|
My daughter is talking to a boy online that she's never met before...
I recently saw my daughter left her email open when she left for school one morning. Obviously I looked at her emails and saw a boy's name that I did not recognize. I was excited, thinking she had gotten herself her very first boyfriend, and opened the email up to read for myself.
The boy is not from this town though. The boy is actually on the other side of the country. They, apparently, have been talking for a number of weeks, if not months, about all sorts of things. I don't know how they first came in contact with each other but there are lots of emails and they have been chatting on IM based on the email content.
I am worried because of internet preditors becoming more common now. The boy signs his emails with:
"
Luv ya,
[HisName]
"
I can't help but wonder if he had her into believing they are romantically involved or something. I'm worried she might be wanting to actually go and meet this guy! I want to keep her safe from these strangers but I don't want her to resent me for it right now. What steps should I take on stopping this behavior? I need her to know it is NOT OK for her to chat with strangers! How do I do this?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
OK firstly, your daughter is not much more likely to meet a predator online than she is anywhere else. Secondly, you crossed a line. Sure, privacy is a privilege, not a right and whatnot, but you say "obviously I looked" which it shouldn't be. People talk to strangers online all the time, that's what the internet is for, meeting people with similar interests to you, its no different than going to a bar or club or whatever. People sign their emails with luv all the time, I doubt that means anything either. Now, as safe as it probably is, I see why you would be worried about her going out to meet this guy, just like I am sure you will be worried when she starts dating and goes out on a date with a guy you haven't met, and if you think about it, this is safer. This guy is across the country, what could he do? Unless she is over 18, there really isn't a way she could get to him without you knowing, and if he is a predator, he would have a much easier time getting someone in his own zipcode and would have no need to talk to your daughter.
Despite all I've said, I see where you are coming from. You should have a discussion with her about basic internet safety, not giving out her address and such, because you do that enough times and you will eventually run into a weirdo, but trust can develop over time, even over the internet.
]
no you need to confront her sooner than later. if you do it later she might think that she loves him. i would email the guy from your email. start a conversation and if his story changes(like his age) you know whats up. do it fast.
]
Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of people your daughter could talk to are not internet predators. More than likely, you have nothing to worry about.
If you confront her about it, it will go underground. She'll change her password, take more care to hide shit from you, and if she DID leave to go somewhere you'd never know it. Subtlty is the approach here. Prickle her with questions about guys in general. Ask her if she's interested in someone. Tell her that she sometimes has this look on her face that she's thinking about a guy (an easy lie that lets you give the impression you are just perceptive enough to notice, parental mystical authority is important)
Personally, from my perspective smart parenting begins with the resigned realization that your children do not have a right to privacy while they're in your house and under your roof.
Which means, you install the kind of software on the computer that companies use to track their employees. And you do it quietly. Most people would balk at this idea, but personally, to me its no different from the days when I was younger and I had to talk on the kitchen phone with my friends if I wanted to have an actual conversation. I didn't have a phone or internet in my room, and the internet then required a dial up connection which required a password I didn't have.
True, my parents were Catholic and deathly afraid of a 14 year old with access to porn of any kind, but while I don't think their reasons had any real merit besides moral imperialism, you've got a genuine concern.
Sometimes protecting your kids means watching them when they think they're on their own, giving them the freedom to make a few mistakes, and keeping a close enough eye on it that you can step in the moment things go too far.
I'm assuming she's 14 or older. If so, chatting with strangers is going to happen. It's the internet, everyone who isn't local is a stranger. What you need to try to focus on is the relationship aspect. Online relationships are terrible for youngsters for the simple reason that kids don't inherently get the concept that who someone says they are on AIM is not necessarily who they are in real life.
Not in a "could be a predator" sense, but in a "you cannot see a person and make your own judgements, and no one is going to tell someone they're interested in online all about their flaws, unless they're an idiot in the first place"
I've done distance, and not being around someone on a regular basis means that you can't get a true sense of their personality. She's likely taking this kid at face value, and the point is that it's not even like he has to purposefully lie, but everyone has their own weaknesses and blind spots, and you sure as hell aren't going to figure out where some random dude over the internet's blind spots and personality flaws are.
Keyloggers aren't all that expensive. It'll be a good investment for your peace of mind.
]
YOU are the parent, YOU make the rules.
This is your daughter, If you fear for her safety then you need to have a sit down with her and talk to her. As much as she may resent you for it, Again, You are the adult and you make the rules. You have say on whether she can continue to talk to this boy or not.
As much as I hate suggesting this because I remember the aggravating days, You can put a timer on the computer for how long your daughter is allowed to be on for. You can block the chat rooms, If you don't approve of what she is doing then you can even put a password on the computer.
Remember, Your daughter doesn't make the rules and she is not the parent. If she gets mad at you, She'll get over it. Talk to her about the dangers of the internet and keep talking to her about. Most people on the internet days, Are not always who they say they are.
]
Parental controls on the internet!
- Monitor her activity on the internet..
Sit her down.. make up a story about a young girl who was talking to a boy her age on the internet and turns out he was actually a predator.
Don't call her out on it.. all that will do is make her want to do the complete opposite of what you tell her to do.
Trick her if you have to.. it's keeping her safe. Just to make her aware.. if you raised her right.. she won't make any mistakes.
Tell her not to use her real name or information over the internet. Make sure you monitor her pictures. Don't spy to the extent of getting caught.. just be catious and a good mommy (:
Again, don't TELL her what to do. Granted you are the Mother and you DO make the rules.. but if you piss her off.. she'll lash out.. believe me i was this young a couple years ago.
Be gentle but firm.
]
More Questions: |