that's another story. Do you think he likes me? I know it's not a lot and I'm sorry but that's all I could think of now. Thanks! (link)
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Likes? Who knows. Wants to fuck you? Probably. Does this mean he's a player? Not necessarily.
There are plenty of methods for feeling us guys out.
The simplest one is to date a guy and not let him get past first base for at least three months. If you're really in doubt, keep the relationship as far away from sex and sexual interactions as possible, and see if he still enjoys spending time around you or if he only talks about/pushes towards getting laid.
The second is to watch his eyes. Guys are going to check you out if they're interested, there's not a straight man among us who can resist glancing at cleavage and such. But a guy who genuinely respects you will keep it to a minimum, will look embarrassed if he's caught, and will spend the majority of his time looking places other than strategically revealed skin on your part.
The third is conversation. Does he talk about himself entirely? Does he listen to you and ask questions about you? Does he seem like he wants to get to know you, or is it all physical? Does he remember what you say to him (big one, bring up past conversations a week or two later and see how much he remembers)
Truthfully, you're better off leaving it alone. If he cheated once he will be willing under the right circumstances to cheat again, it hasn't been enough time for you to assume any level of maturity growth on his part.
In other words, this is a guy who will likely love you as long as you give him exactly what he wants. The second he doesn't get his way, the problems will start.
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do you think it would be better if all men died out and only their sperm was saved so the female population would die out? We could eat the men and also reduce world hunger. Just think, Bush and Cheney would be gone along with all those other assholes. We could keep the gay, sensitive ones for the sperm, right?
what a perfect world it would be.
what do you think? (link)
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Ahh to be young and naive again.
2000 years ago, the Catholic church waged a campaign to villify both sex and women. It's continued through everything from witch burnings to the transformation from women into marital property.
The net effect has been 2000 years of a world dominated by war and aggression.
A female world would go much the same. Out of balance, spinning out of control until everything collapses or people start to see sense and work more towards some form of equality.
Man and women are two parts of a whole, not separate entities. This is true both physiologically and psychologically. Men and women, or rather masculine and feminine balance each other. Even in homosexual relationships, this is generally true, as one partner identifies as more masculine and the other more feminine.
Women are just as lost without men as men are without women. Are you insane? Not really. Are you naive? Certainly.
And to answer Leah's list of what women have over men, there's plenty to go on the other side. Men have a drive that women do not, we are naturally more tenacious, more aggressive, and contrary to what women believe men work far, far better in a group of same sex people. Women talk things out because they must, and have to solve problems before they can work well as a team. If problems can't be solved, then the team doesn't work (I've watched this time and again in the real world)
Men, on the other hand, logically set aside and ignore problems and focus on the task at hand.
Also, I can pee anywhere.
If the two sides of the mind are logic and emotion, then men are logic and women are emotion. Each is better than the other depending on the situation.
Each has traits which are desirable, the trick is to figure out that you're supposed to try to balance both. Since men can't function fully on an emotional level and women cannot work solely off logic, they need each others perspectives to keep themselves in balance.
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Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is 18/m, and i am 17/f. He recently went on vacation with his friends, and when he came back he had made a lot of friends on the resort. One of the friends name is Bridget. Now, let me say something. I know for a FACT that my boyfriend would NEVER physically cheat on me, due to past experiences. Its just, he talks to bridget, a lot. A longgg wall to wall, always texting her, he calls her at night sometimes (and yes, i did snoop one night when he was in the shower, btw we dont live together, i just am always at his house). I feel like he's emotionally cheating on me, and has strong feelings for her.
Another thing...she is the complete oposite of me. i have brown hair, brown eyes. I am 5'4", i am a runner and a swimmer and naturally pale. She is blond hair, blue eyes, close to 5'10" ( my bf is 6') and she is a volleyball player and insanely tan...all the time. From what ive heard, she doesnt want kids, and hates pets. I want to be a mother and i love animals and work in training animals. She is really into scary movies and gore, while i cant bare to even see them without throwing up, and he loves scary movies. She lives 5 hours away from us, but...im scared. Shes going to take the train here in april to hang out with all of the people she met and with her firends. I really dont want her to. My boyfriend wants me to meet her, but im not sure i want to. Do you think he has feelings for her? how should i deal with her coming to visit? Thank you all (link)
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You have some reasonable concerns. I'd talk to him about them.
There's no way to know. Not without seeing them in person, so honestly if I were you I'd want her there just so I could quietly observe him and make my own judgements.
You trust him to not cheat, and I can relate to that. My wife is a flirt. I'm completely secure in it, because she has eyes for only me. I've watched guys drool over the chance of getting with her, and it doesn't bother me, because I know she's mine.
About as far into the relationship as you are now though, we hit a snag. She met a guy, hung out with him, and confessed that she was really attracted to him.
I told her point blank, that I am not OK with her hanging around a guy who is a significant enough temptation that she felt the need to tell me about it herself without me finding out. She agreed, and hasn't seen him since.
Now, if he can admit it, honestly I don't think you're out of line in doing exactly what I did. I'm married to her now, so obviously I've had zero reason to regret that decision.
If she comes, and you can tell he's into her more than you'd like, but he can't admit it to himself or you, then you talk to him about what you feel without laying down ultimatums, but you let him know exactly how far your hair is standing on end because of the situation and exactly how crazy and irrational it makes you want to be.
See how he reacts. Is he sympathetic? Does he drop her immediately or does he get angry and defend her? Is he dismissive of the problem or you?
Go from there. This could be counted as the first big test of the relationship. I can't give you any predictions, obviously, but if you have questions about further developments feel free to drop me a question.
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Alright guys, this question can be answered by anyone, but I would people with experience (like marriage or serious relationships) to answer. My fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years. We love each other to death, have been through so much, and currently live together. I've talked to him about how him watching porn makes me feel uncomfortable, disrespected, and a little insecure. He PROMISES me he won't watch, but I end up finding out he's broken his promise. He tries to hide it, but that just makes me angrier, as if he's taking me for someone stupid. It upsets me so much, I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me some advice? Has anyone ever gone through this? What are your opinions on this matter? Thanks in advance. (link)
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18 and a Fiance'. Definitely understand.
At the same time, you don't get guys. Not at all.
Porn is primarily about voyeurism. Its a fact that no one pays attention to, but by far the most common kink amongst the human race is the fantasy of watching people not you have sex. Guys are visual far more than women, so while a woman might read a steamy novel, a guy just wants to see fucking. In truth, they both serve the same purpose and most of the time, they're both equally benign.
Go take a look at any streaming site. Many of them are divided out into tens, if not close to a hundred different categories. This is because everyone has a different turn on, and whoever is looking for porn to masturbate to is probably going to be looking for something specific to focus on.
But seriously, look at the categories available sometime. The majority of them refer to a sex act, and its pretty damn rare that you see an actual name on any of them. Why? Because the people having sex don't really matter. It's the sex itself that you're watching it for. Its an outlet for fantasies that aren't part of your real life.
Granted, there are people who become obsessed with a particular porn actress. These guys are usually single and anti-social, people who don't have a woman in their life in the first place.
You feel disrespected because you're insecure, and you feel uncomfortable because you're insecure. I know, especially from a guy, that it's probably offensive to hear. But this is your problem with your own insecurities. If he's turning you down for porn, there's a problem. If he's masturbating so much that he has no energy for you, there's a problem.
But masturbation is normal, and healthy. And guys gravitate towards porn literally for the simple reason that we're largely visual creatures.
It is also possible that your fiance has a fantasy he isn't comfy talking to you about, and that porn is his outlet for that. This is more than common for men who have involved fantasies about unusual sex that they don't believe they'll ever have themselves (group sex being a big example of that)
You should talk to him, but you should also recognize that alot of your problems come from your own perceptions that porn is somehow a replacement for you. 99% of the time, it's not.
I'm married. Coming up on 6 years together and 1 married now. I look at porn daily, my wife doesn't care in the slightest. She knows that she could walk in and express interest if she caught me and I'd get up and run into the shower to clean up for her. Its not a threat to her or the sex life, I just have a few fantasies that are not a part of my real life that I need an outlet for. I also have a sex drive that greatly outstrips hers, so she knows that I can get myself off four times before she gets home and still be all over her the second she walks in the door. It's never a problem for her to get what she wants when she wants it.
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Hi, I'm fifteen and female. Like most girls, I have a guy best friend, he has been my friend since 3rd grade, I am now in 10th grade as is he. He's my everything, I got to him with every single problem and he helps me and everything is fine if I handle it the way he tells me. I think I can honestly say he knows everything about me. I cried in front of him, I talk to him on the phone, I text him practically every night, but we don't hang out outside of school, I know you're probably thinking "if your best friends, why are you only together in school?" I don't really know the answer I just know we don't hang out. He is in three of my periods in school, one being band, the other lunch and the last, history. In band we really don't talk to each other because it's the morning and every one is still tired. In lunch, I bring him his favorite pack of crackers because he loves them, he always smiles and is happy when I have them for him. Then, there's history, I suck in that class and he always helps me, I could text him at 11.3o on a school night to ask for help on the homework and he will answer me. He's just the best. He makes me happy. Umm, he used to like a girl that did not treat him right and I did not like her one bit, after things cooled down between them I told him I didn't like her and he said "I really appreciate you looking out for me. We're only friends now, I'm over her." and for some reason it made me extremely happy. Next is his friend, he told me that my guy friend went to a concert and met a girl, I was cool with it because my friend really started diggin her but it was only a night. Next thing I know, my friend's dousche friend started a rumor that I got "jealous" when he told me about him meeting this girl now everyone thinks I like him. People don't make fun of him though, everyone in my high school says he likes me. My closest friends they can tell just in the way he looks at me, you can see in the eyes when they're looking at someone they really care about. We joke around together a lot, he normally never starts conversations but in the last few we've had, he started them. Umm, what else, he plays songs on his guitar for me when I'm sad because he knows I like that. He also writes songs on his guitar, he sent me one and it's about being together, no more lies no more distances, no nothing. I asked him who it was about and he said he writes his songs about his friends because nothing ever happens in his life. He always used to tell me who he likes and I've been asking him who he likes now and he just answers "eh, nobody, really" and he tells me some things he doesn't even tell his guy best friend about his brother. He also is wearing one of my fun bandz rubber band animals, he said he wears it all the time, even though the night before he was going on and on about how much he hates bracelets. I also got him to go to a dance, after about 20 texts of me saying I really want him there, he came and sat at my table with me and his friends. Lastly, he kinda suffers with low confidence and such so he can get kind of depressed, he has this girl who likes him a lot but he didn't have the heart to tell her that he doesn't feel the same so he had me do it. So, do you think he likes me? Thanks! (link)
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Ha
Yeah. Completely. And you're into him. This is both adorable and hilarious.
You're going to end up dating. You should probably start moving in that direction sooner rather than later, before you both drive each other insane.
Poor kid. Kiss him. Seriously. You've obviously been swirling around this without a definite move in any direction for far too long. He's into you, take advantage of it.
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i was on the computer and it was my birthday. my mom,dad,brother,sister,cousins,and everyone came in, i was masturbating with head phones on, so i didn't hear them come in. i had my eyes closed.i finished. i opened my eyes and my mom screamed. i can't talk to any one about this. what should i do? (link)
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You should keep it to yourself, and pray everyone else does the same.
Then in 10 years you should proudly tell the story and laugh at the awkwardness.
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My boyfriend sometimes twists my wrists and pulls arms, hair, etc. But he says that he is only "playing". About two months, while playing, he dislocated my shoulder. All my friends say I'm to blame. If I wasn't rude to him, he wouldn't have to put me in my place. But all I said was that I wouldn't get him a soda!
I really love him and he's not mean or does anything to hurt me emotionally me. But I'm afraid that someday he might do something that will end up with me in real pain. (link)
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Your boyfriend is abusive. Yes.
I'm 6'2 and muscular. My wife is 5'1. We wrestle all the time, and sometimes we do indeed hurt each other by accident.
I have never, ever come anywhere near dislocating her shoulder. When one of us get's hurt, it's usually something like she accidentally elbowed me in the face as we twisted around, and it always shocks her as much as it does me, with profuse apologies and offers of back rubs and such to make up for the accident.
That's not really what you described. Twisting wrists and pulling hair? That's not playing, that's hurting you. There's a difference.
I wrestle with my wife plenty, we goof off, and yeah we probably give each other some kind of injury that hurts for more than an hour on about a weekly basis. There has never, not once, been a reason for either of us to question whether or not the incident was "abusive". And we've both hurt each other pretty badly by accident, I have to be extremely careful around her because of how much bigger and physically stronger I am.
But no. If he's retaliating because you didn't get him a soda, that's a problem. If people you know know enough about the situation to use the phrase "put you in your place" then there's a problem. I'd be willing to bet that there's a shit load of other things going on that we could point to about this as abusive that we just don't know because your question was short and limited in scope and detail.
To give you an idea, by the way, when I say "wrestle"
I hold her down or she tries to hold me down in ways that aren't painful. I tickle, she tickles, we smack each other's asses when we walk by, or I poke her very lightly in ways designed to be completely annoying and not at all painful (like repeatedly tapping her nose with a finger until she swats me away)
None of the things we do are designed to be painful in any way themselves. If pain is not an accident, there's a problem.
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I really need to find out whats wrong with me. Im almost 17 and ive never had a bf or my first kiss. Not to sound conceited, but TONS of people talk about how "gorgeous" and "nice" I am. Some people WONT even beleive me when i tell them ive never had a bf. I always see these nasty, uglier, RUDE girls get ALL these guys. But ive never even had one. I guess maybe its cuz im shy around people i dont know, but if you talk to me im NOT. Ive became more outgoing and flirted with guys.. but i cant seem to find anyone im actually interested in. I just wanna know what it feels like to have a bf. (I dont just want one to have one.) I feel almost like im missing out on my teen years. Sometimes i even get depressed thinking im doing something wrong. Any advice? (link)
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You know, I probably should never say this to anyone, but I will.
The reason you're apart is because, quite frankly, you're better than all of them.
When you see nasty, ugly, rude girls being chased by guys, they're being chased because those guys want girls who will put out easily and not have any problems with it. Girls who will cloak themselves in the illusion of being grown up and let the guys bust a nut in the process.
I was a teenaged guy once, I did not ask girls like you out, precisely because I was a horndog and wanted to get laid.
So what do you do? You haven't found a guy you're interested in yet. Dating is about forming interest. So if a guy asks you out, give it a shot. Its a free meal out at least, the guy has a chance to impress you (which we'd rather have than the money we spent on a meal anyway) and maybe something will click.
If not, don't go on a second date.
Putting yourself out there is a bit more than flirting.
But I will let you in on a secret.
Every single person (among the peer group you described) who's out there having sex and dating wants to convince you you're missing something great.
Honestly, no, you're not. The people who look back and think "god, that was awesome" are the people who, like you, are looking for people to connect with rather than just "a boyfriend" and found someone to connect to like that early. You just haven't yet, and that's more about when the right person crosses your path than anything else. Also, teenaged sex is almost by definition awkward and often unsatisfying.
I actually have a friend who's 19, but otherwise somewhat of a slut, kind of has no standards, and who definitely gets her validation by making guys want to fuck her. She's kind of in a bad place, but the point is that she's slept with more than one guy I'm really tight with.
I know what she's like in bed, in exquisite detail. Its not good, she has sex at people rather than with them, it's basically a performance based on whatever porn she's watched in her life and is the reason all the guys I'm talking about have only gone there once, then broken it off.
And while you feel left out because you don't have and haven't had "a boyfriend" you still are looking for more than just "a guy who will make me feel fuckable from time to time" in that relationship.
This is both mature and healthy. It's just that you're surrounded by idiots doing stupid shit, and its so prevalent that you can't help but look around and wonder if this is what the world is like and if you're missing out.
You aren't. Adult dating doesn't work that way, and when your peers hit the point of settling down and getting married, they're going to be hella surprised at how much of a bitch maintaining a working relationship is.
Your peers are why the divorce rate is 50+ percent most places in the country.
You're being you. That is fine. You're not missing out on anything because you're not the type of person who wants to be some random guy's fucktoy and get your validation from how much guys want to stick their dicks in you. Sure, it makes you more than a little abnormal now.
In the future, you won't regret not selling out to even the slightest degree.
Also, college is a much better place to come into your own and go in for relationships and sex. The guys are more mature, and more experienced, and you can avoid teenagers entirely (highly recommended)
:Edit:
Final note. I'm sure that you look at guys and think "do I want to date him" and when they ask you out you try to see if you find an internal reason to say yes.
Try going the other way around. If someone asks you out, ask yourself if you've got a concrete reason to not spend an evening getting to know them. If yes, then say no. If you don't actually really have a reason to say no, and you're just not that interested, then say yes. Just be a little flirty and slip in something like "yeah, we can go grab some dinner, see if there's a spark there" with a smile.
If not, again, just don't go out on a second date.
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Im going on vacation and staying with my uncle and I know ill be on my period part of the trip. Sometimes when I visit, he never has a trash can in the bathroom. Last time, i put one on there (cuz i was also on my period at the time) and his dog got into there..took out all the pads and tampons from the trash can and chewed them all up ALL over the living room. So disgusting and embarassing. I dont want it to happen this time, so what am I supposed to do with the pads and tampons? I cant just shut the bathroom door so the dog doesnt get in there because there are going to be a lot of other family also staying at his house at the time. So theres no way I cosntantly keep check on that or the stupid dog. And theres no place in the bathroom where i could put the trash can so the dog doesnt get it. Any suggestions? (link)
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You could probably buy one of those trash cans which has a lid you open with a foot pedal for like 10 bucks. That would hopefully keep the dog away. If not, take the trash out regularly or throw them in another can.
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I'm 17/f. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are going to a concert this summer and I really want to lose my virginity to him soon, so I figured why not that night? After the concert, I was wondering how I could somehow initiate it or give him a sign that I want to have sex with him THEN? I dont want to kill the moment by discussing it beforehand because I know it'd make him AND me feel uncomfortable knowing. I want to let it happen on it's own without making it seem awkward. How do I initiate the moment? (link)
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If you cannot discuss sex before you have it, you're not mature enough to be having it in the first place. Sorry.
:Edit:
Just so we're clear, even if you go talk to him, you're still not really ready for it. If you go through with it anyway, don't be a child, talk to him first.
:Edit2:
And Laura brings up an excellent point. While most guys aren't going to turn down opportunities, you should respect him enough that if he wants or needs to, he can without a problem. That means talking first for sure.
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i really want this guy to like me
hes really shy and like.. incredibly nice
but im not that shy and im outgoing.. (hopefully)
im 15f and hes about 1yr older (link)
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Wow. The answers women give.
Guys are easy. We're really, really easy.
It's all about attention. Men are old boys, and boys are human puppies. You give us attention, our tails wag, and we come running. The more attention you give us, the more we like you, and the more we think or hope you like us.
The ONLY exception to this (assuming sexual orientation isn't a problem) is if the guy flat out finds you unattractive.
When you see him, make a point to talk to him. When you talk to him, make a point to look him in the eyes and smile at him. A hug is too familiar, sends "friend" signals, but a touch on the arm, a tickle, a poke in the ribs when you're teasing each other, can signal more in the direction of interest.
And when in doubt, blatant hints. Guys, especially younger (read: under 20) guys can be completely oblivious when it comes to women and their signals. In other words, it's better to say something like "I want to go to this movie/go out to eat here/whatever but I don't have anyone go go with, what are you doing this weekend by the way?" than "I'm lonely" or "I'm bored" or something equally ambiguous.
Flirt your ass off. Compliment something about his appearance. Make eye contact and smile. Smiles are useful, they're your way to reassure him that you're still in a good mood and enjoying his presence. Use them often.
:Sidenote:
Guys like to be admired, and love to be liked, but one thing we don't handle well is worship. It either makes us uncomfortable, or it blows up our egos like a hot air balloon.
Keep this in mind, guys generally want a girl they are on equal footing with. We will date a girl whom we don't have that with, but the respect is unequal and can lead to some shitty relationships. If he worships you too much, he turns into a pussywhipped idiot. If you worship him, he becomes an egotistical asshole.
Your goal is to be interested, but completely unafraid. As you've said this guy is shy and you really aren't, that also means less aggressive and more sweet. Though if all else fails and he's really that shy, just tell him he's taking you out on a date and see how it goes.
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